Avalon
by BlueDiamondStar
Summary: "We'll be kings forever, ooh Holding on together, ooh Feeling so much better, ooh When everything was wrong, and everything was gone, we ran to Avalon We ran to Avalon..." Now this becomes 'NaNoWriMo' since 01.11.2018
1. Beginning

Days had been passing in a whim lately. They were finishing case after case and trying to make

bureau look as good as it was physically and logically possible. These days were filled with all

kinds of undercover, paper, leg and research work.

Neal missed old days, a bit. Not that he didn't appreciate this brand new life with lots of fancy

stuff and supposedly easier daily routine.

But it would be lied if he told this was best that could've happened.

On contrary, it the only thing that could happen. And there was no reason to try and look back at

what else could've been done to prevent such happenings.

Yes, life in future wasn't something Neal had ever imagined himself. He was usually the one to

relive past, not exactly to fantasize about that far future.

But here they were. Year 2121. Impossible, one would think.

One day it's 2011 the next 2121. As if the world suddenly decided to skip a millennium.

And, on one hand, it was, on the other hand, how you were supposed to fit in when everything

makes you feel like an outcast.

And Peter's "cowboy up" was starting to loose any power it used to have because, really, how it

can be expected for them all just jump back into work when this new world is completely different

from what they were used to.

Neal stopped calling himself con-man. Not that he wasn't, he was, still. But it was just too weird.

With all these future people. Sometimes he wondered if they were missing something. Like a bit

of brains? And why not, after all they just hopped into strangely shaped vehicles and floated in air.

And those who still preferred _'ancient'_ way had nearly bubble shaped cars that were moving due

to solar energy or some indescribable nuclear kind of energy that was more for Mozzie's brain to

decipher than Neal's to understand.

Peter was okay with this 'new' life. He had nice home, ecological car that drove itself more than

Taurus had and he still had his wife and dog. Oh yes, he also still had his CI and even the same

job. Most of people were the same around him.

Neal had his CI position, which made him wonder what was this Earth-like planet again, and a

new anklet. He knew June and Mozzie was somewhere around, he had heard Alex hadn't been

left behind and that Sara was also there. And that was basically all information he had been able to

scratch together.

The living wasn't bad. Food was a bit of a challenge though. At least coffee was doing its

supposed effects and could be even adjusted in taste.

The new anklet was something that surprised Neal. It had different shape- it was thin. And soft.

Almost like a rubber bracelet. It had a soft material on the inside and something metal-like on

outside. It all was solid and rather unbreakable. At least the brochure had claimed that.

Well, it was another positive thing in all this situation.

What sucked a bit was that the living quarters weren't even close to June's mansion where he had

his spacious room and magnificent view outside the window.

Here it was a complex of compact one-room flats for special cases like him. There lived those that

had lived the life of a crime but somehow had gotten their lives sorted out and now wanted to try

the good life. At least that was how it was explained to him and Peter. The agent hadn't been too

happy, Neal noticed, but the folks really did a good storytelling work. In the end Neal got

accommodated for a flat in one of the smaller buildings at the top floor. He had one room with a

terrace on one side and window on other, and polite kitchen with all the possibly needed things, a

bathroom that had washing machine resembling panel with shower and sink, and separate toilet

with sink and rather high-tech cleaning system and toilet paper that reminded a cloud.

The bed was what surprised the most. It felt a cross between water mattress and foam. Super

comfortable. And to his surprise - possible to warm up.

What wasn't too great was clothing. If agents got to wear either their own clothes or government

issued costumes that resembled worn out sweat pants and hoodies, Neal got to wear what was in

his closet. Either black turtleneck and black pair of sweat pants or dark blue jumpsuit-like

costume. The first was for his free time but the second for work.

At least it wasn't orange.

So Neal spent his days either at work or this flat. The CI couldn't call it home, yet. Although he

got everything he needed homesickness was strong. Enough to make any hunger go away, most

of possible joys about cases. Only thing that made if all bearable was people around him. Neal had

always been about people and liked genuine human contact. Of course, not when he was licking

his wounds, alone and hidden.

But no matter what he was doing he missed something, he felt something missing and couldn't put

a finger on it. The strange feeling wasn't stepping back.

It wasn't necessarily that people here were different in many ways, it maybe wasn't that they

thought he belonged to a prison cell when he was not at work, probably not even the fact the new

anklet was almost as unnoticeable as his socks, and might not just be that there was a guy at

reception that cast glances at him. No, that was something else. There was something else nagging

about. And Neal felt uneasy.

And Peter noticed.

"Neal, please fell me, what is it?" Peter asked one day. Both having their sandwiches and coffee

in front. Both wearing almost identical costumes, like on some spacecraft. And both being tired,

especially Neal. He was feeling tired most of the time. But only Peter ever could tell.

"What are you talking about?" Neal being Neal asked with his usual conman avoidance.

"Neal!" Peter said in a warning tone and Neal knew. If the agent had noticed, his wife was in it

too. And if it wasn't Peter then Diana or Jones was the one who saw it, unless both of them.

Man, Neal blanched, where that conman has gone to? He used to be less readable, what has

happened to that ability?

"Seriously, Peter, I'm not doing crosswords here. Tell me what are you talking about." another try

at conning Peter. Although it was useless to even try, Peter knew him sometimes better than he

knew himself.

"Come on, Neal. You can't con me, not anymore. I can see something's bothering you. You've

never been this quiet, or subdued. I know you don't like this new place, neither do I, but it's our

home now. We still need to adjust and learn a lot what's different and new so our work doesn't

suffer." Peter stopped and took a sip of his coffee.

Neal's first instinct was to deny, not let it get out. But it was Peter, his friend. They had been

through a lot and they weren't in their world anymore.

"I don't know, Peter. I honestly don't know. Just some feeling I cannot explain." he finally caved

in. Caffrey-the-conman had stayed in New York, on the terrace of June's admiring the million

dollar view while Caffrey-the-CI was taken to some other time and other world before everything

he ever knew shattered in front of his eyes taking him along.

"Is it about this place?" The voice of his friend shook Neal out of his thought process.

And he didn't know. His blue eyes that once held a spark now were kind of dull. He knew, and

Peter had noticed too.

He looked back into Peter's steady brown. "I really don't know. It feels as if I'm missing

something, someone. Just the feeling."

And what else he could've said, he did feel like something was amiss.

Peter sighed and while he didn't hesitate to attack his not-so-deviled ham sandwich his eyes let

themselves travel all over the boy across the table.

Neal was incredibly pale. Maybe it was the lights but even then he'd never seen Neal this pale

looking. And his face had never looked this gaunt. Shadows under his eyes, cheekbones so

prominent. Even hair seemed lacking the usually curly state. And gravity wasn't to blame. He'd

seen even lighter curls surviving the slight gravity difference.

It was Neal himself. The poor man was not feeling well, the agent came to decision. Whether it

was something physical or psychological he couldn't tell. But his friend wasn't the same.

"Neal," Peter spoke after finishing chewing and swallowing. "Neal, look at me." He demanded

gently when Neal showed no sign of hearing him. He waited until the man in front of him looked

up from the sandwich he probably wasn't feeling up to eating and then continued as the sad eyes

looked back with no other emotion. "Neal, you are my friend. I trust you. And I hope you trust me

too. But I can see you're not well, I want to help you feel better."

Neal kept his stare. For a while. Until his brain caught up with what Peter had said. Then he

laughed. Probably first real laugh since arriving here not long ago.

"Aww Peter, I'm touched by your concern. No offence, but how many times you and El rehearsed

before this? Because I suspect this is exactly what El would have told me."

"What? You think so low of me? Seriously, Caffrey, you really think I would never be able to say

such things on my own? Very nice of you." Peter scowled and hid behind his coffee.

"Hey, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings, just... it sounded so El I was surprised. So if you just

actually came up with all this on spot, congrats. I'll tell El you've finally managed on your own."

And Neal was amazed, usually El was being one to do heart-to-heart. Peter mostly lacked that

ability. Especially when it was about emotions. So he just smirked.

"Okay, it was me, alright? I spoke to El and she only advised me about how to choose words.

Happy?" He tried to pout. But at least Neal was smiling.

"Well, in that case I can tell you did an excellent job. El will be happy to hear." And with that and

a smile on his lips and pat on Peter's shoulder the CI was out of the room, leaving Peter alone with

untouched coffee and sandwich. Coffee was still warm and he took sandwich. They usually didn't

leave anything behind. It was rumored somebody might check their meals and if something's left it

may be checked and the person either gets observed or taken straight to medical center for checkup.

Or so it was whispered around.

After that they didn't get a chance of another talk. They got busy going through procedures and

stuff lecture, and shown around archives floor.

Not that day nor week later they ever got to talk again. Both given their lectures and practice

separately. Neal had to learn new things about this world's order while Peter went through

weapons and physical training an agent on this division needed.

Things were much more computerized than they could imagine and while Peter was okay with the

new tactics approach Neal was slightly struggling with all that. These guys had less things

needing Neal's expertise and to let him be they needed to get him new things to learn.

Unfortunately most of stuff was on computer. Documents and other things that once was on paper

now was on small, removable discs or cassettes they plugged in or out to access what needed and

also numerous things were not on photography anymore but displayed via holograms. Amazingly

detailed though, Neal noted. But he still missed art he knew. If these people had any art it was too

abstract or weird for Neal, much different than what it once was on Earth.

And since computer was almost all it was another thing he was supposed to learn about.

But things weren't as easy anymore. And no matter what, and how hard he tried the new world

wasn't for the reformed conman.

Most of days he wasn't at work he spent cooped up in his flat, curled up under the thickest blanket

he could find. Peter was busy with new training and management stuff, El tried to make herself

useful in the new business which luckily was almost as it was with only major difference being

food types and people tastes, Mozzie was gone somewhere and June had traveled south for

something important or other. It left Sara but she too was gone someplace.

And he wasn't sure the _'new'_ Marshals would allow him be anywhere else than in the two default

places. He had forgotten to ask because upon arrival he wasn't in any shape to think about that.

What had happened at home was horrific. Sudden and tragic. But obviously some military bunch

and crowd of scientists had already been aware of the meteor attack ages before so some

otherwise crazy people quickly started to organize evacuation process. As a result, some obviously

handmade or at least customized planet with Earth-like climate got very lively. On top of that it

was about a millennium ahead in future, or so it felt. But probably because partly it was future, the

other part was something so scientifical Neal's brain had zoned out. So technically they kinda

were both- in their own time and future.

Although, if all looked clean, organized and polite, Neal couldn't feel the city the way he felt New

York, or Paris. He didn't like the ignorant, emotionless faces, strangely shaped non-personal cars,

empty building walls. Nothing but various dark, pastel toned walls.

This world had no soul.

After a long week of boring lectures and training they expected Neal to know what he had to.

And he didn't feel like telling them to not expect miracles.

Nevertheless he somehow made through the preliminary tests and was allowed to learn more.

And Peter was back too.

And still Neal felt out of sorts. Then they started noticing.

Diana, who was there all along; Jones, who returned before Peter and helped Neal chose

something for his new home; and finally Peter.

They all said it's okay to not feel home yet, to be missing old days, and after all it was okay to be

less than usual because nothing here was like it used to be at home.

Only Peter noticed something else too. Something Neal wasn't ready to acknowledge himself.

But being Peter he said his usual _"cowboy up"_ and bear-hugged Neal with another " _be strong and_

 _patient"_.

Like things ever had been anywhere near that simple. At least with a man whose whole life had

been based on fake dreams, lies, another bunch of lies and things that couldn't make happy ones

soul in long term.

It took another boring week at the _'FBI_ ' center for Neal to start feel off. First it was the uneasy

feeling that was harder to get rid of than a bunch of kids from a candy pot. Then he lost his fight

with insomnia. Sleep was already a slippery thing since arrival but now it fled completely. Next

thing that worsened was headache. Neal had those since day one, just not particularly strong or at

least not persistent enough to interfere majorly. And being a con he easily faked pain-free life.

Until getting in his hideout.

For another few weeks, with most of time spent at art galleries and museums (or what they tend to

call those), Neal started to loose his mask of "everything's fine".

By the time his last educational museum tour was done and he made it out of another side test

headache was murderous. Apparently it was now visible for anyone else that Neal felt like last

crap on Earth because suddenly there were people around and hands were touching him. And

voices expressed their worry. But relief hid in fact none of his friends witnessed the little 'fall from

grace' he was unable to recall himself. Obviously he'd been walking down the hallway when his

monstrous headache made his brain wobble and led to a bit of disgrace.

And it had been noticed by few of his new fellows. Much to his dismay.

He tried to brush it off. But something like this was not to be ignored. Apparently.

At least gossip flow here was a thing to be left for exact hours and places so likely none of his

closest people would find out unless someone decides to raid surveillance footage of the office.

Neal was pretty sure in nearest future none of them would be this concerned.

So the incident was left behind and hushed.

Neal kept pretending to be just fine, ignored the headaches as best as he could without trying to

contact Mozzie again or tell Peter the truth, finally.

The previous unease still bothered him though. Just as much- strange dream, for when he

dreamed.

Almost a week later Neal found himself waking up on the bathroom floor. And for the love of life

couldn't guess why.

But even with a throbbing skull he managed to pull of a somewhat working con at the 'FBI' center

and sit through the lecture about how important was to follow the guidelines and standard tactics -

something Neal found ironically hilarious given his relationship with any kind of rules and

regulations.

That survived he made to disappear in the men's room and lock himself up in a rather private

cubicle, another surprise for a 'past' human from another planet. At least he could get enough of

privacy (it was claimed that each cubicle was separate from the big room and was sound proof- for

communications between cubicles there was a button and a speaker system). So Neal had the

small place for himself.

And all he could do was sit there and massage his temples in vain hopes to stop the pain. He felt

vaguely nauseated and planned to skip yet another meal. Yeah, something was wrong with him,

no doubt. But the CI was too afraid to even think about going to doctor. After all he was fine upon

arrival, and the tests were too strange for him to even feel like trying again (being stuck in a big

bright tube which variated between blinding him with a white light and plunging him into a black

abyss). It had made his already not-so-existing claustrophobia rise to cosmic levels, and, if that

wasn't enough, it had greatly messed up something with his brain because dizziness and confusion

appeared great enough to be worried about.

And so it was discovered that previously on Earth perfectly fine Neal Caffrey wasn't at all so fine

on a planet only similar to Earth. Maybe Peter was just a tiny bit mean when he giggled about it

(not ' _girly giggled_ '). Although Neal suspected he was just kidding. Peter had tried to lift everyone's

(and especially Neal's) spirits in many ways during their time here. It just didn't quite work in a

world where only few things were just somewhat similar to what they were back home.

Maybe that was part of reasons that made Neal so hard to accept the new situation. Not that he

specifically made himself a nuisance.

And so he made it a point to avoid medical procedures as much as possible. Some of their fancy

devices were too mean and it was then when Neal decided sometimes the greatest technology

wasn't the best. That maybe something simple and less technological was better.

And he kept believing there was a point.

So when he had avoided the inevitable long enough, something he was secretly proud of, his body

was finally done with the brat act and, when Peter was there, made it point to end this farce

sending Neal sprawling down the stairs.

Of course, a small office panic was in the place during which Peter missed old days and Jones

tried to calm them down almost successfully. Diana was simply holding Neal's hand, something

Neal would be surprised about but would understand the meaning only where he was now.

The sudden events had slightly scared Peter. He may not admit it aloud but it was there, the fear.

He had seen his friend so rarely in the past few weeks because of their training. And he wasn't

really allowed to have him over at his place.

And here they were. He noticed how white was his friend's skin, how prominent were cheek

bones, how tiny he looked. Neal was always been rather lean, considerably smaller looking if

compared to Peter or Jones.

Now he looked even thinner than normal.

His skin was cold and slightly sweaty. Neal's cheeks were vaguely flushed and Peter suspected

possibility of fever, although Neal felt far too cold.

His pulse was weaker than normal and breathing shallow.

Not at all good signs.

But what had happened to his friend and CI, his responsibility and family? Why and when Neal

so suddenly had became so sick, Peter couldn't stop thinking all the while he felt his butt getting

stiffer by every passing minute he spent on the hard organic plastic chair in the waiting room of

the medical center.

Neal had been taken to medical center for tests and analysis (something he found hard to get used

to- term wise). The EMTs had been certain it was something that might have been caused by

body's inability to get used to certain factor or factors in either the atmosphere, daily products

materials or gravity. Peter decided it least possible. He'd noticed something off about Neal during

some of their meetings. Something that had left a nagging feeling of concern. And it still kept

nagging at Peter's conscience.

Soon doctor appeared from one of the many rooms with a thing that resembled tablet computer in

his hand and a serious face. He stood and they shook hands.

After that Peter was informed about their findings.

And between a jumble of medical jargon he spotted things like depression, anxiety, mild

concussion, sprained ankle, bruised back and couple ribs, malnutrition, loss of appetite,

dehydration, mild fever and something else that fled his brain the second he heard the man saying

it.

It was a quite a number of things and half of that didn't make sense. But there it was. Neal was in

some serious trouble and according to doctor's worry it was something to be expected for a man

like Neal. Peter wanted to say that Neal was strong but how could he when, turns out, he barely

knew Neal? How could one tell they knew someone if this someone kept showing new sides of

himself every week? Even if that was a man he'd chased for some years and learned to know

everything about him. Somebody had said that nobody could fully get to know another one.

People were funny creatures that loved hiding their true selves and pretending to be someone else.

Neal was one like that. But, even if he'd seen some true Caffrey moments, did he really knew the

man? Could he claim the knowledge of his friend's inner world when he could barely tell he

wasn't well, that something had changed?

Obviously not as much as he hoped.

The doctor suggested Neal to have sessions with a therapist that specialized in 'newcomers'. They

had suspected Neal's depression could be caused due to loosing a place he'd felt like home and

possibly people he thought as family. The lack of familiar things and places, new rules and

conditions, something that happened suddenly and came on like a tornado. There'd been more like

that before, and will be after. He wasn't anything new. People with emotional attachments to

things and places tend to get lost when their lives changed. It was normal.

But Peter felt like he was told about someone else. Was that even true? Neal had never been like

that. Or was he? Could that be possible that the true Neal Caffrey was a man who got attached,

who would be able to settle and be happy in one place with same people around?

Was that who the real Neal Caffrey was?

Now Peter was at loss. He missed New York himself, he missed his old life, but be still had a

home, his wife and dog, even most of his colleagues, and surprisingly his job that almost was

exactly the same. With more modern and futuristic environment though, but he still had it all and

even his CI.

A CI with some serious problems nobody had been there to see.

After the discussion with doctor and bit of a phone calls he set for a task. He'll make sure Neal's

not going back to that flat they'd issued him just because people like him deserved modest living

conditions and no hope for something better.

Neal was better.

He deserved better, and because he once lived like a king, no, because he was a human with high

intelligence and sensitive heart that always longed something and sometimes this something wasn't

what he could easily steal or something. Neal wasn't like most of them, and now Peter saw

something about Neal that he hadn't realized or recognized before - Neal was the same little boy

he was before WitSec, before all the lies being revealed, before he became man of many masks -

Neal was still the same as he always had been, he just wasn't hiding anymore.

He'd lessened his amount and intensity of his masks already, he was slowly opening more and

more, in a small way. Either it was a smile more genuine, a slip of true from the past or a gesture

of something coming from deeper sources than before. It all had been signs, really tiny signs,

about changes he was facing.

And he knew that those were the signs of Neal Caffrey finally growing up and turning into a

person of different approach of things but nevertheless a better person with same morals and

principles just with more clear vision of what he wanted to be. Neal was changed. Although he

may still have enough of his old instincts he still changed. And somehow Peter was proud to

know it was his fault. Neal himself had admitted that to Peter. And it was showing. Old days were

over, past belonged to past.

And Peter set a goal to help his friend by being there for him. And he'll do whatever was needed

to convince the superiors and whatever to be able to do that.

In the end it had indeed turned out quite well. Surprisingly, but big-heads didn't mind that much

about Neal being placed in same living quarters as his handler. Actually they had seemed pretty

relieved none of the medical centers would have to take him. Plus there were significantly less

virtual paperwork that it would be if Neal had been on his own.

And not mention everyone felt better after their favorite con-man was safely tucked into bed at the

end of a rather long day.

His actual belongings got fitted into one tiny bag. For Neal it came as a surprise to discover that

Peter and El, with help from June and Mozzie, had managed to pack almost all his stuff from

June's as Mozzie's so that none would have noticed the smuggling. They all had been told to pack

only their own belongings that were within allowed stuff. All except for Neal since he was an ex-convict

and for his time there he wouldn't need any of the stuff he had.

It sounded not particularly welcoming from the 'new world' but they really had no choice. It was

that or sure destruction.

So 'the gang' had gone behind his back and smuggled his stuff which now was residing in Burke's

large closet.

Secretly Neal was happy. Not just about his more comfortable clothes being there but for the effort

his friends had made to make sure he was comfortable and also had something to wear and for a

moment pretend he wasn't still considered a criminal. And that thought warmed his heart to an

extent he fell asleep with a huge, happy smile on the too pale and sunken face.


	2. The Other Side

Another boring day of _Passadora County_ , _Heitagen_ district. And just as it was boring it was also

pretty horrid for someone living on the streets.

Not that Nate ever dreamed of cream castles and high towers. Although a modest place with roof

and walls, with bed and food, was something he longed for.

Nathaniel Holler was an average guy in early thirties with dark brown mop of wild curls and

crystal blue eyes. Some would even say he was the most beautiful thing while others would claim

he looked average.

People from _G-Max-PHI-Alpha_ system that resided on _Albus-7_ planet were rather stiff and

reserved in their attitude towards everything and everyone. They didn't trust lots things and mostly

believed and relied on personal experience.

However the new age folks were more and more like some of those who traveled from other

galaxies.

All that new stuff coming in made it easier to get money for that same food he dreamed of when

there was lesser streak of luck. And Nate was one to thank whatever powers in days like this.

He was having luck since first sun came up. And he got even more of it by the time the second

sun rose.

All went splendid until he accidentally hit one of those "active points" that were positioned in

places only sneaky folks like him would step on. At least he had taken most of valuable and

compromising stuff to hideout before stepping onto one of those electric fields and flying into the

air. His luck returned by bringing darkness.

But of course, he had to wake up on the hospital bed, dressed into that annoying cloth they called

a " _patient's suit_ ". It was something incredibly humiliating and made it impossible for giving a

dignified escape from the place.

Maybe for Nathan's luck he felt less than willing to try. He truly felt like burst into flames and

dropped into total frost before being dumped in acid.

And that was the least of all. His head felt like after collision with a meteor and his chest felt like a

spacecraft was parked onto it.

Only after few moments Nate became aware of his right arm being either completely numb or cut

off, he didn't dare look yet. But something told it was most likely just numb.

But why?

Nate's eyes popped open. He looked down at his limb, cautiously and bit frightened.

It was still attached. Good.

But it was looking bad. Bruises looked especially terrifying and there was something silvery

covering almost all of the length of it.

"Mr. Holler, nice to see you awake. How are you feeling?" A nurse materialized next to his bed

all of a sudden, plunging Nate out of his musings. And they knew his name, the real one. Not

good.

"I-I'm fine." He tried, voice hoarse and barely above weak whisper. The smiling nurse had

enough brains to put a straw to his lips and mercy to have it pure water instead of one of those

awful things they made of some weird powders.

"I'm nurse Jhia. You have some concussion and some deep bruises." She told and took the water

away.

He tried to speak again, "What about my arm?" And this time it was only slightly above whisper.

"Don't worry, in a while will be okay. It's just some degree of burns and minor re-shaping." Was

her supposedly calm answer. And with that nurse Jhia plugged cable into computer and

downloaded his data into portable system. Then a vial was filled with his blood sample she'll take

to lab and after that quickly checked something outside Nate's field of vision.

With a friendly pat on the other shoulder and smile that was meant to reassure she was gone.

Nate blinked. Re-shaping. Oh hell and seven wonders, how good that was. Almost as brilliant as

getting blown away by a stinkin' boat floating the air while being midair. Oh fucking fine he'll be.

Nate suddenly wanted to throw something only the tiny room was anything but full of vases and

books to throw around.

Re-shaping was what ' _normal_ ' humans called bone resetting. Here it was something closer to

taping the loose ends together with some biological material tape that created tunnel-like formation

around the bones and, while at that, injecting numerous painful shots of burning liquid while also

hooking the injured limb to another awful liquid by a long needle piercing each of the separated

bones.

The main difference was that this procedure meant to heal bone in few days time instead a month.

Oh just how lucky he was.

The reason he wasn't yet climbing walls was only thanks to the strong anesthesia and silver gel

covering his arm.

The whole process was incredibly agonizing without any anesthesia or narcotics to ease the pain.

At least they had chosen the safe way with him. Which explained the name.

Nate was a guy who used aliases, almost never his actual name. Because he was still deemed

mildly dangerous and also a criminal they couldn't prove exactly. Half the government officials

had decided he was dangerous and had been committing crimes. Only Nathaniel got enough lucky

to be good enough to not be caught. Yet.

Everyone who knew his real name knew about his grand escape from _Trotta_ Tower and suspected

some crime or another.

However none had actual proof beyond that major sky-jumping incident and several other crazy

behaviors. But nobody could either pin anything on him nor diagnose anything besides some

severe claustrophobia and fear from heights.

It didn't hold anyone from assuming and diagnosing him with whatever felt fitting the moment.

Oh how badly he wanted to just get up and run. Only he was attached to both- his agony and

heaven- therefore no running. Anesthesia wouldn't last long, and pain would be mind-paralyzing,

then it would all stop only to return with double vengeance because broken bones hurt like bitch

and his arm was probably shattered and lacked any fixation device.

Nate bumped his head against the midnight blue pillow- only thing positive about hospitals here:

colors. But they didn't help.

He looked at his machine and eyed the panel closer. At least those were all alike. And pushed

several buttons combination. Soon relief took over and Nathaniel slipped into unconsciousness.

He was out the following day.

Weather seemed improved and whatever folks lived here less threatening.

Nate walked all the way back to his hideout and wolfed down the food he'd gotten the day before

waking up at hospital.

At least he wasn't kept in hospital for his name. Although there couldn't be that much other

Nathaniel Holler with such criminal past and suspicions of mental disorder.

He found water and greedily emptied the bottle. Then threw it away with a wince. His arm

reminded of still-in-progress healing process. Two more days at most, doctor, who'd finally had

enough time for his patient, had said with cheerful face and a pat on his thigh.

However, it didn't lessen the pain and dizziness that took seemingly permanent residence in his

body.

Pain was just as expected as dizziness and irregular heart rhythms. After all it was basically a huge

stun gun he stepped onto. It was all expected. Right?

Nate slowly and painfully pulled himself upright. Standing took a while of adjusting because

dizziness returned with a new agenda.

But he was powerless, a random guy on the streets without money and just as little options.

He set back to some pick-pocketing and convenience stores raiding.

For few days it went well. His arm finished healing, and dizziness lessened, only his heart still

rebelled.

Maybe something really went wrong, Nate decided yet another time he'd woken up at night of

three moons with heart fluttering in his chest in various tempos and rhythms.

He made a note to never again be shocked by electricity, no matter what the voltage was.

But as it was known about the fate things rarely happen by a plan. Especially not in the place

where everyday folks lived like it was their last day. And without a plan whatsoever.

This time universe was slightly against him. He was getting vibes that rain would never stop, that

maybe better idea was to dress in a hydro-suit, and maybe he shouldn't have gone out at all.

If usual 'soaking wet' expression was used to situations like these Nate believed his case was more

like 'drowned fully clothed'.

And armed with that cash he'd fished out of some pockets he had enough mind to enter the store.

He barely even had chosen his stuff and just moved to the cashier post when in a flash of a

moment, a blink of an eye, he was plunged into some other world. And this time he didn't even

had enough time to react, let alone look around.

"I would like think you aren't one of these shock-junkies, are you?" Voice that was familiar but

brought less joy than ever entered Nathan's haze. This probably was karma, he decided.

"Don't worry kid, they'll be apologizing as soon as your brain stops wobbling and your body

looks less like a jell-o. You should really remember more from what they taught you at school...

oh, right, you weren't even there for all that." The voice finished the lecture warm-up and Nate

slipped back into darkness.

The next time he woke up to a soft humming and the melody seemed awfully familiar.

Narcho, the only guy in the whole universe with a matching sense of annoyance that could either

be the savior of the day or a complete jackass.

Noel was his actual name, but rarely used since his nickname is by what people knew him most.

Nate's best friend and ally in whatever adventures they could invent. Together they'd been through

space and time like some science fiction movie characters, both coming originally from planet

Earth, Solar System. Met during a camp at little age during an incident that involved stolen boat,

strong current two horses and huge splash down the waterfall in a stormy weather. None of that

ever was fully stored in Nate's memory but his partner-in-crime knew and recalled better. Probably

because out of two of them his skull had ended up the most solid, although not his back so much.

Ever since that eventful day they stayed closer than twins.

And few years later ended up on a support ship traveling out into space, tucked deeply into a

barge supply closet. Somehow survived the journey and started their universe scouting until

couple earth-years later got caught and placed into a scientific lab for tests unknown to them.

In the end they found out that Noel was having some DNA mutations and whatnot making him

non-material for further tests (they dubbed it all _'experiments_ ') but Nate discovered he possibly has

a twin brother somewhere because there had been a ping on sibling search. Without any wish to

stay they had escaped and since then skipped from ship to ship, planet to planet, station to station,

to survive and try to find something better.

Those had been years of greatest fun a couple of guys could imagine. Until the petty crimes turned

to attract big fish from more dangerous circles.

After couple unlucky moments and short jail periods Nate had to flee and realize he was all by

himself.

Until this sodden system and particular planet became his residence for longest period ever. And

to his utter relief and luck what was obviously meant to stick apparently stuck until the end of

time. His friend and brother somehow had ended up in the same place, only now bearing legal

status with him being a pilot now and proudly sticking out his small amount of seniority over

Nate.

Noel, commonly known as Commander Narcho, was promptly decked out on the silicone mold

chair and with eyes closed hummed out a tune from their childhood, that annoying camp morning

call tune.

"I'm absolutely aware of your inflated ego taking up space in this tiny room so you can just stop

making it annoying and overly visible." Nate said in a voice he wasn't sure belonged to him

anymore.

"You know what they say about complicated cases. But I'm sure you know this will be on your

record. No faking it this time, forged papers are not a business here and you know it."

"Gee, I was just making a conversation here, bro. And who's talking about anything forged?"

Nate already felt like boiling up. His nerves buzzed with his temperament flares.

"Nathaniel, what I told you about trying to con me, huh? You just have to stop playing games, this

is not a game anymore."

"What Narcho? Why now? I'm okay, am I not? It was just a damn store, I wasn't even stealing

anything." He suddenly became worried that he'd missed something important. Then his friend

spoke again.

"Nate, bud, how are you going to explain this?" And the few years older man pulled out a hospital

report from previous time. Oh that, he flinched, that one was supposed to disappear in the buzz.

"Ever heard about term 'accident prone'? Because that's exactly what happened." He said putting

enough of annoyance in his tone. "What?" Nate blinked innocently at the other man when he kept

staring back and creeping him out.

"Oh, bloody..." Narcho gasped suddenly, setting Nate on unease, more so he ever felt during

those weird episodes of late. "You don't know. They didn't tell." Was out like a dark conclusion

and fell upon them like an ax falls onto wood.

"What on heaven are you talking about?" Nate was ready to explode, his temper tantrums famous

as his criminal career.

"My god, you little bastard, why on rock and salt you never read any of those papers they give

you at clinics? Why you keep not seeing the truth?" Narcho was close to screaming his head off

because his closest and dearest friend ever was not so powerful as he kept believing.

They'd been best buddies ever since that camp adventure and somehow over the years Noel had

been like older brother to the boy who, it turned out, lived down the same street. And during all

that time together he was the one checking out the younger one's health. Of course he seemed

fine, nothing that lasted after that horrific crashing his head open. At least nothing anyone worried

about anyway.

However, Noel worried. Every time Nate had a dizzy spell or terrible headache smashed his skull

and organized rock concerts. Every time Nate took longer to wake up in the mornings or forgot so

many of the random stuff that Noel made to remember.

So far there was nothing to turn on any major warning alarms.

This time it was something. Something somebody overlooked, forgot, missed. Something that

caught Commander Alisson out of his afternoon nap and hurrying down the clinic's hallway

towards his best friend's room.

Another incident.

That was how he found it blinking on his workstation screen.

A system programmed long ago. Every time any medical system had Nate's name into system it

would immediately blink his screen and he'd be accessing it via his own program for a read.

Last time he let it be because nothing indicated anything worrying aside some post-shock

aftereffects one usually expected.

This time doctors had been more devoted and spotted it as something more than aftereffects. They

noticed weird patterns and abnormal rhythms.

And screen blinked like mad...

"Narcho, come on. That's silly. Just darned silly. I'm fine. Just some fucking karma bite for all my

crimes obviously. Why would I want to read something strange to me?" Nate tried to wave it off

like an annoying fly. But this was much more persistent mosquito. He sensed that. Narcho

wouldn't react the way he did if it was just some print error.

But something was less than fine, he felt that. And obviously the monitor by the wall agreed. It's

beeps suddenly changed the pattern and went on a funny tune instead.

"Nate?" Narcho suddenly was above his face and Nate realized he started to feel off. But before

reply formed and reached his lips room burst of action and he slipped into that neverland he

something slips into. He just hoped Narcho didn't know that. Because then he'd never see the light

of it. His friend had always been awfully watchful and careful about stuff that could leave him

injured, almost as if afraid of something to happen.

Nate just didn't get it. Until he did...

"Y'know, bro, I was always sorta expecting something. Something like those weird episodes you

have, or like when you go all about and can't stop your temper from exploding. Hell, I was even

preparing for your memory to go off completely." Noel paused. "But this... this was never there.

Not even for a second. And I always told you to be careful with electronics because I know that

being shocked here was more dangerous than back home. But of course, you're Nate-theadventurer,

you can't just stay out of trouble." He spoke with a hint of something in his voice.

"I didn't know you cared this much." Nate had to talk before Commander did shame to his

reputation by bursting out in tears.

He stayed with his eyes closed, both- because of strange weakness that made his muscles feel like

they were from rubber and because he feared to look at his friend.

A hand landed on his shoulder, "You have no idea how much I care. You don't know what

lengths I'm ready to cross just for you to be safe. I love you, and I'm not ever ready to loose you."

Came the incredibly deep and uncharacteristical reply. And it made something snap inside.

Nate had never thought about such things, so serious stuff. No, he was always about having fun

and going to a party.

"Are you going to tell me finally?" He asked, risking a peep through his dark, thick lashes.

Narcho looked sad and close to tears, just like he sounded. It made Nate scared because he'd never

seen his friend this far from his usual self.

"Nate, you little bird. How come you still are looking so innocent? How come you haven't noticed

anything?" Came the poetical answer. But Noel continued, "You seem to ignore something,

buddy."

Nate had to blink open both his eyes, and notice the different room and new monitors around.

That and some strange device hooked up to his chest. "Okay, I see you're upset but now I'm

seriously confused. I have no idea what is that's gotten you so messed up." He pointed out with

some level of distress appearing in his voice.

And he felt so tired. Like somebody had put a blanked of exhaustion on him. He had to refrain

from looking at the other side of his bed to check.

"Oh my little birdie." Narcho said engulfing Nate in a tender embrace that took him by surprise

and made him worry about his friend who rarely showed such emotions.

"Yeah, I love you too, bear, but what am I missing here?" He tried again.

But before anything left his fellow's mouth a joyful nurse burst through the door and announced a

portion of activities she needed Nate to be left alone for and that later Narcho will be allowed to

return.

All that was delivered with a utter glee and wild spark in the girl's eyes and a wink towards Nate.

Whatever it meant.

Although he recalled another nurse portraying same glint in her eyes.

It felt almost like that one time they posed as lovers to get inside that fancy hotel suite. The crazy

'couples only' kind. But the food and atmosphere was so worth it, besides they never struggled

with their role, it came surprisingly easy and natural. And of course, it sold the whole affair like

sparkles in their cheerful champagne-like drink that was even fuzzier than he ever recalled.

The squeeze of his wrist and hand on his shoulder brought the reality back in the equation and

Nate let the nurse fuss all over him. But his mind was partially vacant suddenly. Half of it still

engulfed into something deeper than ever and other part only absently observed the actions of the

nurse and her happy chatter. It somehow soothed him like nothing else aside the warm imprint of

worry his friend left after removing his hand and leaving the room.

And he was certain their mutual love was something coming from long years of friendship tougher

than any diamond on Earth or any meteor in space.

So why people made it something more? Like that old lady near _Fi-Na-Wayette_. Oh how much

comments they had to listen throughout the evening, starting with how nice they looked together

and all the way to about how much kids they should raise together. Oh what a splendor that had

been, and food was terrific.

Suddenly the warmth was back on his shoulder and with a light squeeze he drifted off..

Narcho was lounging in the molded-chair, absently rubbing at his ribs, probably where the old

injury had left its reminder. An old habit coming from the long days at center and surviving for

more than pure stubbornness. He remembered only the force of impact and the feeling of bones

snapping under the pressure of it. That was all. Nothing else.

And Nate had found him and dragged his slack, weakened body out of center to their small shack

and tended his injuries until Narcho was okay again.

Now he was again in the role of caregiver. Like he always did.

He watched the younger man lying on the bed covered with dark flower pattern clad bedding.

Another blanket, duvet, placed over the slightly shivering body.

Nate was pale and looked more ill than he was while ago. And suddenly Noel couldn't tell what

time units were used here, this planet becoming too confusing. More confusing than ever.

Then he recalled, the same as on Earth..

Almost like home... that was what Nate had first said about this place, and really, it almost was.

But only just that. Almost.

Noel fingered his military badge that still called him 'Commander Narcho' (a little thing still

following his official 'Commander Alisson' badge) as if it was all to know about him. But he knew

that the only one who cared was there, shivering under the warm blankets and looking too close to

nether-place than ever except for when his head was bashed heavily.

This was the only person who knew him more than anyone else ever would.

Another nurse piped in with a tray. Special meal for both of them, she said, had to be taken in

secretly. He thanked politely and smiled accordingly.

They'd put together actual food instead of the casual hospitals "plop" they gave to patients and

only dressed into more colors to patients' relatives and guests.

That devious bunch of birds, he thought with a light laugh. Yeah, somebody sold them as lovers

and everybody else bought the idea like flowers soak up sunlight. To the staff they were going to

be a couple. Not that he minded, folks here at least had the tolerance and empathy those back

home never possessed or rarely ever exercised.

Such a relief, at least for this one...

Nate couldn't point out what woke him up so abruptly. Whether it was the unfamiliar weight on

his lap, or maybe the unfamiliar beeps and pings of the machine connected to him. Maybe it was

the slight rumble of his stomach, just as well it could've been the twinge in his chest too.

Maybe the old moments of oddness are returning after all.

Nate slowly raised his hand and carefully lifted it to his face. It felt strangely heavy, but he

shrugged it off and went on with rubbing his tired face.

He'd need a good shave, was final conclusion before he felt Noel slowly stirring.

Oh Noel was a tight sleeper, most of the times only direct violence could wake him up. That was a

shared gift, although not by nature for Nate. He's never been such sleeper, just after gaining

consciousness several months after his skull was healed and cranial swelling was gone. After that

Noel pointed it out one day he'd sent almost an hour in vain trying to wake up his friend.

But now, years later it was Noel himself so deeply asleep only an explosion noise could wake him

up.

Thankfully not this time. Narcho took his own sweet time to haul his brain and body into action

and it happened smoothly so Nate could keep his stretching exercise without trying to kick his

friend off the bed.

"I would have never guessed you're a military guy, Narcho. I always doubted whether it was

possible to employ a soldier who slept deeper than a brown bear during deepest winters." He

commented with a good dose of humor.

"I'm sure they had a reason for wanting me so badly." Came the husky reply.

"Yeah, your snoring would definitely hypnotize whole armadas of enemy force if they put you on

their speakers."

"Haha, so plonkin' funny I'm rolling on the floor already along with all the staff around." Narcho

said almost growling like a starved bear.

"I was hoping to achieve this effect." Nate grinned at his buddy. Then he looked around and

spotted the plates. "I had no idea they offered room service."

Narcho blinked until his brain beeped with a memory of nurse sporting mischief and bringing the

tray. "Oh that. Just a nurse with food came by earlier. I'm not sure if that's still warm." He said

with as much as nonchalance as possible.

"Oh really? Just a nurse?" Nathan teased.

"What?" Noel became annoyed.

"They are supposed to make sure nobody starves here." He defended.

"Right. And sure as frozen beans that nurse specifically makes such food for everyone here."

Now he was shooting with fully loaded sarcasm gun. But it was either Narcho really was that

blind or played possum.

"What is so special about that stuff? I don't see anything. Maybe if you count it has color instead

of pastel nothingness." The man still held up.

"Alright. As you wish. Just put it into oven that's in that drawer," he pointed at one next to another

nightstand, "and pop it in on a minute of warming mode." Nate instructed his friend with not-sohidden

tease in his voice. Noel just sighed like a wrestler after a tough part and did as told.

They waited for the ding in silence.

And in silence did they ate.

"Not that bad. I expected worst. One time it was something resembling smashed potatoes with

gelled broccoli sauce. I never figured out what the chef was trying to say with that. Or maybe they

were too hangover to notice the absence of salt and anything else that would have made it into a

pleasant meal. And stop staring at me like a poodle looks at a bone." Nate finally stopped panting.

He needed some air because suddenly he felt winded.

Noel kept glaring questioningly at him. But before any could mention anything a new nurse

popped in with a tray and tablet computer.

"Morning boys, I hope you had a good night here. I'm sorry but I have to ask you, Commander, to

step out for a moment. We'll be done soon and in couple hours doctor will come." She made it a

fast speech and without a second too late begun to fiddle with empty dishes and something

around. She sure made enough noise with all that clattering and deliberate not-paying-attention.

Nate only smirked at that because for all that mattered he could bet that half the staff was already

in for a bet themselves and had sent a new observer.

"Well, then, I'll be out for a second. Just as well could get some air and stretch my legs. See you

later, bird." Commander Narcho patted Nate's shoulder and passed close by the nurse (who in turn

whispered at the oblivious man "to not be so shy about it and consider getting something to cheer

the patient up") and cast another glance at his friend (still absolutely unaware of the full meaning

underneath her words because he couldn't believe history could repeat itself).

"Your friend seems a bit shy, don't you think Mr Holler?" The nurse was suddenly by his side

again, puttering about the wires and cables with one hand and rummaging the drawers with the

other.

Nate grinned, "You can call me Nate. And yes, he's not used to show emotions. Military and all I

suppose. But don't you worry, I'll make sure he doesn't miss anything."

"Alright, Nate. But don't you dare stressing yourself out. Doctor Martinez will be soon in and he's

quite frankly worried about the test results." She said with unexpected kindness on her face and

care in her voice.

"I'll make sure I'm okay. But I'm not sure about the tests." Nate let some worry finally appear on

his features.

"Oh, I believe things will turn out just fine. Just rest up well. I'll see later." With that and a wink

and smile the nurse was gone and he was left all alone. Somehow he'd missed her fingers pushing

medication buttons and without much of a further thought Nathaniel fell asleep.

He was awoken by voices outside his room. There were soft talking in hushed tones and there

was stressed tones of frustration.

He waited for them to become familiar and decipherable.

But it didn't happen until the same nurse returned with her joyful expression, bright smile and

carefree attitude. As if she totally believed everyone will get cured and sent back home to their

loved ones.

Like nobody ever got sick forever and didn't die.

"So, I see you've rested well, Nate." She chirped like a sparrow in an early spring day.

"I guess I did so." He chirped back equally bright.

She did some measurements and plugged her computer again. With fast movements she had

everything done and then did some monitor check. "How are you feeling? No lies, I'll know."

Finally some serious notes appeared.

"Well..." he started but couldn't really decide. "for the moment I'm feeling fine. No pain, no major

discomfort or anything. Actually I feel bit stiff and my back is not overjoyed with this position.

But I can't say anything about the bed, it's better than I used to have." He went on, almost making

things slip.

Fortunately the chipper nurse seemed okay with the answer.

"I'll tell doctor, but I'm sure he'll be in in a few. He's just outside. But, please, if you do feel

something unusual tell somebody. It's very important right now. Yeah, okay, it's always important

to let someone know if you feel poor, but right at this moment it's crucial." She sounded like an

overprotective mother. It creeped Nate out a bit.

"Okay. I promise to make sure I'm noticed then." He obligatedly promised her with a bright smile.

Then she was gone out the door and another half sentence without meaning slipped through the

door.

He didn't care about that anymore. New thoughts returned to the surface of his mind and Nate

drifted off to some nether place of his mind to ponder over something.

"Doctor, how is he?" Noel's voice penetrated the blackness of the world like a needle pokes

through a balloon.

"I'm slightly concerned about some minor results so I ordered repeated tests. But I'm sure it's just a

fluke of the measurement devices. However I'm not happy with other results." Doctor said and

took a breath before going on. "See, your friend here is rather ill. I'm sure you are aware of

repeated risks of electric shock interference and having been shocked with high voltages more

than once is a serious risk of developing a heart disorder."

"Yes, I am aware. I've had colleagues getting shocked and dying from heart failure. And I'm

acutely aware of Nathaniel being shocked twice recently." Noel replied professionally as ever.

Nate nearly smirked at that diplomacy in his voice.

"Yes, we received his previous papers. I don't know the level of your relationship with him but I

strongly suggest talking about all the other times because we're worried about his heart. If he's not

getting more careful about it I'm afraid there's nothing anyone can do about it." Doctor went on

and Nate felt panic raising in his chest.

All the other times...

Oh how he's going to be a dead man. Maybe he should have known that things like that leaves

notice about and that no matter how many aliases he's using there will always be something

pinning everything to his only one. Damn. He hated those stupid electric buzzers everywhere.

He barely even realized what was going on when that stupid thing attacked him at the store, let

alone he was anywhere more aware the one before that.

Okay, the previous few had been during his jobs and there had always been a considerable

amount of luck involved because he hadn't got caught despite being knocked out at the scene.

"All the others.." Noel whispered angrily. "So this is not just a repeated accident?" He was surely

fuming now.

"Don't get angry at him. He needs peace." Nurse was speaking. And doctor agreed, "Exactly. No

need to be angry. Maybe those were accidents and Nate was too ashamed to tell."

And Nate sure as hell wasn't planning on telling about these two if it hadn't been for somebody

watching. They both knew that. Usually Commander isn't getting updates about whatever heists

Nate is doing and neither about his aliases. So it was clearly going to end up an unpleasant talk,

Nate mentally put his head into sand like an ostrich.

"Doctor, I know it's confidential information but can you tell me how serious is this? Is there

something I should do or move things for him?" Noel's diplomacy returned and some plotting took

place instead of anger. That made Nate feel better, maybe things won't be that bad in the end...

"I understand your concern, however we'll need to know exact your relationship matters. I'm sure

you know the policy." Doctor sounded apologetic. But it made Nate nervous suddenly. Probably

because this was where Commander Narcho will shine with some quick fast thinking skills... or

not.

"I am aware of the policy, yes." He spoke slowly. But the nurse got quicker.

"Of course, Commander. But feel safe, we won't tell anyone. Besides it's nothing to be ashamed

of. I understand you come from a place where it is judged and frowned upon but I guarantee that

here it's safe to speak. However we'll make sure military not gets this." She spoke fast and Nate

almost could see her blushing brightly.

Oh and he saw Commander Narcho getting all tomato red and Doctor Martinez flushing pink-ish.

He had to refrain from bursting out laughing.

"Well..." Commander started, clearly this was turning the only way he could make it thorough on

safe ground. Even if it meant some tiny amount of white lie. Obviously he had no other option

left. They didn't pass as brothers, nor they had any other legal ties that could make it all legal and

safe.

Only this... "yes, okay. Alright. You've got me here, I mean us. So yes, I and Nate are partners but

we don't like to make it public and because of my position we'd like to keep it secret. However I

know policy so there it is.." the awkwardness was palpable, literally.

Nate could take it and make sandcakes out of it.

"Well, in that case, Commander Allison, I want you to come to my office and we'll discuss some

things over." Doctor immediately turned his family-mode and went on with kindness reserved

only for family members.

Nate cheered at his smart 'lover' for using those military trained brains of his. Nurse truly made it

suspiciously easy.

"Alright." Was all Commander said as he squeezed his sleeping friend's shoulder, a gesture he

needed to reassure himself of his presence still beside. Then they left.

Nate tried to fake sleeping more but he suspected the nurse being aware of the fact her patient was

eavesdropping. But before he could fake awakening sudden bout of coughing jolted him upright.

He felt like trying to cough up a lung and the feeling worsened till unpleasant pain stabbing in his

chest.

He flashed a thankful smile as the straw appeared at his slightly cracked lips and he sipped at the

clear water until the cup was empty and he was exhausted.

"Thanks." He rasped his gratefulness.

"It's okay, but I'm afraid you are in need of a test right now. That cough sounded bad enough. Just

rest, I'll deal with everything." The cheerful tone was back and Nate gave in to exhaustion.

Nate woke up from strange sensation. It had penetrated his dreamless daze and gently brought to

the reality. Partially he wanted to sleep more and possibly forever, partially he was too curious

about what was what made him so aware.

And there it was...

Soft touches to his forehead, gentle strokes of a hand caressing his dark curls. It was so cautiously

tender that it made him smile and sigh deeply. Unfortunately the touches withdrew with that.

Nate popped his eyes open and blinked at the blurry image. But it wasn't just that. Now there was

a huge plasticy mask covering half of his face.

He made a noise that was partially a groan and partially a question.

"Shh. Don't try to speak. That is oxygen mask you needed because something was wrong with

your lungs." Came the explanation. And before he made indication of another question Noel kept

speaking. "I just don't know what to do now. You've made me into a liar and now I'm told to find

your will. I am not sure what to think anymore."

Nate smiled. His ever caring friend was going through so many things his new life made strange.

He sighed again.

"I know, bird, I know. None of us chose this. But why did you have to be so damn careless about

your own life? Why you let things go so wrong? My little bird." And that was probably closest to

tears Nate has ever seen Noel. In all those years he'd never witnessed such raw emotions, not

during their temper tantrum exchanges nor when they were close to starvation. All those times

somehow had passed on with little emotions.

This was completely new range of emotions.

Nate lifted his hands, which came surprisingly easy, and used his sign language skills to express

some of his concerns.

''Noel, stop. I'm not dying yet. Besides I don't have any other will for you than wish for you to live

a happy life. I don't own anything that I hadn't yet eaten or sold. And I wasn't doing anything to

endanger my life.'' he signed as best as he could. But he still remembered the signs, even after

such a long time.

"Oh I don't know. I've heard nurses having rumors rolling around that you've saved somebody

from a fire but stayed anonymous. And then there had been few thefts that had left some places

without power because somehow some cables got pulled or somebody had tripped the anti-thief

system."

Okay, he was busted. If Nolan knew about all that... Oh, right, he was never caught nor noticed.

But either way he realized that Noel had been watching out for his oldest friend. It both ashamed

him and made feel loved. Strangest combo ever.

''Sorry, I wasn't planning on anything. But I can't lie, yes, I've had had few unfortunate accidents

that I'm not particularly proud of but I just didn't feel like it would ever gonna cause any issues. I

promise.'' he signed again. Noel sighed and shook his head.

"I know, bird. But I just wish you had told me somehow. I really was worried. Still am. I don't

want to loose you."

''I know. I'm so sorry. I am not always the brightest bulb in a bunch.'' Nate admitted.

"Well, don't say that. I still see you glowing as bright as ever." Noel said with a smile.

''Hey, how about a show for the staff. I'm sure they're dying to see you loosen up some.'' Nate

suggested.

Noel stared at him for a while and then climbed up on the comfy hospital bed and snuggled beside

his friend.

He still wasn't sure about what it all was about but he only wanted to feel his friend close and

breathing. He didn't care about gossip or anything. Just his only friend, his family as close as

possible and still alive.

They didn't need words to communicate, it was enough to be next to each other.

So they snuggled as close as possible to each other and fell asleep. Unaware of a nurse sneaking

in and snapping a picture of 'the cutest thing ever' because for some reason such display of love

had become rare in their hospital.

She smiled and left the room to print out the picture to show to other nurses and possibly frame it

and nail it to staff room's wall. Or maybe the Memory Wall, because they couldn't tell how much

longer their patient will live.


	3. Maybe Better

It had been quite some time now since Neal had to think of how to tell one ID card from another.

But here he was, in front of a various piles of supposedly forget ID cards that allowed specific

folks into forbidden areas. Places like underground system units for maintenance crews.

Apparently "the perfect world" wasn't as perfect as they made them to believe.

Neal was secretly cheering about that. It meant such place wasn't as superb and all as they first

tried to impress Earth people with.

But after weeks of sleeping off his pain meds only to receive new dose to sleep off he found

himself less than vibrant about this particular task.

"So, Mr. Caffrey, what's your verdict here?" An agent asked. Neal barely recalled the guy being

rather curious about his trait being useful in this world. And so was Neal, after his half-finished

training.

"Well, I gather these all must be forgeries." Neal started, building up his on-hiatus-stationed

persona he knew Peter was curious about. "However, each of these," he waved his hand above

the piles, "are being done by different forger." He looked up to meet raised eyebrows and with a

slightly rasp voice kept on going about how each was different exactly and what were all the tiny

differences that noted about different people working on each pile. At the rather entertaining

explanation about slight difference in lamination thickness and subtle, almost completely

transparent lines within the plasticky material, that made it all a key of recognizing forgeries

(because original pieces has same laminating procedures only each company added their own

signature watermarks within the plastic for recognition in case somebody tries to play around with

these cards like it had obviously been done), Neal started to struggle with his breathing and gladly

got an hour off.

For that Neal felt happy because talking, as much as walking and moving, made him feel winded,

especially such lecture filled with certain levels of enthusiasm and excitement.

Neal reached for his inhaler he was given, for when he feels winded, and after shake used it. It

eased constricted muscles and whatever else needed relaxation in his lungs when his started to

struggle for oxygen.

Obviously it hadn't been only a bit of busted ribs from the encounter with stairs, but Peter kept

silent and only told Neal to not worry a thing- strict doctor's order- and to keep having enough

rest. As if it would ever calm the man down. Or as if Peter didn't know about Neal's stubborn

nature and had forgotten how much of a master Neal was when he needed something.

Only this time his usual allies were unavailable to him therefore making Neal plan out something

else.

He'd noticed everyone being dreadfully subtle about keeping an eye on the con-man and how he's

been treated like some golden statue.

Now that he was feeling somewhat better than before he noticed all those little things he hadn't

bothered to pay attention to.

Including how observant agents here were, or how they loved their coffee being quality rather

than something cheap out of a dump, or how they actually didn't mind Neal working along them.

It got confusing at first for the man in question. Neal was, as usual, expecting more distanced

interest if not direct hatred. He expected to be ignored mostly and given some rotten desk jobs.

Instead of all his worst expectations (one could never be too cautious about entering the lion's den something

off the collection of Mozzie's) Neal got nice colleagues with decent manners and

intelligence, friendly attitude and some amount of caring when necessary, and when not.

Long weeks after his accident spent at Burke's made Neal slightly more nervous than he was ever

ready to talk about because deep inside he was afraid to find out how his colleagues and bosses

would accept him back once he was cleared off the bed rest. And till the very day Neal was nearly

vibrating from the buzz in his nerves while trying to be nonchalant about it.

But the great Neal Caffrey was near passing out from nerves when he limped through the office

doors into the large room full of desks. But he didn't need to worry. Those he'd come to consider

somewhat friends cheered and hugged him like old buddies.

And there Neal started to feel a tad more comfortable than all those weeks before. It gave a bit of

hope that this world wasn't completely sodden and he may get a chance.

"You seem awfully quiet, Neal. Is there something wrong?" Peter, as of late, sneaked up on his

CI-turned-friend. He'd been worried about this 'new' Neal appearance ever since their arrival. This

world wasn't much different from the one they came from and somehow quite a lot had made it to

other 'live-able' planets like Earth that, to make some jaws drop, were quite a number out in the

universe.

Peter rarely thought of possibility that Earth could one day go poof like that so the news of it

suddenly had felt surreal, right out of a sci-fi movie rather than actual reality.

He assumed Neal's weirder-than-normally behavior was to blame this very surreal change of their

lives. And sure while all the secret government organizations along the usual ones and NASA had

built up a plan of saving the future the standard society had been aware of that as they were about

the weather forecast for their birthday ten years in future.

And probably for the best. Panic would certainly cause the doomsday come sooner because

humans were unpredictable upon survival instinct kicking in. He'd seen many tragic occurrences

during some catastrophic events when people had turned murderous or crazy when their survival

chances got endangered.

But seeing Neal so sullen made Peter realize that maybe it was the fact that there was nowhere to

run anymore. While universe was large enough he would never be able to run, simply because

there really was nowhere to run.

Out in space you really had it plain and simple. And running was something that didn't belong

here.

"No, I'm fine Peter. Stop worrying. I'm not gonna run." Neal tried to brush it off not truly trying.

"I know, there's nowhere to run anymore. That's not it, Neal, and you know it." He tried to keep it

as light as possible.

"I guess you're right about that." Neal sighed and buried his face in his hands. He looked tired and

Peter assumed from his posture in pain as well. Peter put a warm hand on Neal's back and rubbed

feeling Neal melt under his touch. And it made the younger man speak. "I just don't know how to

feel anymore. I was very out of sorts when we came here, then I got sucked in all the training

business and suddenly I was feeling so under the weather I had no idea what to do. And not being

able to get away of it made it harder. Then this happened, " he vaguely gestured to his leg, "and I

suddenly felt better than ever since coming here. I just don't have the words enough to explain

what's wrong or not. I just don't know, Peter." Neal finished and looked into Peter's eyes with

such intense emotion that for a second Peter was rendered speechless.

"I'm sure you'll feel better once your leg and ribs are better, pain is not the best companion for

when you feel under the weather. Besides you've been sleeping a lot so maybe you just need some

fresh air, I can arrange something outdoors once we're back home." Peter offered whatever he

could to cheer his friend up.

"Your way of telling me 'cowboy up' without being obvious about it?" Neal chuckled, making

Peter smile and feel a crack better about the younger man. "That sounded like a good plan. I'll try

to get out of this as soon as possible. They think I may not be able to pass that test." Neal said with

a slight frown.

"Oh sure you'll make them sweat in the end. You probably already proved them wrong about few

things with that lecture."

"Phft." Neal waved off with his hand. "That was so easy. I examined their cards and whatever

else they carry around. And I looked up the standards they use for laminating stuff. Nothing

genius, just a bit of research. They probably already figured that out. Besides I overheard someone

bragging about the safety of the plastic materials and watermarks. I doubt they bothered to check

out the literature before." Neal shrugged and kept innocently nonchalant.

"Now they'll be willing to check whether you've eaten some encyclopedia or installed some

computer chip in your brain." Peter shook his head laughing. Only Neal, only Neal.

Neal just smirked smugly.


	4. Just There

Nate heard faint giggling from somewhere. And from more than one person.

Judging by the smell he was still at the hospital and by the way his body felt half numb and pinned

down by much greater weight than a plain blanket Noel had once again wrapped himself around

Nate during his tight sleep.

He tried a subtle poke before he remembered how tightly Noel slept.

And the giggling probably came from nurses stuck in the doorway in the middle of adoration

process.

How fun it's going to be.

Nate made a small waking movement and yawned loudly before trying to move his slightly

bulkier companion. A quiet rustle by the door notified him that his awakening had been duly

noted and accepted.

And then, without a warning, a bright nurse materialized next to the bed positively beaming.

"Good morning, Nate. I see you two have had a pleasant night."

Nate made a show of slight degree of blushing. "No doubt of that, nurse.. Hyden."

The nurse blushed herself and took a look at the machines, dotting down some measures and

numbers.

"I see you're doing better, Nate. However I'll have to ask you to help me wake up your lovely

companion because I'll need to see your body." She even added moderate level of regret.

Nate laughed softly. "I'll see how can I help with that. Commander here has a very deep sleep. I'm

afraid we'd have to use some heavier intruders." He said with a shrug.

"Alright, I'll let you try easier way for five more minutes and then, if unsuccessful, I'll reside to

artillery." Nurse Hayden smiled and disappeared out the door with an unexpectedly quick and

quiet steps.

"Yeah, we'll see about that..." Nathan sighed, carefully enough to save himself from another

coughing fit, and started elbowing Noel. When that failed he tried blowing air in Noel's ear, tickle

his sensitive side of face, kick the man's ribs and number of other pokes whenever he could reach.

All seemed useless against the deep loss of consciousness that was Noel's sleep.

Nate was almost sure his friend definitely had some disorder that made the sleep so deep. It was

downright creepy and Nathaniel tried not to think of many injuries Noel might be suffering from.

Military life wasn't easy, nor was the one they lived for some time before that..

Nathaniel looked down at Noel. He was totally glued to him and wrapped his body around Nate's

as if he feared he could try an escape. Which, come to think of, wasn't a bad idea, Nate was dog

tired of lying on his, albeit comfortable, hospital bed and not allowed to even sit up.

All he could do was to put his hand on Noel's head and while waiting for nurse to return do a

gently massage the man's scalp. Something that was a special comforting gesture for both and

mostly executed by Noel every time Nate got ill or injured, but on rare occasions it was Nathan

who returned it. Those had been rare times, mostly because Noel didn't let his weaknesses show

easily and was less open about his feelings, pain including. But there had been those few times it

was Nate being the one to take care of sick or injured Noel.

"Oh, darling, I see you weren't successful." Nurse Hyden appeared again seemingly out of thin air

pulling Nate out of old memories.

"Unfortunately." He sighed, still careful to avoid coughing fit.

"Well, how about you tell me how long he's been like this. I'm almost certain such a deep sleep

can't be overly normal." Hayden was onto musing session, already checking Commander's pulse

and temperature.

"Um.." Nate hesitated for a second, gathering the sometimes fading recollection of old memories,

"well, after the first incident he was fine, I guess. It was my head that got cracked open, he only

suffered some sort of back injury. After that I really lost some of my observation skills. It

somehow became apparent after he had finished the military training, one of the rare times after

reunion we spent together. That was also the approximate time I started noticing." Nate finished

and took a couple deep breaths. Nurse was already checking in with her computer and something

else he couldn't see.

"I see. Of course, I can't tell what it might be, however for a Commander having such issue might

turn out somewhat tricky. Especially if he's still on active field duty."

"Oh, he's not. Not anymore. Last I had the privilege to eavesdrop he was test pilot and something

at the strategy centre. Or just as well some secret advisor at Ministry or security specialist at

Military Center. All I know is that I've never met anyone more caring and loving than this man."

was Nate's rather sneaky reply with an added amount of romance story beginnings in it. And he

noticed that nurse enjoyed it and soon enough staff members will be gossiping and chatting about

them.

And if Noel will get admitted as well there might be some special happenings and he guessed

some great fun was on the way. He couldn't stop the smirk.

"Sounds like he's the one for you, Nate. He was really getting mad at everyone here for a while.

And such powerful commanding at the desk was indeed most spectacular in a long time." She said

with a smile. She seemed positively moved by the whole affair they started couple weeks ago.

Nurse Hayden seemed truly worried about the man lying on top of her patient and wasn't at all

troubled by the fact it made her job harder.

"Oh, he can become pretty intimidating all right. But I assume if's showing a quite an amount of

affection." Nate added appropriate amount of modesty. It worked on the nurse just like a song.

"Don't worry, dear, I'll see how can I help your love, but first I need to get you two separate and

both conscious." she beamed and cracked a tiny capsule which was put to Noel's face. It was quite

a sight as the man in question started slowly as snail come to.

As he watched he realized something only a bit more ticklish than the possible findings of the

man's health- that maybe, and just tiny bit possibly, Nate might be having much warmer feelings

towards his most respected, loved and cared about friend and best possible brother anyone could

ever wish for than he'd ever imagined possible. And somehow he didn't mind this new revelation.


	5. Maybe You're Made Of Glass

Noel wasn't expecting to find himself on the examination table when he woke up slowly. Indeed

he was more like expecting Nate or one of the nurses making nuisance from themselves.

Least he expected himself laying on the table under the scanner lamp and waiting for the MRI

tube to stop spinning.

Noel hated being the one on the receiving end for any medical procedures. And yet here he was

with all the bells and whistles.

And when finally brought back to Nate's(!) room he got even more confused.

"Relax, luv, they just felt worried and decided to check you out. Nothing bad in that. I made all

the necessary consents." Nate didn't hesitate to announce the second Noel was wheeled info the

room. "And no going out on a revengeful payback raid, I was quite worried too." he added.

The whole forewarning presented something he'd have to re-think later on. "So you two just like

that decided to put me in a tube so somebody could see I'm still intact?"

"Listen, bro, you know just as well as I do what it meant to you, but I'd at least once consider if

you understand what that means to me." Nate reasoned and Noel gave up. He knew exactly what

he meant. That annoying piece of fluff always tried to repay all the care Noel had shown all those

years ago. He sighed and shook his head.

"Tell me at least what happened."

"We just couldn't get you wake up. I know," he held up a hand before Noel even opened his

mouth to take a breath, "but please, at least this time let them do all the tests. I know how you hate

hospitals and all that jazz. But, please, just this once let them find out what's wrong with you. It

worried me and the nurse just as well. Why didn't you tell me it's so long already?" Nathaniel may

be silly sometimes, but he was definitely carrying a fair amount of good heart and truly worried

about his best friend. He was truly worried.

Old snippets of faint memories about his own head trauma and all he heard doctors and nurses

talking about was floating around his head.

Nate was aware, fully and truly, about his closest friend's discomfort. And despite his own

considerable amount of nervousness he still tried to be for his friend.

And that included playing endless rounds of poker and entertaining 'magic' tricks for all the

duration of the dreadful wait.

At least this task had slightly eased Nate's mind from his own possible health issues, so taken over

by entertaining Noel he was, as the older man decided. And luckily the test results came in

relatively soon.

And they weren't anything bright. In fact, it was nothing hopeful.

All that time Noel had been on the edge. Literally.

"Is it cureable?" was the man's first words after the terrible news. Nate had lost his voice from

shock.

"We'll see after few more scans and initial physical tests. But I'm cautiously positive you'll be

given a chance to have a life. However, you'll seriously have to reconsider your choice of career."

the all-politely-concerned doctor told. "But that doesn't mean you should give up all what you like

and enjoy. Especially in case your condition is reacting to treatment excellent. It will give you

some limitations but won't stop you from doing great things." she finished with a friendly pat on

Noel's shoulder and with an encouraging smile and nod of her head at Nate left them alone.

"I'm sure it'll be fine. Just a minor glitch. We used to have these all the time and, look, we made

through that with flying colors." Nate tried to be cheerful, as he always was no matter the

situation. But it fell flat to Noel's current mood.

"Yeah, like we are back in time." came the grumpy reply and Nathan became desperate about

cheering up his brother.

"Yo, Narcho, look at the bright side. Extra vacation days plus a massage from a hot nurse, come

on, it's not that bad."

"Oh really? Are you serious?" explosion of emotions saddened Nathan. He only wanted some

optimistic point about this.

"What? You better get arranged your funeral? Sit there and wallow in grief?" Nathan finally broke

out in one of his hysterical rants. "What you rather sit down and write your sodden will than enjoy

the life while you're at it? Then I don't know you anymore. Who are you? Where's my beloved

Commander Narcho? The adventurous guy I met all those years ago? The same guy who went

fearlessly through air vents and cracked the safes? Where's my best buddy in the whole universe

who helped me through rough times with stories so brave and optimistic? Where is that bastard,

huh?" Echoing silence reverberated through the hospital room.

"You have no idea what that guy went through. And you would find out the sorry fact that he's

now all grown up. Unlike his best buddy in the whole universe. He's changed, a lot." and with

that it was it. Nate turned away, hurt by the almost muffled answer to his rant.

That night he left.

It was the only other thing he could do. Obviously failed at cheering Noel up he was left with

either falling back into darkness or run.

He chose latter because choosing former would put him into something he was willing to never

live through again.

Years ago it ended with him landing in mental facility and two-month long suicide watch with

accompanying psych sessions that left him drained and achy.

It had saved him but left a promise to never fall this hard again.

That's where it came to dressing up in some of clothes Noel had brought. And once he was all

dressed up and ready he cast one last glance at his sleeping friend and with a heavy heart stepped

into shadows to disappear once again.

He knew that Noel had exhausted himself soon after their little fall out. But in the morning he'll be

up again.

Only to find a note next to his pillow that said it was obviously too much for one of them and for

the best it would be if they went separate ways.


	6. When Time Is Not The Essence

Neal knew their time on this planet was never measured the way it used to on the Earth. It didn't

bother him much at first mostly because he was too busy trying to understand how the fuck to

function further.

That was almost a year ago.

Today marked close enough of what he still counted as a year (by Earth standards) but in reality

was far from time system here on this planet whose name once again fled his brain.

Something PHI related and that was all his mind spat out after spending long time trying to

understand clock on the wall.

''Hey, Neal!'' Peter's cheerful greeting pulled the CI out of the musings and he looked over at the

agent. They'd been here for so long he had no idea and now he will have to ask Peter to explain

this all over again.

''I heard somebody got a solid lead yesterday.'' Neal just said with a glint in his eye. ''And they

even got a goodnight kiss for that.'' he added smirking into his coffee.

''Man, you have absolutely no manners.'' Agent grunted with just a playful amount of annoyance.

''Oh Peter, don't hurt my feelings, I'm most polite!'' Neal mocked slightly and played perfect hurt

all over the place.

''Don't let Jones hear you.'' the older man teased and gulped a large chunk of his own coffee.

''Aww, you just love to hurt me, Peter.'' conman pouted at the agent expressively.

''Geez you guys ever stop that?'' Diana walked past them with only mild hint of mock annoyance.

''We just show our love for each other like this!'' Neal called back the passing agent and smirked at

Peter who was already rubbing a finger at his forehead.

''I just hope the others won't take this wrong...'' he sighed in really tiny worry that one day the new

bosses will find their teasing inappropriate and they will get demoted or even worse- Neal will be

sent away.

''Then let's make this day count on our good graces.'' Neal chirped back as he stood up and

greeted few of the other agents.

That was two days ago...

In Neal's book at least...

Seven days a week they got like majority of work done thanks to regular hours that where

supposed to be somewhat near twenty hour mark in Earth time. It was when workload was high.

And they got the rest of ten hours of sleep at the special cabins high up in the building. It made

one day thirty hour long. Way too long in Neal's opinion.

So then seven days were just working days, there were three left for rest. To sum up it was ten

days per week.

So far the math had been easy among the converting everything into Earth time so it would be

easier to understand.

But an hour made up hundred seconds and that's where Neal began loosing it.

It didn't help his math that there were ten weeks within a month, terrifying amount of time. Which

made twenty months within a year. All that in Earth time.

He badly needed a calculator and tab of converting units in his head so it would be easier not to

loose that ever precious time.

To locals it was all easy since they did not know any other way of measuring time so for them it

was all simple as that. To Neal it was like trying not to get lost in a maze.

Somehow only he couldn't deal with such dramatic change. Everyone from the bureau had it easy

or so it seemed.

He kept his musings to himself and missed his hat terribly while trying not to visibly feel terrible in

his dark grey ''suit''. It still looked bad on him and he missed Byron's old clothes that June so

easily gave to him. And he missed his watch. And hat.

He now sported a very tiny- compared- slim device around his ankle. It reminded him of those

fitness trackers all the New York's runners sported on their wrists.

This one was black and sleek and rather snug. It didn't omit any sound not had any visible strap

clip and it did look quite solid piece.

It never chafed though. To the CI it even felt as if it radiated softness around his ankle. It also

didn't sport any indicator light like his old one. This was one solid piece of deepest black Neal's

eyes had ever seen and it just never chafed.

On his left wrist was another similar bond. Same deepest blackness ever and solid touch of velvety

feel. Just this came in a smaller size and it looked more like random rubber band some teens wore.

It was rather tiny looking but it felt almost absent since Neal usually forgot it even existed unless

he looked at it. And he kinda did it often enough. Because he still missed his watch.

And hat...


	7. Staging And Executing

It was not as terrible as Nate expected when he first jumped the proverbial ship and slipped some keys off a ring of some rich person at the bar. He already was onto his regular hunts just more in the shadows this time. And gosh really so many of those city people are just bunch of teens.

It always irks him when they leave their stuff around and simply forget about it and get so drunk they can't even walk. Then it just becomes golden hour of guys like him that glowers about and wait for their moment. And yeah, it is roughly sixty seconds to get the small passenger fast cruisers to unlock and boot up. Luckily Nate was very tech friendly so he could basically charm the thing to work without a key.

But it was simply more easier to grab the card or chip from lock table and sneak up to the vehicle and buzz it's protection calibration to moon and reboot the wires.

Sixty seconds and he's out in the sky. Just the way Nate loved. And best thing was nobody ever tried to get those things back.

Tonight was a new and fresh for the job. Not his usual type but it works for times of dire needs. And Nate was desperate for some coin. Yet he hoped for a card one day but those came along very complicated and hard. Cards were next level for street wolves like him. He's done that though. Long ago. But the money on the card is tricky to treat and often leaves trace as long as Earth's equator. Bad for business and useless for anything than fast jobs.

He will leave them be tonight. It was time for just the fly-things and by the morning there was hope to line up nicely.

He badly needed nicely.

For the past two days Nathaniel has been in pain he usually wasn't used to. Not that his latest fall did any good to the guy but it wasn't like getting electrocuted by his own clumsiness.

It was running sort of deeper and irked the holy crackers and drove him bonkers more than anything else.

But there was no time for that now.

First was the delicate spotting. One truly had to work charm on scouting the target area well before anything. Caution was highly respected and ultimately very important if one wanted to get away with it.

Then you had to find the right target and keep scouting and observing. They usually had constant day rhythm however there suddenly could happen some unexpected occasion and then you're all fucked and doomed.

Nate rarely made those mistakes but once in a blue moon you could slip. And then it will become truly regrettable.

The most difficult part was to keep yourself unidentified and invisible to the target and everybody else nearby. Because hills have eyes and the rest of the song. Nobody ever wants to make that mistake and become imprisoned for life.

Definitely not Nate. He already had enough troubles to worry about and days usually didn't get longer to annoy him. -

Planning was something he did as thoroughly as he could. It always paid off to pay attention to details and plan for every book and cranny that could trip you the worst way.

It was a theft after all so why risk it.

Knowing target's moves and possible reactions was golden rule because they could get unpredictable in more ways than one and why take such risk unnecessarily.

Nate also pointed out where the other people in the place could be located. Because even if you get out of the room somebody could block you elsewhere and then where's the point in escaping.

Another part was location and all the routes. Police scanner was useful thing but not always they came uniformed. It was undercover ops that tend to hit you from behind or shoot in the face.

So taking it all into consideration the job had to be smooth and shiny.

The prep was done about a day before initial stint. He spent morning on lookout making notes of the places and buildings that were good for escape. Also he observed any surveillance option and possibility just to be sure. Luckily most drown out places lacked fancy stuff so they just put up fakes in hope to avoid attention from thieves.

And finding the best possible building wasn't that easy because there were lots of considerations to include. Like entrances and exits. Possible backdoors and inner yard spaces. Even underground rooms and maintenance tunnels.

After that it was important to address the heights and roof situation. Sometimes they parked on rooftops and not always that space had hoverboard spots. Crafts could also take up various spaces and they came in equally various sizes and shapes. Because if the geniuses got their craft up the roof but building has narrow space between next one and upside gets locked up there was absolutely no way to get out. So that was one thing to expect in prep step.

And roofs could also bring danger. Like his tumble once proved. Sometimes there were weird contraptions for some shit that normal thief couldn't get off the thing and then it's better to just leave. And even escape had to be planned because if not there came high chance of becoming frayed piece of meat or even chopped off limbs or beheadings. None was okay to experience.

Then if possible the neighboring buildings all around better be windowless on the side where the craft was parked. Because that usually made easier for getaway. And less stressful. Besides hitting blind wall was better than a window. Less messy.

Escape routes consisted of first location then the route itself. Location made route either perfect of shit. If location was remote enough route possibly turned out fine or if craft was bad state fucked it all up.

There was another point about state of craft. Those depend on owner and their ability to keep clean. Most of them had it new and relatively fresh so issues with either engine or flying mechs were rare. However caution over motion.

Another aspect many thieves ignored or brushed over was the route coverage. It depend on aforementioned parts of the planning stages. Because having vastly covered route was slightly better than canned fish way. And usually with crowds came cops so yes, remote is the best and if you got one really sporty you could easily fit through a dense forest.

Nate was in this long enough to consider his targets with grain of salt and caution. He liked to check tightly all his targets and if all hell broke loose leave an option for escape by lesser means open just in case. Because getaway had to be doubled. Otherwise counting on getting away one way could not work when that plan goes to hell.

Usually he planned for all transportation getaway options. That leads to location knowledge once again.

After knowing the target and the location it was time to just observe the location's dynamics. Traffic, passerbys, locals, security, surveillance, animals, bird-flow and way how lighting goes along the day. It was important to know how all the details will affect the escape.

Currently Nate was scouting a building across the plane that had pretty high build compared to ones on both sides. It was wide plane with a row of weird trees in the middle that offered decent cover from the old tavern type of which he chose to lounge about. His spot had everything rundown screaming louder than wild pig before falling into trap. But it worked for him.

Another point for such missions was to take others accounted for. Because nobody wanted to get snitched off.

He knew his kind well enough to expect knife in his back any moment actually so it was good to just be aware.

The location could've been better but was decent enough for Nate's taste. Bar on two floors and wide rooftop that actually looked made for parking small crafts. Sidewalls were windowless and not much taller than that. Other floors did look hotel-way more but nothing random sleep-in-a-corner place couldn't offer.

It seemed fitting the whole area in this random town.

He also took a peak at the cop station nearby and calculated their efforts day before.

For a shithole like this it was okay.

Taking his time for flow observation Nate spotted two more of his fellows but made no motion about it. Their policy was to keep discreet and bug no nosey. Which was his direct intention.

It took roughly sunrise to sunset of all the prep on location. And then some while he trekked his way back. He also multitasked all escape routes and transportation for chance failure just in case. And with that he packed up having paid for the room in advance.

Next step that was left was to get some sleep and finish prep and get going.

Nate was lucky when he woke up to overcast sky. It gave him loads of options for planning. He truly believed in weather conditions playing big role in success.

For him personally overcast meant less heat and visual issues. But still allowed room for shades since it was the night type of overcast sky that promised no rain or sun throughout the day.

It was mildly windy breeze and it was okay. He knew his limits and crossed fingers for weather to keep.

Sun was always causing issues during day because of reflection and random flares from windows and cars on the ground and also made it hard to look up even with shades on.

Overcast meant no glints and he could easily look up without squinting.

And lessened heat.

Heat was something Nathan hated more than snoring. Heat made his body tire so much easier and faster, it gave him terrible headaches and dizziness. And if he stayed in the sun for too long he got truly wonky. So he preferred nights and the three moons and quiet and cool air and more calm he could remember especially by the ocean.

But he couldn't do water. Water always was out of equation and for that one there was a story he rarely let out.

Rain was mortal enemy because of thunder and bathtubs and pools had too much blood in his memory. Open waters were fine only when he was just on the shore and watching moonlight or sunset dancing across the surface. He never saw sunrise.

With all the gear ready and prepped Nate slipped over the side of the roof onto the parking platform installed onto rooftop.

From the looks it was sturdy enough and quite few were already there.

So far the craft park wasn't most glorious but it would pay well anyway.

Several sports models cluttered side across from the thief and he spotted few truly spectacular ones.

Soft swooshing sound made him duck and roll aside as more patrons arrived.

Slipping off to street side he already notices fellow guns getting for spot.

Well, that'd do it.

He waited for night lights pick up the pace and like string of fairy lights drop the whole thing in a soft cast RGB themed glow that together made it look just mildly multicolored.

Not bad, he sighed to himself partly relieved tonight's lighting theme was gentle and considerate like that. Strong colors usually blinded Nate because he struggled to tell colors in dark and sometimes he could miss things that had same color as light.

Just white or RGB tri-tone was perfect and he hoped it stayed.

He went over his routine and swept over the parked crafts. Only few random jewels and nothing fancy. He so wanted to try getting alignment for two at once, however risky.

Having two at once would give him more credit and selling opportunities. He owned it to Samara and Narcho.

Then he had to shake his head because Narcho in his mind during a heist was such a bad idea. Especially now that he had come clean and wasn't in the family anymore.

Still even thinking about the man was distracting Nate so he got ahold of his brain and pulled it in. No time for shit.

Finding all he needed about the two crafts he'd eyed and crossing fingers for easy getaway he slipped off the side and hid among shadows.

Getting to the bar was quiet. It was moderately stuffed and already cozy enough. Judging from the faces he'd hit day before weekend and he knew that if this day hit hard it must be season.

Season meant the local companies were getting ready to some major tax accounting event and smaller firms were often most pressed.

Then people usually took their hard liquor before weekend so they could spend last workday pulling late into night. Also, the night was still young. Regular times called them to a bar only a day later and way further into the night. Which meant he had to be right. They came in bright and early because the next day they had to be back in. It also meant not all of them will get that poofed and get out sooner.

That led to Nate looking at the watch and calculating how much time he was left with.

He really had to make those sixty seconds even faster.

If the owner of his two targets were rich bastards it could mean few things to him.

One was that they most likely will stay longer. However it did make possible another way for others getting off earlier and more sober.

Sober wasn't his friend any day.

It used to be that he was druggie and Narcho was drinkie. Then it turned around and Nate became drinkie and Narcho druggie. At this point though, they were probably both.

Nate sighed and stalked over to the key ring chart. Immediately picking out his targets and lining up a possible profile he rounded towards bar and discreetly dissipated into shadows. He liked dark and moody. It not only gave edge but also became a great assist in blending in.

Taking notes and picking up loose conversation threads he deduced he was indeed correct about their work and all the tax jazz. And yes, there also were few above the range and those usually twirled around only because they were noobs.

That also check the shadowy guy made the next careful move. Using his obsolete internal system he made a scan over and picked out his possible targets. By pinpointing approximate direction Nate calculated his next move.

This he had to do with lots patience.

Having all the time in the world he made his spot in the darkest corner facing whole room possible. And the wait was on...

Two hours later his wait begun paying off. One by one the buffs started to stagger over and some barely even lifted their heads up from the table.

It meant the time was there and he had to make his move.

So he did. After careful slipping along shadows he aimed and grabbed the two keys for his targets and skidded outside of the room. Then Nate made a long and deliberate way around the straight path and sneaked up along the wall until he reached the rooftop.

Carefully scanning the park zone and crafts he made sure nobody stayed out longer. Then he counted off and went on to make most out of his sixty seconds.

All it needed was a touch and a wire along with soft movements and a tablet pad ready with data to upload. He made a sync and uplinked the root and scanned both cards. Then just with the touch Nate synched up both crafts and uplinked them into a server and turned off the pad. Swiftly making his last look at the surroundings thief jammed the key card into the sweep and pushed in the key. It buzzed softly and second later Nate connected both linked crafts and took quiet lead. The other craft followed simply by wireless commands like a drone. They both were small and sporty- exact size and shape for a getaway.

Without lights and attention he backed outside and lifted up gently all the while surveying his surroundings and routes. Once above rooftops Nate filed into an empty airstream lineup and headed outside the city limits and still wished for that cop scanner. Better safe than sorry.

However job was not done yet and he'll relax only after getting paid and outside this city.

Keeping all uplinks synchronized and up in his head instead portable screen he opted for forest route and laid lower. He had a spot on mind for landing and he hoped nobody was there.

About an hour later the thief paralel-connected into his log and left urgent message for the buyer. Usually it was the same old guy, farmer long ago. He knew his cattle just as well as his mechs. And he could be trusted. Or so Nate believed.

It took more of waiting than stealing actual things. But after an hour of waiting and roughly three packs of cigarettes smashed in his bag he finally handed over the crafts and received full price for each and a bonus for effort of getting two simultaneously.

When he walked away the wad of cash felt pleasantly inside his bag. And with that and a smile he made the last leg of the elaborate plan.

Forests were always good. Not just getaways and meet points. They also carried secrets.

So he found small cave and plotted a fire until he burned all his cigarette butt filled packs and wiped ash into ground and wet it with water.

Samara had been best of all. She taught him prepping and planning out. She showed the ropes for all parts of a plan.

And importantly- never leave a trace.

Nate smiled at the memory and kept moving while night was a friend. Soon he'll be getting first moon pushing through cloud cover. He knew the route and knew exactly where it led. This time he will be back home longer. And he needed to apologize.


	8. Worthy

He was still capable of many things. One of those happened to be flying a ship. He's been a pilot of Enterprise series cruiser for several years while parallel taking missions of the smaller crafters and some Raptors.

The job has been easy enough and with that intensive training Noel once received there was no place for wonder. A guy could keep himself in sky so he did.

Noel had a friend. More like a brother. They'd once been inseparable. To this day the man had no direct answer to the ancient question if what exactly had happened that brought them apart.

Besides that'd been long ago.

Noel "Narcho" Alisson had been Lieutenant Commander for a while now. Not that he lacked anything to back up his title. Contrary, he had loads of base.

But there was one tiny mystery he avoided ever talk about unless it was Nate. Because only he deserved to know at least the fact itself.

They'd originated from planet Earth. They both happened to meet while some kind of weird camp relieved an orphan center from two worthy of nightmares. They ended up sharing roughly a decade until all the secrets and monsters one day took a hefty spill, and what at first seemed to look like a military training facility, slash campus for tough orphans, literally came apart at the seams, and what supposedly were just a bunch of kids ended up being a very different kind of facility hiding the kids.

It had been a freaking disaster for all sides involved and nothing good could ever came out unless the barely teens sneaked someplace far away and few accidentally woke up elsewhere.

It just meant to happen that the disaster duo just went to a ride further away than they could ever expect in their lives. And they were barely twelve and fourteen. Or at least what they were told to believe.

All Noel cared about was that Nate was a bit younger and that they were brothers in his book. Family. That was it. For both of them. So following several years they spent to become bestest thieving company ever and at least at that point no regrets followed.

Well, being honest, Noel still believed it was why he was so good at what he did and not thanks to his military training. And not because of pity because he had injury that changed things.

He preferred earning his medals in fair game not due to somebody being soft.

And so after magical space travel, as it seemed to be after they landed some time later and went out to inspect, they simply made themselves a new life. Crafted out some skills out of what they honed before and just adjusted to the new situation. Simple as that.

However they didn't obviously need any extra knowledge, it seemed, nor did they felt less snarky.

Noel had this knowledge of things without even trying and after couple awkward scribbles on paper he automatically knew how to write. Also reading just happened seamlessly.

For some strange reason they both had about millennia of guesses they knew how to do everything and it kept happening automatically without thinking. Like robots.

It felt creepy for about round five seconds before turning just that. None had ever dared to ask anyone why they were this way and quite frankly Noel still couldn't care less. After all the needed paperwork followed and eventually they even ended up into proper database without trying too hard.

What he did try to never think about ever again was .. Samara.

Who she was they never debated if they ever had this discussion. She was absolute magic and half their age above. She was very fair and loyal. She knew all and could do skill. None their group mates were like that. Only the older ones.

How did a girl from older group ended up with kids they had no idea but her presence made all things seem easier and less terrifying.

Samara was something Noel once wanted to become. Well... one could say he'd achieved it now.

That girl had been masterful at fight, artfully skilled in weapons, tranquil and zen in sneaking. She had knowledge of languages and signs. And the way that girl moved and flew on top of enemy head seemingly out of nowhere. And not a sound was heard.

Yeah, he'd given a lot for such art and skill. Even domestic skills came easy to her. Not what could be said about him. It was magic he survived even microwave meals.

But Samara was now a faded mystery. He'd never spoke of her nor thought. It was pushed back down and deep. None of that should ever be recalled...

Unless his brain could comply, ever.

Narcho was a nickname he got from her. Or maybe it was her sister's idea. He'd be lying if he said he knew.

But it did stick to him all along and there was just this one thing that made him never forget. Narcho was something Noel never was and whoever knew his other side along with the name should never speak aloud.

Narcho was a reminder of a guy he was before that  and before all that.

He was not who Noel was now.

He found out his brother left after waking up in the hospital he found Nate. Nate's been once again injured in a way Noel misjudged the guy for. He regretted badly. Almost howled like a wolf.

Nathaniel Holler had been tough guy and so was Noel Alisson. In their range there used to be a legend they discussed while sitting on top of tall buildings and reminiscing about old days and adventures.

Yep, the guy was annoying as hell, though still willing to be his skillful self and make the locks tick open and locks click all the way. He was more of a transport guy with a knack for electronic stuff while Nate mostly specialized in manual lock picking which included pockets eventually.

However soon Noel was witnessing something he couldn't believe years that followed.

See, even if they knew it all still they chose their favorites. So it naturally led Noel to transport maneuvering namely flying and Nate to deep internal tech unlocking. The guy had a mean techie soul so why not.

But mistakes happened. And one that was made because of certain accident led to Noel falling down the length of a skyscraper and Nate getting zapped by roof size electrical field. Or something.

Noel knew the moment his brain came online again it was going to be a very different life for him. And he just knew he will never be able to return.

He feigned memory loss the following month when his body woke up and invited brain to tag along. It was The Day.

Only he did remember. To an extent if course.

His spinal cord had been left in a bad shape. He'd fallen flat so there was obviously massive extent of bleeding. Almost all the vertebrae from neck down the butt had been cracked or shattered. It was a purest miracle. Adding a craniofacial fracture net on the right side of his face and head accompanied by the severe skull fracture at the base of the whole thing it truly felt like one.

He also severely suffered a complete scapular dissection due to massive bone damage and structural muscle shredding from that.

What was left of him after such experience was a very crippled man.

Fragmental spinal fusion all the way up and down. Major muscle removal along with bone particles from the right shoulder area. Titanium alloy rods holding together the shoulder and special hook system attaching all that to his chest and fusion areas. He sported some rods in the right hand and ankle. There were plates holding his skull together and some smaller ones that made his face intact.

That was just bones alone.

The nerve damage followed was merely segmental and simple as that. Right side of face was numb and the numbness enclosed this side of head like a boxing glove. It affected his hearing too since the nerve injury went deeper than skin and the way it intervened his head got it hurt in the incident. He could hear muffled sounds and that basically was all. His neck was stiff from partial supportive fusion and his most troubles were intubation area. They noticed his trachea had damage beforehand so he sported obvious tracheostomy hole in this throat looking ominous and creepy.

The right hand was also stiff and wrist didn't function properly due to nerves being fried. He could live with that since typing wasn't affected that much.

However what made biggest difference was the huge gaping hole of sunken inwards skin over his right side of back and shoulder. For the most part he had no sensation from T2 all the way down to T8 on just his right side. Yes the injury of lower spine was less severe, still his legs weren't same either. He couldn't walk nor move his right upper side of body and for reason he only guessed breathing also was affected.

But once a fighter, always a fighter. Noel simply came to a decision that best remedy was to fuck that shit and kick his own ass by himself. It appeared to have worked eventually.

According to his latest test- as he concluded while being rolled outside sitting in a wheelchair- he only suffered his fainting spell because of falling beforehand. So it seemed okay and once he was back in his vehicle Narcho decided it was some sort of misfire like always.

After all it was years since the fall. A decade at least. More. On this planet two most likely.

Nothing to worry about.

Now he just had to find his man he somehow made into something more than just a friend or brother.

He still felt odd when they played their little game with medical staff but now, sitting in his ground vehicle, Noel began to feel some odd tickle deep within.

Maybe he was hallucinating. Because how could they be more than just that was beyond the man's brain capacity at the moment. And wasn't he always been worthy?

Still... why the heck not?


	9. Moments Like This

As far as the job went Nate had nothing to stress about. He managed to get it all done and so far it seemed like gone all the right ways with his intensive prep. Hopeful that it was all done he got back to city to another job.

It might be even more to prep for. At least as far as he imagined it to be.

To complete this one there may be needed more than just careful planning.

Laz, as Nate was introduced, had an intricate job right at the door. It happened in parts and for his part Nate was instructed to be especially careful. The Feds had been true sneak part in the game and Laz warned they might strike again. So Nate would be transporting business deal. He was just told to prep the routes and transport and, if needed, emergency escapes including the central piece.

It was a small roll of painting worth billions and it was from Earth.

For all Nathan cared it could be a piece of poop, he just went for his part. Unlike partners before he wasn't known to be nosy. It cost too much and in this job trust meant a lot. Or enough to pay for it and be alive until next time.

The dark haired man walked the street and cast long glances. He deserved a holiday or two. The job would take time and some parts were already on the move. As far as he cared his part was the last before final and he'd be paid only about couple weeks after. Prepping would take roughly a week before.

There was a hook though. He will have to attend the Gala. As good as it sounded the possible guest list made it pretty impossible to even slightly enjoy it.

For one thing there will be all the high ends and metropolitan socialites he had no intent to meet. He might know some. Then there will be strong possibility of Feds undercover just as well as half the planets law enforcement officials and their other halves. There will most definitely be military present which was even worse. The science part and education elite was no less worry.

Nathaniel was known in these and he was a walking target. Laz warned of his situation and even gave a week of thought process time. However Nate knew he mostly was out of options. The season was close to end and he'll have to move after that. There was unsaid rule on this planet about such stints going on for seasons. It basically meant for certain amount of time there was a window for action. Then it was closed and all the action took place elsewhere. Usually it took rounds from district to district. Because thieves were only so much. And people did a lot more than it was comfortable to protect what was theirs. And this kind of events didn't happen all at once.

Art that was brought from Earth-that-was meant more than just money and everyone wanted a piece of it.

Forgeries, for example, was a prime job. True masters were rarity since the particular pieces were possible to forge only among folks from Earth. Which meant basically whole Fed's list of suspects. And that Wanted list was longer than Nate's rap-sheet by thousand miles.

Also one that knew the job had to be ready to run and move to another galaxy if they ever hit one particular list. It was weird and at the same time complicated system that eventually got them.

Nothing he ever wanted to experience. Punishment variated from jail to death or in most cases science experiments. Not one thing he wanted. Better be dead and gone- that was Nate's promise to Samara.

The day she died they made promise to each other that in case of entrapment they die.

None got as lucky as she did. Even that wasn't fully true if one asked to Nate. To this day the man believed she was just wrong and it was merely an accident.

Try to tell that to Narcho, e thought with a snort. That guy never took things for granted. So he just fell off the building and didn't die.

That was one whole thing Nate nailed to mystery tab and tried to forget. Well, it kept coming back.

To his own defense, Nate wasn't that innocent either. After all he was a Shadow Walker and it didn't happen to everyone. Maybe he misjudged himself and Noel. Because whoever Noel was he didn't happen just because somebody was bored.

Noel showed all kinds of weird things about him and so far stayed mysterious. Doctors did nearly drop to their knees in awe of the fallen guy being alive. Just that the whole time Nate couldn't figure out how. After all a fall from over thirty stories wasn't exactly the same as falling from attic stairs.

Nathan sighed deeply and walked over to the kitchen. He rummaged through several cupboards before sitting down at the table and banging a fist against the smooth surface. He was out of his medication. Sooner than he planned.

Damn.

Another part of crime life he found terribly annoying. He was out of meds but until next dose he had to wait much longer than he had. Besides it could ruin his stint too. If he was not on his meds there existed an entirely large possibility of fiasco bigger than Manhattan island. And consequences may rise to Bermuda Triangle danger level.

Yeah, he was doomed.

And only person capable of helping him was one he decided to leave months ago.

Yet he may be in more danger if he kept going without the meds.

If he did he was pure danger and risk to everyone and everything.

See, one that could walk shadows and speak techs wasn't often seen in public. They did exist and had their little underground communities. They were called Savages and sometimes held in secret government bases for research needs.

Old people called then Mutants.

Genetic errors among humanity. They were supposed to be under control from government and hidden secrets from society.

Because what would happen if elite find out or military decided them fabulous weapons. Naturally it would lead to super soldier projects all around universe. And then what?

Alliance had been friendly and kind so far. Their politics were strict enough to respect. They held power and money and army. Military was supervised through microscope and tight rules.

Because losing control meant chaos. And chaos meant war.

Civil war.

It's obviously happened once. Among independent unions and far outer regions.

And once between Alliance and Federation.

Neither had been pretty. Or so it was told.

Rebels or Independents were small part of liberals out there. They fought for freedom and fair trade. They mostly were leftover civilians and militia from Federation that happened to get trapped within Alliance territories. Too far to be reached but close enough to be aware.

Federation stated their scepticism against Earth humanity turning for sanctuary plead to Alliance issuing an order to keep anyone changing their mind safe on their grounds.

Currently situation was weird and mostly creepy. However Nate trusted Rebels more than any of the big guns.

He had to stay though.

He didn't trust Federation being nice towards mutants. Anyone having weird abilities got captured and researched in both camps. None could be trusted.

He did however stay. This galaxy held Noel in tight leash and once the truth will be out neither would survive. Nate was sure about that just as the three moons never stopped circling the planet.

He liked those moons.


	10. No Man's Land

Whenever Noel was left alone the memories washed up like waves on the beach front. He was staying at the station and the following day he will be leaving for base.

His brief rest was up and next mission had to come in before they were all collectively hauled to the Gala few months ahead.

Lieutenant Commander Alisson wasn't the party type. At least not anymore. Especially these pretentious folks. Yes, one day he may join Federation or the ultimate Union Of Galactic Independence forum. It had been what NASA once planned to happen if Earth never became past. Inter-Galaxy Enterprise and Homeland Security already been dealing under the table for ages. Years before anyone believed a possibility to loose a whole planet to some freak incident every powerful and super secret government particle along with majority of futuristic scientists had been accumulating plans and diagrams of how to save the people.

All it took was to sneeze in the open space to find out seventeen million folks already were anticipating signal to sprint.

Couldn't they just told?

Afterwards basically a whole planet of civilization got removed from their habitats and voile- New Earth was announced as the ultimate sanctuary.

Under one condition- never leave Alliance.

Little they knew that actual foundation came from Federation.

In any case Noel was operative of military and it was his job to comply. He was just a masterful pilot. And he had just returned to duty after terrifying injury. Second one in his life.

Pilots were lucky in a way, he decided. They rarely needed to exercise actual combat. All was dealt with from the cabin and by firing bunch of missiles.

Partly why his program had been this handy. Fourty thousand flight hours on simulator and fifteen on a real plane. Eleven thousand chopper hours. Five F16 and M42 raptor. He'd been military since four years old. A whole decade of all kinds of NATO and NASA data engraved into his brain. Every single Navy Seal op and Air Force tactical rep practically cut through his bones.

It was a pay of being different from birth. He could do something as a baby that led him be sent to a secret facility and suffer loads of shit. But then he discovered Nate and together they were strong. Both tough as nails and annoying pain in someone's ass. Yet they did consider themselves orphans. And to their hearts they believed to be in a camp.

Or it was what they told themselves to survive.

However, he couldn't complain too loud. His skills gave an edge to the badass persona everyone believed their Lt Commander was. His name meant Badass in someplace important. And he did pose his medals on festivities.

Nonetheless there existed a reason why a man who's been through grater and came out alive to botch endless war attempts and nether alien attacks carried so much attitude and respect from others the way he did.

Everything had a reason.

Noel had more than just one.

He pulled himself up and towards the shower. Time to get ready.

None ever realized he didn't possess a mirror. Nate kept pulling his leg for that and there happened whole lot of pranks. However the man never stepped over that thin line between joke and insult. He knew Noel never looked at any reflective surface nor possessed anything like that. What for though he didn't know yet. Alisson planned it to stay that way.

However he did not need a mirror to tell him how much his body had suffered. There already was horrific loss of body that made the man easily loose balance and when seated to lean on one side. His missing shoulder made his body confused and led to disbalance between phantom feel and actual nerve signal jump. Sometimes it became dizzying experience.

But more than physical distortion there hid mental distortions.

Like Nate he shared fantastic tactical ability. Reason their past jobs always ended splendidly on their side. Possibly why Nate still did what he did.

The guy hated military with such venom he preferred thieving instead. Well, nothing to blame the guy for. He ended up almost charred after the major bolt of clean electricity went through his body while he hit the ground on the other side. Samara got dissolved into the pure energy load. They never found her body. Something Noel blamed himself for. Nothing would ever convince him otherwise. He lived with it for decade or so now. So he will keep on living.


	11. In Retrospect

He wasn't alone nor he ever should've worry about that.

It was the last and only thing that Neal still could remember from that dream he had years ago. And there was a lot more to it. He never told Kate about his weird dreams and she was so much better off it.

On one hand you could call Neal Caffrey anything that involved criminal activity. However there was another thing you should never call Neal Caffrey- a killer.

The thing was that the kid has always wanted to be a cop. After all his father had been a cop and that was what he aimed to become later in life. And somehow it was the only thing that mattered to the little kid Neal had been roughly thirty something years ago. He was a little boy with a dream big as one can be.

Until the day it became like a curse. According to what information Neal managed to get his father was a dirty cop in the end and people he owed had come to get their pay. And then all hell broke loose with everything Neal knew shattering into million pieces. And with all that his life changed forever. The little boy become someone else and lived a new life until he was eighteen and left it all behind to once again become somebody else. This time someone with an identity he chose himself and equally could live with and feel like his own.

The problem was that Neal Caffrey may have not been entirely brand new. And it was something he tried not to placate all over the place. Neal liked this name and he liked to be this person. Because whatever he had been he eventually realized he was nothing.

Back in the prison cell, after Peter managed to put him inside, Neal happened to have a lot of time for thinking alone and it gave him something a guy like he could only grasp. A thought that occurred only when his mind was forced to become still for a moment. And a moment he entirely had tried to avoid from all his life. Because for all his life he had hated been out of control. That was one thing Peter had not yet come to discover about his friend.

However strange it seemed it was one of those little things.

Neal was an alias. And he has been one all his life. Because when he came to analyze it all he's always been someone but himself. True he always put a part of himself inside whatever alias he was but it was kind of like what Mozzie warned about. Because Neal actually had one more thing Peter did not yet know about.

Neal was special. And in a way it made him pretty cool in some eyes. However it was something close to a curse. The way he could con people and take up any personality was mostly supernatural. He basically changed himself on a whim with little prep beforehand and just jumped to all he was thrown at.

But every time he needed something- an anchor- to attach himself to the other alias- the one that was supposed to be himself.

He needed a token. Otherwise he'd been overtaken by his game alias and he's loose himself forever. A small price for a score like the ones he went for. But without Moz he was nobody. That man has always been there for him through thin and thick. So they stayed together and never left.

Until that one.

Neal sighed as he looked over the city. It was three moons again. Just like every night out here and, yes, it was incredibly beautiful but also so strange.

He still felt odd, but not like sick-odd. Just usual gloom and blue he did feel once in a while.

Nothing like he was few weeks ago (or maybe months?).

He did miss Moz and had no idea where the little man had disappeared to. He just like that vanished and never made a contact again. Which, to Neal, was little bit more weird than what he was used to. Usually the man left some clues so Neal could tell he was okay wherever he was and no worry should be issued over that. But this time it was different. The whole affair was different and that made Neal feel on edge.

He hated to feel on edge. Nothing unusual but it was one of his pet peeves. Or another one.

The truth was that Neal had no memories. He could not save memories unless he took a little bit of his past persona into the new identity. Something close to a weird fugue state. How or why he was like this Neal didn't know. Maybe Ellen knew or his father but it was way too late to ask. Besides it wasn't like he had to remember his past. It was mostly like he wrote a diary and stored it somewhere safe for day too grey to crawl out of yet another trouble.

It wouldn't been the first time.

Yet he always kept one or two files on himself just in case.

Because for one he hadn't figured out a way to recall his other aliases and try to do some actual remembering. Maybe just once more pretending to be that person he would solve it and then there would be no need for paper trail?

It was huge risk. One he had yet to decide if he actually wanted to go along with.

He could always hack into someplace.

Only now he was thrown into a completely new situation without changing his identity. And that alone could've had been a reason for him feeling odd. And maybe it was.

He just couldn't be hundred percent sure. Unlike before now he had to actually try to be the guy he was or this time he will fail absolutely everything.

So he needed to find Mozzie and consult. Even if the little guy was just as unsure as himself he just needed somebody that knew and could figure this out.

Before his WitSec past makes a return and somebody digs out something truly compromising from even before that. Although he longed to hear more about his toddler days. That he always missed. Partly because back then he didn't know about his special-ness. And partly because he had no actual memories from his kid days other than some emotions that tend to pop up randomly.

So far he understood there was just purely memory involved. He simply could forget things but not anything like motor-functional. For example he always knew how to be a criminal man and be a thief or burglar. He just knew how to do all the forgery stuff and likes from pure muscle memory alone and some other internal compartment of his mind that had those collected. Just not the regular, normal memories. Like what his favorite flower was or what his homework had been back in the day.

Just one part of memories he could never keep for real..


	12. Struggles

The work was chaos. Neal looked up from his desk and peeked around. There was papers and maps and blueprints all over the place and even bunch of pens strewn across several desks. He had notes covering his own desk and one of his few rubber band balls was trying to find a place to sit.

Neal grabbed it and walked over to coffee machine.

The reason for all this bunch was a case that was now leading them towards the Gala event.

Somebody had been stealing high class original paintings and selling their forgeries to black market. Also it was known that often enough it was accompanied by massive jewelry theft. Sometimes something more followed.

This thing was that even if it wasn't exactly the same as it had been on Earth the most basic parts were just like that. Yes, Neal wasn't familiar with the new world's valuables and couldn't exactly tell the masters of art apart, yet, but he did know crime and the baseline for doing art theft or jewel burglary.

However, another part came in this time. Something they didn't have to worry about before.

It was the transportation devices robbery. Somebody pretty masterfully got their hands on the patron's machine and completely recalibrated it's all computing efforts and ability to resist being stolen. Also they just sold them to highest bidder who then took the thing and completely redone and sold to the next person roughly same they paid to its kidnapper.

That somehow was one portion of the deal that was not Neal's cup of coffee this time. He never really knew that much about cars let alone computers. He could only analyze the job itself from his own perspective and give the pointers to men in black.

One of the things that held the ex-con on edge. He kept stressing over the possiblity some day the bureau will decide they had no use of the guy so he will be put back into cell and be done with. It was a legit, real fear that land its roots freaking deep and gave Neal nightmares like no tomorrow.

Every single day he came in with trembling heart and hitching breaths until he got assured one more day of time. Not that it ever gave him feeling of safety.

It was at first they told him all was shiny and things will hold up well. Promised not to put him behind even if his work turned out futile or the division ceased to exist. It was even put on paper and signed. Legit.

The fear crept in few months later after initial acclimation process was deemed to be done even if for Neal it felt never be done fully. He always carried the confusion and fear. His stress levels about himself hit the roof on day one and nothing changed months after.

He almost never worried about each mission coming together or getting hurt. He constantly and deeply internally panicked over being put in prison if his efforts weren't enough.

So Neal did all his bestest to beat it. Every single day.

He exhausted himself more often than not. Each night he fell onto his bunk and promptly passed out until Peter woke him up and took into center. He never had that much of time for anything else once he started his desk job.

While the man still liked it almost to same level as before it never felt the same and most times he ended up self doubting than confident. It came to realization soon that he never again felt confident of a single thing. He just didn't.

Yet he was doing great. They might didn't need his help or Peter's. Hell they never even needed any of them. They happened to fall onto their heads and got adopted because what else you did with a group of elite FBI agents in a world so different from theirs?

They was thrown into a division most closest to what they already had and got introduced with all the stuff they needed to know about the job.

He was never threatened though. Unlike he expected they did just say if his services deemed unnecessary in future he will not require to be in prison.

Neal wouldn't be Neal if he ever believed that.

He merely crossed his fingers each morning coming in.

Peter, on the other hand, never doubted a single thing. He did his best, learned the way around, consulted if needed, investigated by his best standards and moved on. Almost like they were still back home. But that was Peter. Neal couldn't and wouldn't expect any less from the man. He simply cowboyed up and lived his former life.

Well, he had El. That lady was just as fierce and stubborn and diligent as ever. El even put up her new business and from that point she basically ruled the whole catering part of the city. Because that was El. And Neal wouldn't and couldn't imagine anything different.

They even still had Satchmo who was the same lazy dog as he'd ever been. Neal never held any doubt he'd be any way different either.

It was only Neal who had once again fallen into same old traps and led himself to early dementia by his constant struggle.

That was Neal. Why could he be suddenly different?


	13. Other Thing

Nathaniel felt cheesy. He had been scouting every single surface around the place for days now and so far he couldn't figure out why his internal scanner was giving him creeps of decade. He observed people rushing in and out of the building and some random group of construction workers being herded around the place. A woman in far more elegant business suit than was necessary and hands full of papers made long explanation about some catering problem and waved at everyone else.

The Gala was closing in. For that they had wanted all of the buildings involved to be shiny again and now just poshed them up. He saw more vans coming up with kitchen supplies and whatnot. Nate made all the notes. However at this point it was hardest to tell how he will be able to scout completely and inside out. Because he didn't really had to. It wasn't even his task. He was asked for mostly successful escape. Roland had simply said that he was known to be a master escape artist so be it.

Oscar had agreed and so he was just the transport guy.

But why do just that if he could disarm a whole bunch of crafts? Oh hell, he was so not fucking skip an option if it was presented basically on a silver platter.

Because Nathan wasn't a guy who turned down an option of a chance. He did all things not just to survive but also live.

One thing was that he was famous thief in certain circles but other was that he had something not many had and if it was to be made official he'd be gone in less than sixty seconds. So it was a no for most of other normal things he could instead do.

He wasn't like Noel that just needed to survive massive incident to become accepted and acknowledged into that part of society that hates people like they both used to be and Nate never really stopped being.

Yes the guy still held amazing amounts of sheer boldness and mind of a horny teen on steroids (not his description by the way) but often times it would be accompanied by sterling brilliance and diligent tracking of a task .

Nate's sort of shield from people. He may seem unbearable as a person to strangers but once you managed to sneak over this build you saw the truth.

Partly a reason why after Samara incident he locked himself away and tried to toss the key just for Noel to come after him and mop all that jazz up. Well, not really. He's been out for months himself and then sent off to Passadora County General to see the damage a heart sustained.

Needless to mention here that at that point he made a very direct point at telling them not to do anything to him needed or not. Well, he did try for ten minutes before he got stuffed into a room.

However that kinda failed since he simply made a run for it never to be seen again.

District was different though. Passadora had like ten of those covering planes sized close to a whole American state. For example Passadora county was roughly the size of Arizona or close to South Carolina. Roughly. Very.

And Heitagen district was just one of ten stacked neatly side by side. It was one that held majority of cool stuff and tech. Something Nate kept gravitating towards all the time. To be honest he was and always has been more techie guy than any of them. But not as advanced as the other guy he met later on passing only to find out he was in fact a journalist wannabe tester for truth untold.

He could hack his breakfast all the way to China and not even loose a blink while reaching for coffee. Definitely high above Nate's level. However a different kind of techie level entirely. Which was one thing he loved about himself if he hated the rest.

In particular circles they called him Machina and few others he knew he had a code name Engine Whisperer and it was kinda cool indeed.

However it was something he just did unconsciously and couldn't control much more than direct where and when he needed. And he had no idea how it happened. It's just been there all his life so he had no idea.

But now, when the Gala was steering closer another, completely unrelated issue made its appearance resurface. And this one dealt with another problem Nate suffered for a while when they still went around Samara. In those old times they called it many ways. He just stuck to menace since it was. And it had a buddy that sometimes got low, sometimes found it's way back to Nate. And he always was one of those while Noel played the other until caved in and became united.

Smoking has always been partly a way to play in his thieving ways as it gave perfect cover for stake outs but often it gave stress relief packed in a convenient blending in.

Noel had nothing to stop doing that since no regulations forbid the space ships having smoking rooms. So he kept the habit adding few more that lessened only tiny bit.

Nate, however, was a different story.

He did smoking for years. He simply liked it and it never bothered him. Cravings weren't like it was for others and he was pretty fine. All until one day there was a kick-back from the genetics class. He did have had a doc or two. All with a line of scientific degrees that wielded into medical science and bioengineering.

They also had the news he hoped to never received.

He was slowly dying, or if he indeed happened to be immortal, slowly suffering.

That it was a menace any other day he could easily handle was one thing, when it could possibly get in the way to a job of half the century was another. And Nate hated his genetics for that with a passion.

And he made all sneaky peeky things to hide the fact he was dying internally because some asshole in that institution passed one gene sequence over a droplet of coffee on his pants and so it became his yet another menace to deal with.

Noel didn't know that and he was best to keep it that way.

Nate was, to put it simply, somebody's wet dream of a science. He was basically born with some magic until they added some science and ended up being just a mix of impossible crap to make his life either slightly easier or way more complicated than he needed to begin with.

Usually he tried to ignore any of that shit they put into him and then paid hard for ignoring the mess. Mostly because what they did to his DNA wasn't all up to what he was born with or that so called programming did some wonders to add to the mix.

Like headaches. Nate hated them more than his other problems because when his head hurt his brain stopped functioning. Just like that he simply became a bundle of brain fogged vertigo. But thankfully that happened rarely.

And then this dying problem as he began calling it. It was simply because his lungs were supposed to ensure ability to breathe underwater like fish or hold his breath extra long time like some seal.

But somebody made a mistake when possibly their coffee accident made them miss some DNA connection to the right chromosome and as a result he gained some lung condition that slowly turned his lungs into a giant mucus ball.

So far the only solution to this problem was to use some mojo to remove the whole issue temporarily when his oxygen levels reached critically low and an additional intake by oxygen tank was required.

It was kinda okay situation since it didn't happen often and so far the whole process took rather long time. That was good because on this planet it was accessible option however it cost some mild fortune he almost never succeeded to gather in the time it took his lungs to accumulate that mucus stuff. However on this planet the air was different than on Earth and that was what made his condition less dire.

Then happened another problem from the whole Samara incident.

That was mostly just aftermath from high voltage electric shock as he fell into the force field. That was what causes basically most dangerous accidents and it was because his heart developed arrhythmia or something. Not that it was just one time he'd fallen for energy fields. After Samara he'd just kept missing memos of their location and ended up suffering exploding crafts after running into invisible ones. That did either got him in jail until somebody (usually Noel) came to bail him out or at hospital where he usually (unless Noel kept him there) escaped at first chance.

Now he was once again on that old road and felt unusually awkward. There still was major possibility of Noel attending the Gala event and if he did Nate's chance of grabbing crafts along became pretty damn thin. He could manage staying out of the way if he kept to Roland's plan and make only escape clean. It was close to impossible if Noel was there and he went on with his own side plan. Because if he got caught there will fail not just his own plan but the whole deal altogether. And Roland didn't do just pat on the back and promise next time it will happen and all would be fine. Nope. That man went for blood cold and ravenous.

And then the while shithole would become gravely huge and dark.

Nate just didn't know what Noel would do if the worst happened. He could either go by his offical means or he could just stick for fun and join him in his little sneaky plan. That would only be one part of that whole thing. And still two visible options Nate couldn't just tell.

He sighed and slipped into shadows.


	14. First

The Gala event was creeping closer moment by moment. To his own surprise Neal felt it was something he now feared of. There had been days long ago he'd do anything to attend one. Hell, he'd even gotten Peter's allowance to attend while on his ankle accessory. Okay, partly because it was still for work but he did enjoy. Especially when El was the catering queen of the day. But that was so long ago. And in other dimension.

However this time was different and at the same time just like old days. It confused the former con artist and art thief slash forger. He couldn't tell how he'd feel if they actually owned some Rembrandt or Monet to showcase. Even the fucking Mona Lisa possibly wouldn't save Neal's mood.

And mood it was.. or maybe wasn't.

The man was still trying to solve his post-apocalypse feelings and so far he didn't get anywhere. It was all so complicated and confusing that sometimes all Neal really wanted was to crawl under his blanket and sleep forever. He couldn't though.

Neither of his superiors would approve so he made his way to shower and tried to pull himself towards yet another day at the office.

It turned out to be one of those cross-investigations involving several obviously forged artifacts from another county that hid lots of pretty real diamonds worthy of some fortune.

To add more fun to the whole game there also was something familiar about the style of forged artifacts that left Neal wondering whether his old fellows had decided to follow him.

Another thing that he was told about was that it all was found in one of the stolen aircraft units half the citizens on this planet used as their personal transportation. While they still had vast amount of traditional cars with about hundred million types ranging from Earth-like to more close to what he'd seen on magazines as future concepts.

Also they owned flying space ships that varied sizes but mostly resembled regular car sized aircraft with all the bells and whistles.

Of course real spacecrafts flew into open space and were closer to a cruise ship size and mostly even ten times that size and more. The personal ones rarely could reach outer space like that. Maybe if one was so full of money they could with ease got one like that too, Neal didn't doubt that.

But this here was regular one, made for flying upper traffic levels. Something Neal still struggled to grasp onto.

On days his old flame would spark he imagined how easy but at the same time hard would be getting away with such machine.

"Eyes on papers!" Peter called his protege back to present as soon as he noticed Neal's eyes glossing over.

"What, Peter? Can a man daydream for a sec?" he replied with a smirk and glint of an eye almost full-on from days before.

"I know that look, Neal. And no flying for you anytime soon." Peter used his best mock parenting voice. It made chuckle everyone within an earshot, especially Diana and Jones, who were up and close familiar with their banter.

"But Peeewter!" Neal teased and did spectacular puppy dog eyes that made whole office burst in laughter.

Then lunch happened and for a moment he forgot there was darkness looming from every corner he turned.

Until he got home with a case file and details. Not that it helped much when he had nobody else beside his work people and few from home to call friends and colleagues. He still was alone in his bunk at nights. For now- they said long time ago. There was still proving he was worth and wouldn't go out to get his old game back. Peter had said to the board that it was least possible since they were on a different planet altogether which then meant Neal had no ways to contact anyone or know if they had actually moved from Earth.

Board acknowledged that fact apologized for their rules and Neal ended up in his quarters for until next meeting where his next step of becoming a new man would be discussed.

In other words he was still far from his second, second chance. It almost didn't matter because he still felt odd and even more down than he had felt after Kate.

At least back then he was in jail and that kinda felt better than living a life but feeling dead inside and pretending he didn't secretly calculated a way to just jump from a rooftop or elsewhere.

He missed Mozzie the most these days. Sometimes imagining what new conspiracy theories he could provide and how many more ways to steal something or sell in this new setting.

He missed June and El and even Satchmo. Missed their gatherings and all the stuff that made him feel internally strong and stable. Things that he never really had in his early life. He felt like the missing piece of himself was now hurting in a way it made impossible to brush it off.

Neal just missed his family and home. Whatever was said in his file never actually touched his true inside and most of that was merely an outsider's opinion on a person they never truly met in person.

But Neal had feelings and every time he was back in his bunk he was breaking apart.

Only Peter had made his attempt of noticing or even caring about Neal's feelings. Well, give it to Peter, the FBI agent and his handler, not to notice Neal was different. Give it to El who hasn't seen her friend in a very long time to figure out through Peter that Neal wasn't as okay as he made it look. And that spoke volumes if the man of darkness inside suddenly found a package on his bunk bed one evening.

A note stuck to it said:

'Neal, sweetie, sorry for not being there. I was trying, I promise, but they denied me so I did only way they couldn't detect anything and if this is their security I think it would give Mozzie a challenge at some point.

I hope and wish you are okay. But I feel something is not right for you and it makes you sad. I wish I could just hug you. It's not absolute perfection here either and we both struggle to understand this world. Even Satchmo is confused about this new world.

But we're trying and fighting.

Neal, just don't give up! Stay strong.

One day they will see the true you, not the fake one on paper and they will let you come back. Even with a tracker we will be there to wait for you.

We miss you so much. Well, I miss you more because Peter still sees you every day at work.

Love, El.'

What Neal could say to that one. He wept for hours before gathering strength to open the package that contained a small container of still warm chicken soup, some of her latest catering recipes in person (and what was that? a cake?) and absolutely heartwarming handmade fluffy blanket that seemed radiating warmth and love from even afar.

He wept some more after that before he ate the soup and a collection of cake pieces he noted were all albeit but different from usual ones still tasted heavenly and curled up on his bunk completely wrapped in El's blanket. It was first time in months Neal slept throughout the night dreaming of his family he still has but can't visit. And for the first time since arrival he had smile on his face all night long. And he didn't freeze either which was kinda first. He was always cold on this planet.

And while he for the first time didn't really wanted to attend the Gala it was first time here he actually held a true hope.

Maybe he will after all start to live again. Maybe this was exactly what he needed for his dark to lift.

El somehow knew he wasn't all okay and found a way to get him a care package. If that didn't call old times then he didn't know what was.

Hope was real and he knew that. They had promised throughout process of his assessment and evaluation. He will have to face more board meetings after the Gala. And even full medical will be required. But now there was this sliver of light peeking and wiggling through the dark haze of clouds and it was enough for Neal to put on a first real and true Caffrey authentic smile following morning entering the office. And for the first time he noticed it was 21st floor...


	15. Willing

There were many kinds of things Noel had regrets about. Mostly those things are the ones he hadn't done.

First it was his early life. Genetic testing after he was born and how he never tried to learn about his gifts that obviously was why he never had normal life. While he did enjoy the partly normal life now it was those days he found himself chain smoking hours away and drinking himself to sleep so his nostalgia would leave for the night.

And no it definitely wasn't a good thing he was doing. But nobody tried to keep him away from so be it.

On this rather boring night or possibly day (hard to tell if all you saw was star clad nothingness and fluorescent lights drilling through your skull) Noel was back to sulking mode. But this time not for his usual reasons.

Today he was given this envelope too fancy for even entering such decorated premises and it had his whole official title on it with swirly golden font. Too personal and too posh. The thing that caught his eye the most was the color of envelope itself. It was matte black making the gold lettering stand out even more.

A piece of art he suddenly recalled some other, similar looking invitation letter that was indeed true piece of art and stored in a museum back home. That was ages ago and back in the day he was still fresh to Nate's little business. It was that time they were both fallen for Samara and she always pointed at the most fancy things. They always tried to get those things to her.

But for that one they had a concurrence neither recognized. It was simply lifted off the stand in a way neither understood and that was it.

Following morning the press had been constantly exploding about the most precious theft that month which rumored to be a work of a legend of almost eight years of evading every single law enforcement operative unit. Not just Americans but practically whole globe.

They didn't get to hear the story to the end because many things happened after that. Including Samara and her disappearance and new shit hitting the fan for both guys.

To this day Noel wondered who was their thief. The real one. He saw somewhat side glanced titles and stuff but the picture was yet to be taken for the guy all world kept falling for but never getting to know.

However judging by his skill level Noel could guess whether it was one from their group or not. Because if he was martini dry honest they were trained to be like that just capable of reversing their programming into understanding their fellows long enough to catch them. The whole base to official reasoning behind the whole project. It was just few rebels that got it all wrong and wreak havoc to get their way.

Noel sighed with a palm of his hand rubbing at his face in a tired manner. It's been too long since he last saw Nate and there was a hole in his chest forming slowly, day after day, the longer he was away from his longest term relationship he'd ever had in life. It just never occurred before, not until the hospital, that what he believed to be very loyal friendship, bordering on brotherhood, could be something even more deeper and profound.

It was just after the last hospital incident when he woke up alone he realized he was so tired of being alone. And that he still missed their adventures together.

He looked down at the envelope and just knew without looking inside that it was about the Gala everyone was talking about. The whole Enterprise was hyped about it and they were eager to attend. Because to them it was one more last chance to be heard. In a world scattered across the universe with so much vast nothingness in between such events were like an oasis smack dab in the middle of a desert. They were so thirsty to at least once shine as bright as the stars they pass for years to no end. To all the space shuttle people that was something real and palpable to look forward to. It was like standing on your own feet again, after long time of not feeling them.

Noel knew that feeling and understood them. They didn't get his disinterest in the Gala but he knew it all too well.

Throwing the third empty liquor bottle into a corner he dropped the envelope on his bedside table, where it landed with a resounding plop, Noel lifted himself off the chair he'd been sitting for hours. His back made all the pops and cracks, and clicks where metal touched metal, and tinged where scars covered connection screws and staples. A wave of numb tingling washed over his legs and seeped into carpet through his bare feet.

He lit another cigarette and dragged a long intake. Yes, he was badly crippled, but still held some shit against half the fleet.

To this day all of the looks he received, disgusted or awestruck, were burnt in his retinas as a reminder of what he went through. He always loved flying and if not so much stars then the piloting as itself. It made him free. Like when he did it first time after learning to sit and not fall off the chair. He was taken to a real ship- small crafter with two pilot spots. That day Noel Alisson was reborn and seriously begun fighting for his body again.

He once again reclaimed his official nickname Narcho and they later carved it onto his Raptor. On top of that his office label held it too.

Only his birth certificate didn't held the nickname. But they all had left their old names back in the same bin with their old lives.

But he actually kept his own name just dropped the middle one since nickname held it for him just as fabulously.

Nate did keep his first name, but Noel did know the real one- before everything- Nathaniel Elliott Bennett. Later he had just a code number like all in the place but they made some names too just for themselves. He was Narcho, Nate was Nick and... there was another boy he now barely recalled even existed. His name was Danny and he was extremely twin-ish close looking to Nate. But they lost him and never heard of him.

It was odd these memories came back like random waves in the ocean. Like random meteors shooting across his window.

And it all felt so surreal and far away it barely left an imprint in his memory. But then it was all still there and intact, mostly.

With the last glance at the window and snap of his fingers Noel dropped into his bed as the room momentarily fell dark. Some days he just never could get enough drunk or high to simply lay numb and emotionless on his bed. Just empty from all thought and stress or memories that hit him like those meteors outside.

Suddenly he felt very willing to attend the Gala. Somehow the small sliver of hope kept the flame inside alive despite all.

He glanced at the card one more time and felt determined to not let it pass. Even if for the fun of having free alcohol and steady ground under his feet. Or maybe he could just use his old chair and feed some juicy story while getting more alcohol without falling off his feet. Yup, that idea struck genius to Noel and he fell asleep with a smile on his face.


	16. Deductions

It was one more day Nate spent trying to figure out what the heck he could do to get inside. The catering personnel was already inside out and taking in the stuff they needed for station set up. And from the looks it was some freaking fancy tech involved.

Looks like fancy finger food isn't enough these days... Nathan mumbled to himself while taking another puff from his nebulizer.

The very pretty looking but also rather bossy lady with dark lightly curled hair and porcelain skin seemed to be the boss for catering. She looked very determined and profoundly professional in her heels and pad on arm. She looked like Earth people. Because here paper was rare technology for notes among locals.

Olay he did scribble on his hands still but that was different.

Officials used digital stuff and they even had pretty advanced tech. Not all of course. Only the high rise. Mid levels and low lives like him relied on old school shit. Basically what he'd deduced mostly was that those from Earth that came less officially or before were simple stayed simple. He was still the same paper and pencil guy but kept up his secret techie skills for another day.

Because what he had otherwise would require strict observation and regulation. Because he was still a mutant among normal. They still avoided those with gifts like plague. Of flu.

Nate had seen many occasions when military came to swipe a building and came out with many different people in cuffs or with a net over their heads. He knew what it meant. So he always ran from hospitals. Always. And never gave his real name. Always an alias so it wouldn't tie him to system or get him in trouble.

Nate was the one to always be cautious. Especially after Samara. Because he never could do this one thing she wanted- that damn crafty artsy envelope that held some ancient invitation form. It was freaking neat on the outside with real velvet covering the outer part and having red leather on the inside layer with fucking gold letters in extremely intricate engraving that resembled calligraphic handwriting. It was priceless and worth several billions on black market. It was in the fucking museum where New York held some event. And only that night alone it was out on display. And exactly two days before Samara challenged them to steal it for her. She would ring up a buyer on spot if they did.

Nate almost choked on his nebulizer mist at the ridiculousness of the thought alone. Yet they did it anyway. Almost.

In the last moment somebody else grabbed the thing and they were made to run.

The memory often came back when he was scouting such events (which wasn't that often). And for some reason he had hard time believing it wasn't one of their group who snatched it so utterly pro. Not that they weren't. Just in a way they always hesitated, especially Noel. Maybe he actually believed programming. Yet he was another group but he never stuck with them, somehow he always sneaked over to their bunk.

Other thing that kept Nate wide awake was mere memory of the boy everyone kept calling his twin. Well, mirrors and vanity was a thing for older boys and girls so little ones didn't see themselves in mirrors until they reached next level.

Therefore Nate had no idea how he looked and couldn't really compare. Waters didn't count much because in water surface it still was hard to see the reflection and it often was too distorted by tiny ripples.

But the longing was there. It never left.

He wasn't usually a sap but stakeouts made all the worse come out. So it rarely was fair.

He held little memory of others in their group. And even the third only made a pass. Samara was something entirely different though. And she possibly had mutant powers to convince people do what she wanted. But she always had a trick up her sleeve and a secret to keep. And she held special liking to the other boy. Noel was obviously jealous just like Nate. And she always knew that and manipulated them into stealing some shit or other for her. She was such a prompter.

Nate could only hope to never see her again after falling for her trick the last time. The creepy way she kept drawing him. He saw once by accident. In her sketch he had a hat on, the fedora type from old days, and a same style classic old times three piece. And he always either looked freakishly fancy or completely wild with a palette in one hand and painting brush in other doing some painting with just a white-ish stained tank top and same stained pants and disheveled hair. The face was his but the hair was bit off and he definitely didn't so either of those hobbies.

He could most likely tie his hair up now and put on a hoodie to get some engine remodeled or computer wiped. Maybe a guitar or piano and a light belt in tune. But it was rare. Most likely he'd be on a craft taking escape route.

A beep kicked his brain back to reality. Yeah, maybe try him with a nebulizer stuck to his face and for humor some steam coming out his ears.

Natr almost guffawed at that image. He packed away his medical shit and glanced back at the building across the street. They still were amidst discussion about something or other. The lady now looked even more determined and scribbled something onto her pad. The man walked away only to be replaced by another man. This one seriously screamed government and something Earth-like. They both now did.

For whole twenty minutes Nate observed the pair and decided to keep an eye on that couple. It was now completely obvious they were married and for a long time now.

They ended their lovely conversation and separated leaving the front empty for whole ten minutes before a new stream of crew piled through his picture and disappeared indoors.

So much for the plan, Nate sighed and reached for his cold coffee. If he was about to get inside to scout best crafts risk of being spotted and eventually caught was great. He knew among all the reagular guests there will be elite military and government people from both locals and immigrants. He had no idea how many crafts will be there either.

Judging by the roof they had counted everyone coming in with a craft. Which meant strictly the elite.

But elite was tricky part Nate hated to deal with. They were unpredictable in a way that always made his life harder.

Somehow Nate begun doubting himself on this. While getting even one of the elite crafts would be enough for a payment for his next procedure the risk was something he wasn't yet fully decided upon taking. There were high stakes and he definitely would end up in prison for this.

But the need for the lung procedure was coming in closer and while he still could pull it off he already started to feel some of that mess developing inside his lungs. Barely noticeable rattling and inkling of a cough in the mornings. It was dreadful feeling of doom.

He knew there will high security levels and all. Already it looked like they were staging posts up and while on the outside the guards weren't too obvious he knew there were guards on the inside.

All the time he's already been on stakeouts during days and nights the delivery trucks came and went, tech people were already setting up their equipment and so far catering people were truly moving in. The others just prepped elsewhere, he decided.

Plus even if he tried infiltration was too late to happen. He was tied to Roland and his gang and had another task entirely.

As for that...

Yes, escape...

That actually was the easiest part. Albeit there was a chance of added detail around the block and possibly removed air traffic on certain levels as well as ground traffic, which he guessed will be blocked completely with security pass control points all over the place.

And Nate couldn't deny a force field up around the building's roof. The landing spot would be cleared for all the incoming crafts and stuff but also they would secure any ways of getting sideways.

For that thought he took definite notes. And wondered what Roland had planned with his part. So far there was no new orders and he wasn't one to share his plans with other parts that weren't involved directly.

He was only meant to be a guide to escape and that was all his task.

So Nate did it too, parallel to his personal little plan. And there was strong possibility he might clash with them on his way given his usual ways of doing his thing.

That and Noel...


	17. Delicacy

Neal was looking down at the file in front of him. His eyes were already glassy looking but so far nobody seemed to notice, or they just didn't say anything.

I fact Neal was just being thoughtful and also deep into some parallel world. Something inside him was feeling odd and he was confused.

It's been happening for a while now and although medically he was okay Peter was slowly slipping towards Neal being affected mentally. Somehow the CI suspected it might as well be a way of Peter letting Neal be, after all the agent seemed to know that his friend wasn't feeling all that great.

Thing was that Neal actually begun suspecting his other thing to get out of control. Not that he knew anything about his little secret part. It was mostly speculation on Mozzie's side from the get go.

And look how far it had gotten them.

With a quiet sigh Neal pulled his eyes away from the pages he never saw and actually made attempt to listen in on the meeting.

There was a new case coming in and this time there were more people being suspicious about the mark and all what was on stakes. So far there was an intel on the Gala that had made all the higher ups edgy and Peter sigh even more than usual.

So far, though, none has approached Neal directly about whatever was bugging them. Although he already guessed they just were getting suspicious and overprotective of their crap.

The reason behind was the display during the event. Since only elite and some royalties (of whom Neal doubted was true) the plan has been to put out some really fancy things to keep the spirits and showcase the whole glamorous stuff. Neal knew from his experience that showcase of fancy things were magnet to the kind he once was. Hell he'd bee most likely the one right now casing the place out to find out of what precious they were going to put out.

So far he had heard (accidentally of course) that there was this very ancient and rare envelope from some days of the first original Gala event and that day they put together a very valuable (or invaluable, depending on your views) special treat as an invitation to the most noble royalties. The count of those things were really small and now the whole invitation set was mostly placed in museums and couple private collections of the heirs.

Neal had seen a glimpse of the thing that actually looked tasteful and held some level of crazy glam. It was a very interesting piece of art itself. The paper inside was some very fine silk and unknown local fabric mix that was worked into layers of the pergament-like sheet. The coloring though. It was matte black and when looked at created an illusion of the viewer being sucked inside it. The letters were some fashionable font made of pure gold and mixed with some ink that made it shimmer holographic effect and if you moved it against light it would create illusion of golden-y shimmer-ish water stream. And the ink was almost sewn in, or it looked like it. Neal gestimated it was supposed to be actually pressed into the paper-fabric.

The material of paper-fabric also had been described as water-feel like. They claimed touching it made you feel like a breeze touched your fingertips or barely there mist. To most descriptions Neal gathered in general it just felt almost untouchable and near impossibly to feel or created illusions of various touch ways that all bordered on air-like or water-like.

Then came the envelope itself. That was also pretty much a piece of art and technology unknown to Earth humans.

The surface was pure velvety feel in also the matte look. It was either black, dark blue or dark red. And when looked upon created this deep feeling as if it was trying to suck you in. It didn't have a single fabric material shine so it deemed to be super matte and absorbing. The black was the most royal and rarest of them. The whole thing possibly could eat you, Neal decided. And then the other colors. The red one portrayed wine illusion as it was rich and deep in hue and saturation. The dark tone made the matte look even more deep and absorbing. The blue one actually made one feel like being sucked into summer night sky. The deep matte effect could simply swallow all the attention. And the lettering on the envelope matched the text on the sheet inside as well.

The inside material was something neither could discern. It was totally mind blowing look- almost invisible and extremely airy. The general idea was that once you looked inside it you'd feel like looking inside something mysterious before you pulled out the text sheet.

In other words one would become extremely mesmerized by such thing.

However that had been one time occurrence and in the following years it slowly became a legend. Neal heard lots of rumors about the invitation and how much it represented something evolution made humanity easily forget. And being Neal it was logical he'd find the whole thing just as attractive as the U-boat treasure.

Well, on one part he was kinda glad Mozzie wasn't around. The suspicion was that he'd make Neal go after it and from Neal's experience it would cause a humungous mess on all sides.

However the young man couldn't deny the appeal to such affair. He was after all a thief among all the things he used to be. And sometimes he allowed himself a small daydream moment.

Because why, couldn't a guy have a fantasy?


	18. Management

Noel knew one thing about his long lost friend that made him feel confident about what he was going to do. Nate may be a rather mouthful and handful when it came to certain things but he was always loyal to himself and his own morals and rules.

It did make Noel proud in a way nothing else made.

The plan now was to try and guess if the guy will pop up at the event. Noel surely was on the list since he kinda resembled a hero among pilot and space traveling community that had suffered some life changing injury or condition and were left with a disability. He was the one of lucky ones still capable to be mobile enough to go back on the ship and work.

And he still carried this quiet wish to have Nate along. The guy had always been against being confined on the ship and be under orders. It was a thing from their past and it was easily understandable however Noel was just being a sap.

He missed his friend dearly and wanted him to be okay. There always happened things to both but somehow they hit Nate much more so Narcho always worried.

Now that he actually knew a bit more about this Gala Noel pretty much guessed his buddy may surely pop out of a shadow anyway. It just was his nature and a way of putting food in his mouth. It wasn't easy for a folk like Noel too. He actually had food prepared already in the common room so it wasn't like he had to buy something. He still had to do his piloting part to have the privilege of having food and then his other guilty pleasures.

About being a spacecraft slash ship the size of a small town pilot or whatever was a lot of conflicting things. Noel always had loved flying and steering things whether it was a car or a boat or spacecraft. It was the general joy of being up and front of some sort of vehicle. That was his proverbial drug. But ever since his devastating injury doing anything was a challenge. Mostly the prolonged sitting in the big pilot's seat was something Noel was getting most irked about. Having his spine fused made life suck on most days. Like any movement was limited and being stuck in one position made stiffness worse.

But what was worrying was the possibility of his condition worsening. Yes getting older was no fun if you got limitations and illnesses before you're mid twenties.

But he still worried about Nate more than himself. Because some mention from his doctors from few times he ended up in enough trouble that Noel was contacted to get some shit done they couldn't otherwise.

So he obviously knew his friend had some issues doctors found worrisome.

Like hell he'd leave if this is something the man keeps up his old ways to get money to fix, one day Noel decided sternly with a fist through bathroom door. He could function just as well being on ground and off his disability money somehow somebody decided he deserved enough. He'd give it to Nate if it could make him see he can live his life without crime.

Wishful thinking but he cared too much for his own good.

That would only become a problem if he went overboard with some of his own shit and Nate just made him see how much mess he was. Because it's happened before and they always ended up cuddling and with all the lecturing properly distributed. As if he ever followed what Nathan expressed and vice versa. And they both equaled each other's annoying quality of fussing and ignoring their issues and over exaggerating worry for each other.

Now it just made himself wonder what happened over the years to both of them that they now behaved like old married couple. Because for some reason every single hospital staff believed they were actually a couple and treated them like one. It did make things easier though. Like last time he was so getting all the info he needed about what shit Nate got himself into and that barely cost him a bat of an eyelash. Every single nurse tripped over their little toes to feed the worried boyfriend every detail and paperwork. They probably would anyway since they were each other's proxy but somehow neither checked the actual paperwork and for some strangest reason they weren't that frantic the moment they discovered Nate made the fly. It kinda worked well enough and he was indeed able to leave in peace instead of getting lecture of life from medical personnel. Nothing to enjoy about it. Been there done that. Not fun no profit.

With a last effort to push the thoughts about Nate out and away from his mind so that he could get back to deck and do some co-piloting done for the day. Despite his pile of painkillers and possible other side substances in his system they always at him be because hello, guy with disability here so it was a pass. He just had to log into journal and push some buttons, right.

Like old days when they had to push through training day of full physio and other exercises that generally drained all of them to hard levels of exhaustion.

It once again brought back the vague memory of the guy that looked like Nate's twin. For all he could recall that boy was not the most strongest. Neither was Nate but it was kind of situation they just had to survive because nobody could actually be sure were any of the weak ones went after being noted by the big mean looking men.

It was scary enough to go through that experience.

To get your own ass beaten to pulp seven times over and handed to yourself in shreds wasn't something a young teen or kid would ever want. It was toughest thing to go through while being so young so that having your life literally torn to shreds and handed back to you to try and glue it back.

Nope, that wasn't the experience he ever wanted or needed but it just happened and they accepted the faith.

Pretty much how he accepted his injury and ever existing possibility of returning to wheelchair full time. It also wasn't how he wanted his life because occasionally having to use walker thing to get all the way to deck and back was enough of embarrassment to last a month let alone if he had to rely on his dingy frekkin' chair that looked worse than a garbage and he wasn't like those fancy elite people who just snapped their fingers to get the beat tech available.

Nope it was him and they made sure while he got accepted on the Enterprise and even welcomed warm enough the untold subtext clearly noted boldly that he will never become elite and that they deduced enough about Samara incident to know he never has been elite and never will.

So be it, he made himself a name to respect and that was all. Yes, he got invited to the Gala but was it what he'd been lolling for? Noel decided the only thing he will care about is gonna be Nate and himself. The rest could go fuck themselves and die. For all he cared he got his bills paid and had enough left to save up and more to afford his indulgences.

It wasn't like any meds would help him now nor he ever planned to do some crazy scientific experimental surgery with false hopes to suddenly have his back all sorted out to the original state, which wasn't the most perfect either. If he could live with that he will be okay and only that truly mattered.

But he still had a party to attend and in roughly a week his time on Enterprise will be served until he was needed again and judging by the standards it won't happen for another year after the Gala. Which was fine and dandy. He was already getting tired of the walls and carpets that greeted him every morning or what resembled a morning. And the liquor collection in his little bar cabinet was almost reached to the last bottle so he knew it was time to get back home.

Maybe he will actually get a new shiny wheelchair to look spectacular enough for an entrance. Or a more equipped walker that overshines anything less nice.

Or maybe he will put on his most shiny and best tailored uniform suit and still simply roll up to the entrance red carpet in his dingiest wheelchair in history just to piss the fuck out of the elite and to top it sweet talk himself into someone he once used as bait for the marks. Because that would be the best laugh of the year and just so worth for a night to become his old persona on job he never wanted to do again.

Chances were endless and why to spend all the fanciest alcohol of the universe on sappy whines when he could outshine all even if inside his mind.

So Noel "Narcho" Alisson put on his daily face and shuffled off to the deck with most badass attitude and evil just below surface and took his task of the day straightforward and stern. There was indeed a certain reputation he earned and maintained with pride. Because he indeed was a badass guy and just fuck ya'll.


	19. Adjusting

There were many people scattered across the rooms on lower levels and ones above bullpen. Peter was overseeing all of it from the balcony on top and next to him stood Hughes. They shared the silence that had draped over them.

No, it wasn't like old days. Definitely this was anything but. However both shared silent agreement to keep an eye on Neal. Agent Hughes was anything but. He knew the old Neal all too well to just blindly trust the new Neal not to step over some boundary. But it also wasn't just sole distrust or suspicion.

Because only idiot could miss Neal behaving sullen. Even blind person could feel Neal's mood and general look changed and getting worse.

Of course they checked. Every nook and cranny. Never they spotted even the tiniest mention, slip or a wink from Neal's closest friend who actually did know the man all the way through. Someone who could be able to solve this mystery for them. Because they knew all too well if you pushed Neal he'd run and hide so properly you'd never see him again.

Hughes never mentioned to anyone about one more detail he gathered being an agent for years he had on Earth and following time on the new planet.

And also what rumors and stuff he regularly cashed in from other departments. Besides he all too well knew his old friends from all kinds of agencies and whatnot.

And he was indeed familiar with few more elite man to have heard of an incident years ago. He also learned that one of his old military buddies had gone slightly rogue some years after parting their ways. Somehow Hughes knew all that. Indeed he was already on top of that.

One thing that he promised to keep secret until the very last possible moment was otherwise gonna go with him to a grave had that happened before. Because a promise is a promise. Even in the world of justice and system.

Peter, on the other hand, was completely oblivious to all that. Because Peter was Peter. And he was solid and strong. He was there for Neal and his wife and dog. Well, his family.

The day of Neal being allowed out of the quarantine of sorts was sliding closer and closer each day that passed. But still the agent worried something might happen and Neal may do something stupid. Or maybe it was his mantra ever since the man joined the team.

But Peter did trust Neal enough to hope he will be okay, they've gone long way to this point and been through enough shit from all sides to believe the man can go straight way.

He just had to for both of them.

Ever since they had to move to this planet FBI and local law officers have been good and forgiving. They understood what Neal was and why their bureau kept him along. They trusted them to have him aboard. Yes, some of those who doubted Neal from FBI still tried to convince the danger he was to everyone but yet the con man was allowed to continue his way to good graces. It was one thing Peter just knew deep inside. So there he was, observing his protege and crossing fingers all goes well. Department still will want full evaluation after the Gala and there was high chance of him finally be free man and maintain his CI position. And if all fails he would even be accepted in Art Crimes division as a consultant. And if that fails El had given a hint she may hire an extra chef or assistant which Peter knew would be a lot. Because by what he knew of those laws Neal will had to work if he wanted to maintain freedom.

Otherwise he doubted law would want someone like Neal walk free and fall back to his crime life.

But there still was so much to learn about how this new world worked. And it was part of why they were just assisting and working along with locals. They knew their laws the best but also allowed them- the newcomers- to gradually integrate themselves into the new environment. And they mostly were all pure human happened to be out in the space years upon years before they got in contact with those who had researched the universe long decades before for a planet capable to take in the rest.

At least that was the official story. How long before they had done these super hush-hush missions to find a life sustainable planet Peter couldn't tell. Most of all those secret government fed operations the regular bureau people had no information about and it was indeed classified.

However a snippet here and snippet there told Peter it wasn't one day decision and there had been decades of beforehand planning and organizing things for them to be able to simply pack up whole nation and put them on a huge spaceship and transport to a different planet. So it was something he already deduced from how fast it was happening.

Though one more rumor told some parts already had been moved from planet Earth years ago just nobody told the rest of the world to avoid worldwide panic.

Which was all logical knowing how easily people panicked about such things.

Not even mentioning many secret government organizations not even FBI knew existed that worked with most strangest things.

For the moment Peter decided to concentrate on Neal and his position preservation. He wanted the younger man with him and not to let him get lost in some galactical maze of red tape, or whatever.

He aimed to help his friend get acclimated and integrated into this new system and society.

And at the time being Neal was obviously struggling to come to terms with all this new.

According to Diana he still tried to provide all necessary help to solve cases. And he behaved his best. Albeit somewhat dimmed and in ways cautiously. Which brought Peter to the next goal achievement- get Neak under his own roof and protection.

As for himself Peter mostly worried about his own integration process. Like so many more he feared how he'd get along all this different stuff that was going on and ve helpful enough to be kept even if not same position.

So much about this world was entirely different from what he knew on Earth and it was very hard to wrap his mind around it.

El seemed to find her spot easily so he didn't worry about her. She always found ways to keep herself busy and it seemed her business was pretty accessible here as well if not slightly more accepted. Event planning was something this world obviously rated high and judging by the rate of her schedule filling up people and other creatures here loved partying in style and were thirsty for something fresh or, in case of Earth people population rise among locals, something that made them feel home therefore familiar.

It was also bit overwhelming to adapt to new transportation options but Peter was relieved there were like close to half these folks still driving standard cars and not those creepy aircraft things he still couldn't find a proper title for.

Another thing that kept Peter aware of change was their dog. Those he rarely saw on streets and as far as he could tell pets were not yet fully involved in the new world. But they still existed since the need for pet sitters grew and if he had any idea about it a person could actually make living just by watching somebody's pet while they went out or to work.

So far Peter and El simply left Satch home by himself like they did before and tried to make sure he's not alone much more than before. And if there was any tell, while time was very different from home, the doggo was okay with that.

They now had a large enough apartment on slightly outer of city blocks. It was friendly building that mostly consisted of his fellows since they at first just dumped them all together in same block of new buildings possibly built in advance for them. Which in that case was nice gesture and a thoughtful one.

In Peter's case he felt content in his place and believed that with new population there will be actual need for him at the office. Even if they all didn't turn into criminals they still could do crime their way which meant his knowledge of things on Earth would be appreciated enough. And criminals tend to learn fast and so did agents. Also a good thing because he knew with so much new faces out there crime will still do its thing and he will be needed to fight it as the locals would need extra hand.

So in all it was looking positive for his family and colleagues and that was what mattered. And it something he kept thinking back every time a doubtful shadow crossed his mind.


	20. Loosing Ground

Another day sitting at the rooftop parking lot of the building across the street. It was still like couple weeks until the Gala event. Time was running out faster than Nate knew how to prepare for the job or the other thing.

The thing was that Nate discovered his lungs were getting worse faster this time around which meant his own time was seeping through his fingers even faster than other times before. And he had to make his plan happen because now he had no choice. He needed the money for the procedure before his oxygen levels dropped too low. Nate already felt his breath hitching in his chest and the cough was slowly increasing the risk of his secret mission to fail.

There was still one thing Nate had to check. Before his fate will be sealed. It may never help to survive without procedure but it was supposed to assist in cutting off the chances to fail.

Roland had made sure Nate knew the freshest update. The plan was for him to get in contact with some associate and set the transportation units ready. Then he had to make them fit for escape. Fuel thankfully wasn't an issue in this world so he just had to find a remote enough station for fuelling and then hide the things until the next orders. He will have to make sure the law officers don't find the crafts so that means resetting of the programs and all tech including the following memory protocol.

Yes, Nate had abilities in technology and hiding. Ge possibly had some more he never did try to sort out. Which meant the technopath had an extra task to manage before the big day.

Well, these memory protocols were created for many reasons and one was theft. Another one was the accidents. The log usually kept very intricate and detailed recording of traffic and in case of accident was crucial in solving the issue for police.

But what was important for Nate was theft protocol. Because n case of maintaining the original system without override police will easily find who took it. Those were possible especially in Nate's case since his ability let's him snatch crafts without the key which is why police can find thief if override is not done.

So he had to make sure to wipe all tech clean and keep it that way.

For the part Nate was most into was actually getting inside the ballroom and to the higher levels from the inside undetected and manage to line up most valuable ones for autopilot head way.

Nate made this system for multiple craft grab years ago to actually make it possible. It was mostly telepathic and usually took a lot out of him.

This job was going to be even more energy taking. The more crafts hooks up to chain and his brain the less energy he was left to operate with. And it was risk. A risk he counted on every time. It would be his most extensive job so far though. And if his brain would suddenly malfunction then he was truly screwed.

So with that he kept collecting data about the place itself and location. He also did calculate enough traffic data for daytime and night and special patrol schedules and security measures.

But it still wasn't enough to shake the trembles away completely. Something just started to feel iffy as day by day passed. In his mind Nate went over his plans and main plan over and over again. So far his Intel and observations went smooth as gliding Kanker craft.

Sighing deeply and catching up on hacking cough for minute or three Nate missed the young man clad in black suit sneaking past the security guards by main entrance and slipping inside. He also missed the man's wary glance he cast around before disappearing inside seconds before the woman with catering team rounded the same corner and checked in with the guards.

When he was done hacking up half his lungs Nate took to his nebulizer for another twenty minutes and when it was done daylight just begun to seep away from the deep blue with violet and red streaked sky.

Usually the sight was just as spectacular as it ever could be. Nate missed Earth sunsets more than he ever admitted to anyone but Noel. The way sun slipped down the horizon coloring the ocean and sky in burst of all the tones and hues that always reminded of home.

Noel loved it too but in different ways. He was always admiring the sky just before storm came. He especially was obsessed with clouds and wind and general love for stormy weather but still got only truly moved by the sky as a storm approached. Because he adored the shapes of the dark clouds and how the sun played with them before it was either tornado touching down or thunderstorm hitting.

But it was never like that on this planet. It was constantly changing and shifting with all the moons and suns that came with different galaxies and planetary systems.

It was a whole other world he was learning to accept and love equally. Because there no more was the Earth that was...


	21. Above and Below

Being stuck on a huge spaceship and being in pain and other problems tend to annoy the Lieutenant Noel Allison. And one of those days was happening just as he was finally sent out with Cloud team in his first Ranger flight. Being a Fleet pilot has always been his best decision and he knew enough piloting starting choppers all the way up to military shit and now spacecraft in ten million forms, shapes and designs.

For some awfully shitty to understand level Noel had no freking way to know how he was always getting this good at stuff in such speed.

Well for one, he kept going back to his early days when he was stuck in a dark place among other kids of barely age to recognize letters. They got very fierce and bone deep military and otherwise intensive and very wide training. So basically by the time you got out you were trained as hard as possible to survive the worst you possibly could and still come out unscathed.

Noel knew Nate wasn't like him in this. That guy took in rather differently and also never let the past fully return. But he did.

In ways that usually were known only to him he managed to pull up those involuntary training kicks when situations became dire and always won over. Unlike Nate who mostly trusted his own street instincts and reactions he never knew where came from. He was also different in a way and just Noel knew what that meant. It was something he was born with and he witnessed it long enough to tell there gotta be a pattern.

But there used to be the other boy who was the same.

But they couldn't really remember him all that well. He always hid in shadows even more than Nate. But the other boy had a talent their group noticed when they were older to actually understand it to a level.

He was really talented in things and remarkably similar to Nate. It made Noel suspicious however it kinda went away when they met Samara and some other part of life began. And naturally Noel put it aside and swept it under the carpet until recently.

A blip notified the pilot he was called out to his duty. So he downed his meds and rubbed his face over and walked his way to the docks. Time to show off.

This was in a way pretty usual occurrence for somebody like Neal ponder over the usually most exciting thing in his professional life despite everything. And for people like Peter most worrisome time of their career.

What made it so excruciatingly strange was that Neal never actually showed his old excitement nor any of his usual signs of being happy to visit the event full of stuff that once used to be his only life. Therefore it left Peter off kilter.

He noticed others from the original team saw the same and used every moment to watch Neal for any signs of something wrong.

Honestly Peter too was worried and indeed noticed signs of something absolutely wrong with his friend.

It's never been like this and even when things went all ways crazy with Kate's death and Neal's struggle with all that and everything else it still was different.

Now all they could openly see was the certain sadness in the cerulean blue orbs and occasional shakiness in his soft voice or nimble fingers. And if that was all they could catch it only meant inside the man it was ranging dark beast of emotional turmoil and all the other crap they were left to imagine.

Not that they didn't try to show the man any care or friendly shoulder. Actually Peter knew Neal knew they still cared for him just the man was his usual self. Or maybe he was just the opposite?

The thought of pure sudden realization struck the FBI agent from all angles at once and he shivered in the shadow he stood next to the entrance of the park they were sort of observing. And while he maintained the task at hand he couldn't just shake off the revelation that came so sudden and unexpected it stole his breath.

As the last of the crew scattered inside the station and docked Noel took a deep breath that almost choked the man on the way. The task was done and following day they'll get the analytics back to see their score. This was just another serious training task all of them had to do to earn their place on the ranks for the upcoming big space mission. They were planning to skip out to another galaxy somewhere far enough and do the exploring of planet circle and test it's climate and location for possible transport of humanity. As it seemed the fleet was being under impression humans needed to be on every stray planet and trying to live there for generations to come. Spreading their race further into space for survival guarantees. At least more than they once had on Earth.

For Noel it was irrelevant mission as he planned to slowly step aside the whole stuff. No he wasn't that old yet. And no he still loved flying.

The real reason was his health. While still relatively young chap and still in shape there came severe aftermath from his even younger days. The injury that never left and forever hang a ticking clock above his head.

While he could walk there always were possibility that one moment his legs would fall senseless and he'd fall down and become paralyzed.

There never were any guarantee that he's out of that and no doctor ever even dared to make it light. He's forever marked and that was his own fault. So deep and so scarred he would never be free of all this guilt and pain from all that happened one day. Because the only thing Noel ever blamed for everything that went wrong all those years ago was himself.

He lived with it for years and years. Decades of all the dark pain and pity he put onto himself and never let go. It was another deal that his health suffered from. All these bottled up emotions and self hatred had damaged Noel's mental stability and pretty much his whole sanity. He once had severe mental breakdown that basically led the man to few weeks in mental hospital and later therapy sessions that never led to anything than him loosing patience and tearing the place apart. And because he had this super tough training nobody was able to really do anything. Because when his psychosis happened there was only ruins left so they couldn't do a thing.

But for some reason he was allowed to live on the Enterprise ship and take part in the fleet. Despite his insanity and unpredictable nature. And among other physical stuff he was suffering from.

But he wasn't the man to look into gifted horse mouth. Mildly alcoholic and slightly drugged he was allowed to do the piloting stuff and excel in more ways that was logical to explain.

Which was what made Noel feel it was finally the time to maybe step back from that life. Maybe take up some less crazy job to pass the days. Maybe eventually reunite with Nate and try to do better for both of them.

As a thought it wasn't all that bad however if only he could bring the subject up to his Admiral. That was a thing he avoided like plague and while he rarely even saw the man he knew there could arise issues anyway. So while he sat around and moped about the miserable feelings he was having and tried to drink himself dead before the Gala he also made more mental notes on how useless he was. Which he made sure to purr down to the never ending list of troubles he had to the assigned fleet psychiatrist as a part of the deal they had. It was one of the rules applied to Noel's position.

In order to be allowed to fly anything including operating cleaning robot he was proposed the deal that included regular psychiatric evaluations and therapy sessions and medications to help his situation.

So that was the only reason he made sure he followed all the rules onboard so he could fly the ships which was the sole thing he lived for. Okay that and his friend. He suffered through regulations for the only man he secretly admitted loving ever since and only person that was so close to the real Noel Allison.

Neal was sitting on the side of his cot and plucked at stray strand of fabric. He was gazing out of the small window out to the city below and around the building he was in. It was dark already but all the lights made it glow softly so he still could see the crafts zipping past the buildings and shooting upwards to higher levels of traffic. He saw the lower levels buzzing on with their lives and even folks walking on the streets at the lowest level. Ground level was mostly exceptional for certain tasks and the poor folks. And outcasts.

Most society moved on the higher levels and the most novelty the very top ones.

It was basically a way to place society into place according to their desired and accomplished hierarchy. Like medieval times just a touch more soulless and possibly even more dangerous.

And the ex-con knew from experience that accidentally falling victim to failing craft wasn't experience to be happy about.

That was unfortunate event and also relatively painful.

It was during one of the arrests Peter was making after Neal helped to unveil art and jewelry ring that was trying to scramble off with huge amount of pure gold made into fancy painting frames.

They happened to be original stuff but other half was just for fools so they could complete cargo shipment and nobody at the harbor would look sideways at the weight limits since it wasn't that heavy cargo.

Neal was revealing the signature of the plan and seeing what was going on but upon approaching of the force they made out on the crafts on the rooftop and that was one thing Neal recognized his skills lacking so he had left the place in hopes to catch grounded vehicle to try and follow.

And if the young man was being truly honest with himself he did suffer from terrible phobias that miraculously included fear from heights and claustrophobia. But that was only small amount of that list.

So not thinking about anything he happened to witness simple failure of the said craft and it plummeting down from top level right onto Neal.

One thing was that the poor con-man only became aware of that when it was already too late to escape so what happened was that he tried to step aside but failed miserably and was completely knocked down by the crashing craft.

The fact that the thing was slow and small didn't change the pain or injury he suffered when he became a squishie for the bloody thing. And while it wasn't terrible he still required some hospital visit after all.

It was like two weeks ago and there still was merely a week till the Gala and Neal was so stressed he almost fainted every two seconds. Yet since the latest incident with craft he was considered relatively fine. However the man dreaded the whole deal to the dangerous level.

His blue eyes drifted over to the bandaged hand and up towards his shoulder still in sling. He felt the stitches on his throat and side. The stiffness of the chest wrap reminded him of the one time he fell down the wall of some Scandinavian castle and broke so many parts of his body Mozzie located him only after one week. All that time he'd been laying at the side of the hill deep in some ditch and so deeply unconscious he had no idea what happened once he did wake up.

That time was complete bust and while he remained free and still had the stolen brooch it felt entirely unreal. But still he remembered the recovery and Mozzie's mumbling about being reckless and stupid. And there was same stiff bandage that held his ribs together and some other stiffness that held his neck and head motionless and another board-like piece supporting his back. It was possibly a miracle he survived but also it barely even left a print on his body. Maybe because scars were never part of his life. They made him remarkable and he couldn't risk being noticed and recognized.

Neal did everything to keep his body unmarred. Also he rarely did stuff haphazardly.

But somehow Mozzie knew what he was risking there. To some extent he was willing to take Neal to hospital and try the old tourists going for an outdoors adventure and getting lost in woods and one of them misstepping some rock. It always kinda worked. However Neal stepped on it and Mozzie allowed him his way.

And while most times the old injury didn't hurt he still felt the reminder of all times including that one he failed to be his usual grace.

His head had been hurting less from where the craft blew him into ground but then again even after being knocked out by Keller when he tried to fix the whole Nazi galore going rampant and get El back to Peter in one piece.

Yes the following day he felt not only guilt crushing him into million pieces but also the bruised ribs and mild concussion.

Even after whole shit-hitting-the-fan blowup with Fowler when Neal did enter room by hanging from a drapery and going through window left him sore the next day.

And then the nightmare material of white navy uniforms and him being only millimeters away from the arrow going through. He somehow had felt something deep inside resonate with that event that left several nightmare filled nights of dark tunnels and odd training grounds that also spotted the bows and arrows just not that fancy type.

A shiver ran down his abused body and suddenly his battered ankle that also held the tracking system, they had to add for some technical reason Neal could care less, felt really heavy. And with that his heart too.

Part of him was planning a way how to avoid the Gala event and part of him simply wanted to jump out his window or rooftop since window probably was escape safe.


	22. Time To Go Home

_**Pick me up off of the desert, feed me water, walk me through the hills**_

 _ **Wait on 'til the sun shines upon us, as we cross the haunted hill**_

The time flies by like some beetle buzzing by in a hot summer day among blooming flowers and spinning bees as if there was nothing more exciting to happen.

Noel hates that. It's what will bring him back to the place he sort of hated and people he most definitely hated. But he's not what one would take as ungrateful. On the contrary. He's more thankful than one can imagine because the people he hates also is the ones who gave him second chance at life and didn't give up on talents and skills that were blooming inside the man.

And he wasn't late in life yet where he'd decline the chance he got.

But he could be happier if he truly wanted instead of moping about until he flew out in the vast space and did his tasks and went on patrols.

But that was after he literally fought sandstorms on vast desert land among other troopers and skipped many rockets that zipped past his left flank and bloomed into fascinating fireballs upon meeting dried out sand or random rock.

He's swept through all the dust dancing in the sky fearlessly and calculating narrowly avoiding another incoming from other side and looped above the scaredy bush waiting for rain to come so it could once again blow up all the pent up energy into thick green leaves and as the puddle at its roots turned into river stream sway into the winds.

The man wasn't numb yet. He's done more than once was predicted upon his health. Noel always did more than was told he could. And so far it's been fantastic.

After one fight was done he got his rewards and took off to have next one. Only that wasn't of enemy looming in the distance.

Rainstorms of another time and life and different crafter he borrowed to dance along the lightning strikes and booms of thunder. He let his bottled up emotions run free while the thunderstorms unveiled their rage upon him and land below. And there he let his rivulets of impulse swirl like raindrops within black clouds allowing a moment of serenity flow through his veins like liquor from his secret cabinet.

The flying has always been in his blood and if only he was a bird. If only he was like one of those kids that had actual wings growing out of their shoulder blades. But Noel was not that kind.

He had little memories from the place he came from but the ones he had were always filled with thrill that came from flying or using his ability to make jumps from tree to tree to chase Nate around the woods.

Their leader always let them have some fun and since they were boys it usually included some activity which brought out their unusual abilities and secretly held as a training.

But why'd he be attached to those memories and not any other? Well to say the least who'd want to remember the gruesome part.

Tortured and continuous mind control and among that psychological programming or reactions control. They all went through worst and came out the best.

And for that part while morbid in more ways than dog could scratch itself came to use either in war or simple job. Nate was more the guy who was taken for job because of his different skill set. Their small group of kids from hell was known to share weird abilities that regular folk feared of but to them it was all they had to be free and still maintain food on the table and roof above their heads.

But then happened this girl who made their lives so different but also more exciting. Or maybe they kinda grew up into next phase and that was just how life was. As almost adults they were faced with new challenges and more things to avoid of than average teen could imagine for their future.

In reality things always take their own turn and rarely lets something go smooth. Noel found it the hardest. Maybe Nate too but the young man was never too vocal about it.

And there he noticed the most change from the time before they were teens. He noticed feelings a lot new to him than anything else. So they kept up pretending it was all what life upon adulthood brought and dealt with it.

Only after Samara incident he came back to the thoughts about it and realized what it was. Sadly enough it was too late. Things had changed so drastically he no longer knew what was what and with that came the responsibility of becoming a man of his own and doing the right things.

Responsibility was a strange thing. It kept bringing things in new light and fresh meaning to what once was just games and laughter.

So he changed. First thing that changed the most was the planning for each step of the day and what consequences came with that action and how to do things differently. Sure some things didn't change much but others he had to adapt completely new way. And it also brought more thinking outside the box.

Like dressing up and getting out of bed. Never before in his life Noel had cast a second thought of those simple things. Like breathing. For almost two years he was breathing through a tube and first half of that time he had to be assisted with that.

Then he had to take serious planning of every single movement and separate the stuff he could do by himself and what he needed help with.

Of course it took him years to be able to lessen that strategic thinking on the daily life aspect but then it had trained him become excellent strategist in war and in training tasks.

Like all he learned during his rehab time he could assign to some tactical task and solve the issue in seconds. As if it came naturally. Which in a way was exactly that.

 _ **When you commit to a path**_

 _ **I guess you were on your own**_

 _ **Follow your dreams to a place, a space, the grace that takes you home**_

Noel glanced at the calendar thing and crossed off another day. So much old memories and feelings came back as the assignment was nearing the end.

And so much new came to bugger him. Most were Nate related since he missed his buddy so badly it almost hurt. Well it did hurt actually. Not just that but real pain strike from his back and there came another strategic planning.

Problem was hiding within his spinal cord which was firing electrical sparks throughout his nervous system. As it was body's central nervous system host his spine was responsible for correct signals to be carried where needed to maintain certain functions. In Noel's case everything was badly mangled and nothing was the way it was supposed to be.

First was the fact his cord wasn't completely severed upon his body meeting the ground but rather crunched. Turned out that particularly strong electric current hitting his body when the fence exploded and all the rooftop sensors went off by adding more into all the electricity hitting him did major damage to natural ones. When the general force field came on adding second explosion to the mix it severely hit Noel and completely deleted any electric spark that naturally happened in human nerves and that switched of any nerve impulse that was in his body and blew him off the building as the force field exploded not just with impulse but energy that was stored in it.

Phasers usually did such trouble but in less way. At least against living things.

His body was a mess and while he technically fell to his certain death he maintained his life. What was supposed to happen if all nerves in one's body becomes dead he didn't really know but one thing was clear it would bring something very tragic.

So not just his nervous system was off but also the natural pathways of said impulses were off. Mostly because falling from such height made his bones literally crumble. Not all but mostly his back and head. The knee part was only because he landed with one leg bent under the weight of his body and kinetic energy.

Not that he was any scientist to completely understand all the kibble he was thrown at upon awakening from his comatose state.

The sleep did good though. Long years of that sleep and his body managed to heal enough to restore some order. Many years later and he was able to stand up and even walk some distances. And feel some part of his body as well as coordinate his movements.

Coordination was still in works but so far he exceeded all expectations that was cast on him.

So some people came to his aid as part of the same Gala event charity organization that was eager to find people like him and offer another chance at being humans and become useful to greater good.

It left the soldier once again thoughtful of the upcoming event. He could try avoiding it by playing some health card however in vain. The committee had already said he's as good as he could be and while possibly not the most sane he was deemed to be acceptable for attending. And there was a small medal waiting to be hooked on his lapel for being great example in general population eyes as someone who's gone from hopeless case to shiny war hero.

And he couldn't say it didn't bring a passing gleam to his eye at such compliment for trying to fix his own past mistake. And as the Admiral patted his shoulder lightly but pointedly for being a good boy it indeed brought a smidge of pride poking in his side as if saying "well done pal"

And why not to allow himself moment of accomplishment while sipping on his whiskey. It kinda made the gloom step back and something else replace the spot for approximately few hours before he passed out on his bed.

Some would say he's crazy folk. And he rarely spend time mingling with his peers at the common room. They were just as miserable in normal stuff but once seated in their small cabins of Raptors and holding control sticks in their hands ready to strike the opponent became best of the best. And they could hold their liquor equally proud. But when it came to dare games nobody could hold it as smoothly as their Lieutenant Allison and not wear a single ruffled feather the next day. That also was one tiny thing he was feeling grateful for. Obviously hangovers in the fleet wasn't what anyone wanted to suffer from and mostly because being miserable that way would bring only more troubles for training and possible fights.

Therefore nobody asked for trying out drinking the guy however most newbies felt the honor in doing so until they did the popular challenge game with him they didn't fully count accepted. To Noel it seemed as popular thing to pass the time before bedtime among fleet members and staff. Not only them but for many careers similar. He'd seen many policemen and doctors passing their shift endings that way and in one way he saw it as a way to celebrate one more day conquered.

What was drinking for him though he was yet to discover because while his mood mostly depend on his meds and past experiences that still haunted his dreams and waking hours he didn't consider himself as active PTSD case. As for depression and it affects he hadn't dared to ask his counselor. Not that he tried much in that field. Most sessions he just played possum and was let go fast enough.

The whole medical aspect of his service made Lieutenant think it was mostly for somebody's comfort than actual help. On the Enterprise it was obligatory to have all kinds of medical personnel onboard and while little of them ever encountered it he knew it was a comforting effect on himself.

Some days he needed a doctor to help with prescription medication and some days with his physical challenges. Most days he just did what he liked best- flew a ship and self medicated with his drinks. On rare days he went as far as showing his skills to common room before crawling back to his dark room to finish the day with two more bottles and happily passed out for next day.

It was sort of routine and over time he lost the track of days if not for the calendar he religiously crossed off as one passed.

And here was it. The thing with the man. He didn't do well with the routine the life on a spaceship brought. And he didn't do well with each day being same as the previous one.

There was hiding the true danger of being Noel "Narcho" Allison in a nutshell. Because from rebellious street boy with colorful days and equally colorful nature suddenly being dropped off into closed off space full of droning tasks and nothing much to pass the free time was pretty much a shock to the system and all mental abilities and generally led to some unused energy to be collected over time. There always was this possibility it would burst out and cause chaos and whatnot to everyone around. And ultimately his life being thrown into some other stuff he probably shouldn't ever come to know.

 _ **It used to be like that.**_

 _ **I said, let me tell you, I'm ready to fly**_

 _ **I survived through rainstorms, sandstorms**_

 _ **I fought the war, now it's time to go home**_

 _ **It's time to go home**_

 _ **It's time to go home**_


	23. Long Ago Memories

_**Tragic visions slowly stole my life**_

 _ **Tore away everything**_

 _ **Cheating me out of my time**_

 _ **I'm the one who loves you**_

 _ **No matter wrong or right**_

 _ **And every day I hold you**_

 _ **I hold you with my inner child**_

••••••••

 _Serenity..._

It's been long time since Nate has taken time to think of that old incident. And that time of their young, inexperienced lives altogether.

And what once had been journey to somewhat dream place they were so confident existed.

Now he just knows such things doesn't exist. Not for men like him and _Narcho_. They'd been fools blinded by youth and taste of adventure unknown. All things coming from times and times away.

Nate still has little idea what went wrong on the rooftop but he still feels the aftermath of that fateful day. In fact there's a lot he cannot remember.

But he does know Noel also suffered and that it still bothers the slightly older man. For that they both can only blame the girl that became their remake. But is she?

••••••

 _ **I need serenity**_

 _ **In a place where I can hide**_

 _ **I need serenity**_

 _ **Nothing changes, days go by**_

••••••

 _Serenity..._

For decades upon decades Noel being the sap he was hid his majority of feelings and emotions from anything and anyone alive and bloodless equally. He's been known as the " _Narcho_ " from the times before the time. Mostly it was because of the training in the factory he had to endure and by seeing the little boys like him receiving terrible punishments for ever letting even the slightest emotion show. He became his own shadow to hide the true side of him from the one they made out of him. And he learned that he must show absolutely nothing to the outside world.

Mentally toughest decision one could make and sometimes there just wasn't a way to return.

" _Narcho_ " in an ancient language of a race that once fulfilled every nation's wet dream of a perfect soldier means " _shadow of a soul_ " somehow it made his callsign in the early days and for reasons still foggy it stuck to him like second skin. So he just became Narcho and life went on.

 _ **••••••**_

 _ **I need serenity**_

 _ **In a place where I can hide**_

 _ **I need serenity**_

 _ **Nothing changes, days go by**_

 _ **••••••**_

 _Serenity..._

Nate looked at himself in the mirror but only thing he could see was dying man of age still full of life and hope. He saw his ragged face from days long lost and times of another lifetime. A full journey of endless fight for life. Nate saw his tired face and immediately felt every fiber of his body sag in the exhaustion. He was damn tired of it all. All the time twenty-four/seven every single cell throughout made a fight against time and an illness he learned about only after half his life.

She would have known the way to fight and they all knew. The little fighter of generation above. She was their "Panther" and she had an actual twin sister whose name was River. They found her callsign later and unexpectedly. So she became literally opposite from her sister- "Blink". Because the speed she possessed was even more than theirs. She was capable of maintaining speed like nobody except "Sonic" who was another boy born faster than blink of an eye and capable of outrunning a bullet. But he was several generations above so done with training already. "Blink" was theirs and so they befriended her and "Panther" as their little personalities grew and learned friendship.

Serenity was special. She always was up to a game. She always challenged them. But it was Noel who had some kind of other connection with her. But Nate never was angry enough about it. Maybe he became slightly jealous but he had River to keep close to.

Until one day there was something terrible going on and it changed something none could save.

 _ **••••••**_

 _ **I feel the black reaching out**_

 _ **I hear its song without a doubt**_

 _ **••••••**_

 _Serenity..._

 _They were all roughly seven years old and the commotion on the first floor was not entirely their business. As the littlest they were often told to muck off. Being the thirteenth generation of what they referred factory especially. However they still were little children who were curious and wanted to be involved and included. Nobody wanted to be an outcast._

 _Logically they'd hide away in events to see what was going on and see what things they could bring._

 _It was only when they found the vent and crawled like good trainees they were to the larger holes by the side of it since there was best visuals on the room below._

 _Their bodies cramped around the few large outlets within the tube and they looked._

 _With intensity of a seven year in front of danger they all collectively gasped as they saw two of their group being punished for something in a way that was entirely unusual on their compound. Also they noticed that their current trainer was also down. It occurred only about a year after that what that had meant._

 _Death at the hand of the superior._

 _It took them three or four more years to figure out something was wrong with the system. Something had tainted their facility and all the order. It took them countless training sessions and smidge of change here and there for years to pass before it became visible._

 _And their lighthearted days were over. It first happened with River. She was always showing not only her speed skill but also one of different capacity. And she had been taken to some extra training sessions she was never allowed to speak of._

 _But there was this little boy who accompanied her after those sessions. But the had no clue. Not even Serenity. They'd gone separate because of that._

 _Another two years later it happened for the first time. At that time they didn't realize right away. Only after the ginormous display of what basically deemed as magic River went on against the other boy who most of them just put as the clone of Nate. But nobody knew as the boy never spoke._

 _The display was full of bright lights and swooshing colors twined into arc above and around the two. And they obviously had some internal dialogue of sorts. To some it reminded of combinations explosion and northern lights with a splash of dramatic effects and something dark in between them._

 _And this was going on for hours. As they couldn't get closer due to enormous force shield enclosing them watching was all._

 _They all saw the eyes of River glowing silver and hair flying around n the wind as the boy's superb blue orbs were glowering rivulets of gold. And the cascade of varying colors whipping and clashing against each other within the transparent glove their force had created. Zips and zaps of energy keeping everyone else twenty feet away._

 _But it all ended suddenly just as it begun. In a huge blossom of explosion and painfully white light that ended with a flash of darkness so dark it didn't even had a sound. And just like that it was over. Feeling of vacuum and nothingness._

 _The whole room woke up some time later and found the body of River but not the boy. He was gone like never existed._

 _Only River._

 _But she never woke up nor made a movement. She was forever still and locked inside. She was indeed alive but her mind was almost not there. Some esoteric form of her mind kept her vitals running but that was all. After farewell they never saw her again. And Serenity never smiled again._

 _Later that year they made a plan for following year. The three of them. They'd escape._

 _Seventeen weeks later the major series of explosions and chaos erupted during nighttime and during the massive blow that flew them off they managed to sneak outside only to fall into a spaceship-like machine and waking up somewhere else._

 _It had been unexpected turn to their lives but thankful nonetheless they made their street lives to the best._

 _Some decade later, filled with endless adventures and jobs that made their blood thrill and shrill in excitement, Serenity made Noel and Nate choose the next step. And either she had no idea or she just was at the edge of her own inner demons before they could move a muscle the whole rooftop exploded into myriad of colors and sparks of force field going off. It was all any of them knew before darkness overcame their badly battered bodies._

 _It was all they were left of their sister._

 _ **•••••**_

Nate to this day ever thought of their old days. It's been a lifetime and a half ago and while it was his health on the line he chose to not remember the way her eyes sparked that red glow and her skin crawled with black smoke-like essence. It was day he hoped to never remember at all and there he was waking up at night to cough up the mucus of his stuffed lungs and wincing at the pain it tore at his chest. The way his breath caught in his throat and shuddered through his trachea.

With shaking hands and barely gripping the small flask of inhalation solution as if it could do mere helping while his eyes shone cerulean in the reflection of the white bulb of light outside.

Nate was never one to hold on to bad memories. He always tried to stuff the good ones in the forefront oh his mind. It was simply easier.

But not tonight.

Tonight he was struggling really hard with the finality that came to a disease with a lethal threat. He squeezed the small container with all his might and pulled in his breath like it was water to a dried flower.

It took two hours on nebuliser with highest setting and strongest solution to gain his breath back. It's never been this hard before and Nate felt his days draining away even heavier. He just had to do the job and get his money. There was no way in hell he'd let his past run up to him and strangle all this hard work out. No, he's not letting it. Not this time and never again.

Once again with the scene at the great hall before his eyes Nate choked on his breath and a strangled sob escaped. And this time he couldn't, nor wouldn't , stop the painful flow of hot tears streaming down his face. It was just too much.

The memory of the girl who once took them in stride and beat the hell out of them in the fields and then just didn't go away all the while tugging her quiet twin along and letting the other one to play with the boy.

That boy…

Who was he? What happened to him? What happened to River?

 _Serenity….._

 **••••••••**

Being a man made of steel he rarely let the fears to come back at him. Only rarely he allowed himself do the second thinking and doubt his decisions.

It was that day again. The one that took so much but allowed so little in return.

And he was more than tired to pay for his own idiocy. Yes a fool and big one.

The great "Narcho" was idiot and while he could fly literally anything he still was idiot when it came to lower-than-sky things. People usually didn't confuse nor affected him. But that day they did. And they did before.

He was still so little when he witnessed what he today knows as full blown burnout of a person that possessed powers higher and greater than they could control. River burned high and bright until her mind and body couldn't keep up. And it all overcome her and exploded taking another person with her.

Now he knows that the boy was one of the kind. He also had the powers of natural coming not just the transgenic implantation before he even formed an embryo. It was possible and it happened just not so suddenly. And they had been the psy-op part planned to reform in the years coming. Those were the mental kinds of abilities and some even possessed real mind control capabilities.

It's been scary at first but somehow he just sensed River and boy didn't mean anything bad.

Except that day.

Something ticked them off and it blew up ugly into their faces.

Noel just rubbed his face with his stiff hand. It's happened again. The nerves in his wrist lost the connection with his brain and frizzled. Another day when another explosion happened. That one took out half the building and even part of the street. It pushed him off the rooftop and he went flying.

A nerve hitched and he clenched it as best as he could.

Memory of falling sensation ingrained in his body's memory. His consciousnesses already had been gone. The red fiery in Serenity's eyes as she raged. He didn't mean to say he wanted stay behind. All he wanted was to say he had new idea and that they cloud use a break from stealing. He needed a break from that. It's been taking toll on his body and mind back then.

Forcing his mind control over his fine body and pushing at molecular level wasn't a walk in a park on best days. And it's been going on for years without a day off. He was loosing it. He needed to fly and to rest.

Nate was the one that made it feel like a breeze. But he was struggling as well.

Noel knew for a while his friend and brother was struggling with some health issue. It was hard to tell what but he knew Serenity must know. She was the mental type just like her sister just different however somewhat same.

He was the shadow man like Nate. But Nate was also technopath. He could touch the electronics and make them listen to him. He could command machines and let them do his will.

He wished he had it though.

It'd come super handy on the ship like Enterprise.

He'd be more of use if he could talk to engines and know what's up.

But all he could do now was to crawl his way up to deck and try to pilot the thing. Or tumble into a battleship and shoot at the enemy.

It's all his capabilities were left to be.

His thoughts jumbled slightly as he kept clenching his fist. The red in her eyes reflected deep inside his heart as the force of energy fed up all the coverage of force field trip system on that damn building. She should be called Phoenix instead. At least she looked like one. Going out in flames only to be reborn. And maybe she had. Noel could only hope.

Because one day he'd like to ask her if it was worth it. Just to tell her it truly wasn't and she'd been unfair.

After all it aggravated what was originally wrong with Nate and also made his heart ill.

Not to mention her outburst caused him tremendous injury that will never heal. His body was shattered beyond hope and only miracle got him back up. But it still was a ticking bomb of when it'll be taken away once again.

Maybe even forever….

 **•••••**

 _ **Tragic visions slowly stole my life**_

 _ **Tore away everything**_

 _ **Cheating me out of my time**_

 _ **I'm the one who loves you**_

 _ **No matter wrong or right**_

 _ **And every day I hold you**_

 _ **I hold you with my inner child**_


	24. Time To Dress

_**I'm sorry that I broke you down**_

 _ **I'm sorry that I thought it through**_

 _ **I'm sorry that I looked and run**_

 _ **I couldn't keep up, good enough**_

And with a flourish of a mantelbird the first stage was there. They were coming in swarms of busy rumble and buzzing energy with flying measuring tapes and digital pads to acknowledge everybody's sizing and whatnots.

The annual departmental measuring for the Gala. Neal was petrified to the state of horror just by the sound of it. He really felt deep conflict of the event.

But Peter pushed through as if they were about to crack a case.

It was now about a week before they'd be gathered up for the stuff and it was anticipated maybe by the day Neal's monitoring device could come off already. He started to feel even worse after those news.

God, he'd do everything to get rid of it back home but here…. Here he had nothing else to attach. His severe detachment issues and terrible mental state alone should make him earn a granted place if not by Peter's side then possibly elsewhere. Most likely some institution for mental crackers.

He wasn't feeling up for it. Never was. It was a scary thought.

Maybe even more than the Gala.

He was lined up as the last of measurements for the day. Most departments had been up for it week before. Mostly due to them being regulars and just needing tiny smidges of adjustment for their suits.

Since they came from elsewhere and were the new crowd they get the last lineup. So be it. Neal dreaded anything and everything anyway. He was more nervous than ever but made attempt to keep himself in. Not a hitch out of place. He just must be ready for the stuff. Because there could be an easy out if he truly needed. They could take his sizes and then on the day he'd make himself sick and stay in his room until it was done.

The insecurities flooding out of the man and all he could do was to plaster his fakest of dazzling smiles on his face and bedazzle the elderly woman coming for his robes. Because obviously there was an intricate procedure in the whole thing and they'd need various dress ups.

Besides somebody decided it would do good if he got sized already for his future suits and clothing as he would be due for test time over soon anyway. So be it.

They slipped behind a curtained off door and the lady was setting up. Small chat to ease up him while she took in visuals on her pad and reset her tape.

"I see you're new here. Must be the Earthling that came while ago. " she drawled in an accent different from all Neal had ever heard.

"That's correct, ma'am. Evacuation from planet Earth long ago. It feels so long already. " he admitted cautiously.

"No need to worry my friend. It's all going to be alright. Changes always take time to adjust." She acknowledged. With that she begun measuring process.

"You know, I once saw another young man, just like you. He even had the same eye color as you. The very exact tone. Don't suppose you've got any twins?" She said while stretching the tape across Neal's shoulders from behind. Which was good since the look of terror in the ex-con's eyes would be too much.

Neal felt his heart hammering away in his chest. He still thought it couldn't be possible because as far as his memory served he never had any siblings. Just a dirty cop father and mother too far gone to take care of him so the father's partner and family's closest friend took care of young Neal. No, he refused to believe something was amiss. He'd know.

"Must be just somebody resembling me then. I was the only child besides I once heard we all have our doppelgänger somewhere." Neal replied her thankful his voice didn't waver. He'd never talked of his young days with anyone, not even Mozzie. All Peter knew was that Neal was in WitSec because of his father. It was last piece they discussed as the matter arose and now he couldn't even seek for more information from Ellen.

"Oh honey, don't you worry. I could've just been mistaken. Pay no mind to an old woman's musings. " she replied with a kind touch to Neal's cheek and begun measuring his neck and head.

For what exactly Neal had no idea but supplied it was probably also for his future clothing or maybe a new suit as he noted several of the main team being on friendly terms with the woman.

But he wasn't in the mood for deeper investigation. Like lately he was mostly drawn and low. His mental state was obviously affected by some weird moods and thoughts after the move. Or maybe the cryogenic sleep state was to do with it. Who knew, he wasn't space traveler nor a scientist. That would probably be another lecture in conspiracy theories from Mozzie had he been there. And if the ex-con admitted to himself he was dearly missing his friend.

"I'm sure you'll be just fine. The time will pass and you'll get better. I hope this leg and wrist accessories will soon be lifted so you can live more as you feel. It must be depressing to have monitoring all the times. " she mused almost to herself.

To which Neal just chuckled. "I hope they do. I was said that it might happen much sooner and I truly hope for it. People usually dislike such décor and I believe being invited into such majestic event would be only my own displeasure if I had to wear these. "

And it was truth. He hated them. At the same time it was his only tether to the reality and his life. In fact Neal was splendid afraid of his own mind for when they do come off. It was a thought too scary at the moment.

"Oh sweetie, dear boy , don't you let that fear eat you up before your time. It's most definitely going to be alright. And I can see all the change is already done damage to your body. Maybe consider someone to talk to. And before you say anything it does help. I am completely certain of it. "

With a gentle yet assuring squeeze of his shoulder the tape line and pad made beep and he took his cue to be dismissed. "Thank you, ma'am." He said as she smiled and nodded her head.

But her words kept echoing in his mind throughout the rest of the day. He sensed Peter becoming the moment the more worried. Though he kept his concern to himself for now. So when they arrived back to office Neal finally decided to try and look up his file once more. And just as he finalized his plan something came up that needed them get on the go while all the consultants were left behind. Obviously Neal wasn't yet allowed in the field so he didn't even tried to make a sound unlike some of the others who begun whining.

Besides Neal had just a mission in mind.

 ** _I didn't hear you leave_**

 ** _I wonder how am I still here_**

 ** _And I don't want to move a thing_**

 ** _It might change my memory_**

It took the man quite a moment to break into his file but he tried his best and hid all the trace. Now there would be WitSec to deal with. He knew their system was all to delicate and under construction for time being. But they've done most of their servers moved over to lineup in different places for security and reachability. They've come prepared years before. Basically all what Mozzie suspected had happened in the span of short time and that's when Neal realized Mozzie knew more than he ever imagined possible.

For what reasons and how was up to the man himself.

He didn't show anything and said equally nothing as the team returned and Neal was let go home.

And for that he was thankful. Even if Peter's strange stare said something was on the man's mind he brushed it off and played possum. For now he didn't want to alarm anyone and make Peter worried.

Only back in his lonely room Neal breathed a relieved breath he didn't know he was even holding. Something he was strangely aware of just this moment. But with nothing better to do he started to take off his work clothes. The sleeve tugged onto his wrist tracker they also had recently changed out for some reason he couldn't recall now. The sleeve of the layer of oversuit was caught in the strap and from the looks it wasn't really coming off with mild force. Slightly panicked he tried again but it could possibly be stuck in the clasp mechanism. Which was always something Neal worried about. There was one instance he'd suffered the said clasp being stuck tightly and because of that Neal had nearly drowned for real as his foot got trapped in some underwater mush and since clasp wasn't giving he couldn't do anything than drown. Which he did for short period of time. But they got him out once they realized he hasn't come up.

Another time he was trying to escape some haggard folks in the less lived-in conditions which resulted in Neal catching a wire by the side of the tree and just as he slid down the slope another trigger came alive and he was propelled into air by the trap. Most likely hand made DIY trap also likely illegal too. And thanks to his anklet he was stuck in the loose wire because it wasn't letting past the monitor device. Unfortunate enough however five minutes later something did snap heavily and while he was swinging himself up closer to lowest branch of the tree to try and at least hold on to something to ease the pain and pressure it gave way and Neal flew. He barely made a sound as the gravity did enough of its own sick game and made him land extremely painfully several feet lower on hard rocks.

By the time they came for him Neal had lost consciousness and bled out some. After that day there was tough design discussions within the FBI and law enforcement in general.

Neal just stayed at Peter's house and let El mother-hen him back to health.

He stared at the bracelet and suddenly punched the wall in frustration. The crack that resonated throughout the room was deafening but he felt no pain. Almost as if gone numb. It only served as more fuel to his sudden anger outburst. Next thing he registered was trashing and crashing of his room. He didn't even notice his own screams. Stopping only when he couldn't move a muscle anymore. And even then not for much longer than to pass out on the floor. Luckily for his own mind the rooms in the complex were mostly soundproof so nobody heard anything. But also not too luckily because only person who'd come to rescue was too far away.

 _ **I've seen fire and I've seen rain**_

 _ **I've seen sunny days**_

 _ **That I thought would never end**_

 _ **I've seen lonely times**_

 _ **When I could not find a friend**_

 _ **But I always thought that I'd see you again**_


	25. Starry Serenade

_**I'm falling**_

 _ **In all the good times I find myself longing for change**_

 _ **And in the bad times I fear myself**_

As the horizons changed over the days and stars from afar zipped past his windows the deeply rooted anticipation heavily mixed with dread and a dash of depression almost broke the man sitting behind almost foot thick window on the observation deck. The bottle clutched in his hand almost empty and several more lining up the wall next to the seat. It was feeling of utter helplessness that lingered heavily in the air as the dark room hid the tear tracks on the haggard cheeks and rough surface of the scarred neck covered by five-o-clock. The intensity of immense loss and grief for times too far away and mistakes too far gone to be corrected. Lifetime of regret and sour self doubt and blame.

It was all eating the man so full of all the dark he was seeing behind those windows from his control panel. It was eating him for decades upon decades. Yet he still wasn't fully aged nor was about to. Despite the factor of immortality of some level or being forever young because maybe there was a mixed up alien blood donation sometime he was still looking almost twice his immortal age. Scars and general roughness made his face appear so old. Almost politely appropriate for a man gone through a ringer and seven years of doom before suspended in space for some more.

 _And longer he let it the deeper he fell._

 _Just that nobody ever would see. They didn't have to. It was his and only his own fault and he'd take it._

 _He didn't deserve all the luxury he was facing._

 _Hell, he didn't deserve to be alive yet he was._

A spasm rippled through his spinal cord and jumbled the nerves within sending his leg out in a weak reflection of a kick. Another one abruptly broke the marginally stable hold of the bottle and it went rolling away to join the cavalry of the rest of empty squadron. Approximately eleven empty and six more full bottles. Seventeen together and just for what he allowed public to see.

Given the rank and reputation his file presented Noel "Narcho" Alisson was enough to be never questioned about why a man of such rank would be getting drunk despite it being much in vain. Because he was so immune to normal earth human alcohol he required especially wicked alien sort. While easy to achieve for Enterprise ship-crew the desired effect was leaving a lot to be desired even for man like him.

But surprisingly as it was not even Admiral or Captain ever tried to make any knowledge of their best Lieutenant and notably skilled Pilot slash Helmsman of the main ship trying to drink himself to death on every given day. He was part of most important Enterprise crew members. Also he was great part of extra crews who led the battleships into fights against violent aliens. Part of patrol unit and attack lead that protected the main ship full of scientists and explorers. Full of families among crew and full of life otherwise.

 _ **Who cares if one more light goes out**_

 _ **In the sky of a million stars?**_

 _ **It flickers, flickers**_

The lonely Commander for his small fleet and Lieutenant for main ship. He used to be a captain for short moment but while his strategic skills still impressed the heart was in the little things. Heart he was deliberately holding out there. Maybe because otherwise he'd truly give up his attempts of life and it would not be fun.

And surely Lt. Alisson wasn't man for giving up easily. He'd make the most of it before the suicidal nature would make a mistake or miscalculation lethal enough.

Another spasm took over all his back giving his half numb body a harsh jerk and he narrowly avoided making a tumble for floor. It did let a sound echo in the small deck room. There were many around the perimeter of the ship and they allowed small clusters of intimate crowds gather and watch the stars and space slide past. And these rooms were small enough for couples to hide away and enjoy a moment.

Or in his case a lone man indulge in his darkness long enough for his health getting bored.

Lieutenant Commander Alisson hidden away all alone in a dark little room clad with numerous amount of empty and half empty bottles of very wicked drinks that were half illegal to possess. What a sight. Federation would get his head just for one bottle. Let alone his impressive drug collection. The amount of his prescription and less time prescribed medication and drugs that would make a regular drug dealer giddy would simply call for life in prison. Or federal trial with no amnesty and forced retirement under dubious causes.

 _ **Title for life. Yeah.**_

 _ **Who cares when someone's time runs out**_

 _ **If a moment is all we are?**_

 _ **Or quicker, quicker**_

Noel looked at his shaky hands and flexed the fingers noting slight stiffness that wasn't there months ago. It was what all the warning were about. Every doctor from nurse level to PT said same- he would be lucky to have hand function for about a decade before his progressive paralysis would take over.

Why it was happening was unclear though. One contemplated it was due to force field's lethal energy frizzing nerves and connections. Some dropped it along severe brain damage to those connection endings from when his head collided with ground. Others wondered deeply that maybe the fractured pieces of his vertebrae had sliced up those nerves and they haven't reconnected and if they did then it's now wearing out and over time they'd simply snap.

Whatever it was it was what made him vulnerable and a liability. A weakness too dangerous to leave him be.

It was literally palpable every time he was in the room with others as he sat behind controls ready to take Captain's orders. He felt the eyes of nearest Ensign roll over his body every single moment he made a movement to stretch or just decided to take a bathroom break. He sensed the eyes of the whole room following every single twitch of his body and he knew they were very deeply checking him every single time his shift came to beginning or close.

For a man full of smarts he did realize it was only way how the crew could allow showing they care or just was aware and wanted to keep an eye for him. Because he was still remarkably famous for the reckless nature he possessed and ways his crazy ways had done the jobs and let crews survive anything. He's been famous for his flying long before this ship and his fame came along as his ranks rose.

 _ **The reminders pull the floor from your feet**_

But what he truly wanted was sitting on the side of the main ship. Strapped tightly in its post ready to shoot out of the tube and bite the crazy aliens in the butt. His little brave rocket made from space grade metal alloys to survive the harshness of vast space and collisions of asteroids and phaser beams. To survive the war. And kill the enemy relentlessly.

The one-pilot battleship was small but capable of heaviest G's and super intuitive in controls. It was readily responsive and quick maneuvering with small radius of turning. It could rotate and hang in place as long as necessary and do it even upside down. The huge maneuverability and responsive control system was success the eleventh Raptor-Viper fighters succeeded with victorious cheer. Phasers always at ready and bonus hidden laser-blast rockets and some completely simple missiles Air Force style made it lightweight and fast. Four-engine dual complex unity made it variable for many lift-ups and tactical moves. Also it allowed variations of speeds and power. But most drooling vent for shield system. Somebody did a very fine job of making shield available while shooting. And the beaming system was also imported to the sizeable craft with what looked relieved ease. Because so far it was complicated and temperamental technology that required patience and study.

But they did it and here it was. His little bird with the callsign on both sides visible from all angles.

 _ **And you're angry, and you should be, it's not fair**_

 _ **Just 'cause you can't see it, doesn't mean it isn't there**_

Now that was what both warmed his heart and terrified his whole body into near panic attack every single time something felt stiff or more numb than usual. Because the more his condition progressed the less chances he had to get back in his little bird. And that was the thing he knew would break him entirely and beyond repair.

So he had to try and maintain his body and mind alike as stable as possible and hopefully find something that allowed to further investigate and maybe stop or lessen the effects. Noel wasn't ready to break just yet. He was eager to experience actual fight and put his mind and skills to use in next mission. He was tired of repeated drills and sitting like a fool in a box with huge black goggles over his eyes and pretend over comms that it was as real as the toast he ate that morning or drop of liquid fire he allowed to sneak in between shower and medication. That it was all for a reason and with good cause in mind. That in case of actual emergency they'd succeed and get back home.

He hoped next time he'll be allowed to accompany the scientists for exploration missions on planets as a security escort. He did know combat and while now rubbish he could do scanning and comms and observing for them. It was also important part of those missions, Noel had said himself it millions of times when he stood in front of his mirror trying to convince himself it will do for the day.

Space wasn't as forgiving as one might think. He just hoped it will forgive him enough one day to never look back again.

 _ **Who cares if one more light goes out**_

 _ **In the sky of a million stars?**_

 _ **It flickers, flickers**_

 _ **Who cares when someone's time runs out**_

 _ **If a moment is all we are?**_

 _ **Or quicker, quicker**_

 _ **Who cares if one more light goes out?**_


	26. Being The Leopard

_**We held our breath when the clouds began to form**_

 _ **But you were lost in the beating of the storm**_

 _ **And in the end we were made to be apart**_

 _ **In separate chambers of the human heart**_

Neither of the regular humans could tell much difference between things. Or other human beings or whatever beings in general.

It was some sort of natural flaw within. And many times Nate has witnessed this flaw to land upon himself. He always could slip inside places he wasn't supposed to be or be somewhere it seemed everyone knew him except they didn't really.

It took him seven days to figure out there possibly was a guy who was looking close enough alike for this combine with the fluke of humanity and he was accepted. That was one of things he hoped to rely on when he will go in.

And so far everything seemed to go smooth on both camps. The organizational part of the event holders was like a huge show with exceptional service portrayal and his part was like well oiled machinery of knickknacks. He knew his place on the main task and he knew what his personal agenda was. Yet he missed key part in this whole thing by a mile. There still had to be loads of transportation issues to solve and manage. But so far it only touched the meals and dance halls to be sorted out as the washrooms and where and what was supposed to say what and why that crowd was to stand beside this art and the other crowd to some other artsy shit.

 _ **Do you know what's worth fighting for**_

 _ **When it's not worth dying for?**_

Nate spend so much time going over the blueprints of the building and some fresher scans he managed by himself to know the inside of it and he even made routes to fit any situation possible. He just had to herd some shit and then grab more and disappear into the darkness.

It took seven days of almost constant nebulizer action before Nate realized he had no actual clue of what he was supposed to do. And now was too late. He'll have to improvise and possibly die to make everything happen.

He was the escape unit, the runway pod. His job was to get specific crafts and wait up for the gang springing out with shinies and lead the way out.

He was ready mentally. With every single detail he could face with in mind Nate knew initially he'd be capable to get them away even if he skimmed off some secret plan Roland strictly said no to. Just had to see from afar the continued preparations and possibilities of something changed or added so he was still sitting opposite side of the street and watching over.

Like humanly possible he used all his patience to maintain the position so he stayed invisible and free. And he manned it out day by day.

It was very last week. It was passing by in a slow manner and he wasn't much far from being done with the job for long time. But something felt like he also might fall victim to his own greed and need and the whole thing could go poof.

Which was jarring thought to have when stakes were so high.

Nate also was fighting the longing sensation that never left him. It's origins were more than clear but he wasn't going to lay his cards on the table yet. Of course the Gala will host major amounts of people and most of them will know the thief and they will not be pleased. He risked security throwing him out if they saw him sneaking around and even arrest upon some hair pulled imaginary. They just could.

He tried to order himself to pull all that thinking away and concentrate on the important task. But while having to breathe through nebulizer for almost half an hour straight Nate had to also consider the worst case scenario. It wasn't just him alone, Roland's team of knickknacks also was to count in on unpredictable. He didn't even know any of them. All he ever cared was the good money for his service that supported his medical bills and left over but for food or meds. He cared less for anything else.

 _ **Does it take your breath away**_

 _ **And you feel yourself suffocating**_

 _ **Does the pain weigh out the pride?**_

Aside the only person left in his life he couldn't care less. Noel.

While pretty fierce and distant in appearance in later years he used to be pretty much wildest flower in their bunch. Even by Samara's standards. Well Nate wasn't a mop either. He valued his wilderness to a level rarely witnessed in humans and honed the skill. Whenever they came from had never left them.

As the saying went about not getting the place you come from out of your blood.

Pretty much most accurate thing in his life.

But it wasn't just Samara. River was one of them too. She was like little sister for them but something bad happened and she was no longer there.

And if that would be all.

Mara. Another girl from their little camp. And one so full of dark she was feared among others. Gifted with dark power and mysterious nature she pretty much was somewhat far away from their little group and didn't bother them.

If only they would know.

The dark that was there was always like a shadow even years later. Nate felt it even now as he was sitting on his small mattress and breathing in the fumes the machine produced. Mara was force and she was incredibly independent. Also incredibly strong and full of some power he couldn't tell.

She was the one to cause the force field go off. He sensed her darkness lurking. And he knew she did it because they were about to steal something too much for them to deal with. But he saw her dark cloak fly past for a second before his brain frizzed out.

And this event was leaving him on edge all the time. Because for sure the Starfleet will attend and the government and military of all kinds. They will be there and they will have their eyes all over the place because half of the guests will be doubling as security detail or observation agents. It was drill especially in such happening.

The most important piece of the planet's social scene. Even more so after the Earth joined their colony.

Colonial systems had this tendency to over saturate the meaning of taking in more folks or even saving other planet inhabitants. It showed them in very pleasant light to all kinds of cosmic federations and some would possibly strike up some deal.

Politics in the purest game of calculations.

Nate knew the planet will throw every labor and penny to this and involve anyone that has any idea to help out. Like now the catering company.

There was this lady who commanded many men in what order they should go in and distribute the meals and snacks and what was important to make on the location as not all foods will be brought in ready.

The man had spent long time observing the caterers debating over details and he could tell the woman held her ground well and fought for her plan and generally did amazing organization work.

So far she was mostly the only organizer he'd seen. There were a host somewhere that sometimes came up and asked something but from the looks she was main event planner or at least food part. He strained to see any other planner staff or maybe another host but they didn't come from the side he was perched.

The problem was he couldn't really see the building from the other side. There was another building close next but it was secured and locked down. He could do his Shadow stuff but it was big risk now that he had some days left and he saved the energy for the big day.

With a sigh the young man stared at himself in the tiny mirror on the stool next to his mattress. The piercing blue eyes stared back at him and the man stared back. Everyone told him his eye color was incredible. He just shrugged in response.

The tousled long-ish dark hair had some tangles but mainly consisted of impressive curls that made him look almost aristocratic.

And being honest he couldn't deny that he looked good for a trash. Which he knew he was. He could've been some respected folk instead he jumped to crime and now had to fight for his own life by committing said crime. So trash he was.

Just for a moment there he saw the woman meeting up with a man in a suit. Husband most likely, judging by the kisses and smiles. The man was also good looking and while the suit lacked particular style points still wasn't too bad. Neat looking and holding his stance. Sure he screamed government. Probably some military or law enforcement person if the certain bulge by his side was to suggest something.

But he was too civilian looking so most likely some agency of law enforcement because military usually were more stiff and carried themselves in a very specific way.

Each agency held their own unique way of stance and general appearance. Like certain air of authority suddenly became palpable.

And he also was assigned a car of typical Earth household. Meaning they most likely belonged to the group that was siphoned off the failing planet some time ago. Earth had once held life now it was almost completely destroyed. But it was predicted millennia ago and for many years and decades people were preparing. They learned what their ancestors centuries ago knew. That there were life out there.

Well he knew that all along but seeing it was like actual proof.

Just as the saying about leopards and their spots. Or maybe they were tigers?

 _ **And you look for a place to hide**_

 _ **Did someone break your heart inside**_

 _ **You're in ruins**_


	27. Mindful

_**Catch me as I fall**_

 _ **Say you're here and it's all over now**_

 _ **Speaking to the atmosphere**_

 _ **No one's here and I fall into myself**_

 _ **This truth drives me**_

 _ **Into madness**_

 _ **I know I can stop the pain**_

 _ **If I will it all away**_

It will be his last week on the ship. It was like that for the past few years. Every year he spent his deal on different ship however for some years he came upon Enterprise.

Noel wasn't sure of the actual emotion he's feeling about this year but somehow serving on a starship like this was offering some perks he didn't have before.

Like free time and room to lock up and drink and be miserable. Because before he mostly was too much into his own suffering for the love he always thought might be lost and then his painful experience with all kinds of shit from what he suffered after the incident.

Samara wasn't really a love interest for any of them. But some crush Noel couldn't deny right now, many years later. And while it's past long buried Noel still couldn't deal with some of those demons from the times he desperately tried to forget for years.

Serving on a long term expeditory missions for large science starships and sometimes dropping off for a battle shuttle or training missions on side was his life for years now. And for some time it was okay but not anymore.

This Gala event was going to be the one he finally retires this hilarious mission of his own and gets down somewhere.

Possibly finding Nate and convincing him to settle down and be done with the life of shadows.

Sounded like a dream he had years ago when they had one of the chill nights on some random rooftop. When they all were young and careless and drunk and high and sharing some faraway daydreams that was never supposed to come true.

But what happened between them on those nights wasn't supposed to follow any of them. But for him it did.

He never stopped having all those feelings towards his best friend and when it did catch up on him at the end of the day all Noel could do was get high or drunk and pass out until next shift called his name and he got his job taking over every cell in his body.

But now with the Gala coming up and the embankment that's about to happen in like few days. Which felt heavy in his chest and ticklish down his stomach.

But for one Noel Allison was a man of Starfleet, part of military organization, an experienced Air Force test pilot. And men like him were supposed to be strong and relentless. Not miserable and whimpering about old memories and hoping to fall under some phaser shot to spare the depression that always hit hardest upon landing.

Most men onboard were just happy and cheering when it was time to get down. But not Noel. The lieutenant commander of a shuttle and training program and just a helmsman slash navigator cross engineering assistant- helluva titles and still not as much of any crew feelings. Not that Enterprise was a bad starship in crew dynamics but Allison wasn't a regular man among them.

And while they tolerated his presence on the ship he wasn't much invited for social events unless he went to the bar and challenged everyone for some mischief and they all fell down drunk in the end while Allison just got back to his room to get some meds and finish off the night alone and in darkness.

Always with his own darkest thoughts and depression that was getting worse by the end of his usual time.

But this time will be first time in years he'll be actually caring for Gala. Because something made him feel the chance to catch up with Nate was high enough and after the last meeting he couldn't shake off this feeling of some kind. Like a bad fore feeling that usually ended up being some gut feeling of doom that Noel used to have and almost came true every time they were up to mischief. Except for Samara. For that one he never had any foretelling sensation beforehand. And previously he always had those in a way. Just not that once.

As for this time it was getting harder to tell due to the general downfall of the lieutenant's health and general mental health. Which Noel was too aware therefore he still dreaded anything to come especially medicals.

He was long due for another evaluation by every single doctor and medical personnel out there just to get paper that said he still has broken- well shattered had been original term- back and part of neck. Well honestly half his body had been broken and shattered and badly damaged. But he made out alive and learned to walk some. Fleet said it was enough for some minor position on exploration ship and maybe occasional shuttle. Nate would be proud, at least he hoped the other man would.

 _ **I'm frightened by what I see**_

 _ **But somehow I know**_

 _ **That there's much more to come**_

 _ **Immobilized by my fear**_

 _ **And soon to be**_

 _ **Blinded by tears**_

 _ **I can stop the pain**_

 _ **If I will it all away**_


	28. One Step Closer

_**My shadow's the only one that walks beside me**_

 _ **My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating**_

 _ **Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me**_

 _ **'Til then I walk alone**_

He stood there in front of his mirror and stared for what felt like hours at the reflection he no longer associated with the image he once used to. Sure he kept himself as good as he could but it was getting the day the more noticed by the people he worked with. And he knew they noticed and worried. Heck whole office kept walking on eggshells around him for the past month. And worst of all was Peter.

Neal felt his heart constricting in his chest as he thought of how deeply worried the agent's eyes looked at him as Neal smiled his way through reception. How pained the older man looked at the way Neal faked his tiny incident at the coffee machine as something to amuse the new secretary.

He knew Peter was seeing through the flimsy pretense he was putting up. Hell, the con was slipping and he was desperate to keep it until he was getting out of the solitary and into new accommodation. He had to hold on until he could be able to get back together with Peter and El. Otherwise his mind will soon go completely and even the nice hosts won't find him useful enough to let him free. Neal never believed any of them. They said that his Earth crimes will be erased and he'd be given clean bill. No red tape to follow him. New life ahead.

Promising and full of hopes and new ways to go. But ever since he landed on this planet and got herded out with thousands of other people in just as high hopes as he had that moment.

Just Neal stopped feeling hopeful the moment they put him into solitary confinement until his quarantine days will be over. And so far nobody would guess that being separated from everyone outside work could just break the man Neal was so heavily.

 _ **I'm walking down the line**_

 _ **That divides me somewhere in my mind**_

 _ **On the border line**_

 _ **Of the edge and where I walk alone**_

Well at least Neal believed he was broken. The gloomy sadness that stuck to him long after he should be adjusted to the new environment, the dark thoughts and just general emotionless and absolute lack of any joy. And the void in his chest was slowly growing bigger and bigger and went deeper by second.

It wasn't affecting work, yet. But the little trip made everyone look and he didn't like it. It was pretty much putting a beaming light upon his head. And it was like the only thing he couldn't afford to happen. Because if they find out he's done. Screwed.

But now, staring at his unrecognizable reflection Neal Caffrey didn't know anymore. He'd slipped already and it had hit too far. They suspected and he was way too deep, no turning back anymore.

The odd sensation and weird dreams begun the following night. The one he hoped to actually catch some sleep.

Instead there was a nightmare or just an odd dream of something. From times long lost.

From the looks of it there was some sort of camp going on. Many kids in uniforms and doing some tasks. Military style but just kids.

It confused Neal to deep end because no matter how far he looked into his past he could not remember anything like that. And as far as he knew he had no siblings either.

The dreams so far made no sense but they did tell a story. A story that wasn't his but it was in a way. He knew it has to, the little boy from who's perspective he was seeing it all looked in the mirror, just like him now, and Neal saw himself the way he remembered from couple pictures he saw at Ellen's.

 _ **Read between the lines**_

 _ **Of what's fucked up and everything's alright**_

 _ **Check my vital signs**_

 _ **To know I'm still alive and I walk alone**_

But why would he see himself in these dreams was yet another mystery.

Until he saw another kid like him and something made Neal seriously doubt his mind. It could make sense in way because contrary to popular belief Neal Caffrey had no particular childhood memory aside vague vision of his father being piece of shot and his mother wasn't really there. All that was like a flash of something that didn't really belong him. And way too distant.

And for the past, who knows how long, time Neal felt extremely detached from his past. It truly made him feel as if before he went to New York nothing else existed. And as he stared back at his significantly deteriorated self there was no telling what was his own memory and what was the dream.

It was like sleepwalking. Just there was nobody to catch him when he would fall.

 _ **Fallen angels at my feet**_

 _ **Whispered voices at my ear**_

 _ **Death before my eyes**_

 _ **Lying next to me I fear**_

 _ **She beckons me shall I give in**_

 _ **Upon my end shall I begin**_

 _ **Forsaking all I've fallen for**_

 _ **I rise to meet the end**_


	29. Closer To The Edge

It was getting closer by each minute, every passing second. And god if Nate didn't feel the anxiety and anticipation hitting hard spot.

He was running out of time like never before and the gang was getting restless. Roland kept checking in on the plan and whether Nate was still in and if he's all ready.

It felt like world was starting to spin faster by each second. And like no other times the patient man was pulled into the frenzy he usually didn't allow. It was distracting and sending his already weak lungs into worse state than he could afford.

Nate knew his time is running out this time. That illness wasn't kind and it kept trying to kill him. From the day he was born.. Or maybe from the day he met his fate at the hands of the force field almost killing them all.

Yeah…

 _ **I don't remember the moment I tried to forget**_

 _ **I lost myself, is it better not said?**_

 _ **Now I'm closer to the edge**_

Samara. It always came back to her and their time together. All the days they were still the kids that only had to worry whether they'll have the last scraps for dinner and blanket to cover their bodies or not. They had escaped and put the facility behind and tried to move on. While they could do anything they chose to slide the dark side. Mostly because the girl kept them up to their toes and always ready for a challenge. Or maybe because they were all left for each other and only ones in the world they could trust.

How he missed that. Especially this time. He missed the backup among his closest friends, family and allies. And for that he'd chosen the toughest path to get himself and go there all by himself. Without a single person as a backup.

One thing was to do it all on a normal day and time. Completely another was to do it for someone else and on the side pulling his own job with even higher stakes. But entirely different was to do it all by himself with a damaged health on the brink of succumbing. Now that was a game. One he's been trained for ever since birth.

Whatever his childhood hid he just knew he was brought to this world for single purpose only.

It was them who took it elsewhere and collectively decided their own destiny.

The neverending longing for change …

 _ **It was a thousand to one and a million to two**_

 _ **Time to go down in flames and I'm taking you**_

 _ **Closer to the edge**_

Nate's eyes skimmed the front of the building once more. The lady kept ordering people around in her fierce manner while managing to be kind. Nate could even pick up few sentences from her lips as she received a call. His hearing only picked up vague signal beeps so he couldn't know who was on the line so he did his training a moment and lip read. It came as easy as he remembered and used that eyesight to see her face.

There were lines of worry etching onto her youthful face that held remains of delicate yet strong and fairly distinct features. Her piercing blue eyes that could see through every lie in the world straight to the soul. There was the fierce energy of someone loyal and very loving. She seemed easygoing while guarded at the same time.

And now she was trying to put some sense into somebody called Peter to take the bureau and wipe his ass and see if Neal was okay. Otherwise she'll be going to take that as offense and that's exactly they promised not to wish for.

Also she expressed deep worry towards this Neal person and hoped he was indeed okay.

However from what Nate picked up this guy was going down some sad line and had been looking awful at the office. Peter mentioned its way worse than Kate and that made El even more worried.

And with another love exchange they hung up.

Nate almost wished he could hug El. She was a good person. And cared deeply for everyone and everything. His heart broke over the fact he'll be most likely ruining all her hard work and endanger her life.

Why? Because he always did that. It wasn't his fault therefore out of his powers to stop.

Unless he gave Roland and his gang to "quackers" but then he'll be risking his own freedom and eventually life. He couldn't do this to Noel. He didn't deserve this burden.

Even if they swore off to be for each other and take it upon themselves to take care of others fallen bodies if it came to it.

No, Nate couldn't do this to the only person aside Samara he ever felt love for. And while he rarely expressed such emotions deep down he knew he loved the man in some way that was stronger than the sister love for Samara. And that was enough for him. Love was love. Who cares of the form. It was a thing more powerful than any weapon and over exceeded even death.

He cast another glance across the street to catch a glimpse of the woman slipping behind a wall on the side and praying to god for whatever was in his power to keep Neal safe. Because she couldn't afford to loose him and neither Peter could.

Nate's heart broke again.

Not just it was most beautiful thing he's ever seen but also because he felt so bad for destroying everything. And no matter how well he prepared for everything he just knew something will go down and shit will hit the fan. It always did.

All he could do was to try and not take lives with it.

 _ **No I'm not saying I'm sorry**_

 _ **One day, maybe we'll meet again**_

 _ **No I'm not saying I'm sorry**_

 _ **One day, maybe we'll meet again**_

 _ **No, no, no, no**_

With that he walked back inside and pulled out the nebulizer for one more time. It was almost done anyway. The little beat up machine was as broke as he was and this was the last dosage of the liquid he barely got off the black market. He could see the end of things like that. Sometimes luck was kind and he managed to fix things. Mostly it hated him so he failed.

This time he wouldn't even try. He just knew.

So all that was left was the last time hopefully before he'll be off the hook for longer.

Thing was that meds were doing little. They barely touched the infection. In fact it wasn't even infection. Not really.

This disease affected his whole body but somehow his lungs were the only organ actually suffering from it. It was said to be genetic and unfortunate. For most people it meant death by young age and constant lung problems. Often other organ failure as well. And it wasn't curable.

In Nate's case he was genetically engineered super soldier. Yet he was born with asthma or something. And they did some adjustments to his DNA to lessen it before he could be written off.

He wasn't obviously.

But the illness developed over the years and everything hit the shit part of the fan and went down to hell in a hand basket the moment that fucking force field nearly fried him.

Since that day Nate was in deepest shit he's ever been. Not just his lungs. His heart was damaged too. But having to live with an arrhythmia and progressive lung problem got to be a small price compared.

Noel knew that too. He suffered just as much. He couldn't've died from the fall itself. Not when his bone structure and other physiological stuff was altered with. But the force field completely undid a lot of the soldier part of his game and broke his body into pieces. Luckily the altercation did save the man Nate cared for so deeply. Even if he lived sad life he was alive. And that was more Nate could wish for. He lived same and only thought holding him together was of his only true love.

It was one of those days he wished Noel was still off-grid. It'd help so much. But the man chose to be on the other side. The one Nate wasn't ready for. Yet.

The one that promised but never got to it. One that broke more promises than bank accounts.

Government and law that only cared if you've paid it for several decades in taxes.

Like Earth. Corrupt and bankrupt. Like home. Like nothing ever changed. Always the same old same.

Same shit new bed.

Yet he was there to break it again.

 _ **Can you imagine a time when the truth ran free?**_

 _ **The birth of a song, the death of a dream**_

 _ **Closer to the edge**_

 _ **This never ending story, paid for with pride and fate**_

 _ **We all fall short of glory**_

 _ **Lost in ourselves**_


	30. From Depths

_**•• No matter how many times that you told me you wanted to leave**_

 _ **No matter how many breaths that you took, you still couldn't breathe**_

 _ **No matter how many nights that you'd lie wide awake to the sound of the poison rain •••**_

Neal once again stared at his haggard face in the now cracked mirror. That was one moment of frustration that had build up from his battling emotions. His hand was secured and hidden and a cover story was barely needed as the case had taken Neal out in the field for the first time in months and he got to bask in the oldest flames of all for whole twenty minutes before he flew through another glass and landed on hard ground with less flourish he once used to.

It took only two seconds to remove the gauze and blend it all with fresh cuts and bruises. All to avoid Peter staring like distrustful puppy all day long at him from across the hall or worse from above the bullpen.

While Neal wasn't that evil he got easily annoyed by the agent. That amount of _mother-hening_ he could only take from El and she wasn't even allowed near him. Yet.

He'd spent so many months telling himself it's just temporary and when all the legal was done with and any loose ends tied and evaluation behind he'll be back.

Now he could only pray.

Too much time has gone by and the hope was slipping away by each second.

With certain stiffness to his movements Neal managed to put himself inside the fancy suit that came mere hours ago. The person who brought it to him only said that it will be worth it all before disappearing in a blink of an eye. So Neal just sighed and put it inside the tiny closet among the same stuff he's been wearing for the time being when his presence wasn't supposed to be public.

His meager possessions didn't sound flashy nor actually anything noticeable. Even the shampoo and soap wasn't his own.

 _ **•• As days go by, the night's on fire •••**_

He placed his accessories and other details to his looks and judged his appearance in the broken mirror for good enough time trying to wrap his mind around the fact he was going to an event he wouldn't really be allowed back in NYC and if he was then only if Peter was needed to be there.

Otherwise he'd be sneaking inside with Mozzie. That was a fun way but somehow he just this once felt like maybe he did deserve to be in such event just by being allowed in without any monitoring and that maybe just this once he could pretend for split second that he was like the honorable members of the society and was wanted among the noble.

Funny how things like this could either build or destroy someone's confidence and all the self-worth existing. It made chills run over Neal's shoulders just from mere afterthought.

He never felt like he deserved anything to begin with. His life was ruined early on by his so called father and from then on he felt like spiraling down some dark hole.

Only Mozzie felt like savior when they met and found each other as wonderful companions and allies in vast amounts of shenanigans they concocted together. It was life worth living for and it was just a part of what Neal's past stood for.

For one he was some kind of neglected child whose father turned out ass. And while the boy longed for that part of his childhood as any kid would he was relieved in the end.

Such fathers shouldn't be allowed to be out there. And now he knew why. Everything that transpired in that short time before everything went down the shithole.

And from that day there's little for Neal to reminisce anymore.

However, and there was this one extremely tiny black spot in his mind, Neal started to loose the confidence he always had about his past. It had started while ago. Still on Earth. Well, actually, for the first time Neal had his mind breaking after whole Kate incident. After the plane exploded and his heart broke something else inside him broke as well.

The days after the hell broke loose and he was still in heavy grief and denial the prison cell felt like a barrier between his broken heart and blackness looming from the cracks deep in his mind. Something dark was seeping through the cracks in his mind smearing black marks all over his consciousness and slowly ripping apart his sorrowful heart.

It took all his time in jail to regain control over that deep dark feeling. He struggled so hard to tame all that void trying to break him apart and completely overwhelm him with fierce darkness that felt way too powerful and Neal knew if he let it all wild he'll loose everything.

And it was scary. Terrifying to no end. Because whatever it was it was deep within himself and he didn't even know it before.

And he kept it secret even from Mozzie knowing full well how the little guy would take it. Well, no surprises there either. After all the years spent together and still not sharing every secret or any piece they wanted to keep to themselves.

Yet they shared something unexplainable and never spoke about it.

And Neal didn't feel the need to. While he sensed the suspicious man with mother hen syndrome towards Neal would become something else had Neal told about his darkness.

He knew for sure Peter would freak out and El would probably just be El with worry in her eyes but warmest of hugs at ready. However it wouldn't help him either.

Once he's sensed it there was no turning back. Something long time ago suppressed was peaking through the cracks and he could do absolutely nothing at all. Nothing there could save him if it all broke out and consumed his being. Yet it was somewhat comforting that maybe if situation called for it that thing would be able to save him from prison and even death if it became that dire.

So he tried to push all the turmoil far away and lock it behind that lock he'd kept it for countless years. He'd done jail for that term and even then despite whatever was going on on the inside nothing ever was seen on the outside. Just like always. Deflect, distract, weasel out of all trouble. Whatever everyone knew about Kate was something else. Nobody knew stuff he did. Even Keller who sometimes pulled Neal's leg over falling for the girl. Whatever was messed up originally was past now and Neal had Gala to get ready for. All he was hoping for was that whatever was plaguing his subconscious wouldn't come out at the worst moment.

 _ **•• No matter how many deaths that I die I will never forget**_

 _ **No matter how many lives that I live, I will never regret**_

 _ **There is a fire inside of this heart and a riot about to explode into flames •••**_


	31. Breaking The Habit

_**••**_

 _ **I don't know what's worth fighting for**_

 _ **Or why I have to scream**_

 _ **I don't know why I instigate**_

 _ **And say what I don't mean**_

 _ **I don't know how I got this way**_

 _ **I know it's not alright**_

 _ **So I'm breaking the habit**_

 _ **I'm breaking the habit tonight •••**_

He was once again staring out at the vast space littered with uncountable amount of stars. Well, technically they were almost all some sort of planets or asteroids, for most of the time. There were things actually considered stars. He had to learn that. Study so much for just piloting shuttles or navigating bigger spaceships. He just had to know half of science stuff just to able to tell them all apart.

Now there were not just stars visible anymore. Distinctive shape of the all so familiar space station above the planet he was supposed to call home. Sight he missed for so long he'd almost forgotten how did it feel to return.

Being up in the space for as long as he was sometimes made returning feel weird. As if he was some random visitor popping by to see what's going on only to zoom up seconds later.

It creeped him out to some extent that was hard to process.

Yet he anticipated that moment like parched tree branch in desert sand.

Sometimes it was just him dropping off from ship to ship or station to station, never seeing his bland apartment or breathing in the air of a planet.

So Noel rarely tried to get clingy to the planet.

Home base was what he dubbed it in his mind and kept to that idea. It was just so easier forget he ever had a home.

Well, at least easier to not find thousand more reasons to drink another dozen of bottles of drinks he wasn't even supposed to sniff at. All the while he still managed to find them anyway and then sink into self loathing and depression only to drink those bottles on top of double dozen he already had.

So that's how he ended up in this cycle without a way out. It was a sinkhole he wasn't strong nor willing enough to get out.

As the station grew closer Noel felt that deep anxiety seeping through the cracks of his soul. Like those times he'd never truly gotten out of, mentally. So he happened to be trapped in the darkness and sharing sorrow with his alcohol and often the damn pills he hated but could never stop having unless he wanted to end up splashed against some alien planet's surface or another ship's side. The ones that held him back from melting into the abyss his mind was.

The worst, or at least most inevitable, was that Nate had seen it. Even shared in the dark confines of some abandoned warehouse back in their meek tries to escape and when it was just the two of them.

Even now that years have passed and after countless nights spent starting out into the abyss of his own soul and the vast abyss that was the space. It was as if the space and he had this thing in common and they connected over the nights during which both shared their darkness and secrets keeping their loved ones far away and safe.

Even going through paralysis and residual side effects from the incident didn't leave such dark, deep abyss.

Noel never was perfect. Nor even tried to achieve anything.

All he ever did was fought for his loved ones and his own lives. So this was just another day on the job while hiding behind the curtain.

He felt his heart going faster and faster as the station appeared in more detail and the ship he wasn't piloting this time slid silently towards the base from where dozens of shuttles will carry them to the ground dock and finally they'll be landed.

It was so scary and gut wrenching Noel could hardly breathe. The air kept hitching in his throat and choking was an option Noel felt he should put on the list of his anxiety symptoms. Not that it was too directly related.

It was mostly residual issue from the one time he was on a ship with and went to seek out the route and location meanwhile staying undetected.

See, being undetected was the very bottom of the list of worry. Noel could hide himself like a shadow and same could Nate. They used to go around places just like ghosts, hidden within shadows, and occasionally pulling out trinkets from their pockets afterwards.

It wasn't because they were trained to become this good, it was in their genes.

So be it.

And it was logical to feel nervous while stalking somebody's starship without being invited neither was showing it. So that one time he went alone he wasn't just nervous. He was terrified and sensed the danger mile away.

But he was in the moment and couldn't walk away.

Some random guards noticed a teen or something snooping around some storage units and old barracks and they went for blood.

It ended up being one of the most bloodiest fight he ever happened to be involved and one that put him very close to death and actually left mark to remember the experience forever. A single souvenir and his ass handed to himself.

Nasty but quick.

His finger grazed over the scar that jaggedly ran across and nearly around the man's neck. The front above the tracheostomy scar held bold dark pink line that wasn't straight.

But it burst out like lightning bolts did in the fiery thunderstorm sky on the right side. Left side of his neck only was marked by one end of that line and reached down to his collarbone on left side. But the right side was all covered in those jagged lines like the vision left after lightning strike stays behind on a video feed.

It disappeared in his hairline where the rest of it kept hidden.

However not just the outside suffered.

His throat suffered too, especially trachea. Scarring hid on the inside making his voice somewhat raspy and hushed. Well, Nate once stated it made him sound both sexier and also more threatening.

Guess in a way the man was right. His voice changed a lot and while this scarring nor the following one took his voice away he occasionally had issues to talk as well as breathe.

Yet he was still there. Still drinking more than was humanly possible and hid among shadows like a ghost while equally ruthlessly removed enemies from the skies of new planets and held the escorts safe for all the shuttles.

He made sure the route was safe and in case of emergency or attack always stood ready to protect his ship. Because after all it was his ship as much as anyone's on it. Not just Captain's.

It was the only home for years to majority of lives residing on it. So he stood coiled for attack like a venomous snake.

Sometimes he got to use that title he once earned but sometimes he was placed on different duty.

But neither made the snooping experience disappear. And that's how his unrelated issue happened to become days by more related.

All the while base came face to face with his window and the large starship started its docking process.

It wasn't his shift so he stayed on the dark deck and fought his demons alone.

Until just that- with a small push and groan Enterprise connected with the station gates and hydraulics overtook depressurization inside the chambers.

They had arrived.


	32. Another Line

**••Every night**

 **You wrote another line**

 **With a bloody, broken, bottle**

 **And every day**

 **You wish it away**

 **Why don't you pull the pin**

 **On that grenade**

 **You cuddle•••**

He was all packed up and ready. The cleanup of the hole he camped out for about couple weeks was now just as "neat" as he found it. Even dust was like before. Now he just finished up with wiping any print that could be hiding and whatever particles decided to grow attachments to the place.

His job was done. In few hours he'll be back. Just all dressed up and across the street. It felt huge and exciting as it felt terribly frightening and catastrophic.

Like there really were two options possible. To him it was just one singular outcome. He had to get it all done and take whatever he planned to take as well as bring the Roland's crew to their spot. One task with a side and all will be done and he could get his lungs work a bit longer. It was the sole purpose he had.

He struggled to draw air for a second longer as his eyes followed the catering organizer lady swing by and point her fingers and hand this way or that. Showing the young crowd of workers to near lines and scenarios as they hustled trays and boxes from large cargo trucks. The place was swarming like a bee hive. Each and every one had a task at hand and a place to be. Each second was full of action.

And the woman orchestrating all that was thriving in excitement and joy. It was her thing. Nate could see that easily. Determination and confidence. It shone through.

Her whole being was glowing some bright energy and even he could feel it.

He kept choking on his inhales as he saw her husband, some government or law enforcement official, stop by to kiss his wife with such loving energy and buzzing enthusiasm. It was a feeling he was barely familiar with. But he understood it and supported.

It just never was his life. So he's not here to judge them for that.

He observed them for a while as they kept talking and smiling at each other and Nate caught a picture on the phone he was showing her just for the woman's eyes flicker flash of sadness. Somebody in the picture was raising her concern but obviously he promised her something regarding the man's silhouette his eye caught briefly because she did smile, albeit slight tearfully.

The moment was short but he still caught the looks. The guy was looking flashing and especially dashing in a suit Nate recognized from Earth style. Old school classics from sixties era or something like that. Some legendary style iconic throughout centuries.

Nate himself used to have one suit like that. He also had a matching fedora and fancy cane to go along. Some snickered at his choice of costume but he just raised middle finger at them.

Some jazz music to flow the mood and it was almost cathartic.

The guy had similar ensemble except for the cane. He had some flashy watch and a bulk on the ankle.

But he did look gallant as fuck and Nate approved.

Sadly he couldn't catch exact facial features on the guy because the man who eerily reminded him of an FBI agent from Earth put the screen away and kissed his wife a goodbye.

Nate just barely managed to slip outside on the roof on the back when his lungs once again reminded him of the illness he had and that sometimes genetic engineering, or whatever shit it was, made little space for other genetic aspects and nature itself.

As the doctor once said he was just as lucky as the guy next door who won million dollars in a lottery but government just wanted to screw that up.

In other words he was fucked up and not even high tech medical science of the colonial world could help more than once in a while sprout a procedure to clean all the gunk out and completely wipe out the infection as well as restore some of the tissue. But like all the fancy stuff in life it came with a price. And it was really high.

But it was life and life always cost high. Nate could only last as long as he could keep it flowing every once in a while for just so long.

Other option was to completely grow a pair of lungs out of literal scrap- his own stem cells- and then try for transplant. It was extremely high risk and even higher extreme of funds called in.

Something a man of lower social level and no legal job or even title for himself, aside fugitive or criminal, could ever dream of. Not even the highest bidder would help him without some sort of decent title.

Even if the space was big enough and colonies and other explorers that occupied galaxies across the vast darkness could manage the technology he would always everywhere be just this piece of shit nobody ever wanted to deal with. He was and forever will be the shady type.

 _ **•• I wanted to believe**_

 _ **Bodies swinging from trees**_

 _ **Struggling to stand**_

 _ **With your head in your hands**_

 _ **A stoic last stand**_

 _ **Of a dying man •••**_

If there ever will be anything other than a bottle for his efforts to be alive Noel felt his duty to see it.

He wasn't one for being mollycoddled or treated like eggshell. He was made to be strongest piece of shit humanity can believe exists and that particular asshole guy next door wouldn't dare to bring to the bar.

Yet he was literally herded towards one and he could only feel his blood singing through his veins in anticipation. It sang for that bloody drink he could no longer live without. And before he faced the world he allowed himself that moment of truth- he was addicted to his booze, and not even a beautiful girl could lure him away. He was distracted by his pills so long to wash them down with something stronger.

For all the sorrow he faced in his own soul.

The broken man without life left to live yet full of hopes that something from the past will return his life inside.

And Samara had been right all along, way before she apologized seconds before his world exploded and turned dark.

She knew him so well and understood. Because they were same.

And Nate the poor guy he pulled down his own fall, he deserved better. Just another casualty to add the guilt weighing him down. All the burdens tossed on top of his heart and fizzling the poison of his darkness.

Noel wasn't saint. Never aimed to be. But he always placed others as worthy the saint title. He saw all the good in every single person around but never himself.

No, he wasn't worthy.

So then why he was here in this dark night about to be dressed up like the invalid he truly was he didn't know. They just kept him waiting until all staff members left and provided him the disabled service he was supposed to accept.

They knew he was supposed to accept the wheelchair and all buzz as he departed last among other disabled staff members and other parts of crew and guests because it was policy. And one he recognized from another place long centuries ago.

But if he kept his honesty trip, yes, he absolutely felt the call for that wheelchair even if they deemed him okay to walk by himself. His legs were turning into useless jelly and the pain in his back made any movement impossible. His hands were shaking worse like leaves in a tree in the fall wind.

No, he didn't deserve any of this. He was worthless. His life was empty even if he still loved flying.

But he will never have his own ship nor full control over a battle. Even if he was the best damn pilot after another guy that indeed became a light for the fleet way before he was done schooling.

He'd never be honored the way the other guy deserved. Because he didn't.

Like a ghost for years he kept getting this mock honor thing they just tossed at him like a bone to a dog. Because it was regulation, a policy flaw nobody cared for. He'd be forgotten anyway and kept in the dungeon below actual bridge crew cabins only to show up at console or bar out of spite and need for a booze.

Noel lost to Federation long ago. It was merely gentle and showing compassion in the eye of the whole Fleet and Federation admiralty for sole reason he was now getting escorted outside like a garbage can.

Just because he died on a rooftop of some Federation property and was revived for the whole universe to see what can happen to a shit like him who thought they were special. In reality he was shown that even if he could walk sometimes he will forever be disgrace of the Federation and Starfleet and they'd make sure whole universe will never forget.

That whoever created him is same scumbag as himself and therefore not worth a shit.

 _ **•• I wanted to believe**_

 _ **As I watched your world**_

 _ **Crumble in your hands •••**_

The suit was on now and time was just about to hit the bell. Neal felt his insides twisting around his ribs and trying to braid themselves.

He was indeed extremely nervous- something Neal Caffrey never was. He used to thrive in the nervous energy and aim it at his next heist.

Never like this.

Never this anxious about attending an event like gala. That one was always on his top list of events he wanted to trick Peter into taking him and especially get a bonus point if El was along.

And that woman always did cater some fancy events as her credibility raised and reviews thrived.

People loved fancy stuff and her finger foods always came to public as best imaginable.

Yet this time it felt completely wrong.

On one side it was suddenly Peter dragging Neal along.

On the other- Neal was utterly afraid of it.

Two things that for the first time got tangled around the familiarity of days in past.

And maybe it did happen too fast, too unexpected, for the conman to wrap his mind around. Because it has never had happened before and as capable Neal was in adjusting this just blew so much out of what was once deemed safe.

He kept staring at the mirror that showed a gaunt face with grey hued skin. Skin that had sheen covering it.

All the bones in his skeleton stuck out as if he was an unfinished painting base sketch. He could literally see the sharp edges and shadow contrasts that oddly and equally eerily reminded pencil or charcoal stokes.

His eyes felt too big and too bright. The cerulean blue dimmed by endless nights of self hate. They almost seemed half dead. With darker shadowing emphasizing months of nightmares and self loathing moments.

Neal tested a smile and his lips cracked at the long forgotten emotion. It felt hollow.

Cheeks sunken in left small creases casting shadows like spiderwebs.

Maybe he did look like zombie if he even knew how one must look like. At least skin color matched for sure.

Neal glanced down at the silhouette his body cast and while it's been just recently he noticed the brand new suit already looked too big on him. The sleeves felt like some creature's wings flapping hopelessly against time and pressure.

And heavens if he actually felt his skin flapping along inside the shirt. It's been already a while since he was able to hold his pen steady for long enough to scribble a note. It all felt so distant.

Like time has trickled past twice as fast and tenfold more. And maybe it really did.

On this planet time felt weird and all wrong but he no longer held Earth's time to compare. His watch simply died about a week ago if that was even a week. To him it felt more like a year and made regret not paying attention to those introductory classes and lectures for new colonists.

He was a colonist. Word that described every soul stepping off those evacuation fleet ships.

Too many for him to count and all full to the brim with people from Earth.

But only he felt like actual zombie trying to claim a territory.

Even if he had no impulse nor inspiration to do more than sleep all the time and fight his demons inside.

He knew his façade will crack more. It does it nonstop. And it will break tonight. Night he dreaded like being thrown to DC unit for his bad behavior. Threatening another agent with a stolen gun after swinging through a window while holding on a string of curtain.

It made him sick just recalling it did happen. All of it under conspiracy Kate dropped off in her evasive manner.

Like he'll always be the one to take the fall.

Kate was like something that still hurt but not enough to cause breakdown again. But he's done his few long ago. They'd even sort of put him on suicide watch after the explosion. From snippets Neal learned how hard he tried to throw himself into the plane remains. How hard he wanted to go along her. She'd always been the one to draw Neal in. And he always fell for her. Even if what she asked in return was too impossible Neal will always be the guy to do it.

Only he failed one last time and now he lost everything he thought he worked his hardest to achieve. He failed everything and everyone. He never deserved all the good coming his way.

He should've died along the planet he loved so much…

 _ **••**_

 _ **I wanted to believe**_

 _ **As you raised your glass**_

 _ **To your last stand**_

 _ **And I wanted to believe**_

 _ **You would win**_

 _ **The war in your head**_

 _ **That I did not understand...**_

 _ **I did not understand…•••**_


	33. Diamonds You See

**_And in the night, you hear me calling_**  
 ** _You hear me calling_**  
 ** _And in your dreams you see me falling, falling..._**

It was so pretty.

Like nothing much else was needed to be said about the fact the great hall looked just as majestic as the ballroom within.

You couldn't tell from the outside that on the inside it looked this amazing.

It was all sparkly and full of diamonds. The huge chandelier in the middle above the dance floor was shimmering small dots of rainbow all over the room and adjoining other sparkles of rainbows from smaller sized chandeliers on the sides.

Despite all the number of those shiny things the light was kept more ambient than anything.

Besides the whole thing had some candlelight too. Although it wasn't feeling like the actual candle emitted light it still had this softness and warmth about it.

El's breath caught in her throat every single time she entered the building. While the outside made it feel old and half abandoned it was just a hoax to drive unwanted attention elsewhere. Because the scruff looking building held some majesty in it from the days long centuries ago. That was what El saw in it anyway. The material held some breath of times it lived through from what she felt touching the wall alone. It was the main floor outer decorative wall. In color it came close to a subdued stormy sky color. As if it could become a tornado cloud any moment. It felt unique coloring for a building but what it made unique was the sensational side of the place. The air it held and made people feel something. Almost magical feel of something that was long in the past but still wanted to be remembered.

So El kept admiring the wall while trying to work out details of how the inside should tie up with the exterior. But that was one part.

Other matter was the next exterior part. The upper façade that held another tone of color. It was much darker but at the sine time it had some sort of sheen over the base tone.

To El it reminded midnight sky blue mixed with silver and silvery-diamond flakes. Or something close to that.

In a way it looked eerily when the night hit. Because dark made it all look shimmer and very pretty while still kinda creepy.

Nonetheless it looked beautiful and majestic.

Now there was a large red carpet rolled out on the front because there was supposed to be entrance from the ground level as well.

But most important was the upper rooftop that will be hosting large number of guests from very high levels of society so the rest invitees which included all the lower level security staff and El's catering staff with the various amounts of reporters and people like that.

What the upper part brought was even more charm. There was also a red carpet but it was a different kind. It had very dark red hue- which oddly enough reminded her of blood, and such reminder for the woman made slightly squirmy on the inside- that was also looking silvery black.

Well while the colors in this world sometimes seemed weird and creepy they also were not only intriguing but also very beautiful and breathtaking.

El just hoped Neal would get to enjoy the whole deal. She didn't know full details yet as Peter kept some things from her regarding their favorite ex-con slash CI.

Now that the thought of her dear friend came back to her mind the woman couldn't push past the worry that has been eating her away for the past who-knows-how-long time. She knew Neal was struggling in some way. The whole rush and moving away from not just his home but the whole planet had thrown the man off some mental cliff and now he was left all by himself to survive. And all the weird isolation made her worry of Neal's mental state.

Even she or Peter got thrown off the balance and with all the mess they lost Satchmo somewhere on the ship. For a while both were really sad and stressed out because while animals were considered a hassle and burden many were still allowed either as service animals or very special pets. They got Satch allowed because of their status. Thanks to Peter being an FBI agent.

And then they found their dog among some of the lost luggage and animals and also with loads of new buddies that turned to be some lost FBI or police search dogs.

That night El felt like crying for a whole year because somehow the dog being lost for a bit was like most fear she had since some of the craziest moments with Neal with them. Sure she was a strong woman but sometimes she was just as scared and helpless as another next door.

Seeing their beloved dog returning back home made her feel maybe Neal will too. Because when she was being totally honest with herself she missed her cheerful and creative friend. Neal was really unique man and he deserved the chance to be the man he was trying so hard to become in those years since Peter took him in. It was in a way sad to see him not getting to have that life fully and mostly he just felt subdued.

El so badly wished to just head to their office and give that boss if theirs some piece of her mind. It all felt so unfair and she just couldn't help feeling trapped.

However El knew if there was one person feeling truly trapped it was Neal.

She spent enough time hearing about the so called quarantine period that was necessary for hard deal people to help adjusting.

Which in her book was straight under "bullshit" category. Not for a second the woman believed such crap. They simply didn't want to give Neal his freedom because he was exactly as unique as his file said so they just didn't know what exactly they were supposed to do with the man. Peter though, he bought the whole thing and just because he was who he was. Maybe he had some doubts or fears that he kept to himself, he never mentioned anything.

And that was point she hoped to get to speak to the man himself under the disguise of worried friend she was and behind mystery being her event. Because as she was going through the building and making notes of many tiny details regarding her job she couldn't help but also look up possible escape routes and dark corners to sneak into crevices for a talk. Neal had taught her well and not once she went home thankful of that. Neal was amazing at keeping such things on hand while being ready to spring any second. And to honest El felt she badly needed that too. Especially if her husband's work collided with his private life. Or when Neal's past decided to catch up and use his gentle nature that held deep care for people he loved that he was ready to sacrifice himself for them.

That was one thing El saw in the man and reason she forgave so much. Because since they one she felt he had a heart like nobody and while he mostly was decided dangerous or flight risk he was just protective of his family. And damn that deep loyalty. He was literally Satchmo in human clothes. It was adorable as hell but it also attracted trouble. Some that happened way too deep to get out of.

 _ **Breathe in the light**_  
 _ **I'll stay here in the shadow**_  
 _ **Waiting for a sign, as the tide grows**_  
 _ **Higher, and higher, and higher...**_

El walked all the way through the building and realized each floor was holding a theme with minimal difference from the last. But was tying them all together was the diamond shimmer of every surface and rainbow spots from the chandeliers.

Amidst it all was many artifacts and art pieces. Something vaguely reminding of Met. And that was a line than this easily crossed it.

El almost had to wipe a tear from the corner of her eye. Emotions were starting to creep up and take over. But how it could not when every single inch of the place was calling Neal's name. Because there also were ice sculptures that somehow never showed signs of melting and some even looked like they were alive.

Most amazing and breathtaking part was the ballroom. The floor was incredible and El felt like all her childhood tales had come true.

It was color changing but also looked like water. But the actual vibe was of a large crystal alcove or even cave inside a crystalline mountain. And the colors reminded her of aurora borealis aka the northern lights. The special part came when feet touched it. Actually anything that touched the floor.

It literally shimmered with diamonds in all colors of rainbow or those aurora lights. The glow intensified when a feet touched it and it was so magical.

Then came the hallways that had black silvery shimmer covered soft carpets but when you touched the carpet with your feet it took up soft glow that strongly reminded of some sparkly nail polish El had week ago. Maybe she'll return to that to get her matched to the interior.

Because it all strongly reminded a movie El saw long ago where there was a planet that flowed at night when anything was touched. That was visually impressive in 3D and months after El felt the theme sticking with strong hold. Peter just giggled at her and kissed her for that.

That was like ten years ago. Well.. couple thousand actually.

 _ **Each shade of blue**_  
 _ **Is kept in our eyes...**_

 _ **Secrets from the winds**_  
 _ **Burnt stars crying...**_


	34. It's Always The Shadows That Remain

Breathing in the air after spending a year of air being stuffed into your face from vents above your head was something Noel always felt most happy about fresh off board.

He never liked artificial air after his own attempts at not to die while zapped to the angels. And he'd spent his time in hospitals strapped to all kinds of breathing equipment to know and appreciate actual atmosphere.

While he still knew Earth had the best one to date this one wasn't bad either. If anything it was kinda easy to inhale most times.

However he felt the years and endless injuries and his own self-destructive tendencies had lessened that easy flow from decade ago. Maybe he won't age like regular humans or at least what Earth population was. Not that he was mutant or anything.

However something had happened all those years ago that made him not to loose years anymore.

 _ **I love the darkness and the shadows**_

 _ **where I can be alone with my thoughts.**_

His feet shuffled awkwardly across the hall and towards the reception area of the shuttle station. It will bring him to the main offices where his next step is going to be assigning a vacation time before the next round. If he compared to the Earth years this one felt ten times as long, it maybe it was because of space being space it never had exact timeline.

And if he went even deeper space indeed felt timeless.

After all it was the inhabitants of the vast area that made time real and meaningful.

 _ **Time, that's an abyss a thousand nights deep.**_  
 _ **Centuries come and go.**_

Noel just wanted to get rid of that uniform of Starfleet and change into something soft and comfortable and stretch out all of his limbs one at the time and all together before smashing a hypo in his neck and three more in his back and then put on his IV bags running overnight and sleep.

Yeah, nice dreaming, bud… he told himself grumpily. He had way less time for any of that this time. The man decided to make it happen anyway. While he'll leave out getting stoned part and cut his stretch session in half with only two bags simultaneously pumping him full of good stuff there will be enough time to scramble some decent uniform for the event.

He did need to get somewhere to sit down though, and very soon. It was almost like routine that his legs made up his mind without his brain being involved at all. He just felt that whatever was left on the sensitive side was getting numb already and within next five minutes his feet will not be able to lift up from the floor at all.

Common side effect from being seated in that damn buckle seat he always hated on shuttles. They never was supposed to seat a guy with disability especially spinal kind.

Now his body was making it a point for its soul within to understand the bad treatment it had to endure and receive appropriate punishment. Like he ever took it too much to heart.

Usually his body made itself clear after enough amount of buzz to become best friends with its host again.

But this was one of the days it will have to wait at least until another daytime passed to get that dose of buzz.

For now he just had to endure his shuffling feet and hope that the luggage will arrive soon enough so he'd avoid smashing ground.

The hall was already full of people from other shuttles and year-lease ships and the line for luggage looked more like direct round of equator rather than actual line for their shit.

And before that he still had to get to sign into his log and give back the passes and badges.

Paperwork was still paperwork just as bureaucracy even if it mostly went digitally.

His watch made a beep that sounded too weak even to his own ears as if the dummy was trying to express its condolences for its wearer's own depressing feeling setting in.

He turned on his heels and slowly shuffled his way down to another corridor that looked less downtrodden with masses.

Taking his spot by the wall he fished out all his credentials and set to wait in the long line of officers with set faces while another surge of actually beaming youngsters from academy shuttles tumbled by. Their cheer and excitement made his own resentment even heavier. And the itch for some dark liquid down his throat even deeper.

But all he could do was to nibble on some pills and hope his spine will hold on for a bit. He sensed the tingling getting inside all the little books and crannies slowly numbing its way down. He wished for a stool or at least some niche in the too straight wall to lean against a bit more comfortable and stable. Because while he knew the risks he didn't enjoy wheeling around in his old chair in front of cadets and other crowd. That he usually kept for his ship on worst days or the Gala.

Not that he was ashamed of his state but something about being in a chair in this particular scenery made his hair stand. Maybe it was the fact he was indeed vulnerable like this, with thousand crowd all around instead of a stage or maybe just a seated position among elite that hired guards and offered food.

And he was dumb enough to pack his cane away so it was only the wall holding his slowly creeping paralysis at bay for a moment longer.

 _ **Death is not everything,**_  
 _ **there's way worse.**_  
 _ **Can you imagine**_  
 _ **lasting centuries long**_

After a, seemingly not that long but with so many people mingling about their businesses, long moment his line begun moving thankfully fast. He deemed that a good sign. His watch made another beep that somehow sounded way too cheerful and Noel also felt hope. Albeit he knew after two more beeps he will be in heavy need for his chair and a banana bag and whatnot.

Luckily he saw his turn just right there.

It took almost eternity inside the tiny broom closet they called an office for his paperwork to be done and over for the time being. Noel though felt his reserves being close to all used as he nearly fumbled down the escalator after his luggage.

It didn't happen thankfully so he eagerly creeped towards his line just as he passed by a bunch of Federal agents. They were standing next to a crowd of Federation officers from their starship and some Admirals he recognized from some holos.

And there was he…. Noel blinked so fast like never before at the sight of a young looking man in Federal uniform suit (as he tend to call the ones he once knew as the FBI and who all wore same style suits). But as he stared openly at those features he almost fell of his feet, literally.

However the moment was quickly over as he shook his head and lost his already wavering balance and toppled over some luggage case somebody rolled right past.

And after five minutes of humiliating explaining that it was his spinal injury letting itself known again and he should've taken his chair and the old guy apologizing for not watching his case the moment was over.

The crowd with the man, who could never be his Nate although looked like he could be, was long gone.

Any fluttering feeling that he was feeling before was amplified by thousand and he felt as if a bottom has been taken out and he was falling into an abyss.

Sure it had become obvious to the nearest folks and in seconds there was his own small crowd gathered around his shaking body. Nate….

 _ **Time is like a canyon, a thousand nights deep.**_  
 _ **Centuries come and just go by.**_

He came to his senses a while later and it happened with a gasp and hyperventilation. For a moment there was confusion as he was seeing room that wasn't the hall he was trying to get his own bags.

That definitely wasn't any room he was familiar with and it creepingly reminded him of a hospital room. The thought alone sent goosebumps all over his body.

But he wasn't allowed long to let his scattered brain to float around his musings. A formal looking nurse suddenly appeared in front of his face and stuffed an oxygen mask over his face and told him to calm down and take deep breaths. As if it was easy to him in this state. She kept talking to him in a tone that made him feel a little bit like a baby and he tried so hard to take deep breaths.

That was when his brain connected back to his body and he realized with a start that it wasn't because he literally saw Nate's doppelgänger but because the damn injury made itself truly known and he somehow reached his limits on one mere day.

So Noel swatted the nurse's hands away and squeezed out that it was indeed his recurring paralysis that not only leaned down but also snaked itself upward so his lungs were getting numb and hard to cooperate with all the nerve impulses and that he indeed has a tiny med-kit on him that was created for such emergencies.

The overly young girl just nodded her understanding and moved to hastily grab and search his small crossbody for the meds. Which she did locate impressively fast and administered. Meds took some moment to kick in which made him realize his first mistake. He forgot to take them the moment numbness started to creep outside it's usual area. Rookie mistake or some fucked up self-destruct syndrome who knew but he totally ignored his body screaming at him for being idiot and now he paid the price.

Usually it would be after he took especially dark mood to his private bar after outdrinking all his crew members and woke up unable to breathe because his lungs went half paralyzed sometime towards morning because booze made his body too heroic and simply asshole to notify his brains early enough.

Maybe not a rookie mistake but he wasn't drunk either. To that thought he started to crave a bar right now. And his designated apartment held more than his share of a full cargo load of booze both Earth and alien.

The nurse was chatting away like she didn't expect him to speak and said they'd need some tests to run as he was showing signs of this and that to which he just waved his hand at her efforts and told he's fine again and only missed his dose while waited for luggage and there's no need to be admitted or anything.

He just fucking saw the man he's been having relationship with for many years just never declared anything permanent as their lives weren't exactly spotless from their youthful mistakes. And while he could believe it was him his heart was sensing something else he'd totally missed so it was just powerful distraction that led him off course.

But the nurse didn't need to know that so he just said he's all fine now and she has no need to worry over him or do anything else than let him go to finally retrieve his bloody fucking bags and catch a shuttle into the city.

After two rounds of hard debate with another nurse he was finally released back into the main hall to gather his stuff and no thank you he could walk on his own to get his manual chair all by himself without falling on his ass so bye-bye.

Slightly fuming he finally got to the last line for luggages and in a very short moment got free card to get there all the way before the rest of crowd scowling at him for daring to flip his disability allowance in the face of an attendant to get there first.

But for all he cared he'd just middle-finger at them and eagerly grabbed his rolling case and packed chair with his cane and folded walker.

Now all he needed was to catch some form of transport to get the hell out of there.

For his endless luck he only was left with hover-cabs and grounded cabs as the first round of shuttles were long gone while he was getting his bearings at the medstation. Damn this day, he gloomily thought, and flagged one of the grounded cabs as he sure knew he'd do with the fare enough to get home and have leftover for some food order.

But the thoughts and all forms of decent meal plans left him once more as they slowly crawled their way through traffic which was impressive to even LA or NYC standards as it seemed whole planet wanted to take old school transportation methods. He spotted them again.

This time he took in the bunch of people using the standstill traffic to his advantage.

There was taller man with kind but somewhat stern face and broad shouldered build. Air around him literally wafted importance and seriousness. If he was to judge the man was through and through an FBI agent if he ever knew any.

There were also another man with black skin and a woman also slightly colored that definitely had air of same range as the first man.

And that left the man in question. Nate's lookalike.

He couldn't really be Nate, there were distinguishable features Noel clearly could tell he was very similar if not almost same, but it couldn't be because Nate had scars on his face that Noel could recognize even in complete darkness let alone broad daylight.

Also this man seemed to lost quite amount of weight unlike Nate who had always been on the bony-slim side. Those two features were obviously different looks on either man.

And there definitely was something missing in the man's eyes. That spark that gave people the lively appearance.

Now that the cab was pretty much standing next to them he could discern the differences in both men. This guy's suit even looked deflated from the loss of skin on the bones of its wearer. Despite the shape not being the greatest and form fitting it all was still pretty much noticeable.

Another thing was the hair. The shine has gone in fading. But the tone was different though. In hair color there always came difference. If person was more outside goer and spent time in sun he knew hair will become lighter, same tended to happen with water.

This guy's hair were a bit darker and curls slightly less springy while Nate's hair had some mild highlights and much more prominent curls. And he most of the time had his hair messy and all over the place. This man obviously liked somewhat neat look and had half an inch less length.

And the eyes.

That was another paragraph entirely. Nate's always reminded Noel of deep oceans while the stranger had more sky-like eye color.

Whoever he was though he seemed deeply troubled and depressed. As far as he could hazard a guess he wasn't actual agent, more like a side. What they used to call them- consultants?

He also walked somewhat stiffly as if something was holding his ankle. And there Noel drew a breath, that was still a bit lazy to come, and realized he possibly had an inkling of what he's seeing.

Sure they were from Earth.

Albus-7 folks were much alike but had many small differences. Most weren't direct descendants of human race so they were deeply mixed. And their features and appearance made them distinguishable from Earth humans. Also there was Earth evacuation not long ago and majority was moved to this system and planet as best option or simply because Albus's government and folks were kind and wanted to help their friendly colony. Well, in fact, Earth wasn't technically a colony, but who cared now.

And so it was obvious who was born here and who wasn't.

Finally the traffic moved just as the group started to separate, leaving the doppelgänger and the senior agent alone. They seemed to be going too so as they started to move the cab moved and for couple more minutes they still dated in his line of sight. Doppelgänger obviously walked awkwardly but tried to hide it. He also had some restrictions in other places that he did his best to hide while the agent was glaring skepticism at him all the way.

Then traffic took its cue and they skipped a whole row and moved ahead in gusto. But Noel was still back on the sidewalk next to the man who resembled his lover and baby brother way too much for it being just a coincidence.

He didn't much believe in coincidences so it meant only couple things that were actually possible.

But to investigate that part of their past he desperately needed Nate and his brilliant mind and that spark in his eyes that, despite his own troubles and hardships, seemed to be there always.

And if he was being honest he terribly missed the man. But for the most part he badly missed the old times and their shenanigans because it was also the time he truly felt happy.

Today it was like shadows that will always remain…

 _ **Breathe in the light**_  
 _ **I'll stay here in the shadow**_


	35. Reminisce

_**We tried to run, we tried to hide in fear of losing ourselves,**_

 _ **We tried to keep it all inside so we don't hurt someone else,**_

 _ **When all the demons come alive I'll still be under your spell,**_

 _ **This could be heaven or hell**_

 _ **••••••••••••••**_

It felt like forever for Nate to begin the whole prepping process. Roland was calling him almost nonstop with so many questions and warnings he barely was able to file them away to leave room for his own planning.

He'd done the whole thing long ago, while scouting the place and observing the area and stuff, but putting down his points once more made him feel more centered and calm and made the process easier.

He also had to make room for backup plans for his and the group's backup plans so it was more intricate than anyone would suspect.

They will have one last meetup three hours before the thing was supposed to go air and it was making Nate nervous. Some foreboding feeling made his skin crawl and hairs on his arms stand.

But he was slowly going to his plan points and that unfortunately also included his treatment session. Just in case he'd take extra meds and one more nebulizer before the meetup and for safety measure there will be included two inhalers as well. He already put his clothes down and packed his runner's backpack. There was possibility that he'd had to shed his coat or something so he had another layer folded just in case. He specifically chose thrifted coat that he'd not miss and for sure he kept his undergarments ready for flight.

Black slacks that were form fitting and a turtleneck, also black. He chose black furry waistcoat under which the flat bag with his stuff will be hidden. The boots were classy and presentable while feather light and comfy.

For once he'd comb his hair and style his curls into more presentable fashion.

Also he prepared lots of hidden pockets and extra pockets for stuff he might need to keep closest.

That also meant he'd keep his meds on his person at all times.

The prep also included tryouts during the week before and luckily everything on him will go along and not seep out his energy.

But one thing concerned him the most was his health. His lungs in particular. Tone was running out faster than he could afford.

Last week he noticed his oxygen levels were much lower than two weeks before and small decline about a month before that. Breathing was becoming harder task but luckily the planet wasn't that hard handle. The atmosphere was easier than it used to be on Earth so he realized he most likely would be suffocating by now on his birth planet. Which didn't make it easier to accept.

His time was running out and he was scared like never before. Maybe because it was his own life.

And when the push became a shove he knew this was his only chance to make it through enough to find Noel and spend his last moments with him.

He loved the man with all his heart so being in this situation was making it harder. Mostly because he knew the love was double sided. Noel loved him back just as much.

Which was what he feared the most. For that man's sake foremost. Because to live the sad miserable life without the love of his life beside was something everyone deep down feared the most. Lonely, empty life that led to self destruction because the only reason to live happily wasn't there- that wasn't what he wanted neither for himself nor Noel. Anybody actually, at this point.

So he had to make it no matter what it cost. He'd die happy if he'd die in his love's arms and the rest wouldn't matter. Noel once made it clear he didn't want to leave him alone at his last moments even if that meant loosing him. He'd said that he'd be happy to be the last Nate saw and while it would hurt him badly he'd be cherishing that moment until his own life ceased to exist. Preferably if they'd die together in each other's arms but either way he'd feel Nate was safe.

Sure Nate knew of Noel's problems. He was once paralyzed from that terrible incident that led to all their miserable state, but the guy took it to the level he was spiraling out of control. Samara knew it all along he was the self destructive type. She told Nate that they must not be separated because it would lead to Noel killing himself. Maybe not in direct suicidal way but definitely with something depressing.

Back then the guy already showed signs. Whenever they'd gather for drinks he was unstoppable and impossible to outdrink. Which scared Nate.

Now that so much time has passed he did fear that. If the last time was anything to go by.

He knew that on the long space travels he'd be wallowing in guilt and depression like it was his skin. And Nate knew he was drinking even harder. Which worsened his already bad health. And not just plain drinking. He was on heavy narcotics for the pain and other stuff to keep him moving.

They didn't get regular education but he knew enough of medicine and science to tell Noel was in deep shit. Even if they managed to get him stable enough to function independently he was still treacherous.

The threat of loosing to his injury was always looming over.

That scared Nate shitless.

Basically both of them were super terrified to loose to their health issues because it would mean to loose each other.

So he made his plans for all occasions he could come up with. Because he did not trust Roland a hair length and that was something he knew to keep in mind.

So there he was with his plans and stuff and getting a moment for his declining health, all the while knowing and keeping it real. Anything still could go wrong at any point either because the men decide to ditch him with the stuff or his lungs giving him hard time. Hell, even his heart may just as well be done with him. Or he may see someone and get distracted. Still too many ways to fail and loose. Despite all his careful planning and all.

So he didn't get up his hopes and kept to reality. Being realistic was best in this case. He couldn't just sail through a heist like happy-go-lucky and believe that it would never stand a chance to fail miserably.

Nope, that was never him. Samara was the optimist one and Noel used to be opportunistic kind. But that was before. After was just him and all the shit that could go wrong because he lived to see it happen and suffer consequences.

Not just him.

He once let his guard down and it burned them all. Guilt he'd live with till his last second no matter what they said. None could change his feeling. Same as turn back the time and fix it.

Maybe it was for best. Nate's been often pondering all the what if's and whatnots which always led to one- it's what it is and better be smart now than loose even more.

So many times he'd been back to that day and moment and they couldn't do anything better than what they did aside not going there. But what would one expect from bunch of teens growing up in a battlefield train camp? They all came from the same place and experienced same shit. They'd been together through thick and thin and came out shiny. Heck they even escaped that hell and went on shenanigan filled years before one misstep took them all apart and left two of them carrying the guilt and consequences on their skin to the rest of their lives.

So he just knew he had to keep pushing on until he made it. Even if it was for just a moment.

 _ **•••••••••••••**_

 _ **I've got the same deep wounds as you,**_

 _ **My love can double as a weapon too**_

 _ **Say that you trust it and I'll set it free,**_

 _ **Turn it back on me**_


	36. Internal Shadowland

_**Musing through memories,**_

 _ **Losing my grip in the grey.**_

 _ **Numbing the senses,**_

 _ **I feel you slipping away.**_

 _ **Fighting to hold on**_

That was basically all he could hope and prepare for until they actually stepped their feet into the hall. The event was calling together so many high socialites and was held by the high rise of the city. At least that was most Neal knew and cared for. His presence was only asked for because he was within the same newcomer group and they either wanted to showcase how helpful they'd been and supportive of the colony in need. Or they just were eager to rub it in that it's all now about them and for the evacuees to see who's the boss in the house.

Either way Neal wasn't convinced about higher ups' true intentions and motives behind not showcasing Neal as a criminal he was before sudden evac.

His senses and inner Mozzie was screaming of scheming from the government and within the colony itself as it was a member of some Federation that united many galaxy systems and planets into some sort of union that was supposed to have all rules set and regulations in place. In other, or more Mozzie's, words- control over the society.

Big Brother was truly having long reach. Something Neal knew not even him was happy about. Also it was strongly against what Mozzie believed and tried to make Neal see too.

"He's not here, moron," that small and angry, accusing voice inside him protested and he hung his head low, against his chest, in what may have been shame or maybe regret.

Mozzie was somewhere and untraceable. Nobody saw him nor heard. He was like that ghost that kept returning but nobody seemed to be truly aware. He just wished to be told what was going on and how to live the life he just lost to something he couldn't control.

Like something from the deepest layers of his failing brain. Each night there came this inkling of a dream that wasn't really a dream, he suspected, and left residual drops of some darkness he couldn't grasp but always felt inside.

While he rarely allowed anyone to see it in the daylight, Neal Caffrey possessed darkness within. It was deep and violent but also subtle and shy. It only happened to come out when he needed to be saved.

And most likely WitSec did save his soul a bit by dragging his sorry ass elsewhere and giving him new name and family that maybe never truly was his blood relatives. They just kept saying they were but his heart while kind and big enough never felt the connection that way.

He was supposed to be a bad sport and a brat nobody cared about. They tried to break him by giving the shit story about his daddy being the black sheep and killing someone over money because he was just a corrupt cop that got too deep. But something deep inside allowed him to hope it wasn't. That it all was just a bad dream.

That was like millennia ago. It felt just too far back Neal struggled to reach for that.

Like all his memories and emotions were left too far back and he couldn't reach that far away so he just latched the feelings he'd associated with said memories as the only way to tether them.

He never told that to Peter nor June nor anyone.

Almost too ashamed by those weird feelings and strange snaps of something dark. But it wasn't thing he would let out unless there was somebody knowing exactly what it was.

 _ **The ghost by my side, so perfectly clear.**_

 _ **When I awake, you'll disappear,**_

 _ **Back to the shadows**_

His suit was on and he took that long appreciative look at the reflection he was made to see in the damn mirror every day. While he looked pretty much strangers with his nutrition plan and very new to food concept he also lacked some muscle groups too. Which was not what worried the ex-con too much. He knew his body will regain its former glory the moment the gloom will be replaced with something akin to his old life and the spark will return.

But on days like this all he wanted was to disappear into shadows and not be seen. The suit was okay and the lady that tailored it after his measurements did her best. However how one could actually dress up a literal skeleton without it looking too bony was almost impossible so Neal didn't blame her for it lacking the former finesse that once lived in every single piece of clothing he came to own. And maybe the clothes truly carried some part of their wearer soul and that was what he had lost for a while there.

Currently all he wanted was to get through the night and be done. His most prayers went for staying relatively invisible the whole event.

But the fear was real. He was, after all, an unprecedented case of criminal being integrated into a life of a consultant and with his acquired skill set was made to work against his natural instincts. He was what they understood a tamed wild animal so they needed to see that. They wanted to get that note it has worked and that it might work for their society too. Like circus or zoo.

It made Neal sick. He'd seen this shit most of his life and he just knew being successful con artist or thief didn't mean future will not shit in his face. For all he cared he could be still in jail. And as far as he knew from snippets of the grapevine at the office those behind bars and happened to be more like Neal got that ride, the rest of the ones with heavier crimes under their belt got their last meal and perdition for their failed attempts at life.

Neal felt deeply disgusted by the whole thought but without his best ally wagging those bad thoughts and emotions away and distraction worth his brain to get other things to focus on Neal found his mind drifting off to the deep dark alleyways that kept pulling him towards the darkness he's been fighting for most of his life.

 _ **Phantom be still in my heart**_

 _ **Make me a promise that**_

 _ **Time won't erase us**_

He opened his eyes to a knock on the door and almost tripped over his feet while trying to finish up his dressing. He'd lost the time again. Blackouts still happened and he was almost too desperate in his prayers not to be taken out on the stage.


	37. Follow Me Home

**Say you have a little faith in me**

 **Just close your eyes and let me lead**

 **Follow me home**

Nate stepped into the dark room that he had taken up as his temporary residence. His eyes roamed over the dusty walls and heavily cloaked windows. Nothing in that hole made him feel home but it did it's purpose as expected.

Well, not the dusty walls and everything else dusty or moldy. It actually was one of the main suspects in why his lungs got so worse in such a short time.

Also it explained a whole lot more but his most problem was not to suffocate in sleep.

However this was just a moment in the place. He just needed a room that had a bed and a toilet somewhere nearby. That was only reason. The price was low for obvious reasons.

And it was the time to say goodbye and move on and hope for the best. Nate had packed already, which wasn't much to begin with since he only owned the medical stuff and just a couple of clothe changes. It all went into a duffel for particular cause- runaway.

It was his most used strategy of the dark side. And since there always was a tiny drone or vehicle ready to wipe away just a thought away Nate was just constantly ready to run. It's like his very whole life and purpose. Always be ready.

It just never hit him to what…

His incredibly blue eyes roamed over the suit placed on the bed all snuggly and dark like the abyss his mind tried to be. But there came that incredibly deep shade of super dark blue like never seen. It was not just a cast that bright light or sun rays would leave behind. No, it was the color itself. So incredibly deep and captivating like the depths of the oceans itself. What it was still boggled the mind of many himself including. Nate has seen many types and shades of colors but this, he was sure, didn't exist on Earth in his time.

And the moment you touched it would turn alive and so, so deep.

The suit still fit him well despite his body becoming a skeleton.

Originally hand tailored and crafted like pure piece of art. By heart with a soul.

The person who made this was a dear friend with a great talent and someone Nate appreciated deeply.

He still sometimes wondered where and if his oldest allies and friends and fellows had gotten to.

But he had to push the thought away before he turned into a sap more than he was. His heart kept shattering more and more at the mere thought of his missing piece… Noel….

 **Phantom be still in my heart**

 **Make me a promise that**

 **Time won't erase us**

One last look at the city below his feet and the life it led while the last rays of sun licked at the sad, grey walls of tall buildings. One last breath huffed out in the final dregs of daylight as the sun kept sliding towards the oceans and seas far outside the city borders.

He still could make out the shape of massive waterfront somewhere past the endless forest of tall grey slabs of metal and glass.

That was it. Time to face the show and hit the road.

He quickly showered in the dank microscopic shower cabin that was squeezed between tiny sink and toilet seat. The walls covered in moldy spots and the curtains were simply done with its life. He felt disgusted but that was least worry for his mind now.

The undergarment was in place and he was stuffing the most necessities inside the pouch that will be hidden by the suit.

The suit was perfect and on top he put another magical piece of fabric. It was the ensemble but to him the coat felt and looked like water. The color was another piece of art far beyond mentioning.

Silver and deeply dark like water in the moonlight. Whatever it was it felt glorious and skin like.

There still was some time so he did one last nebulizer run and stuffed himself with meds. After that he summoned the tiny floater ship he'd taken up from scrapyard ages ago and turned into a creature of its own calling.

It was his trusted Mara. An honor to his late friend he lost long ago and who still was extremely painful memory to him and not just…

"Oh girl, it's a big day for us all…" his voice trembled ever so slightly. "I know you will do great just don't forget the emergency plan and wait for my directions. It's gonna be okay, I'll come back.." he spoke to his little one person cabin ship. It was truly super tiny. Once upon a time it was a part of Jellyfish class but some strong blast had taken it apart so he roamed the yard some more until he saw the fit.

He kept the cabin size adding some layer on the glass for privacy and joined small trunk for his possessions with engine from some tiny boosted trophy truck mix with micro-tech and combined it all into super tiny body.

In general it wasn't much bigger than old Earth's VW Beetle or Mini cars. He'd luckily found some guy's leftover tech of some old project and discovered it spike to him in energy so he knackered around until a micro engine technology was delivered and while it was seemingly some revolutionary design he just sensed its better stay as his personal thing.

But the engine was self-sufficient energy tech and he was just glad it all worked in the end.

The original cabin was in good shape and not even scrape on the chair or dash. Which was amazing for a scrap.

And the system it run originally was decently kept so Nate didn't have to build the whole ecosystem from zero. But he did revamped it completely and reprogrammed everything to his needs.

And when his system and internals were ready it begun to talk to him.

Tech always talked to him. It spoke in such ways he found easily lost among machines.

It also let him be able to manipulate and control anything that wasn't biological.

One day he even found a missing piece of the engine power source that held STARK INDUSTRIES logo. He knew the name from somewhere distant. Maybe a guy with tech mind too.

At least sounded like that.

So he named his rescue transport pod Mara Stark. And she was pretty beast once the secondary emergency power source was placed and stabilization locked in place. He painted her in the deepest blue he could find and sprayed various tiniest possible sized specks of silver and gold on top. And since the base under the blue wasn't a solid color and base was transparent some odd discoloration happened.

However it wasn't a bad thing eventually

Because now she truly looked like the sky and space itself. In the night she was absolute queen of the sky and Nate loved her.

Mara Stark was amazing creation.

He let his eyes follow her until the shield hid her from everyone. He knew his time has come and there was no way back now.

So with the one last look at the rooftops and sky full of stars Nate went back inside to clean out any evidence of his persona and locked the place up putting the key into the box by the door. He'd already paid beforehand so there was nothing to lead anyone here. At least for a while.

 **We've got everything to lose**

 **Yeah I'm waiting on you**


	38. Carry The Weight

_**So as I may carry the weight**_

 _ **All the doubt**_

 _ **I had in me has been allayed**_

 _ **So from now till the day that**_

 _ **I'm carried away**_

 _ **I will never walk around what stands in my way**_

 _ **Fuck if they ain't letting up, because neither will I**_

 _ **When I die from the ashes an eagle will rise**_

 _ **As long as my blade and my faith will keep me alive**_

 _ **Fear ain't something that you'll see in my eyes**_

Noel looked back at his room and tried to decide what else he would ever need for the event. His suit had already been delivered, all clean and freshly pressed. He was supposed to look fabulous even if he didn't feel it, nowhere near.

But it was pretty much a handicraft by any means. Old but rarely worn therefore still as new. Maybe not particularly fit for wheelchair but it was the only thing aside official Federation uniform. The brochure told event was formal but not obligatory uniformed so he had exactly two choices in clothing. One was fleet assigned uniform for formal events and other was his own formal choice which meant this particular piece of art.

In color indescribable and deep that vaguely made him feel as if he had been donned in the sky and water. Which was odd combination though the only one he could come up as a comparison.

Almost made him feel alive, which he of course was, but in a way alive on the inside. Which was a welcomed feeling since everyone knew their badass Lt. Allison was somewhat dead inside for a long time. Not that he'd made any remark on that opinion.

So he was staring at the beautiful creation, he knew was tailored to fit perfectly even if he didn't sport neither extra meat nor extra skeleton since the last time he wore it, and felt that tingle already starting to nibble at his senses.

Luckily his earlier medical issues got sorted out with some help from meds that he finally dig out from his long awaited suitcase, and his officially assigned assistant-slash-guide who was little too much excited about the chance to shine in the Gala and tried to dump his grumpy ass in the vibrating cheer.

To add his already waning patience he got two of them. Girl about age he could guess near adulthood and a boy who seemed in his teens. They were siblings and topping the cake some alien race that once came to the planet much like Earthlings as everyone seemed to call those coming from Earth in the latest rescue mission.

Luckily he always hid the fact he was one too. Some of locals liked to think Earth folk lower class and closer to slaves than actual people.

Other part liked to think these humans were like pets or antiques that wanted to be collected.

For himself he tried to avoid anything that called his opinion on those topics and he never involved himself into this judgmental party. While Federation was fully aware of his whereabouts and they accepted him as most of Federation consisted of Earth-descendants they didn't openly pointed at anyone for who they were and where came from.

So that wasn't neither secret nor billboard.

Shaking his jumbled head Noel sighed and reached for his suit. It felt as if full of electricity and life as his skin touched it and that made his sensitive nerves send tickle all the way through his body making the tiny jolts travel to all the wrong places. Least he needed to wake up his jitter reactions that would lead to his body giving jerking motions all night. He had enough with the odd nerve reactions where the most damage had been done. And while the chair definitely helped he never said he needed a display.

The earlier exertion was way too much already and both guides had been chiding him for not taking enough care of his body for the past few hours watching him like pair of hawks.

So he tried to do better.

In other words he had to stay off his liquor and injectables until he was back from the event.

And he wasn't the only one disabled person there after all. Federation wanted to show how much they cared for disabled rights and loved to show off the care by assigning guides and assistants to every disabled attendee so the public would see it.

In reality it was mostly for press and society. Nobody assigned anyone to a disabled person during missions or space travels. Unless they had it covered by their own money and whatnot.

His case was different and difficult to see as he was on one part tied to a crime life and he'd done many shady things in his life. His upbringing wasn't the clearest one to begin with so after being injured that badly while someplace still on most wanted list despite his outstanding aptitude test results and incredible ability to steer ships of any make made Federation run for their money even years later.

So one Admiral said word and took him in. After long rehabilitation and court attending he was given a chance to redeem himself in the eyes of universe.

And he made the decision to stick to that. In hopes that one day he'll be free again and could escape this endless circle of space travels and settle down someplace with his loved one and possibly have that family life he never had before.

The problem was the fact he came from a place that literally stripped his rights to have a life. He was genetically engineered super-soldier that was meant to never have his own persona and never be free to live.

What he originally believed was a military camp turned out to be secret independent organization that made soldiers for other organizations. He could be literally anything including spy and army. He was made to outlive most creatures and endure most terrible conditions and eventually go to a war.

But they changed their destiny by escaping the place and never finished the training.

In moments like these Noel often wondered whether it would be better if he'd stayed. He'd be sent off to some agency to be a spy or maybe sold to some secret government institutions and get sent to war zones and likes.

A tremor ran through his body at the mere thought of that possibility.

Maybe his destiny was indeed to become invalid and suffer consequences of his actions. Forever punished for not being who he was designed to be.

An old legend told about secret organization that made soldiers like him but they never wanted that fate, so they escaped and brought down the whole thing to be free in the end and counted as a part of society not some group of freaks that deserved less.

In a way they paved their own destiny while suffered from the problems that cane from being genetically engineered humans. Mutants they were called, meta-humans said others.

And while he didn't really know if was a legend or actual event regardless of that he believed in that one could make their own destiny.

 _ **I rid through the rain into the eye of the storm**_

 _ **Still carrying the flame, I've the torch**_

 _ **Failure comes at a price I can't afford**_

 _ **Never been half-hearted, I put my all in**_

 _ **Forfeited all just to answer my calling**_

 _ **Wearing the scars of the wars that I fought in**_

 _ **Should've been heading for the stars but I'm falling**_

The suit took its time and the rest was thankfully dealt with by the time his two assists returned.

They didn't comment any of his actions as obviously he'd dressed himself and even washed up so they just accepted his independence and moved to prep further what was expected.

Though it stuck to him as weird that they never returned any of his chitchat and was acting unlike from couple hours before.

It did feel super strange.

And super awkward.

But then it was all scheduled before and probably his attempts at independence made things bad for schedule. Which was nothing entirely new with Noel. He always made his own time and did things his way that nobody else approved unless he saved lives. That was Fleet and whole Federation for you. They cared for schedules and plans and everyone following their damn orders.

Noel was rebel. Despite his situation he did rebel against them even if it was in small ways like storing booze and excessively drinking. Even his meds were not entirely prescribed like he should've. Most of his stuff was pilfered from black market and old storages on other planetary systems. He even made effort to have his stash stored safely on his small spaceship.

Now he just needed to get rid of the kids for a bit and send off his beauty into the falling night.

And to do that he needed to either fake something or throw tantrum. Since he couldn't fake anything at this point because he could hear the voices of supervisors checking on the disabled floor and he had no option left but to throw his hissy fit.

So he did.

At first he begun whining about some shit missing from his bathroom to what one kid only went to check while the other stood soldier still by his side.

While creepy feeling intensified along with several suspicions seeming to be real, Noel found he actually had forgotten to clean up his chair and get new cushion so he made a fit out of that and added some nervous breakdown and kicked them out for being bad assistance. It seemed to work and with retreating noise of throwing things Noel crept his way up to roof.

So the thing with such floor planning and disability and actual sky scraper- which no, make it sky pusher - seemed absolutely insane. However once his brain reminded him that it was okay because it wasn't Earth and levitation happened it was perfectly logical to have easy access to higher levels and disabled transport mostly happened on higher decks with more comfort.

That fact replaced in his brain Noel turned back to his ship and prepped it up. Now he just finalized the mind sync and placed her inside the bracket his brain held out.

Connection happened easily and that left his old senses spike up and realign.

From there all that needed to do was to put her on ready to reach his signal and with that he placed the conn off and let the panther roam.

This was one great ship. For her literal VW Beetle size she held the power of full size Realta or Talla class ship.

And damn that little soul was so pretty.

A piece of another tech had once rounded up on the shore of Whabi- a river on the outskirts border or the metropolitan area. It had obviously come from colony ships as Earth technically still did this underground level so literally ninety six percent of Earth population had absolutely no idea space travel already existed. That didn't mean some freak techno folk with more money than the world together couldn't pull up a stunt. So with the logo he felt like remembering from his fucked childhood as he believed their weaponry actually was purchased on black market directly behind the Tony Stark's back. Well he was the inventor for the Stark Industries and logically that logo would be on his designs. And since they were supposed to be the future they were given those guns to train with.

But to see that logo on something that looked like power source from even further future felt out of place.

Nonetheless Noel grabbed the washouts which held loads of good tech and slinked back to his board to do some tinkering.

So the panther held Stark heart and soul while her style held hundred percent Noel Allison.

And she was worth all and every single second, breath and drop of blood he'd spent on her for those years.

And her name was kinda shady and mysterious and generally just weird for something like tiny craft- Narcho Vertega Stark.

Narcho because it still was his insignia and callsign. Vertega mostly because it was many things his insanity destroyed but also meaningful memories. And Stark because that was where his engine, power source and several important parts came from. And there he felt proud and accomplished.

 _ **When I die from the ashes an eagle will rise**_

 _ **As long as my blade and my faith will keep me alive**_

 _ **Fear ain't something that you'll see in my eyes**_


	39. Leap Of Faith

_**They'll say, no one can see us**_

 _ **That we're estranged and all alone**_

 _ **They believe nothing can reach us**_

 _ **And pull us out of the boundless gloom**_

The transport that came to pick the ex conman appeared on point and Neal made sure to be there, where the spot was set across the street from his sad accommodations, slightly before the set time.

He carefully set himself down inside the tiny autonomous vehicle that greeted him in smooth robotic voice that tried to hide its supposed gender.

It was cool inside and after hearing the approximate length of the ride Neal decided he could use some heater. The ride said nothing to that and just as Neal was done lifted up into the air. One of the things Neal wasn't enjoying too much was flying. Despite all his flight hours in all kinds of things and positions still couldn't make the fear fade.

 _••_

 _~ "We don't know anything about him. It's like he didn't exist before his eighteen birthday. It's like Neal Caffrey dropped from the sky and that's it. And he's not telling anything about his past besides tiny things that doesn't help up locate anything or dig deep enough."_

 _~ "Peter, look, maybe he doesn't want to talk about it. What if there is something nobody wants to know? What if he's forbidden to tell? Peter, what if his past is something so dark that would change absolutely everything and just think of all that you've built together so far. Think about how far you've both come._

 _You can't just jump at him and accuse of hiding his past when it barely ever touches any of the cases or anything. Have you even considered that maybe he doesn't remember?"_

 _~ "El, I know. I've thought about this before but I can't prove anything. Neal just drops hints of so many things but after a while it just turns out he sold us lie or something twisted and misdirected from years after. And then whole office keeps putting bets on his actual age as he looks so much younger and never actually admits his age. It's overwhelming sometimes because there's too many guesses and no facts. El, sometimes I wonder too. And sometimes I just don't want that answer. "_

 _~ "Oh, I know, hon."_

 _••_

Lifting feeling ended as soon as they connected to the desired line and filled in to the mass. Autonomous vehicles still were a liability even in this technological bloom and they still caused a lot of trouble. Statistics hated them just as much Neal did.

For some reason he felt trapped and that gave him creeps. Yes, he'd flown before but that was different. Planes and likes never has given him so much entrapment feelings.

Even when flying back to New York after their island adventure wasn't that scary. There still were people on the plane and Peter was beside. Also he was mostly so out of it because of the bullet in his leg even though Mozzie kept rumbling about all the possible fails and government trying to kill them because they now had a great chance.

All he could think about was to pass out and not to feel or hear anything. The pain wasn't too bad after hospital and course of antibiotics for mild infection that had made its way to his leg. For most part pain didn't bother him the way he expected and that let the long ago experienced moment of sheer panic after seeing nightmare so weird he was convinced maybe some of his childhood memory surfaced. And on that plane he had another one. Which made things complicated since he was taking the ride with Peter who was like dog with a bone onto Neal's secrets even he didn't know about.

For years he'd avoided talking about anything past related and he knew the agent was being pushed into finding out his secrets. It made Neal even more scared for what he had no memory of.

His dark thoughts left him cold in his seat and slightly shaking. The closer they got the more nervous he was. It was how he knew the second he'd land there's gonna be a panic attack and he'd have to hide it.

Well, not the first time nor the last, nonetheless made him even sicker feeling than he already was. If he isn't having a breakdown this night he'll deserve a fucking medal.

 _••_

 _~ "Peter, you should know something."_

 _~ "What, Mozzie?"_

 _~ "Neal. You just can't keep digging. It's gonna become dangerous for all of us."_

 _~ "What do you mean?"_

 _~ "Peter, I know you're getting more curious and demanding because your fleet of bureaucracy is pushing him into something he cannot answer for. Just get them off Neal. Please. "_

 _~ "You know I can't promise anything. Not without knowing reasons. It's either you two flee before I get to the point or he breaks apart. I can tell he's bothered. It makes me feel itchy. "_

 _~ "Just keep him safe, Suit."_

 _••_

His thoughts unwillingly turned darker as the traffic in the air became heavier and their line got held up in jam. Something obviously had happened on the road ahead making half the skyline shuffle to a halt.

What Neal found unpleasant at times was the windows of the car. They were too small and dark and inconvenient for overseeing traffic and surroundings he had hives from that alone.

Because he's used to observe and take notes, see where he's going and what's around in case of emergency. That was his nature through and through.

For some reason he's had some instincts ever since he could remember.

Which got him back to the topic most on his mind. The past he have no memory.

Which has brought him to a conclusion that possibly there is a chance his past had some cool adventure in it so that he's not complete liar repeatedly telling people his childhood was adventurous so was his teen years.

He already lied so much about his age and other small details that always got the authorities suspicious and all Magnum PI on him. It wasn't very funny when you tried to actually do good but people you tried so hard to work with kept staring and whispering behind your back.

There was no fun in that. He'd already lived in this for some years under Peter's watchful gaze and office wasn't a place he could escape it.

Right now he felt like reliving all that while hanging several dozens of feet in the air in a metal carcass that steered itself by a computer program and his anxiety was skyrocketing. It was nowhere like a heist back in the day.

And he was dressed to nines because a bunch people would love to observe him and judge for who he once was and feel all highly superior. Plus he had to showcase his best behavior for the duration of the event and while it is up to his ally his heart wasn't in it fully. All he wanted was to curl up in his bed and sleep the weekend away like all these months since arrival.

And he missed home like crazy knowing he'll never be able to return because there simply wasn't anything left. He had the impromptu infos still running through his head and he could vividly feel how felt the other inhabitants whose planets got destroyed by something. And that was depressing and suffocating and all the other things his brain struggled to understand.

Least he needed another blackout. He knew he had those regularly and struggled to hide it. But it's been so long he started to fail keeping it together. Peter May have noticed he's not up his game anymore but he put that likely to the point they all were kinda off. And luckily the local office were understanding bunch that let them get acclimated and used to new life.

 _ **They'll say the sun is dying**_

 _ **And the fragile can't be saved**_

 _ **And the cold, it will devour us**_

 _ **And we won't rise up and slay giant**_

And they had to. He had to. So he did his best to appear his normal, Earth, self and just follow his orders and behave once and for all. Because this wasn't like the old times. There was no running away nor hiding. If he became fugitive or prisoner he'd sure as hell be dead because this time he'd not be able to escape the faith.

Even if Peter took a huge leap of faith and others actually accepted that choice Neal knew he couldn't mess up this chance.

Even if Mozz was still around he'd just not take that bite. Not this time. Not ever again. He sworn to himself.

Unless of course something major happened and there was literally no other option to make out of it. But not willingly.

Just as his thoughts decided to roam back to his unknown past pondering the phone or whatever pinged inside and Peter's voice echoed around Neal.

"Hey, buddy, how's your ride?" The agent asked. Neal just barely had time to get around how and where to reply when the man continued. "Just don't worry. We are aware of the traffic."

"Well, hello Peter. I'm not admitting I particularly agree to this type of transport but so far I'm buckled and still up. It must be a good sign. And I'm glad you are aware as I'm not really into explaining why I'm being late for the biggest event of the year while still being on monitor. It's nice they sent some drive for me as I have absolutely no idea where I am and where I have to be. " he tried for whole honesty and being open. Peter knew he was struggling and the office knew it so they tried to at least be nice about it.

"Just hang on bud, they'll calculate more data for possible detour. Don't worry. We send after you little early so you're not late yet. "

"Thanks Peter. I was getting worried here. See you soon."

"Okay see ya."

The call ended and car spoke up. "Mister Caffrey, please be patient, the update will come soon. If you have a wish for something on the left side is a panel that has options available for this ride." The robot voice told and Neal took a peak. For some reason there were lots of good options just he felt nothing would help.

"Thank you very much. " he said to the car and leaned back into his seat and closed his eyes. The day was barely starting and he was drained already not to mention the case they were currently on. The trip to the aircraft station was kind of a flip so he wasn't too hopeful of getting the counterfeiters anytime soon. Besides there also happened some flurry because one of the space explorer docks passengers caused a slight scene and half the gates and hallways got blocked because of that since they had to clear a path especially when it was one of the disabled crew and on the other side the high and mighty that would be all over judging if nobody cared.

Bureaucracy was so much worse on this planet than he's ever seen. Even their good old red tape couldn't compare. So they all got stuck and their suspect disappeared in the shadows. Pretty much everything tend to get lost in the shadows Neal thought as his eyes tried to follow the slow scenery outside.

From the looks it was some major crash however it would be easy to unhook the dead cars from the line and free up the space. Obviously most logical since this tech was mostly magnetic for autonomous cars and free ride self-placed lines for those that ride themselves.

From his understanding something was wrong with the cars and line itself so the magnets were put on hold and main line was disconnected for safety so they were suspended into air hundreds of feet above hard ground and Neal was having a mild panic attack from both confinement and height.

While he wasn't showing anything to anyone he indeed suffered from terrible fear. Somewhere long ago, most likely inside the black dome that contained his earliest memories, he possibly suffered something greatly traumatic that left him scarred for life. So he did his best to con everyone himself including and move on.

Luckily there's been only handful of times he actually suffered from it.

The most suppressing time was from when he got back in prison after Kate died. He still hasn't recovered memory from the moment he blacked out. All his mind provided was the sight of plane exploding and the rest was only what Peter and people that came after saw.

Neal himself simply popped back into reality about a week into his time. And that was when absolutely everything came back minus the actual events in the hangar.

And what happened to him for that first week.

Obviously nobody else but prison guards could tell him that.

And the man wasn't that happy to recollect such a trauma while being locked up because he absolutely terribly broke down in the most catastrophic way he was able to and as a result earned himself three weeks in the psych ward chained to bed with puffy cuffs and got to wear the white long sleeved shirt for another week after coming to consciousness.

Luckily it was kept pretty much under wraps so nobody knew. Least he wanted Peter or even Mozz to know he actually lost his mind for the girl and he'd either suffer Mozzie's bickering or Peter's super worried phase. Neither felt like anything Neal wanted to deal with ever in his life.

But the fact was still there. Neal suffered severe nervous breakdown caused by traumatic experience and it made his brain scattered for roughly two months that his initial sentence was deemed. And he did ask his files to be classified because he wanted not to disclose that unfortunate event. Who made it happen and how did it actually work he didn't know. Maybe he was classified from the beginning which would explain his mysterious past.

One thing Neal was especially concerned about for a very long time was the WitSec deal. The day he became Danny Brooks and all the miscellaneous things behind all that. And that was classified even to him. But somehow he'd run from it so it couldn't be that classified. So he'd had a lot of time on his hands to think about what is up with his past and why he's having so many black spots in his memory…

His life has always been a mystery even to himself and lately it felt as if all these mysterious things were crawling back in his life as if that was something of a flick of a magic wand. And the speed of all this happening was scaring the CI like nothing before.

 _ **…It takes a leap of faith**_

 _ **To awake from these delusions**_

 _ **You are the coder and avatar**_

 _ **A star…**_


	40. Secrets From The Winds

_**Each shade of blue**_

 _ **Is kept in our eyes**_

 _ **Keep blowing and lightning**_

 _ **Because we own the sky**_

The amount of people that were dropping on the rooftop and streets around the block was pretty impressive. For such a grande event it probably wasn't anything to even blink at but for Nate it felt absolutely amazing.

He's never been truthfully attended anything like that just because of an invite and joyful time spending.

Most times he's ever even seen anything fancy was to steal shit and escape, other times to just sneak in and hide from other crimes until the heat's over.

So once again the same role came around just this once it was different.

This time his life was on the line. More than ever before. And it meant all-in.

 _ **Secrets from the winds**_

 _ **Burnt stars crying**_

Everything looked blindingly astounding. Décor was amazing and everything felt magical. All the regular guests were already mingling among each other and sparkling drinks were flowing like a fountain already. The doors were barely open and most of them were done before any VIPs were announced.

At least that meant less problems because usually he could sweep through them unnoticed and clean out their pockets like nothing.

But still there was quite a few issues that could prove problematic in the long run.

For starters, the stairwell was already full of drunk people and some actually did manage to get drunk in less time one could tie their shoelaces. Which made maneuvering kinda harder but not specifically for Nate.

Then was the access log for rooftops. Seemed somebody had changed the procedure in the meager minutes before they arrived. And sure Roland was blaming Nate for such discrepancy in their plan. Although it didn't cause trouble for the secret plan.

It was still worrisome for Nate because Roland could find it suspicious and get angry which would make it all so much more complicated and dangerous.

Nate just had to figure out his steps and actions super carefully until he could get out of the gang ties.

 _ **Soft soft or cruel**_

 _ **Can't we change our minds?**_

 _ **We kill what we build**_

 _ **Because we own the sky**_

 _ **I** **t's coming from the sky**_

 _ **It's coming like the wind**_

Well, the thing was that Nate wasn't a regular human, as you can say. He was what on Earth was called a meta human or mutant. Some called it superpowers others a curse.

To Nate it was his only way of surviving this thing called life.

He couldn't tell if he was born this way naturally or some lab made him be like this. Obviously they hadn't found his worst genetical trait and neither did anyone else. Until he was being killed and brought back to life.

And from then it was probably best left in history. The part of his medical journey was painful in many ways as his training was.

But he had to put a lid on it until later because people were getting more drunk and also more crowded. The large hall was filling up and place was pretty full. So Nate skillfully slipped past every single one of them. Like a cat he avoided people while observing everything. He was literally invisible to any eye because the shadows held him hidden. And somehow, while he was dressed in black, he was simply like a shadow. He never could explain to anyone even himself what or how his ability to disappear within shadows was. He just could and it became part of his trade.

For a while he kept scanning floors and sweeping place for anything until finally the most important part- the deck- came. The variety of vibrations and rumbles coming from crafts hummed deep within his body and through his blood.

The sensation of tingling soaked into his nerves and every fiber in his body sang along.

Within seconds his mind was connected and synced with the prime positions and he'd placed the ones on last leg out of the way. He'll need only specific ones. So far electronics held up as he'd expected. Wiring went separate for each segment like alarms, fire alarms, power, air conditioning, lighting outside, main lighting and event lighting etc. and Nate grasped them all. Particularly he synced with security lines as they took main role for the night.

 _ **So many moons here**_

 _ **Lost wings floating**_

Securing the first round Nate pulled out his fake data plate hijacked a craft on the roof three blocks away while himself jumped and flew across two lower buildings down the street. All the time still invisible. Then he quickly took another dressing tour and attached the plate to the hijacked craft and hid his own. He already got a fake ID on hand and database was readily updated.

Then he simply filled in with a fresh batch of guests and pretended he was one of them in his best suit ever. With that one he already felt one of the cool kids. And ladies, as well as lots of gentlemen, drunk and not, couldn't stop sliding their eyes over his body. The stealth suit obviously added some of what he'd lost to certain lack of fat and mild lack of muscle so he didn't look too much like skeleton at least.

So everyone was having their eyes all over him. All the while his own eyes were only for one person specifically.

 _ **Each shade of blue**_

 _ **Is kept in our eyes**_

 _ **Keep blowing and lightning**_

 _ **Because we own the sky**_


	41. Where Will You Go

_**You're too important for anyone**_

 _ **You play the role of all you long to be**_

 _ **But I, I know who you really are**_

 _ **You're the one who cries when you're alone**_

It took some very sweet time but finally the whole traffic started to move and Neal pulled his brain out of the darkness. It wasn't pleasant to fall back into that abyss.

Past was something Neal hated to recall and as much as he could there was nothing he liked too much these days.

Maybe just the few things Peter yet shall to discover, but not that it mattered anymore. Right here and now all that mattered was his status and what will happen when it will change. Because it will one day and Neal did hope with the strongest hope possible that his original deal will stay intact eventually. Even with the rest of the bureau staff that was pulled along with him.

However, when things like presentations and super fancy balls, were thrown at him, in this world, made Neal want to crawl into some dark corner until it was all done.

Something had seriously drowned that old spark for events that the conman used to have just a while ago. Well, on Earth anyway. It still felt too fresh and surreal.

Like how one could be in one place in one time and then suddenly be elsewhere in time that's like absolute science fiction and future?

It was, and still is for the most part, a big struggle to wrap one's mind around it.

Unfortunately Neal's brain literally broke trying to get this sorted. While Peter and the rest of FBI gang seemed pretty much okay in comparison.

Even El and June.

What made Neal different then?

 _ **But where will you go**_

 _ **With no one left to save you from yourself**_

 _ **You can't escape**_

It took the longest time Neal could recall, including his botched imprisonment, to adjust something. As far as he could think of, also including his arrival in NY, he had no doubt of his ability to adjust. He just did jump into any situation and strived to fight it.

Usually even came out of it without any scratch. Keyword being without.

Many times he did come back with more than scratches and less grace he'd consider polite. But only Mozzie was aware of some of that. Many many times even Mozzie knew what Neal had acquired during their both and separate heists. Sometimes it's not even worth mentioning other times close to loosing life. And while Mozzie, or for short time Kate or Alex, witnessed enough of Neal's mishaps none of that ever came to knowledge of the FBI or even Peter Burke personally. And with his involvement with the Bureau came some general tests which Neal avoided greatly by conning and eluding all the things he knew best and so far his records came back satisfactory and he avoided ever mentioning anything to Peter since the agent would jump at it like a dog at a bone.

He couldn't afford that.

Here he had no way to con his way out of anything. Or he suspected his conning days weren't here to come. May e he's even lost his fabulous ability to con people and do all that cool stuff Kate once admired him and Mozzie recruited for. Or that's how he felt for the past whatever much time passed since the arrival. He still kinda liked the place since it still came as best compared to that hellhole he was supposed to live after taking the deal. FBI wanted him to live in a dump unless he found something better minding that he shouldn't find anything. In general he wasn't supposed to be his charming self and let life shine a bit brighter. Like he wasn't supposed to live a life once and for all. And sure Marshall's never went easy on him for being who he was. They kept coming aft his crimes and take away all he hoped to ever have.

Life was never easy for Neal Caffrey.

 _ **Where has my heart gone**_

 _ **An uneven trade for the real world**_

He sighed and looked outside once more, watching scene go by and blurring as his eyes unfocused. Memories of some old times washed over the young man and he lost himself in them.

 _He was back in the basement he just tried to escape from. The woods got him too confused and pain in his side along with the concussion made his way too blurred to see where he was going. Until something hard made a contact with his jaw and all the light turned off. They found him and he was back in the square one._ _But this was just his first attempt, he'll sure make more, until he's out._

The hovercraft suddenly hiccuped on the line and stopped with a jump. Neal's eyes shot open wide like saucers and his breath almost got caught in his chest. He could make out muffled beeping over the speakers but his body felt frozen and he couldn't move aside blinking hard and trying to take a breath.

'What the hell was that?' He thought to himself and kept choking on air for a moment longer. It took a while for his heart to stop breaking out of his chest and his senses to return.

The beeping started up again and he realized it was Peter calling to the car. It a last second of ditched attempt to sound presentable Neal hit the green button..

"Hey, Peter, what's up?" he tried cheerful greeting and suppressed his wheeze out of earshot.

"Neal, what took you so long? I'm trying to get you on line for five minutes, is everything okay?" the agent sounded genuinely worried so Neal just fake- giggled his answer and prayed all his old saints the man buys it.

"I'm fine, Peter, I promise. I just zoned out for a second. You know I'm still trying to figure out that case from yesterday and the hung up at the airport kinds threw my process off a bit. I promise I'm okay." Neal slid through his reply as careful as he could noting the fact he still called the place airport while technically it really wasn't just that or any at all. He'd yet to see any actual plane on this planet so ideally it was called just a shuttle station or starbase something. But he hoped Peter will not get stuck on that. While the agent was used to Neal being very on point and precise it wasn't much of that anymore and for some reason he still expected the older man to start teasing him for that. However the agent didn't show any notice in changes of Neal's demeanor so he either been told off by El who was still surprisingly perceptive and caring, or he did not even notice anything.

"Okay, Neal, buddy, I'll trust you." there was a short pause, "It looks like there's still some problems on the road so somebody will be there to pick you up and take you by the ground. Sorry bud, they voted me out so I'll be still hanging back in the place until you get here, I promise to wait up so we can enter together." Peter said and Neal burst out laughing at that image.

"Yeah, I get it tiger, like an old pair of prom girls. You got me there. We ya then." He spit out still laughing and waiting for Peter to catch up on that thought and do his own laughing part. Sometimes it was still like old days.

"Yeah, I guess so. See ya." He ended his part and Neal wiped the tears off his face in case somebody decided to jump in this second.

However nobody did. He sat there slightly reeling, still, for more than what he thought was five Earth minutes until a cop appeared in the window and Neal let the guy in.

Next few minutes were a blur of greetings and explanations as he maneuvered the craft off grid and to the ground for further motion. For Neal it was it however. And gee, he was so grateful for that.

He struggled ever so hard not to show his jelly legs, that shook harder than an earthquake, and hands that couldn't even make fists stable enough.

Something a very long time ago definitely had happened to him to trigger such a strong reaction. He was uneasy in heights for all his con life. It just never got this particularly bad in such specific times.

When he was doing all those crazy heists that involved several creative methods of evading cops he did all those mad stunts by himself and never felt more anxiety than general tickle in his belly and even that he associated with just an excitement rather than a panic attack.

 _ **Oh I... I want to go back to**_

 _ **Believing in everything and knowing nothing at all**_

Thankfully it was indeed Jones that came to save the man from the already miserable evening to finally get the thing going so he could be done with it. And while usually it was Neal who took up all the leading parts in conversations and likes this time poor CI felt too shaken to be his old self and seemed the agent didn't much noticed this glitch in the " _standard issue of Neal Caffrey_ ".

And he was glad for a moment of familiarity and peace until the night would get shot to hell.

So yes, Neal never expected it to go smooth. First he was an ex-con. Convicted felon on the government and law enforcement leash to be useful in a small way. Harsh comparison as it was but true to the point. He had done few rounds in prison so he was convicted and he was found guilty so it defaulted him in a low role in their barking tree. And, while he was deemed to be very useful as an asset- and let's be honest, he really was an asset in the eye of government because he could use his own skills to redeem himself in a small way simultaneously being helpful in preventing some crime from happening and catching people who already did a crime, which was the whole reason the system does work in the long term as a way of therapy for the said CI while still serving out the sentence- Neal still felt unsure with his place in the system. After the years he'd spent under Peter's watchful eye Neal was getting closer to that point he could honestly believe he's redeemed himself enough to actually begin to trust himself.

He knew that Peter struggled with trusting him and most of the times never achieved that part and many times their discussions ended with angry shouts and hurt feelings and Neal blaming himself for all the mistakes that cost some price.

But even then he still believed deep down Peter still had faith.

Deep down Neal hoped he'd still believed in himself. At least enough to make it through the day. Without getting angry glares and hushed talks behind his back. And without fighting himself on impulse to run every time he got screamed at for screwing up a case or something.

And he'd done few less gracious things too. For example that whole Fowler fiasco. He'd been so, so close to loose his cool. Too close.

He nearly pulled the trigger and ended the hope. Hope to get free. And something told him he's not stranger to addiction and obsession. Two strong things that held variety of chosen drug. For one it was actual drug, for other it was sports. It could be anything starting from healthy things to some truly deeply dark shit. But it was something that was in human nature. To have those two things in more ways than one.

His mind kept traveling back to that strange dream, or maybe… could it be a flashback?

His heart started to beat faster at the prospect of that. What kind of flashback one could have like that? Was it real? Could it be his past? Childhood?

Belatedly Neal recognized his head was indeed spinning. Something wasn't right with him, of that the man was convinced.

Unlike a regular memory this held so much more power over his self control and ability to keep his composure.

" _Neal, you can't be serious! That's crazy!"_ " _Kate, I know. But I can't. You know that. It's risky and it's…"_ " _Lies! All lies! It's just another excuse to stuff it in my face that I'm as great as you are and I am inexperienced."_ " _You know it's not true!"_ " _No, I don't!"_ " _Kate!"_ " _No, Neal, you get back of me! You step away and let me go! I will not stay here with you not one second longer, you get it!?"_ " _Kate, stop, wait..!"_ _*bang!*_

He blinked his eyes against the car window and squinted at the dark scenery flashing by. What was the memory that he just had?

He definitely didn't recall such fights with Kate, but it was there. And what had escalated between them? What did she do after he grabbed her arm?

He almost felt the pain from the explosion… wait? What explosion?

Neal stifled a gasp and a tremble so Jones probably missed anything as he was conversing over the phone with somebody. The roads were pretty clear and he made no indication he'd like to engage in conversations. He felt so exhausted already.

Was there memories from events he'd blacked over occasionally popping up? That was a possibility he'd consider. In general he knew he stepped off some buss into New York. Almost immediately he picked up street skills and game. And met Mozzie.

Then Mozzie taught him loads of fun, sneaky things, while he hid talent for more intricate ones he claimed to own naturally or praised Mozzie for teaching while realizing one day the little guy see through his little white lies.

Mozzie knew some of their heists didn't end great. For Neal. But to what extent Neal made sure never tell.

Maybe he did a big mistake by not showing more trust to the man that was his only anchor to sanity.

" _Out of all the people in my life—Mozzie, even Kate, you know—you're the only one."_

 _"The only one" what?"_

" _The only person in my life I trust."_

" _You said good-bye to everyone but me. Why?"_

" _I don't know."_ " _Yeah, you do. Tell me."_

" _I don't know, Peter."_

" _Why?"_

" _You know why!"_

" _Tell me!"_

" _'Cause you're the only one who could change my mind!"_

" _Did I?"_

" _Peter…"_

 _ **Where will you go (where will you go)**_

 _ **With no one left to save you from yourself**_

 _ **You can't escape**_

 _ **The truth**_ _**I realize you're afraid (I realize)**_

 _ **But you can't reject the whole world**_

 _ **You can't escape**_

 _ **You won't escape**_

 _ **You can't escape**_

 _ **You don't want to escape**_


	42. Away From Me

_**I've woken now to find myself**_

 _ **In the shadows of all I have created**_

 _ **I'm longing to be lost in you**_

 _ **(away from this place I have made)**_

 _ **Won't you take me away from me**_

After that moment of reality and second of dreamy came the knock on the door. It brought Noel out of his fugue state immediately and he almost growled. Time to strap in and and let the party roll.

His two sidekicks returned with some fresh medical supplies that came with his records his supervisors kept out there for emergencies and stuff.

Not that he didn't appreciate the thoughtful service. The two packed up the wheelchair backpack so he was pretty much ready for everything.

Which was close to truth. But just that.

What he truly wanted, scratch that, needed, was the backpack full of booze instead meds and shit. Noel wasn't going to be happy and he knew it since he suspected somebody will be monitoring his booze intake. Hence the actual pee baggies. Like he had trouble walking and was in pain most of the time which was more like all the time just varying types and strengths of pain. Now there.

They want to control him on the ground because their reach fails to find him in the open space. Ground is always easier to cover and for someone like him it was annoying the hell out.

Federation deemed him dangerous for couple reasons. One being his upbringing. He still carried that military stance and could technically kill a whole bunch of army men with a toothpick or even his own hair. That was his upbringing. To become a versatile soldier, almost impossible to kill, super strong, inhumanly fast on his feet, stealth mode like never seen before, completely indestructible. Whoever planned this wanted a super soldier. What they didn't expect was a human mind and emotional capacity that was far above any AI so that was the factor he used to escape and not to become one made to be.

And for some amount he managed. He wasn't a killing machine. Yet he knew what to do when a ten feet Achovian tried to gut him on its planet. He did know how to manhandle some pissed of Klingon. He could manage a spar with a Vulcan.

All that he did by pure instinct and deep knowledge that came without thinking about it.

He also could out drink majority of the staff. Mostly anyone human and few alien. Starfleet was pretty much diverse in that factor and he was happy. Aliens were cool too. Some had loads of knowledge some practical skills. All of them were trained to be something. Like him.

And just like them he decided to choose instead of being placed.

Unless he wasn't deemed partly a criminal.

And yes, that he was to this day. They just legally couldn't simply come to get his head. Because his disability came with a shield with it. And this shield was very worthy to save his sorry ass from many outcomes he never even knew about. So while his legs struggled to keep their nerves sensitive and reactive, his back hurt sometimes so badly he needed actual shot to hold guttural scream at bay, it all was a price he realized he was willing to pay to stay free. It was a price he paid to still be out there and useful. Because he knew what would happen if his health wasn't as bad. They'd come after him. And they'd take all that sharp personality and whatnot away and he'd become one of them. He'd ceased to exist as a Viper pilot some knew him be, he'd cease to exist as the Raptor pilot others recognized him for, he'd ceased to be the genuine man he deep inside was. He'd loose it all.

Because he'd become either a Valkyrie or Sentinel. Most likely Valkyrie because his skill set was closest to them. Sentinel shit was never his forte. But he did had that training. He knew how to be both. Throughly.

So this was it. Small price to pay for still being on his own. And he'd take it whenever. While he knew so much inside out of so many things he kept to piloting and was content. Better than reprogrammed and brainwashed. Noel even believed they actually could take ones brain away if needed. AIs did much of brain functions anyway and to just replace a person's brain with some Artificial Intelligence machine definitely was easier than try to change the whole thinking process. Not that it's never been done before.

He knew some ancient organizations that did all crap like that. Also some that fought against that. Where he stood was a great guess.

So what Noel could do to not worsen his situation with superiors and direct supervisors because, while he was sort of a privileged and protected, there were enough people up in the chain with military willingness to still grab him off the charts. That was basically still a possibility that could happen because too many higher ups in the shadows would want to use such a resource like him. Since he basically did all that training only skipping out the last part that changed only that much.

Suddenly a thought occurred…

Nate…

 _ **Crawling through this world as disease flows through my veins**_

 _ **I look into myself, but my own heart has been changed**_

 _ **I can't go on like this**_

 _ **I loathe all I've become**_

Nate was still quite out there and they basically had gone through the very same things. And while the guy was the least violent of them he still did know how to kill a living, or even a mechanical or digital thing with same things as Noel. So while he was still in a way unaccounted for in the eye of the government and whatever old fools were up there he wasn't entirely safe either.

And that's how he was always doing these events just for the sake of his loved ones, or just one if you only count Nate, so that not only he can live but anyone else related to him. It was never about him.

So this new thought and the memory of seeing another guy that was so much like Nate but at the same time someone entirely else kept the curious guesses alive.

There could be more like them, of course, after all there were many clones in genetic engineering sector that were out for tests since, while it wasn't that new technology, cloning can not always go through like planned. He'd seen many failed results so this one might be either actual person or a clone.

In the first scenario it meant that Nate possibly had an actual twin brother that wasn't part of their past or involved with that organization that created them. Second meant that there was a clone that's either escaped or gone rouge or maybe even being a part of a covert mission.

Neither except for actual twin made Noel comfortable. It would be only expected if the bitches were after them both and black market always kept their sniffers onto people like them. Meta-humans, or call them mutants, were always a fresh meat, in whatever state, was only welcomed.

It earned lots of money. It was all very dark and dirty but it paid so much that one could literally turn their life around. Because whatever was claimed in those nicely sculpted ads about life in colonies and off planet it never was even a smidge of that fairy tale. Life was very expensive, especially with such a sodden health, and it was rarely a bit beautiful, if you could afford it, but it was full of something worth living it.

So all he could do at the moment was to be that good puppy and let them earn their share by making him feel miserably invalid and just suck it up. After all there was a nice escape plan in place for the second he will be let to roam. In hopes they all will be too drunk to notice. Because there was a reason he was the one legendary for being too much for alcohol to handle so he actually did win many bets across the fleet that way. But this wasn't a case today. Today was all about being thankful and happy and all the bright good stuff that Fleet celebrated after another long term mission.

He was still alive, another Fleet flagship got taken down in a fight with some aggressive race and three thousands lost their lives while five of the crew managed to jump into shuttles and snag some weapons and just using their wit and a bit of resilience knocked out the enemy and floated for several days into space until another ship caught them and brought back home. It's definitely one of the most heroic act Fleet has seen so there will be a ceremony for that event.

As for him, maybe they will acknowledge some of his missions and praise some of that stunt galore he does every other mission they decides to drop him in the chair.

But maybe not. After all there were more talents out there that deserved their spotlight more. And ones that actually did something to deserve a medal for being brave and doing something heroic to save what could be saved because not always there's a lot left to save.

 _ **Lost in a dying world I reach for something more**_

 _ **I have grown so weary of this lie I live**_

Noel waited until the kids prepped his chair up and then transferred on it. It was still smooth as always as he had about seventy seven percent of control over his lower part of body, mostly legs. While he could still pee and poop on his own sometimes he just knew his body has forgotten he needs that function so he just had to bite his tongue and suck up all the shit feelings and put a catheter in it. Just as the life itself needed something to be stuffed in it or somebody that fucking didn't know how to be a decent person.

So he had to do that while receiving pitying stares from those that knew what it took to be physically challenged.

But he did it and then washed it away with a pile of bottles. Booze always took care of everything. All the emotions and feeling that were too much just melted away in the booze and his mental walls were once again shiny.

But there were hope tonight it will all go smooth. Still he knew that kids packed well. And this time he let them to feed all his pills accordingly so he doesn't get the issue he just went through. Because one- he'd draw attention if something happened- and two- he'd possibly would be taken down to his physician for endless battery of tests that most likely announce his mobility percentage is dropping slowly and all the unhealthy lifestyle choices he's making on daily base will just make it happen sooner. In short- he's killing himself faster than the actual condition.

Nothing he didn't know himself.

Somehow the kids were pretty quiet and it suited him well. Sometimes they came all chatty and bubbly and that either made his taste for booze inhumanly stronger or made him shoo them all out. Luckily this time was not that case. General made pretty clear this year will be different in more ways than one and if he was to be his usual ass they'd make him regret every breath he took that day.

In other words- punishment will be assigned for whatever he did during the mission and all the tiniest discrepancies within the logs would be brought to magnifying glass for inspection and if he even did as much as breathed wrong way they'd take him down.

That was the vibe so he made sure to actually do his missions and logs. And even was nice to people. That and he almost didn't do anything on record that would be frowned upon, aside of course the first brawl that drew all that attention and resulted in the warning.

After that he made sure to be super careful. It seemed they might be sniffing into his previous encounters with Nate and hospital and other shit so after all that they were watching him more closely. Also from all the commotion Noel assumed something major had happened for the Federation suddenly grab Fleet by their lapels so hard, almost as if within Federation itself something was brewing.

Sure he'd heard of Earth. That was first thing that his memos dinged that morning after managing to overwhelm A'Takoos warlord and the mess they left on their Alpha system. He was sent in as a regulatory sweep and supplier but it turned sour fast and with only what meager weapons the shuttle was carrying he did managed to locate prisoners and free them to get his own ass handed to himself and then, after playing possum, strategically gaining upper hand in the last leg. It cost three shuttles, five Fleet service, two loads of cargo and finally two weeks in hospital. The ship was taken back to base while people got offloaded on nearest starbase until next ship would pick them up. They kept him longer because of the medical issue so he was later assigned to a mission even deeper in the space.

Then his PADD was brought in and the news started to hit.

While he'd lived off planet for about two decades now it still hurt to see his home planet being destroyed. That day he hacked some computer and found Nate and they chatted for over two hours and cried and drunk until one of them was greeted by actual morning sun and security tap tried to break the connection and he hacked a whole lot more to get one last message across.

That was pretty much almost year ago. Well year by this planet's time. In Earth's time it would only be mere few months. Time was pretty relative in space. Federation had to do a lot of adjustments in time assignments to ships and planets. They came up with a united time telling system for all their Fleet shipyard whenever they were sent. Ship time was same all over the Fleet. On planets they kept to ship time but also noted local time for later references.

But then he still carried Earth time along. It was just one thing he'd left of his true home. Even if his most life had been spent in the space and on other planets far away his heart still belonged to the place that brought him into the universe.

While the cruel upbringing happened on the destroyed planet he still felt a lot more for it.

 _ **I've woken now to find myself**_

 _ **In the shadows of all I have created**_

 _ **I'm longing to be lost in you**_

With that he felt some of the pressure to behave and serve better than he wanted. So he did. At least trying wouldn't hurt, right?

The kids gathered everything and pushed the chair out in the hallway. It was about to go down and he couldn't just shake off the sudden uneasiness. Something felt off the moment he stepped on the ship that took him back. Maybe it was just his own mind playing conspiracy theories and tricks that came from all that drilling years ago, but what if it wasn't just suspicion?

Deep down he hoped that it was just his brain being ass.

He watched people from the floor gathering up for fly to the event. Anxiety started to kick in but there was nothing he could do about it. And taking pills was the only option for now.

Their small caravan moved on and he moved his eyes to the ground as he noticed some of the folks staring at him. It never was easy but the kids were good sports and just cheerfully pushed his chair and carried the bag like it was the only thing in the world they wanted to do. Which probably was the only thing they did since neither looked too battle ready. Maybe it was their first job since their age seemed to be too young for any serious jobs. Maybe some school holiday job. Like he even had any idea about education system here aside his short pilot course and tactics. They couldn't make him more battle ready as he was by this point and he showed just enough skills so they could only offer some flying simulations and few practices before he officially was assigned to some ship.

While his thoughts kept snooping deeper into past they'd arrived at the dock and girl already sauntered off to look for their craft. It was on the far side of the dock and just enough big for them to squeeze in. For this event they'd chosen the regular Earth type of a chair, manual, foldable one to take apart and squish into the back portion of the small shuttle. Basically it was of a size of a car. Earth car. Which was enough. His own ship was car sized just for max three or small four people. There was enough room to put small duffels on the floor so almost same.

Finally he was allowed to stand up and stretch while they put all things inside.

And damn how nice it was. Then he took the seat by the front and noticed kids didn't protest so maybe they were too young to pilot (or drive, depends from which planet you came) so he took the controls. Boy provided a key card and it immediately brought the thing alive. Which, had he been alone, wouldn't be necessary, immediately hummed back to his senses.

See, he was one of the tech part of the group of engineered people. Like Nate he had ability to connect with technology. Either a vehicle or spaceship or computer. They both sported ability to feel and lead and command the tech. Even some AIs had been easy to interact with.

However they still had some individual skills that varied. Like both of them could fly things, but Nate more ventured into technopathy and stuff like that while he did best in the pilot seat. He felt more battle ready and maybe that was why it was for best that Nate got out. Samara… she used to be different, albeit same training. Her skills were more based in spying and sensing things. River used to be great at psychic things and sometimes made objects move. But base for all of them was fight.

Also he recalled a small boy that showed great hiding skills and ability to sneak into places and snatch things without anyone noticing. He was great with art things and shooting, and reading people. Noel couldn't remember anything else since the boy always disappeared somewhere.

And then was the whole shadow thing. It was into genetic part that was engineered. At least he thought so. Ability to hide within shadows and sneak around places as long as there were shadows. It made them both disappear from sight and senses. Nothing could detect them being in the room, even their sounds went away so they could make any sound but until they came out of the shadow nobody would hear it.

It was cool for a while. Their nightly heists after the escape were full of adventure and success. Made them enough money to get by as well as satisfied their adventurous natures.

But it didn't last long after they dropped off to another planet and the whole world changed for them.

He nearly cringed at that memory. It still hurt more than he liked.

So by the time he was done with thinking about that everything was set up and he took the steering and slowly led them out into the night. It was a beautiful night, with moons and shiny stars. And the feeling of something blossomed in the man's chest…

 _ **I have woken now to find myself**_

 _ **I'm lost in shadows of my own**_

 _ **I'm longing to be lost in you**_

 _ **Away from me.**_


	43. Field Of Innocence

_**Where has my heart gone**_

 _ **An uneven trade for the real world**_

 _ **Oh I... I want to go back to**_

 _ **Believing in everything and knowing nothing at all**_

Neal kept expecting something to happen all the way to the building they held the Gala. Something kept nagging at his senses. Jones kept up his gentlemanly manner and didn't bug Neal about his quiet behavior. Maybe the other man understood him or was just really polite. It wasn't unnatural for Neal to sometimes be quiet and closed off. Though it was rare enough for anyone that had spent time with the CI to witness any of that. So basically it was also weird that agent didn't try to make Neal speak.

Maybe he did look bad enough so they didn't push him?

But his musings were short lived as Jones stopped the ride and turned to Neal.

"Man, I know this has been hard time of your life, we've all been through something tough and we each have our own coping mechanisms. I just really hope you are getting help with that processing. And before you say you're fine, don't. I can see you're struggling every day you come to office. Trust me I wish the whole thing was easier on you, I do, but it's all we can do here. So, just hold on, it'll get better." Jones finished his speech with patting Neal on the shoulder.

Neal sighed already feeling better. "Thanks, Jones. It really means so much to hear that. I just can't get used to life like this. I mean the thought that it all just changed so quickly I barely had a moment to gather anything and next thing I knew I'm already on some weird planet and it's like nothing I've known before and then I'm thrown into some lonely room and I barely can talk to anyone. It's not easy, I'll admit." Neal breathed in, "But I'll live. I've been through so much tougher shit, Jones. This is a bit of a struggle, but there's nothing to worry as long as I can still see the light at the end of the tunnel. And you guys promised I will. I trust you, all of you. It's the only way here for me. I've got nothing else left. This is just not the world I find my way through." He started to feel incredibly easier just saying those words to someone he'd known for a while and trusted with his life. It begun to make a difference.

"I believe you, Neal. It's not easy. Nobody here feels the same. I can't sleep without a nightmare at least once a night. And then everything else is just too weird. Office, streets, environment, even air." Neal watched the way his friend, yes, he did consider Jones his friend. Like Diana and Peter, even Cruz. He did find those people close. "Neal, even Peter and El struggle. Diana and everyone else from the office. We all do. You're not alone, Neal. Just hold on."

"Thanks Jones. I appreciate your concern. I'm gonna do my best." And he even smiled at the agent. First somewhat real smile.

After their short talk Jones kept driving to the location while Neal mulled over his wild thoughts. His mind kept turmoiling and the whirlpool it usually was kept its state. But his heart felt lighter now. Maybe he just got his reprieve early.

Whichever it was Neal just felt Jones told exactly the right thing and deep down he didn't doubt others struggled as well. It was just Neal's luck to have had his cards dealt the other way.

 _ **And he missed everyone only because they were close to him.**_

 _ **Family and friends.**_

 _ **I still remember the sun**_

 _ **Always warm on my back**_

 _ **Somehow it seems colder now**_

If he had to guess the event probably will give Neal some moment to talk to everyone and he mostly hoped to have a word with El. She would know how to help probably much better than some department shrink.

They would probably help each other somehow. And no offense but he wasn't ready to hear Peter's classic 'cowboy up'. It was the least thing he wanted to hear.

Their ride finally came to a stop as Jones killed the engine. Then they both stepped outside. While Neal still had a tracker he felt less leashes than before. And nobody was outside waiting them. No cavalry with blazing guns and handcuffs. It was a nice change. And to that he actually did laugh. A real, true Neal Caffrey laugh. Then it grew into a hysterical laughter and somehow Jones realized what might have gotten the reaction and they both soon were on their knees laughing so hard tears sprung out of their eyes.

Five minutes later Peter came from around the corner and found his two friends and colleagues hysterically laughing and almost rolling on the ground.

He found the sight incredibly lifting. Seeing his friend finally smile and laugh was exhilarating and amusing. After months of seeing Neal putting on a mask of forced normalcy was painful. El kept telling him to keep an eye on Neal and also keep him safe. Which was exactly what he tried to do.

And so far he did well. Though since their arrival he'd never seen his partner happy or genuinely showing joy. Something had happened. Maybe a good talk with Jones.

At least he hoped so. Neal seemed to be more unlike himself since the day. Even himself and others weren't okay after all the evacuation. But Neal was alone. Leashes like a dog and caged up like animal.

And then isolated and kept away from everyone. Peter had learned that lesson long ago. Neal Caffrey just needed people close to him to survive. Like all the years in prison he had Kate visiting every week. When she stopped he escaped to find her. Then she was killed right in front of his eyes and it almost broke the man. He was back behind bars under suspicion of being part of it and then Peter couldn't help. Fowler made it a mess that was just so hard to get out of. And Neal was the one who almost ruined his future. He did some damage just by holding a gun at that scumbag but still it was Peter who was the only one capable to connect. To break through.

It's been constant in their dynamics. Always Peter talking Neal off the ledge.

And that's how it always worked out.

Even the whole island adventure. Taking Neal home. It was, in a way his own fault. He signaled Neal to run, and then he found him, right on time to save him.

Like some weird romance novel but that's how it worked.

The image of the fevered conman almost on his lap, mumbling something in sleep, hair all messed up. His leg did get infected but there was nothing much to do about it. The fever and painkillers made his buddy super doped out. Just like in the clinic. That memory also was just like their whole relationship. Peter once again saved Neal, who was also drugged up, and listened the man admitting his feelings. He didn't remember any of that. But Peter did. Just like in the hangar when he saw his friend doubting his decision to leave with Kate.

Back when he was about to have his future decided. He truly wanted to stay. Even when the Keller came to ruin everything by taking El. Peter still felt guilty about that.

After the hype was over, he noticed Neal trying to hide his pain, both physical and mental, and Peter let him. He was still angry himself, but also shaken. It was only his wise lovely wife telling him that Neal was also hurt because once again something ruined what he'd planned for himself, and that now he probably felt betrayed because Mozzie messed up by taking it while Peter once more blamed Neal even after Neal swore he never took the treasure. Old wounds got torn open.

But Neal always bottled everything up and put a mask on it, it was just the closest could tell the tiniest differences.

Like when Peter accidentally caught Neal sitting at his desk with his hand shaking. Probably he'd never noticed that unless he'd been reaching for his coffee and his eye went straight to Neal's desk. Sure he understood that loss of Kate was affecting the man but he'd chosen to keep it hidden. And later that night he'd confessed El who was super sweet about that, like always, and just hugged Peter so tightly that he felt better.

So seeing Neal struggle every day and not being able to be there for him was painful. Diana once even seriously asked if Neal could be suffering from depression because of what happened. And from that moment he's been watching the man more closely. However with their job it rarely happened like he'd wanted.

But seeing this moment of pure emotion so raw and open gave hope that Neal isn't lost and still has hope to get better. So he smiled, covertly took some visual proof for El, and left quietly.

As he walked back he drew in a hopeful breath and found his wife by the huge glowing tree at the center of the room and smiled at her oh so brightly. Maybe for once things will start getting better….

 _ **Where has my heart gone**_

 _ **Trapped in the eyes of a stranger**_

 _ **Oh I... I want to go back to**_

 _ **Believing in everything**_

 _ **I still remember.**_


	44. Whispering Shadows

**Catch me as I fall**

 ** _Say you're here and it's all over now_**

 _ **Speaking to the atmosphere**_

 _ **No one's here and I fall into myself**_

 _ **This truth drives me**_

 _ **Into madness**_

 _ **I know I can stop the pain**_

 _ **If I will it all away**_

 _ **If I will it all away**_

As more and more people joined the event it was also getting crowded. Luckily lights stayed the same low levels so he avoided being noticed just fine.

It also was a sign to slip into next mode of operation- observation. So far Nate has spent few hours sorting through many pockets and then some of the crafts up on the roof. Shadows made him invisible and sleek. But it wasn't why he was there either.

And for the real goal he'll had to wait out longer.

However, Roland, the gang boss, was getting pretty much nit picky over Nate's plan of action and so made the whole thing harder.

Whilst the gang was infiltrated for real Nate had the freedom and knowledge that made him easy to change his mind. Which he didn't plan on, until the Fleet and Federation higher ups started to arrive. It that one moment he saw him that kinda left his gut churning and full of butterflies flapping about.

Noel….

 _ **Don't turn away**_

 _ **(Don't give in to the pain)**_

 _ **Don't try to hide**_

 _ **(Though they're screaming your name)**_

 _ **Don't close your eyes**_

 _ **(God knows what lies behind them)**_

 _ **Don't turn out the light**_

 _ **(Never sleep never die)**_

If his heart could beat anymore faster it'd make electricity, Nate was sure. Immediately his hands started to shake and his already faltering breath got stuck in his chest.

The only person in the whole world that could change his mind just about anything was here and he still had to be able to do his assignment and run off like nothing happened. His fear spiked and barely holding up the man fled to the dark room he used to hide in.

His suit was all prepped and everything was set. He just hoped suddenly someone wouldn't occupy it.

With his heart still beating crazier than ever, but maybe just as much as it once did, he pushed the emotion away and connected more crafts into his grid.

With his mind Nate created gridlock for each and all crafts he intended to take away and locked them into a synchronized command pattern he controlled through his mind. Like a remote control at the flick of a switch. And so far he managed to squeak the keycards too.

But one he couldn't get touch. It was still being used as the man in question handled his own operations and let the helpers sweep by. He knew Noel was a proud man and valued his independence. He often went out for crazy shit and return worse for wear but still mentally strong. Which had been key for many years.

All too strong and all too close was their last meeting and since then their contact kinda got lost, each fearing of the proverbial other shoe to drop. It hadn't so far, and Nate intended for it to keep hanging as long as possible. For both of their sake.

It'd started with the Samara and River and later another of their gang doing crazy shit. Then the escape from that camp and loss of the girls. He even thought there was another boy hanging more with River and after what happened to Serenity, River's sister, he'd seen the boy attached to Rain, another possible treat from the Psy-Op unit.

But they kinda got poof with all their dreams the moment they went free and only Samara followed the duo. So that's how they needed up being just three of them and later two and then alone.

And for the love of air in his lungs Nate prayed that Operation Genesis will stay forever under wraps, otherwise the whole universe wouldn't be able to save them. So they each made a sacrifice to never be together again. And not just in a besties kinda way. Because somehow there came deeper feelings between Nate and Noel. Something they called love. That kind of love that sometimes hurt too much to breathe, while other times burnt hotter than a fire.

Yes, they did love each other brotherly too. It was the safe place in public. But for just the two of them it was so much more than that.

Nate took a deep breath and tried not to choke on the air. His lungs acted up and he knew it. It was stress and his emotional state that made things harder. And his magic was being slightly more energy drinking than usual.

Which meant his plan was starting to crumble, and it was close for plan B.

And he made sure he's also prepped for plan C just in case.

But one thing the young thief didn't still know was another young man, just outside, still on his knees, catching his breath after laughing so hard. And that was something Noel didn't know yet too. He didn't expect to see the man again, not here at least, so neither could tell what cards the fate will pull for them.

 _ **I'm frightened by what I see**_

 _ **But somehow I know**_

 _ **That there's much more to come**_

 _ **Immobilized by my fear**_

 _ **And soon to be**_

 _ **Blinded by tears**_

 _ **I can stop the pain**_

 _ **If I will it all away**_

 _ **If I will it all away**_

Nate's beeper made tiny haptic knock on his skin underneath the sleeve of his suit. It was time.

Using shadows as guides and lanes of the road the young thief sneaked all the way down to the basement. There was impressive wine cellar. And, holy shit, Roland was indeed packing some of it from the back into the cases they took with them.

"Yo, man I thought we had an agreement!" He called out softly.

"In fact we did. This is not a part of it!" The angry growl indicating that he wasn't the only planner of their own shit. "Did you made it all working? We may need few extras as well, cargo may be a bit more than you told us, birdie." The glint in Roland's eye made Nate squirmish. He sensed the guy didn't appreciate not being told about the humongous tree in the middle which looked worth more than any lung transplant.

"I don't suppose you're talking about the huge decoration on the main deck, otherwise I'd be thinking you're going after something." Nate shot back, "Or maybe are you?"

The other man glared at him with hard, dark eyes, "This is why I hate taking extras. They keep things out, master their own plans, don't do as told." The threat was loud and clear.

"And I usually don't do side jobs that may hinder my own plans. I usually leave all the nuisances in the wind." He but back. Mostly this type of conversation ended right there as both sides felt done expressing their opinions.

"I'd watch for every shadow here, kid." The older man growl-whispered into Nate's ear and left the man standing. His commands hushed down the aisle and reverberated against the maintenance tubes across the ceiling and walls. He felt the threat hanging in the air and desperation seeped in.

But he didn't wallow any longer than that. His plan Z flew off the roof and there was more things he wanted to do during the night.

One being the ball itself. He wished to kidnap his love for a second and few words as well as do one last twirl on the dance floor. And preferably right underneath the tree thing.

The tree thing…..

Yes, it indeed turned out to be a part of the exhibition. Kinda.

It turned out that the thing was actually alive, and Nate went down underneath to see proof. They'd in all honesty had taken out three lower levels and filled a humongous tank with special soil and placed the tree inside while also secured the trunk so it's standing. The half of trunk was still being held by stabilizing entrapment but the rest was covered in decorative blanket that resembled its origins and stood tall way over three floors up.

And it wasn't just a weird alien tree.

It was actually saved from some planet after humans decided to destroy it while mining some mineral the whole planet was based of. This was all that was left and the approximate worth in black market even for a small piece was mind blowing quite literally.

But that definitely wasn't what Nate had in mind. He wasn't interested into that mostly because he believed some things just couldn't be touched. And he had some pretty high standards. He deemed the thing sacred as it wasn't just a décor. If it was just some made up art piece that consisted of billions of diamonds and crystals he'd possibly would go after it. But not now that he knew for sure it was indeed a living tree from some planet and it was last of its kind and it pretty much held value to someone and also resembled a whole lot of emotions Nate felt. They shared that understanding of being the last of its kind after an apocalypse so it went without saying he'd do whatever he could to keep the tree alive.

Besides he heard someone saying it also could connect with ones spirit and it can also talk to someone. Some natives had called it tree of spirits and it became that one.

But he also knew Roland possibly believed it was just a piece of jewelry so it was important to keep him away from it.

Especially since they came for something else. And that was in the other hall. A whole rare collection of some Earth artwork he'd predicted would pay greatly. Maybe enough for the man to let off, while the other thing was him being deemed too good to let off the hook.

Because Roland knew Nate was throughout and precise in scouting places and held a whole lot of mystery in getting inside places and out and also not being ever detected. They just knew the guy was excellent and had no intention of letting him go.

It had to change today. Because he planned to break it to Roland that he's getting out and away and possibly will never return to his criminal ways. And this was supposed to be his last heist ever.

He simply wanted to tell the gang man that he's dying but it wouldn't bode well. There was a possibility he'd concoct a scheme to keep Nate forever tethered by actually paying for some medical shitload so he'd stay forever. So he just said he's retiring and planned to keep that plan.

However this was his night. Only chance to achieve his plan and move on. Maybe even find his dearest friend and escape this life, even for a moment, and for once just be in the moment.

At least he hoped so. He knew the man will be present for the event and while he really wanted to see him, he knew better not to. It could entirely derail his plan and he really didn't want for Roland to suddenly start the very visible part of the crime- pop the guns. Nate hates guns with a passion. Yes, he's trained all the weaponry knowledge and yada yada. That didn't mean he enjoyed any of it.

Deep inside his gut was poking at something else and he dreaded that moment.

Because he really liked the tree and felt bad for his race being so greedy to destroy something sacred that belonged to another race. It was very bad manners first, but also it was tragedy to folks that lost everything. And he felt sure Federation will have a long list of upgrades in future to their systems for resources keeping and also bunch of lectures for academies to stuff into students heads. They were, after all, the future of the whole thing and teaching to do things the right way was not only a law but also responsibility.

So he just kept his inner fingers crossed and moved on to the next stop. Security and surveillance.

 _ **Fallen angels at my feet**_

 _ **Whispered voices at my ear**_

 _ **Death before my eyes**_

 _ **Lying next to me I fear**_

 _ **She beckons me shall I give in**_

 _ **Upon my end shall I begin**_

 _ **Forsaking all I've fallen for**_

 _ **I rise to meet the end**_

The extra men force piled in among the other guests and particularly VIPs. First Fleet cadets and Academy spilled inside as their representative crafts joined the lot. Nate already sensed their ships humming. Their computers being a bit more sophisticated but it was never Nate's problem. Wiring always spoke to him so he knew the tech was not a problem. The issue always was people.

Like the regular guards and secret agents and all the others in between.

Federation usually set their own men but knowing there also were nosy cadets one could never be sure.

Nate hoped this was not a day for them to show how off their grades. Besides it looked the newly acquired Earth population will also get some acknowledgement. A bunch of what he could only describe as FBI agents filled the corner at the further side of him and he recognized the man whose wife was one of the organizers. He'd seen the man few times now and also the lady. Something in their appearance and behavior signaled coming from the planet Nate once called home. So they must be the ones that came here last.

And to add to his point the woman joined him just as Nate was about to take some steps into shadows.

However they spoke too intimately for Nate to pick up but whatever they discussed it brought giggles to her and the man also looked close to laughter.

Nate moves on to different side and picked up few important event notes. At this point he just wanted to have ability to have super hearing. He could sometimes zoom in to certain directions and pick up more sounds but he'd still need to stand relatively close. His vision was indeed slightly enhanced as well which helped a lot more on most situations since he could lip read but he wasn't gifted that way specifically. There had been groups from other projects decades before that held animal DNA so they could indeed do those things among many others.

He came from a different generation though.

But what the young thief did pick up was that the event will hold two memorials. One for Earth, other for the planet that the tree came from. Also an educational speech with a smidge of propaganda about not wasting resources and what damage can be caused if greed fuzzed ones mind. Then the annual list of achievements and acknowledgments. There will also be some honorable mentions medals included.

And the usual examples showcasing. Some speeches about annual thematic and charity talks. Finally Federation will announce their proudest achievements and goals for the next season and many tank-yous from government and the main charity ball will open. The rest will become the partly official feast which like always will turn into unofficial part that included the booze.

Nate wanted to stick for the official part until booze gets going and he'll be back to his shenanigans.

It was time to dress up…


	45. You Are Not Alone

_**I break down, fear is sinking in**_

 _ **The cold comes, racing through my skin**_

 _ **Searching for a way to get to you**_

 _ **Through the storm you...**_

 _ **Go, giving up your home**_

 _ **Go, leaving all you've known**_

 _ **You are not alone**_

It was chilly outside and slight wind blew Noel's now long-ish hair. He waited for the assistants to grab his backpack and unfold the chair. Somewhere, possibly the state base, it was decided he's gonna be in the chair full time, most likely after that flimsy moment of loosing the control over his own body in the moment of emotion, so nobody even tried to offer him any choice over that. He was expected to arrive and maintain his chair accessory the whole night with somebody being available for assistance at all times.

So he kept his mouth shut for once. He obviously made a scene enough for those in command to take action and somehow he suspected it was in fact very far from his actual health issues.

And now he was expected to be this neat dude with manners and actually behave because he wasn't in the protection of a starship intimacy. He was out of the cocoon for all universe to see on television and whatnot. The local media seemed to shadow what it once used to be on Earth. Same tabloid style quick gossip pools and all the other shit. And then there was this side of highly sophisticated media that analyzed the shit out of everything and debated over the high quality stuff only seriously devoted could even grasp at.

He did neither. Only thing Noel ever had followed closely was news. The quick list of most highlights of the day and most importantly criminal activity. That flash type of information flow was what he was interested in. All because of that distant yet still powerful past. One that once held quite some promise but wilted like a desert flower at the end of the monsoon. And yet he kept hoping for some miracle while now attached to a mechanical device like an AI interwoven with its metal parts.

And he did feel that way most of his life. This was exactly like his commander would like him to be. Tethered to a controllable things without a way to be his own person and do stuff the way he wanted. Being tethered was clearly the way federation wanted him be for the rest of his life so they could feel safe from yet another rebel out there. And yes, Noel was a rebel. Always had been.

Even way before the escape Noel has been the rebellious one. And of course Samara too. They've always been trouble makers and that made them too dangerous. Eventually life did it's own corrections before anyone else could and so the Federation could care less. But that never gave that freedom to any of them. As far as he'd heard there were few more that went similar way and since then either was never heard of or became tethered to some shit like a position or other shit. Yeah, escapees were never fully free especially those that became public spot of shame to the whole system. FoPU was always into them because to society being a known rebel and anti-movement that became dangerous.

And true, they all were danger to anyone because they could kill without a blink and do any crime without leaving a mark. Because the training included all that crap from performing a perfect crime to erasing absolutely any single mark of that. And all the government and every single law and military to whatever else was there got completely terrified and paranoid. So in other words they could not pull any control over any of the metas from the project however slowly letting the fate right itself for each of them. So Noel got this issue after receiving deathly enough and definitely extremely strong force field explosion load which literally made his body fly up in the air only to find gravitational force to pull him low down on the ground, breaking his body in half and then some. That was the part that took him down from high and simply tethered him to a control of the Federation of Planets United.

And it left his closest person ever also broken and not that free anymore.

Nate's always been the low and calculated of them. His outer peace was strong and reassuring so most higher ups didn't take his sneaky persona too much into consideration. And all that thanks to his own idea to downplay all of the potential. Because nobody ever took the guy seriously for some strange reason and that's been quite some nice playground as a way of manipulation.

All until the aforementioned force field explosion took the very angry jolt of pure electricity and crashed itself right through the man's body, his chest the more precise. And there happened many things that went wrong and several that righted themselves on spot.

One being the gene mutation that happened for some reason nobody wanted to explain but only told of possible twin of Nate's. Because there shouldn't be actual twins where one was only supposed to be cloned. That would go way against the ideals and stuff. It was also very unpredictable outcome those science men hated to deal with.

But what was righted that nobody could help with was the illness that came with the initial cell separation into two. Nate got to take one illness with his side and whoever was his twin actually got another illness. Combined they would either kill them very young or mutated into something entirely else that was even more terrifying and would kill later. Gene mutations that became illnesses always were unpredictable when genetic engineering came along and with some DNA markings being less prominent of others so in the end of anything went unnoticed right away there always was risk of something weird to happen.

In Nate's case the incident fixed that part of his genetic illness that made it a killer but it didn't stop the rest of it.

Noel knew of his friend's lung disease. Sure he never told but he was aware somebody fucked up and then missed some shit so his dear brother and lover of a short moment got some freak ass shit ruining his life and then the whole thing almost killed him by nearly shredding his heart. Luckily the heart thing was fixable and only left mild symptoms. The most worrisome part was the lungs. And maybe, just maybe that head injury, Nate seemingly keeps off radar all the time.

Thing was that Nate suffered terrible brain trauma and was left with residual symptoms that seemed to not interfere too much. He had that one himself as well from meeting the ground from too many feet high and way more than comfortable feet-per-second too fast and almost literally scattering his brains out on the tarmac. And he should be dead now since the sheer amount of force rattled his brain so heavily they had to practically scoop it up and freeze a bit until all the bloody mess was sorted out and then put back together. To this day Noel still can feel the connection where the bone that held his brains in got shattered and glued back once the puzzle pieces were all identified. The parts that left the terrain of his head uneven while his brain was still slightly shaken. But with his broken body it was not the worst outcome since he was sitting for some years before his disconnected synapses fired again and allowed some improvements. From C5 complete he recovered to approximate T8-10 incomplete with minor T2-4 incomplete on one side on very bad days. Which was nearly all of them.

Before he could sit up again he suffered from his brain injury a lot more and before he could even breathe on his own he had many accidents because his brain kept trying to move his body while his muscles argued back that they had no tone. It was often the fight that ended with him face-down by the bed and struggling for air as the fall usually tore out the breathing tube.

That one was its own story as well. Mostly because they decided not to intubate for longer than just the first few weeks due to some other damage to his trachea that's revealed itself slightly on the shy side but sneakily nonetheless. So that one kinda slipped after he was assigned for tracheostomy while being in comatose so after waking up very long time after it stayed there along with his ancient knee issue. Strange how much medical shit slipped off once situation became exciting and then lowered down again.

And his file also kept its mouth shut so he sighed in relief.

Nonetheless the whole FoPU still hoped he'd been comatose long enough for his brain to forget lot more than just that one thing.

Maybe he still could pull off the evening, well, he had to, Nate was his priority and Fleet wouldn't dare much due to his unique status as disabled asset. Which was another point in his silent agreement.

Yes, somebody had tried to kill him long time ago. A person that held more meaning than he once believed and someone he still held dear. And sure there were many reasons behind their mutual disagreement and all that went off back in the day that led to few things in between and certain someone sustaining injuries that got hidden from official reports. Though to this day the scars were all there for eyes willing to see and he didn't care about that anymore. If the mood was right he'd spin a tale or two to get the real reason where it belonged.

Nate asked few times but Noel just said things happened and it's just a lesson he'd learned and dealt with. The boy wasn't one to pry. He just nodded and moved on. Maybe he just let it go because there will be one day in the future he'd hear it anyway. That was how much patience his kiddo had. Samara never could keep her nose away and River always needed to know. Serenity, Kayla and Sky never sat in peace while they could scrape away for juicy parts. One more reason Noel felt so close with the slightly young man. I

And one more light in the endless darkness.

 _ **With arms up stretched into the sky**_

 _ **With eyes like echoes in the night**_

 _ **Hiding from the hell that you've been through**_

 _ **Silent one, you...**_

His eyes roamed across the place like hawk's. He looked into every corner and fold before he allowed himself to see the crowd. Many nods and half waves got sent his way and he kept slightly crooked half smile on his face.

It never truly reached his eyes though.

Many stared anyway.

He was all nicely dressed up but one could still see the scars on his face, the fluffy slightly long-ish hairstyle that somehow let his lightly curled hair show. The ash blonde tone taken up more grey hue from endless hours in artificial lighting and darkness. His face pale with few scars more prominent from the same conditions. He was never very tanned to begin with. Also his height hidden by the chair allowed the character shine brighter. He wasn't a tall man. Not bulky. Just the right amount of lean and muscular to be able to operate.

Obviously he had to put on the knee brace and lock the shoulder and his arm in case his spasms decided to make a show.

The vague image of the girl that destroyed everything and of the other one that also destroyed whatever was left. Samara and Serenity. His gut churned at the mere memory even thought, he just prayed the big guns will keep them away from any noise. That'd be extremely unpleasant if they added the gone girls to the mix this year.

It was mere miracle his body had improved from what it once was to somewhat functioning again. He was still strapped into all the shitload of entrapments to hold him together but it wasn't as bad now that the undersuit held it all way better and helped with the mechanics.

For a second he stared at the leg brace that held together his knee joint and joined with the ankle one that was while sleek still visible enough for him to see and feel it on his nerves.

He barely cared about the crowd as the buzz swayed in and out of focus. Captain even made it a point for somebody to keep his hearing button just in case he decides to forego all the prep.

They also made a point he takes all his meds and puts on all those braces. Like what? Did they need some visual representation of a disabled soldier? He couldn't even believe.

Sure media adored and loved the disabilities like bees used to love their honeycombs. It made them story worth noting and raised the railings enough to fucking buy that fur coat next time money rolls in.

But he had to anyway so they got lucky this time. His throat hole was still looking hideous enough so he let it show but made sure his wrist is snug as a bug in its brace. Shoulder was harder to put somewhere so he used the mobile strap this time. He couldn't feel it yet anyway.

Another issue that usually presented itself was the oxygen pocket and usual port access. He hated to show that level of vulnerability in public. Yes, there was a port accessible in his chest for many meds and treatments his condition needed. Yes, he went as far as pack the cath for emergency while still planning to attend restroom like normal person.

His leg was slowly getting rickets so for the moment he'd just sit aside.

And then he noticed the agent type from earlier next to the white haired old man of same body language group and his own Captain and Fleet unit Commander. They seemed talking quite animatedly so it must be good.

There soon joined another man and a woman both of different levels of color. And like the one man and the old guy appeared to share same office. Earth refugees. He could tell. People carried themselves in different ways depending on how long they resided on a planet or system. If they weren't locals it was visible. Hell, he was visible to locals but most claimed his manners and show has changed to some hybrid that was characterized as mix of off-planet and specifically Earth population.

No surprise there.

And he didn't care.

What was the show was other people and their outward appearance.

His eyes roamed some more and then he decided to roll around and see the place a bit more.

It wasn't before his wheels squeaked beside a stairwell and a cane was placed almost in his lap.

"Khaleesi." he simply said and lifting his head up slightly but still more eyes.

"Narcho." the lady with silver eyes and silver hair acknowledged.

She was always the one that was deemed a true mutant, a piece of art. Unfortunately her life hasn't been that forthcoming and while she kept that air of superiority and utter power she had a downside.

"Long time no see, Kayla. I thought you hated these things." Noel spoke again.

"No worries, brother, I'm here not for myself. And from what I know you hated them too." she pointed out with obvious sarcasm dripping from her voice. He watched the natural grace despite the flaws.

"Then I assume we're both kinda in the same bowl." he said simply with a twitch of eyebrows.

"Noel, you seem to be understanding that this situation isn't that pleasant, however I feel it's somewhat less sad for you. "

"That, my dear, is one very correct sensation."

"So far he just as well might've had gone already. You know this year they will pull us all out of the corners and brag about how great this community has gotten integrated into main frame and yada yada. That's purest bullshit my ears have ever heard and your eyes seen." Her voice betrayed minimal shake of anger and possibly resentment. "They ruined your freedom and made our little Ghost prisoner of his own skills, and now they are about to drag us all out and showcase as if we're some piece of their fucking art." Her voice betrayed some hot tears while her face stayed stoic.

Khaleesi or just Kayla Astrid Bergen was half-Scandinavian mix of Allegrae. Part alien, part human, she was deemed humanoid. She suffered in the Klingon-Romulan combo attack on Gaudion starbase point zero when Noel just landed to drop off supplies and gather exchange material between Gaudion and Gallon. It was a remote mission as a transported pilot two weeks after being released from rehab and signing the contract with Fleet and Federation.

Kayla was almost same as him. Her secret skill was dragon whispering and weapons. She also loved her Jellyfish crafter that she stole from scrapyard and used old parts and some less old parts to rebuild and tune up.

She was caught in the crossfire so heavily it almost ended Noel's one life. He managed to take down both armadas and neutralize enemies while cavalry arrived to help.

That was the first medal after he returned.

Kayla was blind but had many other senses to compensate. Her right leg was encased in fabulous metal and whole outfit was mixed metal and liquid silver elements. Almost as if she tried to show how cold she felt for the deal.

While Kayla was great soldier even with disabilities that also impaired her job in a way she was a rebel like Noel and others.

"Seen your heart shape yet?" She asked calmed down and cheekily.

"You still remember that." He almost sighed. There was that time on board, years ago, they shared night of buzz. And so much talk his ears burned for another week.

She'd been so amazing.

"I cannot forget memories. My Talla needs my total recall these days so I made sure to never forget what once my eyes have seen. But sight is just a tool, what most important is the inner feel. It colors your soul." Her eyes moved about where his body was. "Your soul has turned darker. Is there something bothering you?" and there, always genuine care among all that accent and cheeky attitude.

"Khaleesi. I.." he hiccuped a sudden, deeply cutting, emotion away and continued," My life's changed. My status has been made clear and I feel too scared to risk him. Besides I noted his time must be running out. Yahi told me that day these things never go away and while he's not that bad anymore the issue still bugs him. And now it's his heart I'm getting scared about. Genetics and electro trauma isn't boxing well." Her eyes blinked rapidly and silver took momentarily white tone before changing back. "I never, not for one ounce, have ever believed he would give up. And neither should you. And even if he really has a living twin it's more the reason to stay alive. What if little Danny was his twin and nobody cared to tell? Does that mean he should give up hope?" Her breath hitched slightly before last low down. "You got destroyed but still kicked your own ass to get here. Don't even begin to doubt your boy about his motives and will of living." With that she swung off. Her leg braced and stabilized by metal entraption that held what looked like engravings if ancient runes. Blind and missing half a leg the woman still possessed fierce energy and diamond hard belief in certain things.

It was yet another way to tell him that it's been just him who ever felt like giving up because there was nothing in the universe left to fight for.

Until life reminded him that his heart, while banged up, still held the capacity of loving and would lead him to the man he'd loved for so long.

 _ **You go, giving up your home**_

 _ **Go, you are not unknown**_

 _ **You are not alone**_

 _ **You are not unknown**_

 _ **You are not alone**_


	46. I'm Still Caged Inside

_**I can't escape this hell**_

 _ **So many times I've tried**_

 _ **But I'm still caged inside**_

 _ **Somebody get me through this nightmare**_

 _ **I can't control myself**_

It took some five more minutes in the end for Neal and Clinton to overcome their sudden laughing fit. It felt as hysterical as it was surreal so Neal struggled slightly to grasp what's his life anymore.

"Wow, man, that was weird but fun. I hope you're okay. " Jones said while straightening his clothes. Neal simply grinned at him like old days and took his time to put himself together.

It felt like he just needed this moment to reset his brain for a bit so that he could get that old con mask on. Not that he didn't find this fun or lightening up. On contrary- he felt better. But the problem was somewhere much deeper and darker to just shoo it off like a dust bunny.

"Yeah, Clint, that was great moment. I feel that would be just enough to survive this night and keep all their jewels untouched." He added his own dark humor part and the agent just giggled at that. Sure, for the sake of old days, the inside joke worked lovingly.

With that they gathered the remaining dregs of scattered manners and behaviors and walked inside. Noting that Peter was suddenly absent, Neal kinda expected older man to use a sliver of a time to sneak off to his wife and update her.

Yes, Neal has been off into whatever corner he was but somehow it never made the agent's wife scoot over to the other side. Their relationship outside his corner stayed sane and Neal did all he could to make it best. They were close before and stayed close now. And they needed each other more since the planetary status changed just a smidge too much for one day and many were left with scattered minds and lost thoughts while some didn't move a hair for that.

It was indeed funny how people took to such changes. And while Neal was never like that something over the years had changed and maybe he wasn't as young anymore and age did this strange stuff to humans but his emotions became pretty hard to understand and control.

It surely had a huge connection to the loss of Mozzie, his longest and strongest friendship in his entire life, or at least the part he could actually remember. Because, yes, Neal suffered from some sort of memory loss he managed to keep hidden from literally every single person in his life except for the little, conspiracy theory supporting man that took Neal in straight from the street and helped to shape Neal into something. Mozzie was the only person in the entire world that would always understand Neal in so many ways the younger man never had a shadow of a doubt regarding his friend.

But ever since Neal was catching up with the FBI and Peter specifically that whole dynamic changed a lot. They did get their clashes once in a while. Though generally it was all somehow balanced out.

All until the literal shit hit the fan way too soon and faster than they could prepare. And then all their lives changed majorly for the first time. Mozzie was scolding Neal like a kid stealing candy off the shelf for a very long time. Then shit happened some more and Kate became his sole existence somehow.

Sometime between Neal popping up on FBI radar and Peter actually collecting the con few things happened.

One was in the middle of the European heist when they raided several old castles around Scandinavia and British lands before moving towards southern regions. Old Europe provided loads of hunts and stuff. All the things to keep Mozz busy and Kate distracted while dropping off radar and Alex.

Neal suffered injury from a fall and until he was capable to function he pretended to be all over the place. Nobody knew what happened and he never found a reason to tell.

And by the time Interpol was slowly catching their scent the group went back and laid low for a moment.

They went off to Mexico after that and did few heists there when somebody felt the need to blow a whistle and Neal decided to run by his own terms. He needed time and a way to escape some flash of what he deemed a memory from his mysterious past. When that was past he concluded some business in the north and made a few dumb decisions that led to a whole month in the wild and later made him regret ever trying anything in the less sophisticated regions.

By the time his fellows returned from the land of no rules he also was back as if nothing happened and cheeky as usual.

One thing happened though. Which led to another one and ended up in a very bad place and some darkness slipped through Neal's usually bright personality.

He'd decided to keep that locked away forever however the recent changes in lifestyle had him flashing back to that second time and also begin to feel the first time.

And now he was sitting there like a duck and hoping the hunters would pass. In other words- somebody knew something and wanted to speak to Peter about Neal's little secrets.

Because he already recognized the only person who could tell Hughes and Burke and the rest of the bureau's hands and then the water would be licking his face already. He was sinking and way too fast for his liking. Also it all made him long for Mozz even more. Even June could be appreciated as a buffer. El could too but Neal valued his second chances too much.

And he hoped to all saints that Keller was indeed dead and stayed that way. Their last encounter was rough on Neal's part and unfortunate on his. Last he heard the guy was in prison for long haul. Which didn't always mean that's what gonna happen.

However they had a massive fallout that resulted in El being kidnapped and Peter accusing Neal for stealing the U-boat treasure and lying. But whatever the con said never changed a thing.

Peter came home to active scene and pushed Neal painfully into the wall and nearly made the mistake he'd regret more than anything else. But Peter has been stronger.

And Neal has suspicions of Mozzie being too pushy. He kept pushing Neal to decide whether to stay or leave and it didn't bode well. Because it meant one- Mozz was into deep shit and had all that treasure with him. Eventually Neal had deemed correct and while he never planned to leave the state he had to make Mozz come back for El. And that was basically his own fault while still being more the little man's fault.

It was possibly just another thing on Neal's plate he'd never stop feeling guilty ever.

And Peter always makes sure Neal knows he should never stop feeling guilty. Because even time cannot erase that horror.

But Peter never ever heard or found out what truly happened to Neal while with Keller. Because he decided nobody needs to know that. Even if it became a big hinder for further work. But that also was something Peter wasn't supposed to know. Even Mozzie.

One frekkin' castle in Northern Europe and that damn heist that went so wrong that even Mozz , had he known, wouldn't find a better way. And Neal took a great flight through an ancient chute that led to a cliff side above the forest. While it was possibly greatest slide in his life it was also a greatest fall to the ground Neal recalled ever experienced in his life.

He hit the ground with such force his body literally flicked off switch for couple days. Neal's whole body rattled so hard he fell into coma for longer than he needed nor wanted. Luckily Europe was slightly safer even in the summer so he survived just laying there under some low bushes.

Waking up was a long process and he made it into a week long process to become aware again.

Concussion was terrible, his smashed lungs rattled in his shattered chest, but the empty feeling aside those two regions was extremely unnerving. He could feel bones grinding with every breath he inhaled. And the con fell back into the darkness for some more. Only months later Neal discovered the truth about that fall and it made him avoid all medical exams even more. He'd been broken, like an old doll that kid throws away once the childhood ends. Broken like an old wall clock that tells the time wrong despite all.

He'd felt it, deep inside, the silent scream of his worst pain that never made through his synapses. His brain was swelling and pushing out of the shell his skull was, as if breaking free would help that much. His lungs had been bleeding and hurting but the conscience was no longer there.

He'd spent a week laying in the forest until all the broken pieces got attached back and all the injuries healed. How- was still that question that bugged Neal in the darkest nights.

And then he forgot. All washed away by one of those blackouts. With that most of his memory from his Europe trip. Nothing.

And then prison kinda flashed by his unseeing eyes in one swift week and Kate was leaving. Forever.

It broke the man more than he admitted. Even Peter held no idea Neal suffered blackouts and that all the jail time was barely a flash. And then another flash and he was sitting on the floor of their old apartment with Peter entering the place as incredibly deep, dark pain crossed the man's heart and his soul cracked a bit. The agent never realized what it felt to Neal.

And then it was just another blink and that moment got washed away. He was back in and talking Peter into this deal. Next thing was the first case and from then on his awareness held for most time.

He couldn't tell why it was so fluctuating and what he should take from that fact. Until Kate blew up and his awareness faded long enough for pain in his heart subside and deeper, darker things crawled out making Neal fall back into reality and catch his darker side crash through a window and hold a loaded gun in a man's face. That moment there on spot when he was taken away Neal felt just so, so lost he let himself cry a bit. And later he let himself cry all that pain out until all he could was to slide down some random tree in the park and fall unconscious. How nobody decided to check his location or disturb the random passes out man in the park was beyond any residing logic. That stayed with him as one of the big wonders of the planet so he felt content.

 _ **So what if you can see the darkest side of me?**_

 _ **No one will ever change this animal I have become**_

 _ **Help me believe it's not the real me**_

 _ **Somebody help me tame this animal**_

So another thing in between was his mysterious illness. One more thing that just happened and then sorted itself out like no evidence left behind.

Also another thing he'd faded through from all he could tell.

And yet, Peter wasn't aware Neal ever had taken a plunge in any of the rivers that crossed the island. Not reached inland.

Especially after the Hamptons Long Con and Heist failed to happen. Or at least didn't even get further than few thousands and couple months in. Maybe he should've had asked Mozzie what happened there despite the older man forbidding ever touching the topic.

And then somehow all things came to one crashing memory that revoke that blackout. The literal suffocating thing he pulled off on a case with Peter. A guy had a nice comic room that held crazy security feature which they had to use therefore Neal being the ever the Prince Charming allowed Peter get all the air supply they've been given and let himself suffocate until cavalry arrived to make arrests and save them. And for whatever seconds or maybe minutes he was out awakening made it super creepy and for another level of messed up illogical until flashback caused Neal to throw up and faint some.

But the moment somebody tried to dive into the problem Neal was up and about and told everyone it's all great and that only his head was slightly aching. Whoever witnessed it all and then decided to let it go was either an angel or hid some misaligned intention Neal never wanted to know about.

Because he relived a memory of scary nature and his body reacted badly. Which was natural. Reaction not the memory.

For some reason he'd yet again floated after some traumatic event that caused a major injury occur and then heal on its own. To some extent it made sense but more often than it did this sense was taken away.

Like for instance how it was even possible to get shot, cause fire and be blasted away in an explosion before getting his body slammed into a cold, dark water and basically drown in one damn night?

And how it was even remotely realistic to survive all that with merely a scratch on his body?

Well, for most part all the scars were on the inside. All the broken bones on the inside, nothing poking through his skin. A relief for one, terrible scare for another. Neal was terrified to even know a reason why there was not a visible scar on his chest while he could vaguely tell one on his thigh from the island adventure and some on his temple from where a painting framing made a dent in his skull by Keller's hand or the bloody hairline crack his first choice of banger stick was to wack Neal out to take him hostage.

It also revealed how good Neal was with guns of which Peter still had shared feelings. He'd seen once what Neal was capable and then glimpsed few more times. And then it became some sort of relief for the agent as Neal kept saving his life. All the while risking his own.

But that never explained the fact he'd gone through some ringer before being greeted by some dark, deep waters and later washed out on the shore to be enveloped by frigid winter frost that basically made Neal cryo-sleep until he was okay enough to survive absolutely horrid pneumonia. Which was strange and way too much for the man.

At least this was sort of hope that it won't happen again and his life will get better. Even if without some of the people he once had in his life…

 _ **Somebody help me through this nightmare**_

 _ **I can't control myself**_

 _ **Somebody wake me from this nightmare**_


	47. Demons Of Your Mind

_**You've lost your sense from the emptiness**_

 _ **You do as the headlines compel you**_

 _ **Become whole again and let the war begin**_

 _ **Destroy the veneer that surrounds you**_

 _ **There's no defense for your recklessness**_

 _ **You stare as the proof lies before you**_

 _ **Why can't you see, are you afraid to be**_

 _ **Exposed to the demons around you?**_

The moment was getting closer by each swooshing breath he took. For some reason the meds had decided they will not work the usual wonders this night and Nate was getting more desperate by each passing second. Not even minute anymore. His lungs were weak because the treatment time was basically long overdue. A week precisely. While week he spent lurking in the corners and shadows of the street and other places his insight was needed as well as the while planning. That was the truth. And while that time felt fine with him he knew that the percentage was bearing critical. But there was nothing he could do beside the usual meds and nebulizer. He had no funds for anything else. Yes, he'd tried jobs before, it wasn't like he was some kind of weasel slinking off his lazy ass. Completely opposite.

Nate liked working. He enjoyed being employed but somehow his past and illness made a ring for trouble and nobody really wanted to have an employee with terminal illness or criminal record or whatever it was in his mysterious file.

Sure he'd done quite a massive research into his digital data and roamed many federation systems to see what they had on him. Even whatever was classified. The thing was that nothing made sense nor was easy accessed. All was coded and scribbled in a way only authorized person would be able to read all the shitload of the mess that was his documented life.

Even that would probably be classified to another level.

Nate hated that with passion. Ever since he got to his data it was mostly stats that were accumulated by hospitals.

Well, the first scribble of data was from the fateful day that changed their lives forever.

He'd been in a coma for a very long time in which they did so many tests and there the genetics showed the flaws. He'd never noticed that he had decreased lung capacity therefore kept living his life until the incident happened and the medical tests revealed this major flaw. And when they reached really deep into their research it was all said to be genetic, just as pretty much everything that turned out to be wrong with Nate's health. Except the new injuries from the electro trauma and being thrown against some part of the next building's higher wall or something like that.

Eventually they came to conclusion that his diagnosis is pretty much terminal at that point and since he still was partly deemed illegal and unregistered as a proper citizen there was no way that he'll get any crumb of the usual government support.

Which technically meant he could survive some but it would be long process and fucking expensive. Or, he'll die anyway, because being part genetic experiment on one planet that has literally been destroyed and part criminal in the one that became a colony for refugees and survivors of that destroyed planet would never be a good enough reason for the almighty to spare a coin for.

Even the medical facility couldn't do more beyond patching him up and giving standard meds.

Here was the point where jealousy over Noel sparked.

That guy got it lucky because first- critical patient due to his godknowshowmany feet high fall and fact his blood was already all over the tarmac by the time first responders jumped to action. Second- he was more visible since he just flopped down smack dab in the middle of a busy sidewalk on a mild pause in feet traffic. Also it was still daylight and whoever was in the building suffered power outage due to explosion and rushed outside to check out the situation.

And third- the guy had incredible fleet credit already from his small time at the pilot console once upon a hiccup in space which led him not really jump planets yet as his ride was delayed. For some reason Noel wasn't named actually a criminal right away so he was given a second to settle before shit really hit the fan. Besides his injuries at that second of evaluation got noted as very critical and it took a couple days in the OR before he was given a break before next round of surgeries.

Nate was less lucky as he suffered less open wounds on the outside so they had a second more to do actual poking and then occupying another OR for just a day at a time.

Or it was how he gathered the general image of it all. Obviously he was already been called out on a plaque or seven as the DB already beeped it's fearful shrill.

Luckily for the staff Nate was deeply unconscious through all that crap so they decided to be a bit fair in that situation and didn't chain him.

They did later though, when he'd gathered enough of his senses to tell the difference between doorframe and toilet seat and could actually stand for about two whole seconds instead of faceplanting himself the second his feet touched the floor.

So basically that's how he came to conclusion that he needed to be free to live a life he wants. Or at least one that's close or even just survive.

 _ **Open your eyes**_

 _ **Open your eyes**_

 _ **Open your eyes**_

 _ **See through the disguise**_

 _ **Won't you open your eyes?**_

So after his stats improved enough and most of his daze lessened Nate picked that damn lock and fled the hospital before hacking through their systems and deleting all his data from whenever they could've stored them, mentally, almost costing him his newly gained freedom.

Luckily somebody in the hall got the arriving officers stall because it seemed there was some security issue. That was his window so he slipped into shadows and faded away.

Turned out it was a lucky call of his conscience to run that very moment. There was a whole squad after him to do a preliminary confession. They really wanted to squeeze him so he'd admit all the alleged crimes and make this arrest. Maybe they also hoped for some fame as allegedly Nate had done some spectacular damage to some high enough people and while he's never been about bragging some believed if he'd said a word in the wind there'd be some equally spectacular uppings in his further jobs.

He didn't however. And his meager income still relied on lower level jobs where majority of savings from several rounds went into his lung procedures.

In the end Nate was barely floating financially and struggled on most days. He barely had enough to get the specific meds on the black market since he wasn't on any legal list all the government stipends and support meant he was on his own. Sure he could fake some papers to get it through legal sources but it took time and very specific things that also cost a lot of money.

Not that black market was any cheaper. On contrary. Those folks loved to soak in money and asked twice the official price which in one way made sense but still made a huge dent in low class pocket.

Some may have given him small discounts due to his connections but that was rare.

Jumping planet also wasn't as easy since their one time slip. Now they upped the security on most liner class and even mid level class ships. Escaping hospital was like making a sandwich in comparison. And it often scared the thief to the level of considering his life's not worth such hustle.

But every time that thought crossed his mind he also got harsh reminder of why he still wanted his life.

Noel…

His sole reason for not giving up.

After his escape from that hospital he'd been in a very bad place for a while, roaming underground spots and hiding in castaway buildings, surviving on sole hope.

But one day he roamed into way more dangerous place and passed out. However he remained unnoticed and as it turned out he'd chose some cargo bay at far side of the city and more precisely a container that had its doors left open. So they'd just shut the door without checking the contents and he was left inside.

After some unknown period of time the container was loaded into a shuttle and transported to a base and further loaded into a cargo deck on one and only USS Jasmine, transporter ship that warped to some outpost in space near Space Station 451 in Hadar system.

And to his even greater surprise it was just that shuttle that Noel had been piloting before he took over the Jasmine co-pilot position as his secondary mission part. And he was the one that supervised offloading and registering all the contents in ship's log.

But by the time his container was to be scanned and logged some technical error happened and a new guy sidestepped full scan of the container. So Nate was allowed to have one nice long ride to Hadar system and the outpost and eventually station itself. To his immense luck Nate's box was destined to that very last docking and then it was Noel again tinkering about the cargo deck and just another lucky strike that one of the man's beeper thingy picked biological distress signal and Noel hurriedly started to check that out.

To the other man's big surprise the signal came from the one and only Nathaniel Holler, or as he was actually named Nathaniel James Caffrey. Or at least that was what he'd found on his only poor slip of Earth paper after the blowup. But to suit the runaway life he'd altered it some. And then created couple new identities.

His most used was Nathaniel Holler. Not a favorite though.

He actually had one favorite he only used in special occasions- Nolan Halstead. It was his most proud creation- a whole new personality. He used it few times before and so far that wasn't a burned one. Yet.

To avoid it all he used it only when truly necessary. There was even a legit file and all.

But here he was Holler. He'd burned one before Jaden Lee. But then made similar one for emergencies- Daniel Jaden Allistaire. Slightly high-end civilian with money and fancy life. Jaden Lee was league pilot. At least he was on the planet that was no longer.

He was elite class with all the good recommendations and glowing fame ignited career in many backgrounds. His favorite one as it made him feel free.

But he didn't last long. After that he reinvented Daniel but kept off crafts. It was more in business based and allowed a discovery of himself- he was indeed great stock broker and marketer in general. Somehow being a conman never occurred to him as an alternative way of living. Until he made that change of direction and it became some kind of a second nature.

Then he left the planet with Noel and it never crossed his mind again.

He became Holler. But now he assumed that one was burned too. And he was back to digging for another one that he will use after this night was over.

Back in the day when Narcho found him on that ship he'd never been himself. Only that dude knew the real Nate. One that spend days bunked together in that damned camp or whatever it was.

Sure finding his bestest of friends and closest of brothers and a blossoming romance all at once and still alive came as a shock. And a bunch of trouble he couldn't figure a way out of. Though not to be mistaken, Narcho held captivating but gruff personality that held automatic power and stance that was pretty much his natural shield. And Nate be damned if he didn't pull one hell of a con on the whole crew until Nate was capable of actually defend himself. That one was rather impressive. And then they jumped ships and went rouge for a while.

Until some shit happened and their paths separated once again. Nate has been aware of loosing some of the memories due to his meet with energy fields in the past and surely banging his head many times.

There happened to be spots he found lost and while it seemed little and wasn't causing trouble it still worried the young man some.

Especially if it's gonna be a con. Or job.

Because he needed to be alert and aware. It's what they were trained for and trained to able to do. But this time it felt as if he wouldn't anymore.

Grant Devore. Suave and slick, master of magic arts and shady as tropical forest in midnight. He's fast on his feet and hard to catch even for the smartest of agents. Grant is one hell of a con artist as he never is found. And he is a mentalist. But that is for card tricks because the true side is illusion.

In a flick of a wrist and blink of an eye he can plan out major illusion scene and then be gone in the winds with the gains.

However there are two things about Grant..

One being quite simple. Good heart. He'd never hurt anyone more than cleaning some stash or money they could survive without therefore nobody he's played ha ever been low or mid class, only those with penthouses, or cappuccinos in clouds, high end class levels of many places.

Because he'd stop traffic if there's either a bird on the ground or kitten. He'd jump in a lake to save a life.

A genuinely good person behind the illusion of himself.

The other thing, tragic past. And by that meaning he's disabled. It's mostly invisible and his illusion is just so strong nobody would ever know. Grant has minor paralysis in his left foot and left wrist due to nerve damage. While he's originally left handed in general there's an ambidextrous ability, while he avoids or simply refuses to write with his right hand. It's all well hidden by a sleeve, a medical wearable that has nanotech properties.

Also Grant has diminished hearing and vision for his left side and slight facial nerve damage that usually makes his left side look different with emotional display. The claim is that years ago he'd tried to end his life by jumping from a skyscraper but never dying which was a mystery by itself. Some believed he was experimenting with some new trick ideas and covered a mistake. Others said he was just drunk and high so he misstepped some rooftop.

But whatever they believed public loved the magic man. He pulled off major spectacular illusion shows that would take people to another dimension while secretly cleaning out bank accounts.

Grant lived that life of magic and even became famous at some point.

Until his mysterious disappearance.

Well Grant was famous but flawed and society milked it all along. They adored such personality and character. And Nate could pull off the last dregs from his latest force field misconception.

After that Clayton Rydell lived a short farm life as a local ranch keeper. It was small low down until his rodeo skills took him to new heights of a farmboy life in some small town in the far south and east, or west if you stood on the other side of the map.

Four months later Clay was killed by a jealous competition as his ride was sabotaged and he crashed from irritated horse's back. In reality Nate remained in a deep state of sleep under minimal function that was undetectable and later his body dissolved into shadows until his brain overcame the trauma and healed. To him directly the damage was really small- a hiccup once in a while that slowed down to mild tremble of a hand and hitch of a face or head. Spasmatic outlets that raked his left shoulder and back along with several ribs and even part of lung dissolved and didn't leave too much to remember that.

Nick Moreau also didn't survive long at some point. Nate wasn't liking the cold character but was great for dealing with shit. That guy was mean and dark, strongly reminding of Narcho in his best gruff. He was a mechanic with a dark twist and loved fixing scrapyard shit for living. Until he came upon a pot of gold and left some mark that there could've happened either an incident or accident. Plot twist happened few months later by impersonating twin of Nick's so there could've been indecisive fate for him.

And finally Clyde Halden. Young wannabe do-it-all-er. Freshly out of academy and eager to learn. Most brilliant student with exceptionally high IQ levels. Young genius from Hadar. By accident during helping out on cargo deck seven to offload fresh supply run. He'd been missed on official log due to some error on second link of chain of action and was pardoned eventually.

Clydon Jeremy Marsden-Halden, or for short Clyde Halden, was injured as he was placing barrels of diamine-tetra-hepa-myotolene, some sort of metal looking chemical with loads of kinetic energy stored inside. It was liquid by nature but synthesized in solid material for transport. However it still was hard to tame even in solid state. And it did lead to an accident where one barrel started to move because of ground vibrations and accidental container bump on other end by someone being clumsy. It resulted in Clyde being squished some and banged up. At the still unstable barrel containment his ride was bumpy to say the least. It was revealed that he was found by one Commander Narcho upon sudden scanner reading.

Clyde suffered prolonged slow internal bleeding of his left lung from blunt force trauma that basically nearly squashed his body into a pancake. He bled inside for days until his fading life was saved by fleet medical. Hadar allowed him to stay whenever and it's been claimed to be the best recovery and rehabilitation time ever.

But it also was the place that first diagnosed him. For that Nate wasn't sure to be happy or sad about. They did just drop a bomb on him like that and went on. While he was left reeling and sobbing for days with Noel soaking up all that hysteria.

After that they went off grid as Noel was on vacation for medical reasons and was given time for his own body to soak up some love.

To this day he felt it the best time ever.

 _ **You would all be runnin'**_

 _ **In a world you cannot hide**_

 _ **And the end is comin'**_

 _ **For the lemmings standing in line**_

 _ **Overcome it**_

 _ **Let the fury build inside**_

 _ **It could all be broken**_

 _ **If you only opened your eyes**_

But for tonight he chose no aliases. In worst case scenario he'd just pop an alias that wasn't really an alias. He found out on some really ancient paperwork another last name associated with his name and since the file was in a very bad condition the rest was unreadable. But he could always use that one. Or use the last name and drop another name for it and improvise from that point on.

After all it's just for one night. And he dearly hoped to make success tonight because this was his last job here. He already told everyone underground that he's retiring from criminal world.

Or so he wanted.

For some time there was this thought of maybe quitting his shenanigans and turn to something else. He'd been there, done that. Not a hardcore stuff. He could try again. Make some strong alias and create a character out of himself and see what's good can come out of it.

Maybe even get legit medical help instead of the bullshit he's been doing all these years.

Seeing all the cheer and crowd interactions it made him long for some belonging. They used to be a team, all of the unit. Training together and hanging out together in their bunks. It was fun for some twisted reason, but maybe not. They were bunch of kids thrown into some arena to learn how to survive. But they held together and taught each other companionship and simply trusting each other their lives.

He could at least try to find a place to belong and feel as a part of something greater, like he was supposed to be.

But that was probably just a wishful thinking on his part. Knowing his luck there could always be many things going sideways. And just that alone made his mood slightly drop. However the festive vibes caught up once again. He really enjoyed the elegant displays of some crap and paintings on the walls around the whole building. But what drew his attention and appreciation the most were the artifacts from the planet no more and other decorations that glowed in the dark or just sparkled. And the ceiling high above was simply what pulled him in. It all looked so mysterious and magical he could no longer wait to explore some more.

But his beeper quietly and gently tapped out a message that returned the dark again. He was needed elsewhere, in the dungeons, and so he slipped into the darkest corner he could locate to slide through the wall. The more dark the easier he could just fade away. Maybe he should've just done that years ago, the darkness was pulling again, deeper and deeper….

 _ **Open your eyes**_

 _ **Open your eyes**_

 _ **Open your eyes**_

 _ **See through the disguise**_

 _ **Won't you open your eyes?**_


	48. Castle Walls

_**Everyone thinks that I have it all**_

 _ **But it's so empty living behind these castle walls**_

 _ **These castle walls**_

 _ **If I should tumble if I should fall**_

 _ **Would any one hear me screaming behind these castle walls**_

 _ **There's no-one here at all, behind these castle walls**_

Neal finally felt like roaming around for a moment. He didn't jump among people and their small talks like back in old days. He rarely felt the pull for interactions like he used to, basically since the arrival. But if he was truly honest he's been like that for years now. Something in him felt really off. It's been crawling slowly, seeping into his bones until all he felt was cold. That deep emptiness in his heart that some days lightened but other darkened. So far he'd pushed through that with a dash of his Caffrey charm and elusiveness only Neal Caffrey could.

But he never tried to analyze what his emotions were and why. He just let the life carry him. Basically he let himself be carried by events. Even just for a second. And he did have a loads of experience with improvisation and stuff. After all con man had to improvise a lot and often jump at moments to either save his life or their con.

At least he used to do that. However his life before Mozzie was still covered with that dark blanket.

But there were scars that told him he'd gone through some tough moments. Although he always claimed scars are marks that no con can afford because they make one distinguishable which was dangerous.

Well, his face seemed okay enough. And that was good. However his body carried some scares he couldn't recall getting no matter how hard he tried.

His pondering was cut short when he turned a corner and almost fell on his face because there was an obstacle he couldn't even see. That was really strange because while it was dark and the ambient glowing objects didn't help he could tell there was nothing visible. He patted the carpet around his body but he couldn't find a source of his unfortunate fall. It was like there was something one second and the next it was gone. His gut sent some alarm bells twinkling and hairs on his body stood up. A chill run over his back and Neal involuntarily shuddered.

Whatever it was it seemed gone now. But his heart still was trying to beat itself out of his chest.

However when he got up dusted himself off he walked all over the short part of the hallway where he turned the corner the CI didn't find anything.

But before he could make his way deeper into the place the beeper in his pocket vibrated notifying that Peter was most likely looking for him. Not that it wasn't allowed to walk away from the agent but it was best advised to stay close since Neal had this past baggage that wasn't doing any favors. He was partly considered a flight risk but realistically there weren't a place he could run. Technically he always could but logically it made little sense.

He was on a planet he never knew even existed before his arrival and then he was dropped into a tiny windowless box until further notice and eventually allowed back to work at some extent a job he couldn't even be a big help anymore since this was a whole new world to him.

Yes, makes no sense.

It turned out Peter really needed to get him back by his side as their small crowd squeezed themselves into the patch of tiny tables at the far end of the room. It was a cute corner because the lights were very dim making the glow of the décor pull Neal into some magical trance. He couldn't take his eyes from the beauty that was these things.

But there was now a time for speeches and still a possibility he'd need to say a word as well as other agents. After all their department was directly involved with the integration process and he was an exceptional case among many. And this was a place to make it work until next chance arises because so far the bureau still needed the privileges from government and many more things that they must present to public. And how they do that made the biggest difference in how their further success will be acknowledged.

Red tape all over again and even more. He wondered how their government even worked with all this seven times measure before cut policy. On Earth it was easier to deal with because most times time was of essence and if they had to go to all the heads to get one approval before doing their thing. It made absolutely no sense to Neal who was used to do things at moment notice often improvising all over the place and only later having to deal with all the fallout.

Hence why Peter kept yelling at Neal for all his harebrained ideas even if they worked out splendidly.

Neal wasn't part of bureaucratic side of the office but he was aware of all the endless paperwork even if he hated his reports.

As the young man zoned back in on the event happenings he noticed a group of Starfleet officers in their uniforms and while some were dressed in their own attire they carried the small pins and other tiny notices. Obviously this wasn't a strict official dress code and everyone dressed up as they seemed fit. Females in their stunning gowns and males in their own elegant outfits. Multiracial as they came. Some even put on national costumes.

And the atmosphere wasn't that bad either. People were sort of more reserved than Neal was used to but they were polite and kind nonetheless.

He watched the fleet corner until he noticed a table where only one man was seated. But the table looked slightly different and then Neal realized it was because the man was in a wheelchair. He was also dressed up in the most indescribable suit his eyes could ever have seen. There were many words that made descriptions of colors and stuff in his time as an art thief and forger, allegedly of course, but this was beyond his brain's ability to find any description whatsoever.

It was like blue but in more shades than just one he used to wear and this was even looking quite alive. Weirdly though, but still the only thing Neal could find as a proper comparison or even decent description to what his eyes were seeing.

He kept observing in a more discreet way. The guy was looking slightly gaunt but still beautiful. He had handsome features and what seemed to look like a tamed fluff of ashy blond hair. It seemed he'd used to wear them quite long but some time ago cut to something less shaggy. Still the length was something he noticed was an exception as the fleet wore their hair rather neat all the time.

There was visible sadness in his eyes that were either grey-ish dull blue or some combination of blue-green. The man's skin was somewhat pale, something he noted was characteristic for fleet officers. And there was a stance that made Neal think he most likely was a pilot for some big ass starship on year-long missions or he was the skipper- pilot usually that arrived to a base or station, even planet by one ship but then traveled on by different ship to do his duties. At least that was what he gathered from many sources at the office and from his web roaming. The guy definitely needed some sunlight before he turned into a vampire. And some hearty meals for a while. Neal himself looked rather gaunt but he was fine.

The man was kinda staring at some point in the ballroom with a sort of blank stare. Until his right hand made a jerky movement. That sort of made him shake out of his stupor and man's eyes begun roaming about the whole place. Suddenly Neal felt uneasy and leaned back into the shadows of his palm tree protection. For possibly same strange reason Neal could feel his heart jumping in his chest like a trapped butterfly.

The man's eyes roamed about the place some making breath in Neal's throat to hitch.

Something about this guy was sending tingles down Neal's back and he tried really hard to remember if he'd ever seen or met this guy. It probably was something else since he highly doubted he'd ever done a con that involved a disabled military man, which he deduced was who the guy was if he was one of the Starfleet. Also it wouldn't make any sense whatsoever because they didn't con people that were between a rock and a hard place, one of Neal's rule that also was Mozzie's.

Observation continued and so far nobody paid much attention to his subtle antics nor noted his quietness. Which gave more time for watching the man.

Once agin stranger's eyes roamed around the perimeter of the room and stopped at the glowing huge tree. He stared at it for good couple minutes and Neal noticed slight glistening in the man's eyes. Then he suddenly dropped his gaze and wiped his eyes and rubbed his temple. There was something strangely captivating about the guy but Beal couldn't put a finger on it.

Suddenly Neal himself realized that some action was beginning on the small post that was in the center of the stage that was not there fifteen minutes ago. He couldn't figure out where that time went but noticed that he was alone at the table and almost had a freak out. But the glasses and napkins were still there and waiting staff was starting to do rounds with refreshments and likes.

He sat for few moments in slight shock but didn't react otherwise.

Then he turned his attention back to the stage, just in time for the first person to start speaking.

 _ **Everyone thinks that I have it all**_

 _ **But it's so empty living behind these castle walls**_

 _ **These castle walls**_

 _ **If I should tumble if I should fall**_

 _ **Would any one hear me screaming behind these castle walls**_

 _ **There's no-one here at all, behind these castle walls**_

Ten minutes in the speech his table filled up with the shortly missing agents and Neal breathed a quiet sigh of relief. Peter equally subtly informed Neal that the security from their side was in place and so far it's been calm aside few already tipsy guests they relocated to some of the empty rooms.

Neal just nodded his understanding while trying to recall when the agent had warned him of their check up. Obviously it was all cool with them so Neal returned to listening the speaker who obviously was one of the main event holders.

Casually the ex conman let his own eyes over the rows of now seated public and ones that also had taken seats on few rows of balconies that reached all over walls. While crowded the room had the expanse feel to it. It was grandiose building that usually held large scale events and was one of the oldest ones in the city. It was deemed to be made by first Earth colonists about two decades ago and as inspiration taken some of old buildings in New York City and some of the European architecture. The whole part of the city was called Old Days District but officially it had another name that Neal couldn't fish out of his brain that moment.

The block was covered mostly by this building and adjoining smaller wings. Once upon a time it was the main city hall for colonists and a gathering spot for them for occasions. Most of it was used as administrative space and main HQ in many departments that organized logistics between the planet and Earth.

It still amazed the man of how they managed all that without anyone else knowing. As it had turned out there'd been an incident with some lost space research tech and some node passing by the planet and noting active life. It'd taken the thing sweet long time to travel back to the hands of NASA but when it did they received the biggest shock in the whole existence of Earth. From then on science made its way to find out what the heck was going on and how to explain it. All that time they kept it secret. However some super high level technology folks had gotten the waft of that air and immediately offered their incognito help with tech and money. Mostly the project was disguised as a research and seemed nobody else aside several dozens of secret agencies that covertly worked alongside CIA, FBI, Homeland Security etc had some deeper insights from their own projects so all together in quiet underground labs and facilities they came to work on this mystery and sent the first ship out there. Somebody that had invented and already tested a whole new way of traveling space offered their input and a very capable research spacecraft was sent out to the approximate location. From there it was going rather smoothly. Two decades that took the node to finalize its mission was giving results the whole Earth had been anticipating for way longer. And it finally could happen. People had always wanted to travel space. They itched for understanding and knowledge about it and after millions of science fiction movies and tv shows that portrayed the longing for seeing new planets and ability to live on them it was finally too real.

And to even bigger surprise some had actually managed to travel as far and discover that not only was it one planet but many galaxies with many locals that were sentient creatures and some even human like. Humanoids and whatnot that looked close to a human being and could actually pick up languages and had already seen Earth itself. There also was some union that tied them all together so they could easier share the knowledge and resources among themselves.

It'd been mindblowing discovery that took another two decades to halfway wrap their minds around it.

Meanwhile so many private investors heard about this and offered funding and genuine help. Some even going as far as building their own ships and communication base for such a far distance. And their even managed to truly deeply cover that base and even return from their years long missions of exploring.

So that's when so much happened and led to their current predicament. Earth was now partly colonized among many galaxies and so many had even gotten to build their families with those they once called aliens. Most diplomatic title still was extraterrestrial so it was now used to avoid accusations of rasism. So weird but so logic it almost made Neal's brain sizzle.

He could never imagine that. But only mere year ago first squeaks came out of wraps about some dangerous things in the future and somewhere someone had made this crazy idea of getting one of the planets to take them in. It took about a decade for them to even gather intel about it while some had already built ready ships to fly out masses. Turned out that secretly some large amounts of people got shipped off to remote places and while the heads of science got twisted about their calculations new homes got built on planets further away than was previously even imagined and where loads of life happened. So basically humanity was partly moved to those planets and systems long before anyone even heard of it and way before the general public even caught a wind of something.

That explained the already existing travel options and communication between this so called Federation Of Planets United. Whatever the hell that meant. Even organized logistics for this arrival. And several in the five years before that. The amount of ships and space on them was shocking. They even named them Noah's class transportation spacecrafts. Each having a name with USS prefix. And by the time Neal even heard of the sudden evacuation there were millions of various sized ships with names of all kinds.

So now they were all here, as if old friends coming together for a reunion. And Neal felt out of place like a green slime among silverware. Never in his life he'd felt like that. Well, he's had felt out of place at the office but he had Peter's presence to ground him, here he still had it but the feeling was so different he had hard time processing all he felt. That led to many problems he had before and now they'd returned with a vengeance. Sure he'd suffered mental issues before and while he kept it to himself some days it was so hard to keep them secret so much. And he'd slipped few times which obviously made Peter more cautious and mother hen he was. But besides that he had some physical issues coming out recently he had no explanation nor understanding and it was frightening. He felt like there was nothing tethering him and partly it was true. His anklet while in a way was present wasn't the same as it used to be.

His eyes kept scouting the place out as he used to do in old days. He noted more security in disguise roaming the hall and spotted some agents from their office among guests. Not that they were unprofessional or badly disguised, he just was so used to seeing agents in his time that he rarely had any doubt seeing them these days. But if he could recognize them what if the criminals could too? That made this whole thing pretty much lost. Maybe that's why he was here, for real, to notice the things they would miss or to see the criminals when they spot the agents in disguise. After all it used to be his job back in the day. To see things FBI would miss because of him being one of them and could see those things.

That would make absolute sense. Not that he complained. He'd never, not once had complained since coming here, this planet. He was, in fact, very grateful for their kindness and understanding. And he hoped it wasn't some kind of a scheme to lure him into something to make him a prisoner again, forever.

While he mused the official part was coming to interesting parts. An Admiral of the Starfleet stepped up and talked about their great missions that some just begun and some finished. He praised someone for a great work and showing example of how a well trained professional should be able to work- a hint to the cadets that next year they will have to prove their hard work, those who were close to done with studies, and others to keep working hard, because if they wanted to go with the flagships and carry the Federation's name across the universe and make it proud they'll just have to work really hard. Something occurred to Neal- it was the end of the semester before the holidays. Something like summer break was on Earth. It was supposed to be a longer time to rest up and soak some adventure and meet the families and loved ones.

The man praised the long-term mission crews that had finished their five year mission of explore and research and so far seemed most of the main ship that was their precious star of of the show.

Neal could understand that, contrary to popular belief. Name was important, especially if this was your only home, but not really home. Here a good name meant you'll get successful and get a job. Also career in general.

He just knew until he kept to what he was doing and behave he'll eventually be okay. But tell that to his messed up mind that liked to send very dark imaginery when he tried to achieve said goal. And then the doubts set in and all looked bad once more.

Key was not to let the bad thoughts in and think positive. It was doable but not in his current mental state.

So that point he did get. Learning stuff to perfection was his kind of thing and he was one of the best for that reason. Mozzie could agree. He'd seen Neal working very hard to achieve his status.

Next the Admiral whatever-was-his-name praised the new program that they are working on for those crew members that suffered injuries that were beyond their high-tech one. And maybe not so surprising injuries happened a lot, same as deaths. Space was incredibly dangerous on its own, but add hostile races and endangered planets and volatile planets and you get the ratio. So it was important to up the health care directly on the ship and update all the equipment regularly also getting more tests in new tech. He stated that Fleet is very open and accommodating for all people with disabilities and they are welcomed to join and have their lives improved.

During that speech Neal's eyes dropped to the man in his wheelchair looking annoyed. He was now looking at the stage and shaking his head and laughing by himself as if the speech was absolutely ridiculous. It piqued Neal's interest immediately. Obviously the man disagreed and just found it lies at some point or it was his sarcasm showing. But he did indeed unlocked the wheels and rolled a bit away from the table and locked again. He was now serious and obviously something wasn't entirely right. Neal's eyes were glued to the guy for some weird reason.

Next the man pulled his legs off of the leg holder and positioning those very muscles arms grabbed the chair on the lower part where the small wheels where and rolled over with his weight. For whole two seconds the CI's heart stopped. The move looked dangerous and scary and Neal was simply frightened. But then the guy seemingly could hold his weight on his legs as he landed softly on his knees and plopped down flat. Then he grabbed the chair and unlocked brakes and turned the thing with back rest towards him and reached into the bag hooked to the back.

Soon enough the digging ended and man pulled out some flat looking thing that reminded empty old school rubber warmer bags. But this just looked actually pretty fancy. All black and he rolled it out and it became even larger. It had a small wire with a remote. So that must be heating pad like one Neal had in the plane after the island. He remembered being so cold so somebody pulled out a bunch of those. They were plugged version while this looked self powered. Man just laid back down put the thing over his legs and turned some switch to n and pushed few buttons.

Immediately disabled man relaxed and laid down completely but soon enough two kids, literal kids, boy and girl came up to him and after few short words began some massaging and whatnot.

Neal realized he was getting overwhelmed by all he just witnessed so he took a sip from his water glass. Something resonated within so deeply he started to feel his body reacting negatively. So before he made a scene Neal quickly recalled all the exits and excused himself to restroom. His old friend panic attack was creeping closer and he needed to get away as fast as possible. Something really was wrong, very badly wrong and his body had picked it up and was calling for help.

And this was just the beginning of something Neal sensed was going to hit the fan.

Shit, he thought slipping into a corner before touching the door handle.

 _ **Everyone thinks that I have it all**_

 _ **But it's so empty living behind these castle walls**_

 _ **These castle walls**_

 _ **If I should tumble if I should fall**_

 _ **Would any one hear me screaming behind these castle walls**_

 _ **There's no-one here at all, behind these castle walls**_


	49. Back To The Shadows

_**Every night, I dream you're still here.**_

 _ **The ghost by my side, so perfectly clear.**_

 _ **When I awake, you'll disappear,**_

 _ **Back to the shadows**_

Nate slowly entered the dark basement level. His ears picked up all the noises, or the lack of them. It was weird that the place was suddenly so eerily quiet. It made suspicion rise. Because it was supposed to be louder a bit. Maybe somebody was there and his gang went to hide. So Nate slipped again into shadows and took a sweep over the floor for good measure.

However it didn't quite happen that way.

He woke up with a start. Immediately pain exploded all over his body. His head felt like somebody took a hammer to his temple and his ribs literally wanted to curl up and poke some holes in his sides. What the fuck?

His mind went white for a while the second he tried to move. Something most definitely was wrong to a level he didn't approve.

But before his body recovered the hell broke loose..

"Hey, asshole, looks like you feeling up for a chat." Roland's voice cut in. Great, Nate almost wanted to facepalm himself. That meant something really was wrong. Great, he thought.

"What, you decided to become a bad guy now? Or did something fell on your head?" He was so close to just let go and show this scumbag how not to play games with a guy that has intense military training existing (or more like existed once on planet Earth).

"You, shithead, don't play with me!" The angry criminal yelled at the young thief who just rolled his eyes and got slapped for that. Well he'd just play along to see what the actual fuck and later will see how to move on.

"Well I'm most definitely not the one doing shit. It's you who suddenly decide to take matters in their hands while someone else is actually trying to stick to the plan and do stuff, unlike somebody else here!" And he snapped. It happens. It's kind of their thing back in the day. Him and Narcho screaming at each other until they loose their voices and fall into each other arms. They occasionally used to beat each other up during heavy fights but it was consented from both sides and how that one usually ended in their time was to stay in shadows.

"Don't play me stupid, boy! I know you've been up to some shit. I saw you mingling!" Roland was screaming at Nate the way he did moment ago. Still nonsense.

"What the fuck Roland? Cut the crap and spit it out." He was tired already. What the…?

*Bang!*

His vision whited out again and stars blossomed behind his eyelids or whatever.

"What the f..?" He gasped and lost the grip of reality once more due to another blow from the hand of the angry man.

More minutes in the whiteness and it was a moment that really made Nate start thinking what bullshit this was.

"You pathetic little piece of shit! How dare you?!" Roland was on the roll and more blows followed. His hand was hard and really heavy. It was clear something had set him up and he was mad like hell. But what it was still pretty much a freaking mystery.

"I have no idea what are you fucking even talking about so please do us all a favor and get the fuck off of me!" Nate yelled back with all his might. For that he felt really proud considering how bad his ears were ringing and head pounding. It was already really bad now it was shitty.

"You kid were becoming a problem. See, I was getting suspicious since I saw somebody here, in this building. But y'know I first thought it's just coincidence. Then you said to have all building cleared and now there are things changed in the locks and even down here. And you just go and run around now." The fake calm wasn't doing anything to impose the actual calmness. Nate just knew the man to be so eager to start yelling again and hit him again. "Now ya' here. But one thing." Suddenly a picture was placed under Nate's nose and in it was a man, young like him, with curly dark hair and strikingly impossible resemblance. His jaw dropped because how could there be another lookalike after all the years.

"Don't tell me it's not you lickin' up to some bong-pongs 'round here. And those folks so looked cops and whatnot I just can't let ya out of my sight now." Roland dropped the picture and hit Nate on the head so hard he actually felt his brain rattle before world slipped into darkness.

The man had truly believed he was a traitor and pulling some shit. How could he never noticed that there was a huge gaping discrepancy. What was wrong with the greedy man full of suspicion? But the thoughts had stopped at the man in the image. He very obviously looked similar but not really. Even blind could tell.

While the doppelgänger did have same eye color, shape and even eyebrows; while he did sport same akin to smile on his face and even expression, he wasn't Nate for few good reasons. One was that very obviously he had scars that marked his face. They weren't there during his con years and later those got covered by makeup if needed. Second was their hair had obvious differences like one's were pretty dark and curly while kept shorter, the other one's hair definitely had highlights from being in the elements and generally outside. Even third obvious thing was noticeable enough- physical body. What was so hard to miss? It was really really obvious to even a blind person that Nate was really wiry and skeleton-ish. He had an illness that made his body struggle more and let out lots of nutrients. Sure he was used to that but it just made him appear sick in general so when the pic was dropped it was shocking to see somebody with his features look so healthy and alive. Well, he did look much better than Nate. More meat on the bones, less hallowed cheeks and eye sockets, more care of his body. How can nobody see that?

Nate became desperate while even more angry so he let it out. Mistake for sure, but he was past that. The pain in his body took care of that.

 _ **Ever slightly out of reach.**_

 _ **I dream you're still here,**_

 _ **But it breaks so easily.**_

 _ **I try to protect you,**_

 _ **I can't let you fade.**_

This time it had taken longer for Nate to struggle his way back. And he hated waking up after such mistreatment. His head was impossible. Colorful spots dancing in his vision, changing to black and white every now and then. His face felt on fire and arms were singing pain ballads. He was zip tied and chained to a wall. Not a thing to break off while in such a weakened state. His limitations kept his body sag loosely in the restraints.

Pain in his head was the worst. It also was accompanied by many other things like noticeable pressure fluctuations inside his head, pulsing temples, blurred vision that cleared and blurred in and out. He knew that this most likely was a very deathly injury. If there will be enough energy and nutrition to his body systems healing may begin. If not, his breath hitched, he'd die from brain hemorrhage or something.

So far his head was the worst injured. Sure his ribs felt bad too but if he moved less a chance to not to do more damage was presentable.

Unless he's moved. He knew Roland was short tempered therefore could start psyching out. If the guy flipped on Nate he was doomed.

 _ **I feel you slipping.**_

 _ **I feel you slipping away.**_

Nate was not even realizing how bad his actual state was. Some weird reaction as he was being pulled deeper into the shadows. Maybe hope was still there maybe not because who ever knew what their actual limitations and capabilities were. The program surely predicted some help but what was that. No one could tell exactly.

But now his body had attracted a small vortex of shadow swirling around him. It swallowed the body of the meta human. And somehow the shadow moved it as if he was lightest of feathers. If anyone could see it they'd be paralyzed from fear and beauty that were held in this one moment of action.

And Nate never knew the full extent of his capabilities he'd never been awake for such ministrations.

His shadow, as he'd named it, took care when he could no longer.

 _ **Every night, I dream you're still here.**_

 _ **The ghost by my side, so perfectly clear.**_

 _ **When I awake, you'll disappear,**_

 _ **Back to the shadows**_


	50. Notes:

_**Do you feel cold and lost in desperation?**_

 _ **You build up hope, but failure's all you've known**_

 _ **Remember all the sadness and frustration**_

 _ **And let it go. Let it go**_

Neal could no longer hold his racing heart. Something weird was happening and he couldn't tell exactly. His emotions were seeping into the rugs and tablecloths around the room. His fear, stabbing through his heart, was eating every strand of air away. He knew a panic attack when one was coming. This promised to be incredibly strong. Mostly it was something too much to explain. It was just the way it was. Neal suffered terrible panic attack every once in a while and often so debilitating he couldn't recover by himself.

Mostly the physical side of it. As his air intake was cut off and suffocation made threats.

Neal knew what a suffocation meant, been there done that, three times at least. Depression eating away all his happiness, a very often occurrence.

Fear so strong he'd pass out from sheer force of it, something that happened frequently enough to be scary on its own.

Mental disorders were Neal's secret fate. Not even Mozzie knew the extent of his prison stays and what Kate actually meant. When she was gone everything else was too.

When ones life gets taken apart like that they develop some thing. In his case something went wrong in the making. Or that was what he believed in after many times of it happening.

Right now once he left the room full of people that could change his fate in a flash he felt relief washing over. The weird man in the wheelchair who looked like he wanted to get out of there as soon as possible and possibly have a drink to wash it all away. He'd felt some weak but present connection to him and that was scary. Like there was something he'd missed long ago and has lost capability to find it once more. It was a creepy feeling but so far less things made sense. Even their meager attempts at making Neal comfortable enough and useful were like hits with a metal rod to a heart. Sometimes. Not always.

So Neal kept trying to do the job he'd been doing for a few years now and not to fall over once the day was over. Time seemed to slow down here and days far more longer. But there was no way to tell for sure. The time telling was a hard thing Neal still had no concept about. But he did his best to grasp it so at least the job wouldn't suffer. Because that was his life now, for the rest of how long was he destined to live. And he felt the emptiness pulling the void in his chest larger and deeper until nothing would be left.

Panic was hitting hard now and he felt his way to the restroom with a shaky hand on the wall. He had no idea if was even remotely near the said room or completely opposite direction by the the time his legs faltered and he stumbled on something on the ground, again, and heavily dropped down. It wasn't as painful as he expected but close to feeling numb as his body felt these days.

For a while he struggled through his panic attack and tried to remember what was the protocol. His air intake wasn't doing good. The air leaving his lungs couldn't even out the lack of air struggling in. So Neal was crumpled on the carpeted floor among the soft glowing things and wheezing like some asthmatic person. He didn't let his thoughts going back to the vault that day when he actually had no air to breathe but somehow it still came back gripping at his chest and the panic was heightening until he couldn't see anymore.

Until suddenly there was a hand on his shoulder and voice softly speaking, asking questions he couldn't hear past the ringing in his ears. He was so scared.

 _ **And in a burst of light that blinded every angel**_

 _ **As if the sky had blown the heavens into stars**_

 _ **You felt the gravity of tempered grace**_

 _ **Falling into empty space**_

 _ **No one there to catch you in their arms**_

Something like this wasn't exactly the first time in his life. He knew there were many things that happened to him he kept out of his tales of alleged crimes and other shenanigans. Half of that even Mozzie didn't know. But once he was very, very sick and Kate was the unlucky stuck with him while his trusted partner in crime, Mozzie, was out in the world scoping places and snagging goodies. He was too far away for Neal to call him or anything. So Kate was the one. She wasn't your typical woman. Not at all, she liked to have all goods and shines. Kate valued expensive stuff and income. Sure once in a while she joined in on their little schemes and helped with cons. Neal had met her during that Adler long con that turned around and spat in their faces as the man got through to their plan and made them all fools including everyone working for him. It was a terrible loss of more than just the money.

Neal never believed in that pot of gold at the end of a rainbow but Kate made him. She knew how to call the money but somehow with them it detoured. He couldn't lie to himself any longer now that he'd heard more about her and especially after her death in front of Neal's eyes that brought the man down to his second lowest that he still had memories of.

And he had so many losses.

It had started out as another con but ended with Neal possibly being shot and taking a swim in one of the rivers that flowed past Manhattan island. His memory failed to provide the name. But it was in the middle of the very cold winter and during a storm.

His body had been washed out on some coast line down the river where he'd spent about two whole days just being so deeply unconscious he hadn't even woken once. He did wake up but that was two weeks later and in a hospital as a no name John Doe and they'd been overwhelmed by incoming flow they had no idea he left the second his eyes were open and panicking. Surge of adrenaline got him back to the apartment he and Kate was staying and while she was gone he'd just slept some and then went out on the streets as they were getting low income. Eventually Neal reconnected with his love and said her to stay as he was able to take some money and stuff slightly better and for about three weeks before his health deteriorated to the point he was coughing up blood and was so weak he could no longer function. And it had terrified Kate to the point she'd asked the agent on their tails to help out. She couldn't take him to hospital alone and Mozzie was stranded on some island across the world. Unfortunate event but sometimes that was life. All he was eventually aware was that there was a hole in his throat and a tube going all the way into his lungs to provide air and help with his condition. He stayed as long was necessary to escape death and by that time it was spring and his alias had to be burnt. He got off the FBI agent tailing him and relocated and asked Kate to never speak of this.

By the time Mozzie was back with enough to last them a while he'd managed his still less okay body into a con of its own.

And he never had to think about that time again, or so he naïvely thought until all the consequences caught up about year later. It caught Neal in a very bad place across the world and he got injured some more. Obviously the young con simply conned his way out of the situation and by the time he was back he could actually make it. As the saying went- fake it till you make it. It's been his motto all his life.

And he faked a lot. So much, in fact, he no longer even gave it a second thought. Nightmares of things he couldn't recognize, he faked they never bothered him. Traumas he endured throughout his con life, they existed elsewhere.

For so long, and now when he had no escape from all that, he was trapped in this never ending circle of recycled moments or simply had another blackout. And those slowly managed to erase many bad things but also the good. His memory became Swiss cheese and mind a jumbled mess. Whatever mental problems hid there he wanted no business knowing. He barely acknowledged any less pitch perfect moment or whatever.

Worse thing was that here he couldn't just leave. Relocate and start anew. Here he was truly tethered. And Peter was worried. It scared Neal. Peter so far has been respectful of his privacy and for once didn't ask questions Neal had no answers to. And while Jones has shown really deep understanding and concern about his life as a person not a criminal he preferred to keep his feelings to himself. He hadn't gotten a chance to speak to El yet. She'd tell immediately that Neal was lost in this and would jump to literally smothering him with care. He'd find June, sure what not, but what besides a talk she could offer now that they had this whole weird planet to learn about. Here none of them had much of old contacts. And even if she had what he'd be able to do to keep it secret while still monitored, in a less invasive way but ever so tighter. Sure Diana has tried her chance at being there for the CI but what she could when even he couldn't really recognize any of that mess.

And he just kept pushing himself on and faked it till he made it. Until now he was there, possibly a breaking point beyond his control, slowly loosing his connection to life and entering some netherworld he'd hoped to never revisit.

Again he proved himself he couldn't really take care of himself and couldn't save his own life. And maybe he shouldn't at all. Because what life he had here now that he basically had to rebuild who he truly was and what was he among his many aliases. Among many personalities who was the man beneath all this fake layering? Who was the real Neal George Caffrey? Or was it Bennett?

And who the fuck was Danny Brooks?

What even was his life now?

 _ **Do you feel cold and lost in desperation?**_

 _ **You build up hope, but failure's all you've known**_

 _ **Remember all the sadness and frustration**_

 _ **And let it go. Let it go**_


	51. Fake It Till You Can't Make It

_**I've got the same deep wounds as you,**_

 _ **My love can double as a weapon too**_

 _ **Say that you trust it and I'll set it free,**_

 _ **Turn it back on me,**_

 _ **Turn it back on me**_

Noel sat there at his table alone for once. He felt incredibly relieved his little minions weren't there yet. He needed this reprieve to center himself. His mind had been messy to begin with but in the port seeing the man with such a close resemblance to Nate had been the reason his thoughts couldn't get in order he needed. Also his legs and hand was giving unacceptable jiggles and that wasn't a good thing. His medical was due and so far he's been avoiding it all day long. Now he just had to make it through the night and flee the city the moment event was done and he could use the moment of everyone being tipsy to sneak out. Nobody needed to know that he planned to go off grid until his next mission. He would turn the comm off for his little vacation. After all he wasn't one of the main crew anymore.

After all his Commander days were over and the Lieutenant title was close to go too. It was only question of how long he had to wait until it happened.

He was placed in a position where he felt quite comfortable. He could at least drink as much as he wanted. So far crew were accepting his being on the ship this long. Before he used to jump ships a lot. Even systems as many ships flew all over the galaxy and more. He was okay with most of the dirty tasks as they put it while in reality it was mostly lending a hand in repairs and shipping supplies off from place to place. He luckily had this wide range of academic knowledge that Fleet saw valuable even when his health took a slow nosedive.

That had taken the first title away. It wasn't typical demotion so he didn't worry. But now he feared his position may become endangered in a way. His display at the port was unpleasant enough for them to make judgment out of that alone. And who said he'd be left to his own devices until next shipment was due.

His medical was basically tutting every time they saw his results. And that was another deep concern he usually tries to drink away until he had to face the day and engulf his mind with all the tasks he was assigned to.

Today he wanted to relax some more and endure whatever the great heads had in mind and then leave. He did put it in his log just in case. However he was still relatively free of usual ship ties. He could work on whatever ship. It wasn't uncommon either.

But now he was feeling his spasms starting to bother him again. Damn, he thought as he looked back at his slightly shaky hands. His med pack was there, on the back of his chair inside that backpack his lovelies so thoughtfully hung. And he did pack it fully. Though it seemed they kinda knew what they were doing as he wasn't the only wheelchair user in this place. And so far he believed they were trained to deal with disabled community. To which he still refused to count himself fully in. But he knew there will be time when his legs would give up and his body stop fighting against disability. His mind would crash badly and struggle for a while before he'll accept his fate and give up pretending.

Fake it till you make it, and then till you can't anymore. He's been there, done that, way before. Before he crawled out of that hole once and then for a while it was okay again. Until he crashed again, and again, and stood there still shaky for a moment. Yet he refused to let his mind accept it yet. Because he just knew, from experience and other people stories, that once you allowed just a sliver of a thought it's a lost cause. Yes, accepting and adapting was one way to go, but it didn't work same for everyone. He'd found his pace so for now it was what it was.

So he fished his backpack off the back rest and ransacked it for the special blanket that was to help with his spasms and shit. It was the heating sort from the Captain. He didn't expect it and the least on the date he'd placed as his birthday that Fleet just needed on the paper as he was deemed Earth descendant. And as one he was supposed to go with that.

And their Captain on Enterprise somehow knew what Noel needed at that moment and actually had taken his time to get to know his crew member that was only famous for being well trained and with ability to outdrink anyone. And even what beverage to include in the simple gift. He even couldn't recall the guy's full name aside the fact his last name started with K and that he was famous in his own way since birth. He'd seen the guy clambering about the engine floor and drinking some suspicious liquids with the main mechanic guy who was loud and sometimes worried too much about his ship.

But that was his time on this ship. Even if being in gamma shift meant to rarely meet most of the human population on the ship. There were few faces he'd met more often at times. And to be fair the thing was huge enough for all of them to never meet even if there was so much tech on board.

So he kept the blanket, researched a bit and left a thank you note with some ancient whiskey he'd dig out of an old suitcase that came with him when he once managed to plant himself on Earth the one last time. He'd taken a lot of his old stuff and sold his place for good sealing his space life. So this thing was full of minor things from Earth. While he wasn't friends with the Enterprise Captain he recognized a man who appreciated good old Earth stuff. His med buddy also was sentimental but more openly. That guy was famous for being gruff and cynical while still being best doc on board. His manner lacked some coddling and sugarcoating usually got reserved for Noel and he deeply appreciated it one time he was suffering enough to be treated by Alpha shift doc. Which was a treat itself.

The blanket was worn but well cared for. Kept to it's best and cherished in a special way. Why would he give it away was beyond Noel but he wasn't to look in a gift horse mouth. Besides the thing really helped.

It did so he simply laid on the floor beside his chair and put the fluffy soft thing on his body and let it warm him. In about ten minutes he let his eyes open and subtly watch the crowd that still eyeballed him. About that, yes, he made a bit of a show getting down on the floor so naturally some of them were on alert because he looked like he may need medical help any moment.

To their utter shock he simply ignored them and took off the blankie and rolled it up and like nothing packed it away and with a dance move flopped back into the chair. Like nothing ever happened. Then he just as unceremoniously as before dig out some pills from his bag and fished some into his mouth and deliciously gulped them down with some juice.

With packing his bag back he ended his little show that amazingly attracted more attention than the guy on stage droning about their success in disabled community being accepted into flashier ships and actually proving they are no less than abled folks. To that he saluted and rolled out of the table space and with a 360 wheelie rolled out to the hallway.

 _ **I am exposed, I am undone,**_

 _ **You tear the walls down one by one**_

His chair softly rolled out into the slight coolness of the hallway and he was relieved it was empty. The darkness of the place was surprising and welcomed since his headache was slowly developing into something nasty and he needed the dim lights to make it less bad. The pills he'd taken moment ago had to kick in yet. Usually it was no problem for headache curing the second they crawled up in his brain to pester all and everything that was sacred. He had his trusted bar to rely on so this was a rather inconvenience. However it was easing already as he rolled down the hallway towards the men's room. He actually had to take a leak, only he hadn't yet figured out a way to do it. Usually he'd just do it normal way but today was strange enough and his legs just couldn't decide what they wanted to become.

Maybe he'd just locate the disabled one and do it that way since he knew that routine just as well.

The occupational therapist had introduced Noel with few ways he could do and he'd tried them all as well as invented a couple only for him. Sure the therapist was there to see it all going smooth so they added his own ideas to the bucket and called it a day. Same applies for showers and baths. Depending on the state he was in they figured out some new techniques added to the ones they tried first as a standard.

And if he was being honest they all weren't as impossible as one may assume. Because really there was one thing that could affect any of those and it was the level of injury and what came with it.

Since he was a rather special case he had the option of variety to use as a leverage over these obstacles.

So he did. Finding the room was a bit slow going because the building stored so many of those. It seemed that every corner had a room full of more rooms. At least the hallways were quite roomy. Not that his chair was any of the hospital bulk. He had one or two of those as well until he designed his own custom pair. And yes, he had actually two wheelchairs. One he used mostly to roll around the world and rough places and another that actually looked presentable to some events. Like today. But both were really custom and all sleek. He had little meat so it was mostly to stick his skeleton inside one and not fall out.

Finally after five minutes he found the plaque that showed him the way towards his destination. Sometimes he missed the wizard planet Plantoon. They indeed held true magic and used wands to do it. And the most fascinating thing was their photographs and paintings that actually moved and could hold the subject's essence. So their plaques would move too. That would be really funny if they did move here. His brain provided nice pranks regarding those.

But it was not the time and place for that.

He really needed to get there and do his thing and be done with it for a while.

Luckily the room was empty so he locked himself in and went to decide his next move.

It wasn't as bad as he feared it would so he just stood up while holds onto the rail. There was tiny vertigo trying to dance with his brain but that was no wonder. His head was praying for the booze that usually was in his system by this time of the day so he just brushed it off.

After few moments it was all over and he dropped back in the chair and rolled up to wash his hands. This was some that was incredibly important for disabled as he was told at the rehab so he complied. And it was nice to have clean hands after rolling the chair. Of course his bag of goodies held other stuff like hand sanitizers and wet wipes. He even had two types of wheelchair gloves too. Rims were usually cleaned most of the time because Noel hated dirt there. But if the ground was dry he had no worries.

But he did clean his chair a bit too.

He liked this black one. It was cool looking and sleek design. Pretty much going with formal wear. He kept this one as a special case while also having the one he'd used daily.

That one was a bit of a beast. For some funny reason he gave it some flashy color job and even put some stickers on. The castors were customized with movement-glowing small lights in various colors and special tires that were hard to damage. This chair had same tires just without lights. But they did emit soft dark blue-ish glow. Main tires on this were all nice and sturdy while the funky one had them softly glowing purple and also with added traction rubber.

The cushions were same super soft and body measured customized cloud. It was important for his specific condition to have extra layer of soft on the coccyx part to soften the blow on the poor tailbone. His sacrum and lumbar spine got fused eventually as there was noticeable damage done to the bone itself and while tailbone was left the way it was doctors still worried about actual possibility of removing the bone entirely. It didn't hold nerves like sacrum did and while he at first had higher SCI level the only complete injury was within sacrum. Originally he did have few T10 to T12 fractures. So they'd fused the three vertebrae together. Just for safety measures as they yet didn't know how his lower fractures would react to healing and how his nerves would recover.

His L1-L5 was also kind of fused and later another surgery made L5-S5 complete fusion. They managed to place special outlets for the nerves going through increasing his ability to recover at least partial leg sensory and physical movement. Which eventually was how he regained so much control over his legs. And the nether parts.

It was usually a taboo in public to speak of basic human body functions and his brain literally struggled not to scream at that. However that's how world was. Even here on this planet.

Moving on he adjusted his feet on the foot holder and situated himself in the chair to most comfortable position. With everything done and in place he lastly decided to take the fingerless gloves and remove the handles. He knew it was so the kids could roll him but being honest he hated those. It made his back confused about surface and then he had to place the mat in between to save the shoulder blade on his bad side from complaining. He hated that. Luckily the cervical injury was relatively minor in comparison but still his fused C levels were uncomfortable as hell. Only they did glue technique on that one with hopes to save the mobility to highest level. In a way they did.

He was still suffering great deal of thoracic back injury that resulted in massive loss of sensation and muscle on the right side. Basically what happened was the terrible scapula injury that made the bone separate to a level of uselessness and putting it back together made it quite hard as the adjoining muscles and nerves got torn into shreds. Not that he could remember what had specifically caused it to happen.

He just was lucky they removed the broken bone and the destroyed tissue, sew together what was left, joined some pieces together and places screws where needed.

What was left was him loosing the most dexterity of his right hand and arm, diminished his lung function and caused numbness on the side. It affected the spinal part so his front was still finely defined abs and pecs. It less affected the push function so he still was able to move his chair like no less.

Although his face and head mostly was unnoticed sometimes he just plain refused to ever stand in front of the camera. Well, putting it lightly, his smiles became ever so goofy. His right eyebrow naturally held slightly higher arch so now when he did move the other one they were twinning. Which bothered him less.

What did bother him for sure was the hollow out feeling of his right side of head. It made him a bit unbalanced if he forgot about it. There was some seriously concerning damage to the nerves inside his head as some bone shard poked the auditory nerve which basically left him with one ear less. So he once again remodeled his audio systems to his left ear and maybe his brain adjusted to that better than initially was prognosed. Enterprise's medical did one full evaluation and confirmed what he felt was going on. His brain managed to compensate and so far in his daily life he didn't feel lesser human because of that.

Vertigo and minor headaches were what he dealt with on daily basis and thanks to his hard head it was most of his annoyance.

Yet some days he was literally bed ridden and unable to anything due to severe migraines.

His head took a blow and some fractures did more damage internally. His right side of face still held scars to show the fact. But what was one more scar to a man who was supposed to regenerate cells on its own and in a fast manner?

Honestly, nothing. But with one condition- that it actually worked as intended. In Noel's case not so much. While he did recover lots of what he'd lost and some part of the initial prognosis there still were these parts that didn't.

So what was the whole genetic engineering for then? Obviously he'd never know. Valkyrie were supposed to heal super fast and their bodies should regenerate fully after traumas. If he was supposed to go that way should he not be all healed by now? Or did they activated some other gene later on?

These questions came as they were and while he was still partly vegetable it became his most often mused over thing.

It made so little sense he stopped thinking about that.

Less thinking less what if's to go through.

Therefore he almost missed a tiny sound somewhere to his right. It confused him a bit. And there was one of the things he had missed as he rolled back to the main room. Sure he'd just skip off to the balcony to have a cigarette or two while he was out and about. But then his brain took this weird thinking pattern and he lost his navigation at all.

And now he heard tiny sounds that made no sense and nobody was around.

Just great.

He did however quietly rolled towards the noise and soon came upon a curled up body. It was a man in a very pretty suit that somehow resembled his own. Stranger was that he was looking so tiny and also resembled someone Noel held dear.

The figure seemed to be struggling however never made a notion of acknowledging anyone.

It took a minute to recognize what it was and his heart immediately clenched. Panic attack. Possibly some respiratory distress.

So damn familiar!

Why everyone today reminded him of the one and only soul in the whole universe he still lives for?

He slowly rolled up closer to the shaking figure and tried to get him straightened out. But his body was like a wire, coiled up so tightly he only could do one thing.

He grabbed the man by the shoulder, gently, and started to talk to him as soothingly as he could.

His voice wasn't much changed since the incident but he did became sounding somewhat hoarse and maybe softer. And his ability to scream did decrease unfortunately. But that didn't matter, if else it did suit this situation rather well.

But what did completely threw him off was the face he saw once the man relaxed under his touch and uncoiled enough for Noel to see him better.

It just can't be, was his immediate reaction. For fucks sake!

 _ **When all the demons come alive**_

 _ **I'll still be under your spell,**_

 _ **This could be heaven or hell,**_

 _ **This could be heaven**_


	52. Sound Of Your Past

_**Hello, darkness, my old friend**_

 _ **I've come to talk with you again**_

 _ **Because a vision softly creeping**_

 _ **Left its seeds while I was sleeping**_

Nate's head was pounding heavily. His ears picked up some rustling far away but so far he couldn't sense anyone close. Which was what he aimed for. He knew that once his brain clears he'd figure out a way to stop the bad men even if it cost him his life.

He'd already made some deep listening and realized Noel was indeed here. Yet to see his own eyes but according to the machine he got himself here all fine. Possibly they'd made him use the chair like they always do because of the man constantly causing some shitshow just out of spite. And that he hated Federation and Fleet for treating him like a criminal he was no more. Nobody could do anything about that though. It was what it was. Nate was basically same but he avoided them as if the organization was plague.

Roland would kill him if he'd known that there were so many actual FBI agents. Even here they sort of adopted the title as it sounded matching. And they did just the ground investigations on planet. Everything regarding Fleet was dealt by someone else. But actually not a bad thing. If the locals that grew out of their short minds to learn about some other galactic disaster and what they could do to help then everyone else could too. Luckily this had been Federation outpost before it became Earth's colony and eventually the savior.

There was another planet that accepted Earthlings and that was Caprica Delta in Terra Libra system. It was somewhere in the space but within Federation limits. It was where they'd wanted to go before falling to their fates here. He was silently praying for everyone from their group that survived being there. He hoped his life could be better there. In the years since first space travels started the Caprica had been a hope since it was like Earth and quite appropriate for living. And there already was some life in the form of humanoids which eventually turned out to be some bunch of stranded scientists that somehow managed to survive some error in their expedition transport somewhere else. Obviously some astronauts that were counted as dead on Earth for many decades did survive some weird shit and found themselves on this remote planet that was in fact livable. And that meant they grew into a whole civilization until somebody found them by accident and now it was all colonized and included into whatever was the main thing in space these days.

But there were legends of some even earlier space travelers that were called MIA somewhere in Bermuda Triangle. And when he looked that up his mind literally flipped so hard. Holy shit, he'd thought. There could easily been a whole planet lost in that unfortunate natural phenomenon and nobody the wiser. Which he believed was the truth. After all wormholes existed in the space like other weird crap only at the time official channels of science weren't there yet in their exploration and research. It happened underground hence the sudden shock and shipping out human flesh that fast.

n But then he thought maybe that's where he won't be welcomed because Federation still could be after him. And second thing was the logistics and stuff. His lungs kept reminding him of his unfortunate plan to steal all the hovercraft money folks brought to yard and sell them for good money. Good enough to pay the medical procedure and have fresh lungs for a while. Maybe until Narcho goes back to ringer. After that he might just die happy.

However it seemed Roland had some plans and his own plan may suffer.

And what the actual fuck the man had been talking about? What guy looked like him enough to send the old scumbag off the kilter so much? Those were the chaotic thoughts of a man who had been through a rock and a hard place before.

The beat in his head grew stronger as the seconds ticked into minutes. And his hands got tired from being tied together for so long. Except Nate had no clue how exactly it was. They just left him on the cold floor and walked away probably hoping he'd die on his own. He knew Roland adored violence but wasn't too much into killing. His little mistresses were though.

So he started to formulate some 'scape plan. He knew the building by now, he could mildly connect with some digital parts of the system that ran the house. He knew and sensed wiring inside the walls and could command the floor's power and controls. However he couldn't tell exactly functions of the panel he found nearby. His brain kept clouding over the more he tried to reach it. But he could try and switch the lights off. It could throw the men and help him through shadows to escape.

Only he could barely keep his eyes open by now. His consciousness was slipping and he knew something wasn't right with his head. And the voices were coming back so he just let himself slip in that midway where he couldn't react but was still aware. It's been his savior many times so why not to try escape another beating session.

After a while there voices got really close so Nate deduced they'd come back.

"Hey, R, this boy's like dead or something? He's not even breathing much." A voice he'd only heard from afar asked. He couldn't tell what they were doing exactly which was a good thing for his autonomous reactions.

"Nah, just playing possum probably. Kick y'em in da side and see." Man replies and started puttering about.

"Yo, man, not happenin'. He's like dead. Ya kill 'im?" The accent guy kept pushing. "Ain't it fair, ya said no harm. I wan' no harm 'cause we need 'im. Ya promised!"

"Yer ol' douche, said he's okay. 'Sides no harm done if he jollied us to those fat heads. They'd be just happy to tail on us until we down. Not doin' that. Gotcha?" Roland made his point and kicked something that only moment later registered was most likely Nate's limp unresponsive body.

"Nah, man, not taking shite. Yer givin' 'im back to his homeboys. Me not takin' this shite to my door, is that clear? I paid fer shite so stuff it. "

Responsive grumble told the man was irritated by the other guy and possibly contemplated to get him killed to run with the money. Like, what? If that was the current mood then what chance he had? He'd be dead anyway so it's about time.

He waited for the clander-banger to dissipate once more. However he almost actually got heart attack when a voice who's steps he missed returning started to speak.

"Buddy, I don't know you, I didn't even know you were here. But I wanna tell you I'm sorry. If you hear me, I'm an agent, deeply undercover for months to take this group down. I am from Earth, like you probably too. And I have seen your face on the wanted walls here and on Earth. However I don't think the man I saw back there is the same I saw here not right now. I wish you were in better shape because this is kinda hard to think of yet another death by that hand. He's killed before and my fellow agents. But if you are still there and kicking somewhere I'll cut your ties so you can escape. From a snippet I caught I believe they did a number on you. But the way you sound I'd say it's something deeper than that." He heard the man do some rustling sounds and snapping before realizing he meant that. The stranger was freeing Nate for just in case he could wake up and move. And before he gathered a second opinion the guy had taken him up in his arms and was carrying him somewhere. "I can tell you're injured badly but help is too far. And I can't do much here. I wish you luck. And in case you survive this just come looking for me. Look for Agent Wells. They'd know what to do. " the man finished with "Good luck kid." And was gone with the winds.

Nate laid there still dazed enough to struggle for his consciousness. But after a moment he managed to actually open his eyes. He was in the shadowed corner above the ground. Probably the tubes. He let his body rest some and soak in the shadow energy. It was something he learned how to do when all his cards were dealt. And by the looks it helped this time around too.

 _ **In restless dreams I walked alone**_

 _ **Narrow streets of cobblestone**_

 _ **'Neath the halo of a street lamp**_

 _ **I turned my collar to the cold and damp**_


	53. Should I Try To Fix You

_**When you try your best but you don't succeed**_

 _ **When you get what you want but not what you need**_

 _ **When you feel so tired but you can't sleep**_

 _ **Stuck in reverse**_

For whole minute Noel didn't know what to do. The young man so similar to his Nate was breaking apart right in front of his eyes and he felt so helpless. He partly wished for his old gang there to help deal with this. Not that Noel was emotionless or couldn't feel sympathy for others, he just struggled with his own mental issues enough to last a lifetime or five, so how he was supposed to help anyone else at this point?

Still, he had enough experience and knowledge to guide someone out of panic attack. So that's what he ended up trying to do, but the man was falling deeper into his own world and barely reacted. Well, at least he wasn't suffocating anymore. Which in Noel's book was a step forward.

However, he was still stuck in this lone hallway, somewhat helpless himself, trying to make sense of this mystery man and help him. It was surely not comfortable for any of them. So he did only thing that made sense at the moment- he locked his wheels and pushed himself out of the chair, on the floor. Then he pulled the young man into an embrace and started softly hum a tune from his time at the camp.

It was once a very sad song they used to sing whenever they cuddled all up together and felt more miserable than usual. That was a song about someone possibly coming to terms with grief because of loosing someone and most times they were grieving about one thing or another. Mostly of their lives. Or a lost kid. Later it became just that sad song striking them at those cold nights on lone, dark rooftops, on long ago departed buildings. And it felt like a promise for them that one day they will be fixed enough to have a life they all longed for so badly.

He usually sang it to himself when his depression hit especially tough note on his ship day. A quiet lullaby for when the booze ran out and sleep still couldn't come fast enough.

And it also was for times the memory of Samara cane too hard to deal with.

 _ **When the tears come streaming down your face**_

 _ **'Cause you lose something you can't replace**_

 _ **When you love someone but it goes to waste**_

 _ **What could it be worse?**_

He wasn't that much for music but there were times it was the only way he could deal. So he did pick up a vocal part in his somber voice. He wasn't the best singer out there but back in the day he could carry a tune just as well. Maybe not anymore but it still was there, deep in his chest.

And the man in his hold was slowly relaxing and after few moments joined in. Slightly cracking, weaker, but little higher note, than Noel but the voice was slowly warming up. And it seemed the guy knew it as well, because he wasn't struggling with lyrics.

So they kept singing it, with each part getting stronger and clearer. And now Noel was shocked how much the man not only looked like Nate but also sounded. They had same vocal range and all. And it took Noel by surprise but he kept going.

After a while, and possibly fifth time going through the song they both were calling it quits.

 _ **Tears come streaming down your face**_

 _ **When you…**_

"How come you also know this one?" Noel asked without much thought.

"Dunno, just know and that's it. I may have heard it before , but I can't remember. I have lost my memories." Neal replied and felt like he possibly had some moments in his childhood. "I know it's classic now, like all the things that once were modern on Earth."

"Geez, you're from the latest group, aren't you?" Noel asked genuinely.

"I think so, yes. We were just at the office when the orders came in and I barely had time to get my stuff. Actually I have to ask Peter if they kept my belongings. I've been kept in isolation ever since, and not even sure how much time has gone by." Neal's voice told of long carried sadness and despair, all things Noel kept alive all his life.

"You're with those agents?" He more stated the fact, obvious but maybe just to himself, than actually asked.

"You could say that. I'm actually not a real agent." Neal told, " I'm just a consultant for the FBI. I used to be a criminal until one of the agents got me and I made a deal. I became a CI on parole, had to wear an anklet for two mile radius in New York. Became friends with the agent and his wife, even their dog. When we were here they said I'll be able to keep that but before they ended some arrangements to get done and all sorted out, so they kept me in the building, gave me a small place and let me out only for work needs." The tears came pouring but silent, they ran down his face and soaked into his suit fabric. All the pain leaking out. " I couldn't even see them outside work. Only Peter and his team, not his wife nor dog. And I think I let it all go…" his voice trembled now, giving away how much it affected him.

"I can relate, man, truly." Noel offered. It was a well familiar feeling he's been struggling with for so long. "I'm Noel by the way." He added.

"I don't really know what to do now. " Neal said, then added, "I'm Neal."

"Glad to meet you, Neal." Noel said and squeezed slightly more. "You're going to be alright, I know. Been through a lot in my life and I intend to stick it out for a while longer."

"Why do you sound like you plan to die soon?" Neal asked, his curiosity taking over his immediate sadness.

"Well, I've been in this long enough and I highly doubt I wanna rot on some ship out in the space. Been having too much time to ponder my ways of going." Noel said with a careless shrug. Not that he felt the life held much for him anymore.

"Dude, sorry for being absolute ass, but that's not a good mindset." Neal suddenly felt like a complete ass without any manners left to his name. Maybe his emotions were in the way but it sounded like he wasn't the only one with a shitload of stuff that could bring down even the toughest.

"Oh don't be, I'm okay with my shit so it's nothing to worry about. I was dead before until they decided to keep me alive. Besides there's not many left I care about in this world." And it was true, the only person he did care about probably will never see him again. That is if their sort-of plan failed because of those douches in the throne.

"What, you wanna convince me you've got nobody in your life? That's like cheesiest movie I've ever known." Neal was getting intrigued, this man was speaking like he just thought of himself, which was not a small thing.

"I do. But so far it's just one person left and I'm not even sure he's here or anywhere near. I was hoping to meet him but the assholes up there won't let me anyway, and you see-" he pointed at his chair, " I'm kinda stuck here and with them anyway. So not a lot to loose."

"Wow pal, that's sappy and all, but do they really can keep you on a leash like that?" Neal only then noticed the wheelchair by their feet, but hearing superiors could be this mean to someone felt like a whole lot of story behind it.

"In my case they can, and they do that with pleasure. " Noel said, knowing the following may sound familiar for the guy. "See, I was a criminal myself. A very long time ago, and lifetime I can barely connect to anymore, I did many things to survive. I was trained to be a soldier since birth, basically, and they put a fucking amount of shit through your mind. Something I don't wish upon. And once we, I had some friends to join, decided to change that path so we escaped and lived in freedom for long enough to dream bigger." Noel almost drowned in the flashbacks from that time, long lost with all the naivety they once shared. "So one day we snuck up on some ship, the three of us, and hid in the cargo until we got off on some planet. We knew that something was up and basically at the camp they told and taught us stuff that was space related, so it wasn't like we were lost there. From there the great adventures begun until we came to this planet and after a while some serious shit ended just a bit too bad for us. The girl was gone, she was either dead or escaped, I was thrown off the high building by their force shield going off and exploding. Nate, my, uh, well, lover…" there Noel slightly paused with the whole thing. Not just emotions getting in the way but some weird fear of being judged snuck in as well. "He was pretty much electrocuted. From there we got in deep shit. However one guy from Fleet pulled some shit and I wasn't convicted the second I woke up from coma. They allowed me to go through couple years of recovery before stuffing me on ships. Obviously since my disability they couldn't rest my case, and the guy was insistent Fleet gets my talents so there was the deal on the table and I got tethered to Fleet until they decide I can go and be free. I've seen Nate since then and I miss him but he's not free either, he's also deemed criminal because he fled the hospital after waking up. And to him being not tied meant more. But I know he's still on some wanted walls across the universe so we hoped to break it once and for all. I know he's sick and has no money to get better so he steals stuff in exchange for some time, it's been his way of doing things. Past was hard for him, so he just tried to be free. He became adventurous sneaky bastard while I became sappy old asshole of a boyfriend with issues past dealing." Noel ended up his story with weirdest feeling of ease. Maybe it was how they started this whole thing, but maybe something deeper was going on, he couldn't tell. But one thing Noel knew immediately, his life was changed by this man beside him and now they had something to share.

"Wow, that's a lot to handle, I agree. But I can tell a story too." Neal offered kindly. Not that his story was any more exciting at some point or something he tried to seek attention for. He just felt some weird trusting and something else he could not put a finger on coming from the guy. And he felt much better already, no wonder after all the sharing some of his burden he felt the heaviness lifting some. "Well, my childhood is still kinda mystery to myself and since there's nobody left to tell me it I'll leave it be, for now, but what I do know is that at some point I came to NY for a change. I came looking for fresh start and then I found it. I didn't have it anywhere fancy but it was kinda my thing." Neal paused for a second and laughed momentarily. "Actually I was a con-artist. I have no clue how or why but I just knew stuff. I had incredibly good hand for pockets, fabulous sense of style, eye for people and surprisingly wide range of art knowledge. And I learned fast and adjusted very well. So I ran into this little bald guy on the street and beat him in some game and the rest is history." At that he huffed a small laugh again. Yeah, those had been times. At least as far as his mind could allow him to remember.

"Yeah, well, something's not right up here," he pointed at his head," so I cannot really tell all that part. Basically we hit it up pretty much immediately and got some jobs done before he, he went by Mozzie, got us this one job that was promising enough. But.." here Neal had to take a second because this one was gonna be rough one. "Long story short, it went sideways because the guy conned is all and left hanging. It was a loss, but now we were three. His secretary caught my eye and my foolish heart fell for her so hard I'm ashamed of myself now. To be honest for many years I couldn't even face it but I was conned by her. Kate, was her name. And she went along for so many cons as if it was her nature. I should've seen it coming long before. And while I still struggle with that I've come to terms with that. " he swallowed the pain that cane with it and then plowed on. "I was soon noticed by the FBI and had to run low, but I wasn't hiding it scared. Guess my youth made me more careless for my own life. Basically I led some years of thrill of a con and high of being chased by this agent until he used Kate and caught me. And I went to jail for four years. Well technically I left with four months still to serve but, you know, I wasn't considering all of the consequences because at that time my mind and heart was in a twist." Neal snort-laughed and shook his head at that, he'd been idiot for so long. Maybe he was younger than he thought even if it felt ages ago. "So she broke up with me but I was too naïve and thinking more than there was. Eventually I became a CI for FBI and had to serve four years of that sentence on parole. I did well, until Kate was back and a whole lot of drama ensued with tragic outcome that rendered me slightly useless and shortly imprisoned. It did work out until next shitshow happened and led to loads of mistrust between me an Peter. And one thing was sure- if Peter Burke was having trust issues with me before they turned even worse after that. Sure I was quite ruffled myself- that's another story altogether. But eventually I had one last escapade that landed me in some danger but Peter eventually worked with Mozzie and brought me home- another story for another day, preferably rainy one." Neal grinned.

Noel listened and felt the feeling of some connection forming getting stronger. Then he realized Neal's voice was getting croaky so he pulled the chair up and rummaged through his backpack for some water that he offered Neal. He was due for meds himself so he decided to pop his meds while he was at that.

Neal just looked at him while trying to be polite.

"So that's one adventure of a life you've got there, Neal. I gotta say we both kinda end on a sappy note." Noel chuckled and threw his stuff back in the bag. He noted that it was almost time to get back before they both are claimed MIA.

"Well, there I can agree. However it's just sort of what I do know for sure. Recently I've been having more trouble to keep things in my brain." The CI said but then rolled his shoulders as now their embrace was broken. "See, I have been having blackouts since I remember. I haven't told anyone, well, now you. And since coming here it's been really bad. I have no idea if my migraines are connected to that but it's been hard. And keeping this from everyone has been really hard. I also suffered some injury once on a con that Mozz wasn't talking about but I suspect it was something about my back. Actually he never talks about what happened but I just calculated I was out for couple months. It's sometimes so crazy I can even get if I'm crazy or what." Neal sighed and rubbed his face with both hands. He felt the tear stains on his skin and it burnt his soul.

"Listen, we should probably go soon, I sense we'll be on wanted list if we don't. But how about staying in contact? If you don't mind." Noel said hopefully. He couldn't just let the guy go, not after knowing more and doing some digging. The way he strikes resemblance with Nate still rattled the older man. But now he was also truly intrigued by this one.

"Yeah, we should. Peter will be quite pissed at me for going off like that. And believe he can be suspicious even here." Another chuckle and Neal started to pick himself off the floor. That was where all his vertebrae began complaining rather loudly and popped all the way until he was up on his feet. And the slight dizziness crept in as well. Which wasn't a new thing. He wasn't that old yet but he had some injuries here and there, and as someone not on the friendly side of the law most of all that had gone by self-medication.

And not just the back, his leg, while initially hadn't been shot in the bone, turned out to be more injured than it appeared to be. Now it was complaining too, among other parts of his body.

And just as he was about to say something all the air got stuck in his lungs and coughing fit took over. It wasn't much but startling nonetheless.

"You okay?" Noel asked, still on the floor, as Neal obviously appeared in some sort of situation there. He was still on the ground himself and at this point getting up would be a colorful feat by its own standards.

Thing with Noel was that while he could walk and move he still had problems that wouldn't just go away.

"I'm okay." Neal replied and immediately was brought back to one time he was rather sick and close to dying. He rarely thought about that time and certainly never mentioned it to Peter who returned the favor. Mutual agreement not to ever mention it.

But he didn't come out too shiny though. He'd been coughing here and there for a while, even after pneumonia was dealt with. And he's never really been that sick before. "You need help with that?" Neal asked pointing at the chair.

Noel shrugged it off at first but caved in moments later. He wouldn't manage to get up by himself. Out and down was always easier than up and in. Especially him lacking some muscle from the force field explosion and rather disgraceful flight from a rooftop. "Sure bud, just lemme position myself." Noel got to place his chair the way he needed and grabbed his legs. By this time they'd gone sleep and he so didn't look forward to pins and needles in few seconds. But while it was annoying sensation he was glad to feel it at all. "Okay, go. Just try to get me off the floor a bit so I can grab these and I'll be good." He instructed and for some reason felt as natural as if they'd be washing dishes. Which was odd for him.

"Alright." Neal simply said and rather efficiently picked Noel up and without any issue put the man into the chair.

Noel was silently surprised about how easy Neal had picked him up. Not exactly what he'd requested but not the man to complain. Maybe it was because the man looked less muscular and somewhat gaunt for the strength he was showing. But he wasn't one to judge. "Thanks man, all set. We should probably wash up some. Wouldn't want to look all red eyed and blotchy for our watchful falcons." Noel almost giggled at the sole imagination of that scene. He sure would get the mean eye and some scolding from either the admirals or captains. Which on any given day would be fun to entertain just not this one. It could end up in more ways than one and that was more than he'd planned or wanted.

"So, uh, you can walk some but not much, or the peanut gallery decided you'd run to bar way too fast for them to catch you?" Neal shot a sudden question. It was kind of his style to ask questions and once upon a time he used this approach and sometimes it got a bit less comfortable than a simple verbal reply. Something about the just met man in the shadowy hallway in the most vulnerable moment felt oddly soothing and encouraging. And the speed Neal got distracted from his misery and the equally fast recovery was something that made him really curious. Like more than just a passing interest.

"Well, to be honest, I can walk. I can feel my legs, well mostly for sure. But as my medical records state technically I'm still quadriplegic which means I shouldn't be able to even move my arms. And if we are going by the book then I'm C3 or something quadriplegic. Because something did break in my neck a bit and squeezed some shit in there. Also I broke my back few spots down the drain so I'm also paraplegic. Somehow this diagnose never defined me. I can walk, I can move, all sorts of things, just sometimes my legs struggle to get all the signals through and half of that gets either rerouted or delayed. Just like post office on Christmas weekend. And sometimes my nerves just decide to play some good old buzzer or poker or shit and I cannot even move. It's all been through hard work. I did so much physical that if it was needed I'd be able to endure olympics or some shit. Physically I'm rather impressive specimen, actually what my funny doc said when I was signing my release papers. But it's passing and depending on some moods. Mentally though, I wish I could be anywhere near that level." he shrugged a bit. Like it was no big deal. "My mind was broken more than my body. And I haven't nor ever will recover. But I'm okay with that. It's just the attitude I get. Like when I came in from the boarding and got distracted and my body just dropped. I mean can't they show any respect whatsoever?" He was getting back to his point where he actually had a fleeting thought of a con of his own kind.

"Wow, that's impressive. I wish Moz had taken me to doctors when I had some misfortune. But I've been avoiding doctors because I'm scared they'd find some shit Peter would yell at me for hiding and, believe me, passed off Peter isn't one to see in person." Neal was amazed by the ease and sarcasm Noel spoke. Usually people were scared and moody about such things but not this guy obviously. The level of attitude was incredible. And maybe that was the vibe Neal was getting. "Ah, I guess that was reason why the port was sort of packed. All we got was the claim of medical crap while we waited to get on that investigation before this sparkle show came to town."

Noel chuckled at that, "Ah, sure it must've been me. I like to to gather crowds for my performances sometimes. Year in a tin can dropped into dark, cold abyss can make you a bit stiff." He told and found his sarcasm really funny. But then he was rolling down the way and waving Neal at the door. He wasn't in need of a piss nor Neal was. But judging their faces they needed desperate wash. So he just pulled Neal in and shut the door. After all it was a roomy place with big ass sink and way fancier soap and towels, why to let it waste when he could share the disabled benefits. "Sass aside, yeah, had some trouble after shuttle. Didn't take my meds as I was supposed and it took a nosedive. Babysitters will probably poke me now again. But never mind, I get attention even if I don't do anything. A small faint made them go overboard only because they thought I was drunk and made scene just to spite them, quite grey morning if you'd ask me, but they really hate if I make scene in public." He kept talking and felt oddly at ease. This stranger was doing weird shit to infamous Narcho- most grumpy man in the space with killer sarcasm. He was just babbling like an old cat lady.

 _ **But high up above or down below**_

 _ **When you are too in love to let it show**_

 _ **Oh but if you never try you'll never know**_

 _ **Just what you're worth**_

For that he finally splashed his face and foamed up the soap as Neal did same. Then they washed up for a while and cooled off their splotches with cold water. Which was only possible thanks to two faucets that the humongous sink sported. And neither showed any song of even slight uncomfortableness. They seemed alright.

Eventually their time will finish running out and their paths will separate. Just like it was in his life when he finally got to something at some level good it came to crash down hard and fly sideways. All the good things comes to an end either anyone wanted it or not. It was just the circle of life.

One neither man had fondest memories.

Noel still had to get away and still make it to colony planet before shit hit the fan and his life will drag him back to reality. Admiralty wouldn't let neither of them go free. So yeah, Noel had known that when the bell rings he'd go. And Nate had confirmed it too. However, Nate's bell may ring slightly sooner than his.

Neal felt the conflicted emotions inside the man next to him but in their situation it was not even physically possible to change any of that. Neal had noticed the stares and castaway glances and he could tell something about his appearance made some waters to flush up. But even if Neal could recall all his shenanigans he felt if they actually had been familiar it was in the part of Neal's memories he had lost. Which was another complete mystery.

However the factor that came to some countries was that song. It was not main pop culture anymore, he believed it was older song but the way it was sung made chills flow over his skin. And that was actually a sign of something way more deeper.

So that he will have to process later tonight or maybe over the weekend, if Peter will leave him be.

Right now his anxiety was directed towards the repercussions, if any, and FBI stares as he would return to his seat.

Mysteriously, though, Neal was feeling better. This Noel guy had done nothing much but it was enough for Neal to regain his composure and some control. A small step but a hope enough. And what if that was all Neal needed for long enough to survive until his final hearing and evaluation? What if the whole situation was just in his head?

He couldn't believe this night was having such turns before the official part being over. Well, just about all Caffrey charm was about. Peter would find this hilarious.

 _ **Lights will guide you home**_

 _ **And ignite your bones**_

 _ **And I will try to fix you**_


	54. Shuffle The Cards

_**I'll seek you out**_

 _ **Flay you alive**_

 _ **One more word and you won't survive**_

 _ **And I'm not scared of your stolen power**_

 _ **See right through you any hour**_

The part of his brain that processed the events of the night seemed to be broken again. It's happened to Nate before but this was worst so far. He just felt numb when he woke up somewhere dark and couldn't remember how or why he was there.

His brain made a crater of void and he couldn't tell what was what anymore.

But five minutes later he gasped in horror as he recalled the sole reason he was in the building and what was going on. He was still in the darkness and felt the power of shadows slowly feeding him the lost energy of life that Roland and his goons had taken away. It was brutal and his lungs felt tighter than when he arrived. And one thing he noticed was the amount of mucus that had built up while he was out. Without memory to tell about the missing parts of the past few hours made it difficult to understand what had happened.

All he knew and felt was the pain and confusion. Clearly a concussion from the blows. Pain that went deeper and darker was his rattling lungs and it felt like the last breaths of air.

It seemed that the poor things sensed he was close to get the treatment and just was giving up now. It's not the first time he went through that. But this was feeling different and he feared he may not make it.

And maybe it was for the best considering how bad he felt and how deeply the depression hit. The only thing holding him from giving up was the man in the wheelchair somewhere in the great hall.

 _ **I won't soothe your pain**_

 _ **I won't ease your strain**_

 _ **You'll be waiting in vain**_

 _ **I got nothing for you to gain**_

Noel. The sole reason he kept doing all those things this long. He really loved the guy with all his heart and devoted his survival to him.

They never made to talk about what was their relationship or picked labels for it. But all they knew was the deep love and affection.

They had different approaches to life which has led them apart but that didn't matter anyway.

He'd spotted the man while ago which now seemed days ago.

He wheezed a cough and struggled to find the inhaler which was supposed to save him some time but in reality was doing little.

His spasms also were getting worse. For the past decade he knew one day the whole rooftop drama will kick his scrawny ass hard and it seemed this was the day after all. It never was easy. Especially after his little run-in with unexpected heart issue that led to that last meeting with Noel.

Tonight was still giving him mild arrhythmia but he barely felt that. Between his heart and lungs many more things were wrong with his body and spasms coming back was just one more thing he wanted to push back to past.

But he had to push himself towards the future and cross his fingers for the best.

So having five minutes to cough his mucus out and do the inhaler Nate finally got up and built up the strength to face the evening again.

 _ **I'm taking it slow**_

 _ **Feeding my flame**_

 _ **Shuffling the cards of your game**_

Hallways were moderately empty at this point. Few stragglers here and there wasn't much to judge how far the event was going. Those were not the signs as most had been there since the night begun. Same drunkards as always. The rich kids of the power.

He tried not to think of Noel being worse than them. He was alcoholic that wanted no cure and has been one ever since.

And Nate could see that. The man had been addict half his life just because he hurt so much. And the medicine had been just barely enough to help.

Nate just hoped he could help somehow after this was over.

A vague memory of someone else being down in the basement made Nate stop in his tracks. There was a man, likely an undercover cop or agent, that possibly had been there all along and who offered his help best way possible given circumstances.

Making his way towards the big room he couldn't forget the huge tree in the middle of the main room. He felt an itch that was hard to scratch away. And he knew Roland enough suspect he'd make some sort of an attempt to snug the thing not just some paintings. While he's been only a transport guy he just knew the picture was way bigger. It always was.

He wished he'd had some way of contacting the agent before the damage was done because likely Roland wanted the spotlight and come to some misstep sure the rest would be left to get the treatment.

And surely the undercover guy would be on the receiving end.

So he kept sneaking his way until he got to the hall just in time for the honorable mentions and slipped in the corner to watch.

 _ **And just in time**_

 _ **In the right place**_

 _ **Suddenly I will play my ace**_

It took a moment for the men in black costumes to step up on the podium.

And then it was the big words.

At first they sold some juicy, sweet things about the Fleet's flagship and its mission to be successful and how well their new captain was succeeding all the praises. To which Nate cheered along since he knew a little about the young chap. The guy had most tragic start of life and equally tragic upbringing. He could relate. After all he'd managed to sneak into files and see a lot of stuff that kinda rubbed the Federation's side wrong, but then, maybe it was supposed to be that way. After all, everything happened for a reason.

Then they put the guy on stage into bright spotlight where he did his dues. Then Admiral turned to another teams from other starships and praised them as well. A good hour into the flow Nate finally spotted the man he'd sought out whole evening. And his two _angelwings_ by his side as well.

By that time the honorable mentions turned to the latest acknowledgments in the disability corner. The speech basically highlighted all the great every disabled member of the Fleet has done and then they begun calling names.

He noticed how awkward Noel looked down there and he just had to grip the railing tighter just to keep himself from sneaking down and stuck to the side of the man.

Surprisingly there were so many disabled fleet members that each went up to podium to say their thankful words and get some medal or whatever was given them.

For whole ten minutes Nate believed Noel will be kept out of the publicity and left in peace. How wishful thinking it was.

Just as soon they turned the notch down another Admiral stepped up to speak. His words, while holding same festive gratefulness as other before, somehow made the whole thing less dire. He spoke of how at first his trust needed to be earned in a way and only after that and proofing the worthy to him he'd become something close to a friend. And that during his years as a Captain and later Admiral there were so many amazing and incredible people passing through his life.

And that while most seemed not the right choice for the job or just didn't feel deserving their spots there was one man he held particularly at odds.

"You see people, this is in a no way an easy job. There are so many dangers outside and so much to learn before you can be trusted with a starship. Also even more at personal level.

We have our lives on the line every single moment. Even on planet none could be safe from danger. And we must keep up to the unspoken.

In space it could take just a mere second to loose everything and never see the day again. Never go back. It could all end in a flash. And then it would be all." The man looked up at the audience ,

"Throughout the years I've seen many cadets growing up to that level of skill this job needs. I've seen many fall from the grace as well. It's never easy. Some has been fighting their whole life for something and once they got it loosing at all again. I've seen it all.

I take pride in witnessing all this and feeling it. It's not easy but it brings a lesson every time. And I tell these stories to the next generations of cadets so that they know there is so much more than a uniform and a game to it. That there's soul."

His eyes roamed across the hall. "I try to teach them best I know and hope they take it to heart. Because we need the best.

Loosing many starships to some disasters and failures takes the job to a level that is too hard and I've been close to call it a day so many times. Because it hurts so much to loose a crew. Knowing there's no one to blame leaves blaming myself.

I've had my own troubles. I nearly died several times, I faced races that took me hostage and some even tried to kill me. How to deal with that much stress and pain, and fear, without loosing it?" He pauses and looked straight at Noel, "There is no definite answer to that because we deal with it in our own way.

I take pride in lasting in this job for so long. And probably I will die with it. It's what we do. It's what we oath to do.

And then there's this one man. He's never wanted to be here. He never planned for life to take him here. But he did. And he had to live with that.

Sometimes we cannot control where life takes us. And sometimes we even don't want it. But eventually we have to face it. With all the reservations we have.

My most surprise was that he never even believed that he had any more chance. But I must take my own being guilty for making decisions on his behalf. For that I ask his forgiveness.

You may think I'm a sap right now, and you must be right ." There were murmured laughter among the audience and when it died down again he kept speaking. "I owe an incredible apology to the man among us right now who took this with dignity, stamina, grace and diligence I've never seen before. I once challenged another young man to become best version of himself many years ago. And look, he's now a Captain. You know him very well.

And I knew it will work out.

But this was a bit different situation. This story takes us back to times when our beloved planet was still alive and fresh. People did many bad things and made decisions beyond their hopes. Some did very bad, some not so much. But it made them, shaped them, honed them into something Academy never saw before.

Yes, most would never know the full story of someone when they decide to be sour about them just because somebody did their job better and earned their place based on what their hearts made them do. It's basically bullying and it never ends well. People are jealous of those who earn better praises and get higher up the chain. That's human's nature. Only character and consciousness can lead us the right way.

You know who I'm talking about. But that's not all.

This man took upon fate only way he knew how and tried his best to carve it his way. He may have failed few times, probably got in some trouble for that. But what remained was the faith. Faith in what was in future. Past is always painful for someone. There may be darkness nobody else sees. And most people hide their past. Some disguise it some to keep secrets to themselves and show only small part.

When his story came to my ears I had to see the man my own eyes. Maybe luckily for the both of us that I pushed when he died for what was about fifth time. I took it upon myself to make decisions on his behalf. And I deeply apologize for that. Because I did it not just for him but another man that day. I thought no fight should be left like that because everyone deserves a fighting chance. In that I wasn't wrong. Both men survived in the end. One chose his own way of life later but the one that stayed couldn't do it so easily. And I once again took it upon myself to sort it out.

I'm quite nosy that way." The public took another laughter moment.

"I should regret it more. But I'm proud instead. This man has shown what fighting for life truly means. He knows how it is to have his life taken out of his control. Unlike majority of population he truly knows what it means. And I see that every time. He truly knows what a sacrifice means.

I did wrong by placing him in this situation but I believe it did more good. For greater good. But did it do any goof to the man himself?

Well, maybe not. But it's up to him to judge.

So I want to say huge thank you for another round of service. I want to express my gratitude and gratefulness in all our names. Because I was an asshole." The Admiral covered his mouth with his palm and apologetically looked around.

"Lieutenant Commander Alisson, please do come forward, tell this old man to sock it." He said with a chuckle.

Nate was standing behind the column, hidden in the shadows, stunned by the speech. The way the guy spoke about Narcho was impressive to say the least.

And then he saw his man unlocking the wheels of his chair and rolling towards the podium. He then shook hands and hugged the old Admiral and they exchanged few words before the older man presented a medal and a statue and his Narcho, the resilient , tough guy that never shared tears in public, was sporting a shiny cheek.

To even believe Narcho could be in this room let alone give them speech of the year. Believing would be so much harder if he had not seen it his own eyes.

However there he was, rolling up to the podium as the only way Alisson had been.

•••

 _ **I'll seek you out**_

 _ **Flay you alive**_

 _ **One more word and you won't survive**_

 _ **And I'm not scared of your stolen power**_

 _ **See right through you any hour**_

"Thank you, Admiral Pike. I have never received any medals, at least as far as I can tell. So thank you all who wanted me to have this. I know this means little to some and so much to others, just like the Admiral said, I have had an interesting life. Many of you might be wondering who I even am and why such a whack job should be getting any reward." Noel laughed some and then just dropped his smile to consider his next words some. "Yes, I'm a cripple, as you can see. I've been like this for about a decade or slightly more, it's long since I counted my time. And yes, the reason for this isn't one that makes me proud or even mildly heroic. I made a wrong call in my past for which I paid the highest price. However there was this gentleman in that shiny uniform who pulled some magic that got me back for the final time.

And believe if there's someone so driven by faith of their crew or anyone worthy at that point he'll make them clear giving up is no way out." He took a second to put on some show of how he admired the gifts and then looked back at the Admiral. "I forgive you, Pike. No actually I'm thankful for the way you showed me how life works. It was your first lesson from many more for me. And it was a good lesson. See," he turned back to audience with a somehow mischievous glint in his eye, "thanks to Admiral here I fought so hard that not only I was able to get better but also challenge myself to become better person and pay for some of those past mistakes. And I wanna say thank you. Your support helped me through some really tough times but it also taught me to never give up a fight. And gotta tell y'all this fight's helluva tough." He shrugged as the front and majority of the sides cheered at him. He smiled shyly and then looked up charming basically what looked the whole audience with the humble, thankful but humorous young man act. And it truly looked as genuine as one could get.

"But here I am today. After many hours of being stuffed on a shuffle and another year on a ship I thought I could finally stretch some." He said and smiled at the Admiral. Then he turned away from the microphone and spoke to the man directly.

"I really do forgive you and I wanna thank you for all what you did."

"Come on, Alisson, lets be real, they won't let you go. Whatever you do."

"Pike, how long do you know me?"

"Long enough, Alisson."

"And what do you suggest me to do after all these years? Huh? Sit there for another decade, five? I'm tired of this life."

"Listen, kid, don't stop fighting, not now. You'll regret if you do some crap."

"I already regret my sole existence for thirty years, tell me what is new."

Then he smiled at the audience and placed his trophies to the side for a moment and with a half roll pushed away from the podium. And with that Noel took a slightly shaky stand. His legs weren't as jelly and the hand that wasn't holding onto the chair already shook the pullout cane free. And with a seductive wink he stood fully and rose the statuette in the air with the free hand. To all and everyone who is fighting. Don't stop. This fight will be hard and excruciating. It will make you want to give up and end the suffering. But always remember, one day in foreseeable future you'll be thankful for not giving up.

It's easy to forget things and bury the past behind pain and whatever makes you forget for a second. It's easy to let the darkness take over, it's easy to loose the light, it's easy to let the pain take over. But believe me, if you fight through all that layers of pain, despair, darkness, you will realize it was worth it all. You will learn to accept and move on. It may take time and more pain but eventually your life will stabilize and you'll find what you once lost." With that Noel took few steps as his assistants rushed to pull the chair aside. "Never give up your fights people! And keep yourselves safe! See y'all next time!" He waves and smiled dazzlingly and with slight help on the steps with his cane he strode off to the darkness.

It maybe took two seconds to pack up and slide off into shadows. The show was over and the rest was just leftovers from whatever may come upon his head the second Federation pulleys set eyes on him. And he knew what they'd do about this stunt. At least audience looked touched and he even saw some tears among the smiles and all the other sap people seemed to taken over with.

And that had been quite a fancy showdown even for his own standards. Emotional approach and hope filled exit. Somebody would totally swoon over his theatrical ways. Acting has always been his way of dealing with stuff. It helped to mask many things and also it was why he ended up conning people and charming every living thing out of what he needed.

And if he was pushed he could actually behave nicely.

 _ **I won't soothe your pain**_

 _ **I won't ease your strain**_

 _ **You'll be waiting in vain**_

 _ **I got nothing for you to gain**_

 _ **I'm taking it slow**_

 _ **Feeding my flame**_

 _ **Shuffling the cards of your game**_

 _ **And just in time**_

 _ **In the right place**_

 _ **Suddenly I will play my ace**_

•• 

_**Eyes on fire**_

 _ **Your spine is ablaze**_

 _ **Felling any foe with my gaze**_

Nate was shell shocked. His mind was spiraling out of control and for round ten seconds he felt loosing the battle with sanity.

He surely knew about Noel's conman skills, they were trained together , but his own wasn't that blossoming. He could sweet talk though. That one wasn't hard to come by.

And there was his lover in all the blazing glory, sweeping the audience off their feet.

But then the whole excitement plopped down the high wave it lifted just mere seconds ago. The time Noel will have to pay for all his smooth words, secretly filled with venom and palpable promise to end the foul game.

And that was when Nate planned to step in and pull the man out of the gunfire, because sure there will be one and he was the one least wanting the desperate man to fall victim of modern day corruption and power play. He'll fucking stand against the general population with all the force he once used to own and give them back all they once gave him.

It was a silent promise for Noel …

 _ **And just in time**_

 _ **In the right place**_

 _ **Steadily emerging with grace**_


	55. Teardrop On The Fire

_**Love, love is a verb**_

 _ **Love is a doing word**_

 _ **Fearless on my breath**_

Upon turning the corner and slipping away in the shadows Noel nearly passed out. The level of stress he kept holding back was now gushing out of every pore of his body, almost taking away his sanity. But maybe it was long gone before that. He obviously was crazy, completely insane, by the sole indication of ever dating to speak against the Fleet Command in an indirect way of involving audience in that little, heartfelt speech.

That was most possibly his biggest mistake Noel ever did during his time of restricted life. And second most notable of his life. The first obviously being that bloody explosive mistake that landed him in this fucking situation. Which will grow radically worse once all of the chain of command at the Fleet and Federation gets caught up on his latest fuck up. And then the witch-hunt will begin.

But still there was that tiny sliver of hope his mouthiness didn't cost the only price he cared about. The one he couldn't afford to pay.

He was nicknamed Narcho long ago, during the days of the training. From where the moniker had come from was still a mystery to him. But it was there and clipped on his little fighter ship side as others deserving to fly those ones. He had a time to enjoy all that until he was mostly deemed unfit for and then he received it as a plaque on his quarter's wall. He even took it and stuck on the console for getaway ride.

 _ **Gentle impulsion**_

 _ **Shakes me, makes me lighter**_

 _ **Fearless on my breath**_

So when the shadows swallowed his body and the surge of newfound energy that attached some weird courage which led to the moment of weakness.

Yet he did his best speech ever and still couldn't regret any single word of it. Even if it will bring him that one last downfall.

Noel was a fair man, always been. He didn't judge others much, tried to be involved with humans as less as possible. It brought him an air or certain personality that was undeniably offending at some point.

To some he was that part of high school jock who cared less, to another he seemed just unworldly tired from everything.

Truth was…. He was indeed tired. The responsibility of hundreds of those despicable beings every single second of his miserable existence was eating his soul away faster than his drink buddies liquidated mega pack of Cheetos.

His life had become an irony.

His body hidden and nonexistent to the world passing by. It gave that weird feeling of relief to realize you don't exist on this plane, that nobody even knows you, that life could just go on without you….

 _ **Teardrop on the fire**_

 _ **Fearless on my breath**_

•••

 _ **Night, night of matter**_

 _ **Black flowers blossom**_

 _ **Fearless on my breath**_

 _ **Black flowers blossom**_

 _ **Fearless on my breath**_

 _ **Teardrop on the fire**_

 _ **Fearless on my**_

•••

Nate felt slightly sick now that the speech was over and the crowd was plowing on onto the show. It was good that audience left it at what it was. Having angry crowd wasn't what his buddy had wished. Even if they deserved all of it he knew there were words said only to the old man. He'd heard it.

One gift from that fucked up DNA he approved.

Nate slipped off into the crowd and moved on to see the other rooms as well. It was going to happen very soon and according to the guy downstairs something really big and crazy was going down. Not that being a transport guy gave much away. That was one role he'd agreed upon and he'd stick to that gladly.

The nausea and pounding in his temples had gone from piano playing neighbor kid to a rock concert gone drunkenly sour. And even that could measure that level of miserable he felt.

But the tension was getting up and out because Roland will be acting out soon and Nate was way too late for his own plan.

If he misses Noel tonight it's gonna be the last time. This was his only chance. Even if he doesn't get the crafts he'd only need his Narcho.

Once upon a time they made this promise. It was after they lost a boy during River's incident. The little boy that everyone called his twin. They were kids so they didn't care looking alike so much. It felt as if all of them were siblings and nobody wanted to break this illusion apart.

Then boy disappeared and it went silently numb while later. Numb as a frozen finger. Mute like unplugged tv.

Names and aliases mixed together and he couldn't tell the difference.

It was way more than he wanted from his superiors so it was his last job for them. Of a man who lived under the Big Brother's little finger for most of his life and finally had done with it. The sense of his plan was urging the other plan to flip forward.

Mostly because it was finally about time to take his life back in his own hands and live the fuck out of it while he still could.

Flying had lost its appeal for more years than he could count. Mostly it was because of this dictatorship of the Fleet that still considered him a criminal. They cared less about his actual feelings or anything.

What they expected was impeccable behavior and spectacular records. Without exception.

Noel was like a rotten fruit in that basket full of ripe and fresh ones. So they kept their eye on the things and kept that long finger on his pulse.

What made him very mad about it was that so far among the crowds of all the crew members not even the most favorite Alpha shift. Which was pretty much a huge billboard of how much Fleet wanted to keep this piece of shame out of their public appearances. And while the shiny crew of the flagship wouldn't mind him if they knew they'd be less forward to the Fleet.

So he was there under a nice wrap of illusion of Fleet's generosity and kindness. As a disabled crew member on a flagship like Enterprise it was their political and diplomatic approach to deal with things like that. They couldn't push anything towards his arrest since there was one tiny thing court couldn't exactly put on him. Noel claimed no memory of basically long enough time and since health professionals couldn't prove opposite court didn't have anything to put him behind bars. And by the time he was capable of sitting up in his bed press was all over the place and cooing in his face and there was no way they could just drop the nice act. Press would just beat them into ground and make fucking public mess all over the place and Fleet couldn't deal with that level of shame.

There probably was some sort of reason why in public eye he was deemed innocent and believed it's been an unfortunate accident for such a young sweet man with brilliant mind and manners. They obviously believed he was just passed by on the way to his academy journey and couldn't be involved with criminal activity.

However by the time he was into rehab somebody had cooked up a nice story about his life that he never had a chance to live. Some bullshit shine for Fleet to polish and Federation to decide how to turn right.

So they did the best they could and shuffled the whole thing under the rug and Pike himself dealt with accommodations and pleasantries with the diplomatic side. And as for the quiet and personal- there may have been some talking involved. Unlike some other guy in the captain chair. To Pike he was dirt and something to keep away from public and maybe in a way he agreed. People had that tendency to either think he's some criminal or just a cute thing to coo at. And he sometimes used it to his own good. If he didn't there'd be a lot less niceties in the world.

Surely there was other things involved and while from medical side of things Noel was legally amnesiac and properly disabled with no doubt of that Pike had made sure there will be no foul play allowed. And he kept that promise. First years under the Fleet radar monitoring was literally painful. Not just from his injuries but also the mental pressure. And there was that little room of darkness taking constant residence.

He didn't drop pain meds at hospital like supposed. That was the first step into self-destruction and from then on he made it his duty to keep it all up. To deal with Federation and Fleet he made it his job and hobby to drink away pain and emotions while having fun. He made sure to have supply of meds for pain and since he had some way with computers there was easy way to get prescriptions and organize a little shenanigan to supply himself a lifetime of short term relief.

But now it made things complicated. The craving for something was getting deeper by each moment and his legs were starting to tremble again. Some things were real. He did need most of his actual medications to maintain his life.

Even with a constant axe hanging above his head Narcho still maintained his medical needs and while he was convinced tonight's assistants will pick his stuff, meaning chair, he decided not to really get it.

 _ **Water is my eye**_

 _ **Most faithful mirror**_

 _ **Fearless on my breath**_

 _ **Teardrop on the fire**_

 _ **Of a confession**_

 _ **Fearless on my breath**_

So far things were going fairly well on his side. The paintings that were out in the adjacent hall were pretty stationed and seemed nobody was moving near them too often. It was still possible that they weren't anywhere in the plans and the mention was just so he'd never know the true deal. As a getaway he wasn't even supposed to be there inside. But since Roland never said anything about not pursuing small side job although it was never encouraged so far as they usually did just his way of things. And they helluva well knew he was capable of just little more than finding good escapes.

His eye caught some of the Suits walking around the big tree and trying to look like they weren't looking. At least their side was trying something. And paintings and other stuff had security details onto them. It probably was enough, if the case was that simple, but this time with these guys he knew it just wasn't the case.

There will be action and he wanted to diverge enough of Roland's men off it. Otherwise he could see nothing good coming out of this.

But first he wanted to find Narcho and talk to him. It was enough of delays, time has come.

 _ **Most faithful mirror**_

 _ **Fearless on my breath**_

 _ **Teardrop on the fire**_

 _ **Fearless on my breath**_


	56. Still Here To Find You

_**Musing through memories**_

 _ **Losing my grip in the grey**_

 _ **Numbing the senses**_

 _ **I feel you slipping away**_

 _ **Fighting to hold on**_

 _ **Clinging to just one more day**_

 _ **Love turns to ashes**_

 _ **With all that I wish I could say**_

It was indeed far beyond what he could do about this weird situation. And yet he put on that sleek con mask he'd donned for so many years of his life he could no longer count. He once more became the person he was sort of not wishing to be anymore. Neal Caffrey lost himself so long ago that what everyone saw was no longer a real person. He has had become his own mask and it was tearing apart him on the inside.

The thing was that he struggled to do that but with the FBI on his neck he could no longer choose his life. Sure Peter would try to help, El would be very understanding and he felt even Satch was helping. But Neal was realistic. The agency turned a blind eye and showered the reassurances just to put aside the actual deciding and telling.

He knew that soon enough they will put the last word down and he will never see the light of a day. That was what he knew they will do and there was nothing left in this world to change their minds. That decision was made exactly two months ago, just the small detail of show that had to go on.

Neal always knew he had something about him that helped to be the perfect thief he was. And while his planning was impeccable and he kept some extra plans for unexpected circumstances that he rode out with creativity and wit, he also knew there was something else. Especially once the night laid it's starry blanket over the city.

Had the island had such accommodation during the events he'd slip through their fingers. All of them.

When he got shot for that smidge of a blink of an eye he almost had it. But then he faded just for a moment and blanked out. It's something that just kept happening without his meager consent.

Whatever was wrong he knew he was close to it happen again had the nice gentleman not come to his aid.

He wanted to seep into the carpet, dissolve into shadows, fade from the world…

The pull was getting incredibly and increasingly stronger by each passing second and the feeling inside was becoming too painful to maintain his mask. Luckily his slip to the side wasn't taken too interesting so he maintained his seat and kept the struggle internal. For the time being.

 _ **Every night I dream you're still here**_

 _ **The ghost by my side, so perfectly clear**_

 _ **When I awake, you'll disappear**_

 _ **Back to the shadows**_

 _ **With all I hold, dear**_

 _ **With all I hold, dear**_

 _ **I dream you're still here**_

It was becoming harder and harder to maintain his goal to either find Noel and stop the Roland. Nate slipped into a dark side room at the very end of the hall and crumpled on the floor. He was seriously struggling with all his might.

It was so close to the end he just wanted his love by his side. The pain in his chest was becoming unbearable and every single molecule in his body was screaming for air that he could not breathe in anymore. He just felt that within next hour his oxygen will drop even more leaving him in dire need for constant oxygen input and another hour later he may not be able to do anything about it.

At best he could still pull off couple more hours. With that thought in mind Nate did only thing he could think of. First he locked the door, then pulled the duffle to his front and pulled out his travel buddy- portable nebulizer- and spent twenty minutes breathing in his vaporized meds. This was the especially strong dose he knew he'd need. He specifically packed all the emergency and strongest doses that usually were used for even worse cases. And he maintained higher dosage per one round as well.

He took some more pills and puffed the little container harder. It had to be enough. Just while he gets to Noel. The rest could wait. He decided that was of no importance anymore.

 _ **I'd die to be where you are**_

 _ **I tried to be where you are**_

Narcho was considered a sneaky guy. He knew how to manage shit and be invisible, sometimes he got paid for it. So he also knew how to scout a building for anything cheesy or for specific thing.

He also knew the power of the shadows. That came with the bundle and the unfortunate force field explosion only tuned it up.

He wasn't that special however he was special to one person in this whole building that was in a very bad situation.

Noel hadn't said anything to Nate for one particular reason. This reason was behind the sudden outburst of emotion and insubordination on the pod. But he cared less.

Nate wasn't the only one gifted with extra abilities since that explosion and while he kept it aside and mostly used for hiding his shenanigans on the ship he also was a selfish bastard and used it to keep track of his man.

Which, in fact, led to his knowledge of what was wrong with the man. Thing was that it was wrong ever since, it just happened to become a problem once he went off Earth. As his research led on the main issue was in the air. Something in the air was ruing the chemistry of Nate's lungs and the process of getting oxygen through his system.

He knew there was a genetical disorder that caused body to make too much mucus in the organs, especially lungs and digestive system, and Nate turned out to have some form of it. But it was a bit different in his case because of his already altered genes. Because his DNA had been different compared to regular people the disease didn't develop the usual way. However it did cause millions of problems to the young man.

And particularly since off planet travel. Something about the air and whatnot was affecting the disease so it was attacking his lungs way more than normal.

Noel knew there was a procedure for clearing up the lungs and stuff. It was extremely expensive but not impossible to get. And so far he knew why his bud was doing all that shit for.

But then there was medication that was strong enough to stop the active part inside the gene and clear out the body. It was most effective and it was fucking expensive. It basically cost everything, all that the poor boy didn't have. And to get that he had to be listed and accounted for by law. In other words Nate had to be a citizen with impeccable record and no criminal past. He just had to be legit.

Which officially had been crossed out by himself since everyone knew that he wasn't and in case he showed up they'd be waiting already with coffee and cake.

The third option was possible but way too dangerous- transplant. It crossed itself out right away because only lungs that could be compatible were ones from same kind. Not impossible but way too difficult and time consuming with more risks involved.

Another option was pretty much experimental as their whole birth was. However Noel once upon a time came across to a genius scientist that was doing wonderful things for the people like them. And he said if they could get to safety he'd try to help. Because it was possibly even riskier option than any and it cost even more than just money and freedom. Just as well it could be something neither would manage to undo if anything went wrong.

Aside magical healing tech there was nothing left. But that was out of their reach and pocket and law for more reasons than one. There was one system that held very spectacular technology that allowed to be treated for almost anything but it was a closed community and only citizens were allowed to get to that tech.

Sure they'd let Nate handle the computer that regulates the system or do it himself, but he wasn't a fan of living somewhere resembling the soap bubble.

Which left just one option available at the moment- look deeper into the medication situation and possibly try to manage something with the clear up procedure. Because if anything he was about to drop soon from the lack of oxygen that Noel was certain was the whole issue about.

As far as his knowledge reached it took a while for the lung function to deteriorate and when that happened the oxygen stats dropped to the level the man would need to be hooked up constantly until it no more helped.

After a rough estimate Noel pretty much guessed the time was tonight and that was why such a high level security infestation. It was no guess on his part as it was more clear for his trained eye and logic. Especially with the white trophy in the middle of the room begging to be taken. If he was still in the old days he'd more than sure to make it the main attraction of the evening and just a tad more smug about the other stuff.

He just had to find both Nate and this Neal guy. He just knew they had to be twins- same twins. Because Neal had to be, had to be that same boy they called Nate's twin before the kid disappeared. The was no other explanation, especially with the man's mystery past. That's where the audience usually learned that their beloved government organization wasn't as fluffy and all cute as they were made to believe. And the little sodden soul meant to rot in their assigned cage wasn't at all supposed to be there in the first place. Basic rule of network tv, soap opera turned really show, bestest live performance in the universe.

 _ **And he needed a drink, badly.**_

 _ **I dream you're still here**_

 _ **Hidden companion**_

 _ **Phantom be still in my heart**_

 _ **Make me a promise that**_

 _ **Time won't erase us**_

Nate nearly passed out after the struggle to manage his air intake. It clearly was very close to end.

Nate had known that this was huge push and the way Roland would deal would also be a huge stretch to get the treatment on time. And now the price wanted to be paid dearly.

Unfortunately he still had to grab those thirty seven crafts he'd already got engaged and at least fifteen more that was way too expensive to be kept with the regular stuff. It was taking a little more than just a goodwill to engage them that easy.

Problem was his failing health and possible concussion. Roland had given his brain a little rattle that was messing up with his senses and abilities.

So far his ears still kept buzzing and once in a while, with disgusting precision, he got the telltale vertigo that made it highly impossible to maintain the needed strain to do his stuff.

And it was getting worse. So Nate's plate was plentiful.

It took some time to get his bearings and gather up the remaining grains of strength that was left. Roland was still there and something really massive was going down and pretty soon if he doesn't hurry.

So pulling all that together he made a cautious exit of the room. Few odd kids here and there stumbled past the doors of the rooms lined up by the walls on the both sides of the still rather dark hallway. It made shadow pass easier as it sort of helped his mental state and maybe pushed up a small notch the physical side as well.

He was back in the game once more and it made his plan feel a bit stronger.

So he slowly moved along the walls and carefully skipped the random human or whatever to avoid detection. Even if he was said to never need to worry about stuff like that he still had to be cautious just for his own sake.

Luckily the lights were still dimmed and partially out so he still got that extra layer of secrecy.

Approximately halfway down the last level he spotted the team of thieves slinking upwards. It was his chance to see into what was going in the basement. He just sensed a high level of electric currents surging through the walls and air than he sensed earlier. It made the worry seep into his conscience once more.

Nate checked the hallway that led to stairs down to the level that was main basement level, from it many sublevels and tunnels reached out and about the underground levels of whom many had been long ago closed and half probably crumbled. But once upon a time they used to serve as a safety net for newcomers and a way to manage the immigration fever from the first arrivals years ago.

So there was that. Something made the hairs on his neck stand. Air suddenly had changed and no longer just radiated minor change. There definitely was some machinery that was giving off the wrong vibes, ones he was sure wasn't supposed to be there.

As he made his was further into the dark abyss Nate could feel chills all over his body. For some reason whatever was there had no software and possibly held just mechanical features as he couldn't connect to anything mentally just yet. Or that it had different level of electric signature or digital current entirely. It sometimes made it harder to connect fast but eventually it was possible. This however was a bit different, the buzz was there so currents were running, however his tries to locate a distinct signature to make attachment was fruitless.

But he kept going for just that thought alone- to do his best to meet Noel for at least a moment.

 _ **Hidden companion**_

 _ **Phantom be still in my heart**_

 _ **Make me a promise that**_

 _ **Time won't erase us**_

 _ **That we were not lost from the start.**_


End file.
